My 14 Month Old Daughter Clings to Me All the Time

I remember people telling me that my daughter and I were spending too much time together when she went through this stage. And yet, I was the mom, who, as a teacher, was home for the summer. Who else was she supposed to cling to? I found that she finally outgrew the stage but it did help for me to get her involved in things that did not include me, even if it was dropping her at her grandparents, or other relative. If I left her there crying, it was not the end of the world. Kids are so resilient and the crying is there communication method...it eventually ebbs off.

You mentioned that you work fulltime - have you talked with her caregiver about the situation? Maybe they can help or maybe the are contibuting to the problem by giving her thier undivided attention the entire time she's with them. Find out what their routine is and see if you can work on a consistant plan that will encourage her indepenence but not undermine her sense of security. Keep in mind that the independence will come eventually and enjoy the hugs and cuddling! One day you'll miss them! Good luck!

This is separation anxiety. It will last for about another year and a half. It's a serious matter because you need a lot of patience and most people don't have it. Get a baby bjorn so that you can multi-task. Not paying attention to her could damage her sence of security so be careful about ignoring this need to be with you. Good luck and take a deep breath when she wants to be picked up.

My 15 month is the same way. I find myself getting everything done once he falls asleep, and by that time I'm sleepy myself. I suggest finding different toys that she hasn't seen before, like cups, spoons, plastic bins and just anything that will keep her entertained for a while. I also tried dancing with my son, he loves it. Pop in a good CD and watch her smile as you rock her back and forth. After you spend a few minutes just on her, perhaps she can allow to check your e-mail, or do anything else. Just make sure she is right next to her and speak to her in a wacky voice. Or you can even sing something silly as you do whatever you need to do. I H. that helps.

Although it is not a fool-proof method, you can try to give 5-10 minutes of undivided attention with each kid when you get home then calmly say now I have to do XYZ. when my oldest was about the age of your daughter I would give her something to do while I was busy with cooking or cleaning and she could still see me then when she fussed I would take exactly one minute from what I was doing to redirect her and that seemed to help me get her to be more independent. i think time is the best solution but she may just need more physical touch and hugs than the others but continue to verbally reassure her that you are there. You can also try a bear hug with her to see if that helps to reassure her.

Hello
all kids are different and they all want Mom's attention!
That being said... I would try giving her your full attention and playing with her... in her little kitchen near you while you cook... in her room for a bit with her toys etc..
stay with her without distractions for about 15 20 minutes... and enjoy it.. then tell her that you will be back in 5 minutes or ... set a timer and walk away have her try to stay engaged and then come back...
that small amount of focused time could address her needs allowing you to move on to do other things.

also... with 3 kids and job... you cannot worry about the house cleaning etc...
enjoy time with the kids....

cc

I hear ya! :) I think, for one, they all go through this from time-to-time. If you can rule out any big life changes (might be small to you, but big to her...like switching to a sippy cup can cause anxiety), teething, developmental changes, then you're probably just going through a phase of separation anxiety. Has she always been like this? What do you do when she's playing independently? If she has always been like this, she might been to build some confidence playing alone. Also, if you are often involved in her play she may not have learned to do it alone. If that is not the case, usually what I do with my daughter is squat down and hug her, and tell her I know she's going through a hard time and that I have some things I need to do, but I'm right here. Then I try to find an activity to get her involved. Like if I'm putting away dishes, I open a cupboard and ask her where the pans are. Then I give her a pan and ask her if she can please put it in the cupboard for me. (our pans are in cupboards on the floor for just this reason). Anyhow, I get her involved in a project with me, but that she is doing by herself. Slowly, but surely, you can build up her confidence doing things alone. Leave the room, but tell her you're leaving and that you'll be right back. Call to her from the other room for only 20-30 seconds. Come back and say, Hi I'm back from (wherever you were). It'll build her trust that when you leave you come back, and that she is okay while you're gone. Then you increase the time that you leave the room...safely of course. Good luck, I H. this helps!!

