Mr. Picky

I have a very picky nearly 4 year old who is gradually improving. The things which have worked are getting her involved in food preparation - she is more willing to try things she has helped make. Also, I get her to try one mouthful of new things but do not make her eat all of it - it does get her to put things in her mouth which she was refusing. I do not let her spit anything out.
Also I just keep putting things on her plate - I don't say anything and I don't make her eat them but I also don't let her take them off her plate. Every so often she will try something e.g recently she took a bite of broccoli having left it a hundred times before. I did not make any kind of fuss - I didn't praise her or anything, but next time I said, well, you ate it last time, and she is gradually eating a little bit more of it.
Also, I find the more I try and persuade or praise the more she refuses - she is quite a stubborn little person and if she sees how much I want her to eat something she quite enjoys the control she wields. So I keep it all as low key as possible and don't let her see how much I want her to eat the veggies. We are slowly getting somewhere!
Also, if she has eaten something OK one time I don't then let her say she doesn't like it next time, and I won't offer a replacement meal, but will keep the one she has refused until she is hungry enough to eat it.
The other thing that helps is slowly adding other flavors to things she likes. Eg she will eat tomato based sauces, so I do the usual sauce but then add a bit of a new herb to it, then a bit more next time. That way she is being exposed to new flavors without necessarily realising.

I can only tell you what my daughter's doctor told me when I was despairing that the only fruit and veg she would eat was kiwi and avacado: "She is a healthy and happy three-year-old. Offer her other items, then take a deep breath when she refuses to eat them and repeat after me; this too shall pass." This was 8 years ago and though still picky, over the years she has expanded into cooked carrots, spinach, apples, pears, and oranges. Avacado has fallen to the wayside.

Hi A.,

I know how hard it is to get the kids to eat healthy choices, especially veggies. here are some things I have tried with my 5 and 7 year old boys. they are big fans of dessert, so I do the bribe with desert or with something else that they like to eat and I will tell them they have to take a certian number of bites of the veggies ( or what ever food you are trying to get them to eat) in order to have dessert. I usually make the # of bites equal to their age. yesterday i made a bannana bread ( which my 5 year old loves and he would not eat his chicken last night.... so 5 bites of chicken earned him banana bread.

We also play the question game at dinner ( a silly game that my dad cam up with when my oldest was 3 years.) you ask your child a question and if he can answer it right then he gets a bite. I let my kids pick the question topics, my youngest usually picks cars or movies. both my boys still enjoy playing and I think it just takes their mind off of eating something they don't like and makes it fun.

last but not least, I discovered a product called juice plus. it is a mail order product, or can be purchased through a dealer ( my chiropractor sells it) we buy the fruit and veggie gummies. they are like fruit snacks, but all natural... and when your kids eat them it is like getting a whole day worth of fruit and veggie servings. I even eat them, I love the way they taste! On days when my kids do not eat all the fruit and veggie serving they should, I know they are getting what they need with the juice plus. if you want more info on the juice plus, contact me.

I hope this helps
W.

My children were picky, too. I think people in general are picky to an extent, we want to taste yummy food. Maybe it would be good to change how you prepare the veggies. How are you doing them now? My children eat what your son eats. We used to eat bagels often too and lots of cookies (because I personally LOVE a good chocolate chip cookie), but we were all constipated. So I completely changed what I was preparing for them and myself. They (most of the time) will eat what I am eating. My 1 year old copies everything that I eat, including carrots, celery, apples, oranges, fruits. She even likes raw red onions. My 3 year old son is the more finicky one, but now he is better in the past 9 months.

Now my children eat carrots, broccoli, zucchini, asparagus, edamame, tomatoes, but I am not always giving it to them raw. I change it up, I sometimes make a stew, or saute them with onions, garlic, chicken and teriyaky sauce. I have a few recipes that are yummy and easy if you are interested. Now constipation is not an issue because we are all getting so much more fiber from our diet.

Have you bribed him with dessert? We have told our son, that he must eat 5 bites of the veggies before he can have any dessert. This works for us.

Please let me know if this helps.
Thanks,
S.

Hi Anna
It is very tough to feed a picky eater. It is tough to get past saying that they are just picky eaters to there just may be some medical problems. Allergies, stomach and /or digestive issues. Have you solicited the help of your MD? Check for allergies or a common thread. Maybe it is really salt, or pepper, or butter.
Have you tried giving her little kid foods, while you had adult looking foods? saying oh you can't have this, only grown ups like this. Things that perhaps you haven't served often work best. Denying foods creates interest in them just like anything else that you say don't to. Just a thought. Worked great with our oldest, not so much with the younger kids.
With a heads up, MD may be able to make some of the health issues believable. It is worth a try.
I am willing to guess that it is a power struggle and you want to remain in control of your strong willed child. In some ways that is commendable but is it time to be the parent who says there are things I control and some I don't. When you eat your veggies, or whatever, you can watch tv, have computer time whatever because I am mom and because your health is more important to me the result of not eating is_________.(you can name anything), but you can't back down once it is said. Begin by explaining that it is a new day, once you are 6, or 7 or if you plan to start T-ball this summer, I have to see you eating _____, because __________. Usually hunger is a good motivator, but I had one child who never got hungry so I am not a person to suggest that, however, most children get hungry and not eating til breakfast, or having to eat their plated supper at breakfast is sometimes a motivator. Mine would never have eaten ever. She could go days without eating, and when I mentioned it to my mom, she said I would have done that also. I was younger than 6 though, as Mom says I was about 3. Use more wisdom with that than I did. Solicit help so you are not to blame.
God bless you and give you wisdom
K. --- SAHM married 38 years--- adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer married with son, and twins 18 and in college.

This, too, shall pass. Just have him help you put his lunch together and ask him once in a while to try something different. Maybe if it's in with something he chose, he might try it. if he says no, just drop it and try it another day, another way. My son ate everything, then was very picky and now eats most everything. Your son already eats a good range of foods. Ask him about the school food -- is it the food, what the other kids say, etc. Can you go in at lunch sometime and see what is served and what it looks and tastes like. He will get his nutrition.

Is he healthy? Is he active? He is getting enough food and you shouldnt worry. The more you push the more of a power struggle it will be come. He is taking his vitamins, so getting enough nutrition.
I was a foster mom and got a 1 year old boy that didnt know how to eat. All he had ever been given was a bottle. Oh how I stressed making sure he ate right. He finally started eating food, but not enough in MY opinion. I fussed over his eating for years. (yes he never went home, I adopted him)Then I realized he never got sick. Never. And he jumped and climbed and ran and did very good in school. So I stopped worrying and let him eat at his own pace. He is now 23, in the Navy and STILL never gets sick. But guess what his favorite food to make is? Caesar salad. I never though he would eat a vegetable and now he loves salad.

I have a miss picky 9 year old so I can totally relate. I too have to make her lunch everyday because she wont eat whats on the menu. With her I pack her lunch full of good healthy things she will eat and likes along with a couple junkier snacks, otherwise she liable to not eat it or throw it out during school. I can't make my daughter eat anything but most times I can convince her to at least try new foods or retry foods and hopefully you can add some good stuff to that list. Another thing I had my daughter do was write a list of healthy foods that she would not argue with me about eating. You can also try taking him shopping with you and letting him pick out some fruits and veggies. ranch dip may also help out with veggie eating, a lot of kids don't like cooked vegtables. It will get better, he will eventually get sick of eating ham sandwiches.

How about "milk shakes" that are fruit smoothies in disguise?

Have you tried taking him to the grocery store to pick his own foods? I am sure there are some books at the library about healthy eating for kids that you can read together. Show him a food pyramid and tell him that there are rules for eating and he needs to follow them. What does his doctor say? I am sure it is just a phase, I can't imagine he will always be this way. If you want to avoid the issue just prepare food differently, use stock to make rice instead of water, puree veggies in with his pizza and pasta sauces and chicken can be covered in sauces that way too. Just be creative.

Sounds like a normal kid to me.
Most kids go through picky phases. Something they liked last month is gross this month. Don't worry too much, it will pass and he will try new things again.
My daughter is now 10 and has been picky for the past 5 years.... she still is to a point but she has also tried new things in that time period. She has even started to like some of the things she hated before.

Our tastes change all the time, kids are no different. Just keep offering different foods. Don't despair when he says he doesn't like something, because he may change his mind later in life.
Just give him a teaspoonful to try, so it's not an overwhelming amount, and so you aren't wasting too much.

remember, he is getting veggies when you make pasta with tomato sauce, and pizza. it sounds like the few things you listed are from all the food groups, so relax a bit. (I can't believe he likes sushi!!)

this too shall pass. ;)

Picky eating is such a nuisance...I feel your pain!!! My son is almost 10 years old and has been a picky eater since the age of 2. I keep waiting for it to pass, but to no avail, though I am sure he won't go off to college and still only eat pasta, chicken nuggets and cheerios. We have the "one bite" rule. When I make something new, he has to have one bite...if he doesn't like it he doesn't have to eat it, but he must try it, due to this, last month he discovered he likes broccoli, but of course because he's "picky", he'll only eat the tops, not the stalks, but I still say....Hallelulla!!! I used to be totally crazy over it, but then I came to realize exactly what you said, my son is a straigh A student with tons of energy and has not needed to stay home sick from school since Kindergarten and he is now in the 4th grade, so I guess he's getting enough to keep himself healthy and strong. Be patient, I always found that fighting with him about it made it worse. Good Luck!!