She is the youngest so she may feel insecure. Her crying and wanting your attention may be because of her insecurity. If she only sees you in the morning and evening she probably misses you and since she can't express herself with words, this may be her way. You could try giving her some "only her" time, where the other children aren't involved, for a specific time each day. That may help her to learn that she has "special" time and will learn to wait for it while you're busy doing other things. It's a very frustrating situation, especially when there's only so much time in one day! And unfortunately, some children take a long time in which they'll finally separate from mommy. Good luck!

My almost 3 year old went through many phases of clinging. It will pass. Pay attention to any changes that may have occurred lately. But my best advice is to not give in all the time. Let her cry on the floor if you need to get something done. She needs to learn that crying is not going to work and get her what she wants all the time.

I disagree with the whole thing being purely seperation anxiety. Could it be? Absolutely, but don't assume it automatically is. I agree with the fact it is more attention and wanting to be with mom. My daughter is almost 15 months now and she recently has started this phase too. The reason I disagree with the seperation anxiety is because, like you, I am a full-time 40 hour a week employee. I drop her off at home daycare while I work an hour away, every day. Every day I drop her off, she waves bye and blows kisses, runs off to play and is happy as can be. When I pick her up, she immediately clings to me, wants to be picked up and held, and starts whining (and I hate whining). The sitter tells me she's great, she only does it when I come home. So this tells me it is probably due to the fact she misses me. If it were seperation anxiety, she'd scream when I leave her there in the morning.

If you work, chances are you've been dropping her off and the seperation anxiety should have already passed when she was around 9-12 months. I am not an expert, but my daughter has been in daycare since 3 months old and she is accustomed to it now and sounds like your situation is very similar.

What I try to do is include her in the things I do. I bought her a vaccum, a broom, a shovel, and I moved things around in my cupboards so she can do dishes with me and put them away. I give her bowls filled with water and a spoon so she can cook when I cook. We brush our teeth together.

I only have one child, so my situation is different. However, I believe your daughter is seeking more attention right now because she misses you. Eventually she will understand why you leave and that you do come back. For the moment though, cater to her needs, but keep a line drawn. There is no such thing as spoiling a child with attention or love. Anyone who says otherwise is probably just a cold hearted person who shouldn't have kids anyway.

Try watching a video with her at night before she goes to bed. My daughter and I watch Barney every single night with her in my lap and when it gets time to sing the "I Love You" song, I sing it gently to her in her ear and we give each other a big hug and a big kiss and she knows it's time for bed.

One other thing, I also agree with the other mom who says stop worrying about the house. Children come first. Forget the house and the cleaning. I stay up until 11pm or later every night cleaning and I'm exhausted. But it's a sacrifice I don't mind in order to make sure my child never feels like work, housecleaning, or anything along these lines is more important to me than she is. My boyfriend has a choice to either wait for dinner after she goes to bed, or make it himself. This phase will pass. Don't worry, enjoy these times cuddling because they don't last long and soon you'll be wishing to have them back.

Good Luck!
J.

I H. you are doing ok. It get crazy when you have a full time job and another full time job caring for you children. Your baby feels that he/she needs you all the time. Let them feel they are important in your life, even though you know they are important but sometimes they just want that security and that extra hug. As a mom of two boys I know how hard it is. Please know that you are not alone. We moms care how you feel. Feel free to write to me and I will pray for you. Our jobs as moms is not easy. M.

I agree with the mom who talks about separation anxiety. However, instead of a Bjorn, I would get an Ergo so that you can carry her on your back or hip. Whenever my daughter (13 months) goes through a period of clingyness, I wear her for a little bit each day and she gets her confidence back. Don't worry, this will NOT spoil her. A little effort now and your baby will become more secure in the long run and not be as clingy.

Hi H.,

I have a close friend who had twins. When the girls were babies, one of them required a lot of attention (and wanted Mom, not others) and the other twin did not. Now the girls are older... the one who needed the attention is much better adjusted. It is probably just a phase.