Wow! Your son sounds like a better eater than mine! My son will not touch meat unless it's a chicken nugget--no ham or beef, and will not touch fish. It sounds like he's healthy though, and my pediatrician has said that this pattern of eating is so common for toddlers--he also said boys in particular tend to just have a few "go-to" foods you can always count on them eating. For my son, it's pizza and chicken nuggets!

As for my attitude, I go back and forth between acceptance and persistance. I'll try new foods sometimes, or try new ways of preparing foods he's rejected. Usually it doesn't work, and I just end up getting annoyed that I spent so much effort with no result. I'm looking forward to reading some of the other responses for ideas.

At least it sounds like your son is healthy and happy, which is the most important thing! Good luck.

Don't make eating a battle, you'll lose. You can make a child sit at the table, but you can't make him eat. He knows this. Howver, he is not in charge, you are. My daughter ate the same sandwich every day for over a year because plain turkey on white bread with nothing else on it was all she would eat. she's fine. Howver, I did not cater to her at dinner time. At dinner time I made dinner and she would eat of it whatever she would eat. Then she was excused. She was not allowed anything else (I'm not a short order cook) and she was not allowed to "YUCK" "EWWW" or anything like that. Dinner was peaceful, even pleasant and she's 16 now and is still a picky eater!

Hi A.,

Oh boy does this sound familiar! My son was like this when he was little, but even more so. I swear he lived on macaroni and cheese for a year and a half! Your son has one up on mine in that he likes a lot more foods than my son did at the time! I panicked, called the pediatrician -- who was very calm and matter of fact. First she told me to calm down, and then she literally said, "so...is he dead?" Which made me laugh and respond "no." And she explained that he was unlikely to die or otherwise get sick from eating such a limited diet. She did suggest vitamins, which I had been giving him anyway because of the same concerns you have. But she told me he wouldn't starve, he wouldn't get sick, and that, amazingly, he would eventually start eating other foods and liking them.

The upshot of this is -- my son is now 10 and has a really wonderful appetite and eats all kinds of foods...with some kids it just takes a little more time. My pediatrician advised not forcing stuff on him, just to give him little bits of things to try and not to be overly concerned or panicky if he didn't eat them right away. Eventually, he did try more foods...including veggies, which he now loves. It sounds like your son is doing better than most kids his age in the protein department -- chicken and salmon and ham and the cheese on the pizza. You can try maybe offering him "easy" veggies like baby carrots or salads made with bland lettuce like iceberg or romaine, at least to get him used to the idea of vegetables, and then work your way up to things like broccoli, etc.

Above all, don't panic! He's only six -- there will come a day when he will see you or your husband or other kids or his grandparents eating veggies and want to try them, and I guarantee he will like most of them. It may just take some time.

Good luck! :)

My 3 year old is the same :( He has certain foods he loves and others he doesn't like. I hear that some kids are like that when they are young, but to try not to stress it, still encourage him to try new foods and most kids grow out of it. It sounds like he eats a variety. My son likes foods out of all the food groups and I do try and encourage others, but I don't want to starve him!!! My son is refusing his vitamins now -- so I add the adequate dose of liquid vitamins to his milk... I also add Omega 3 fatty acids to his drink some. My son also has always been in the 95th percentile -- but when he goes to Grandma's he isn't so picky and will try new things, too bad she is in WV!!! My son does like several veggies so I keep up the positive encouragement for that! I am unfamiliar with your book but I do have and love deceitfully delicious. I love their mac and cheese with garbanzo beans! -- The basica principle is puree veggies (or beans) and mix them in other things.

I will keep reading this and hopefully you will get more advice!!

My girl is 4 years old and it is PB&J on a Martin's roll every day. Now and then I'll slip in a 'surprise' sandwich... and it always comes back with the top layer pealed off and squished into a ball. At a loss here to, but keep on pushing. Good Luck :-)

Dear Anna,
I know what you are going through and wish that I had what I am about to tell you about when I was raising my children.
Check out http://www.now.gotvia.com/presentations/product.html
and see what that is all about.
He would be getting equal to 5 organic fruits and vegetables in one oz. of this and it tastes like grape juice, plus it will keep him from catching what everyone else gets when they are sick. This is a natural, raw living tonic.
Anyone from age 1 till 100 can take it including you.
I hope this helps. Feel free to contact me with any questions through my website.
Much success,
D.

A.,

I have a 4 year old daughter who is even pickier than your son, and it is very worrisome to me. I cannot even get her to take her vitamins. The 2 year old will take them, but she refuses. Her diet consists of pizza, french fries, granola cereal, tacos, crackers, Italian bread and homemade pancakes. No fruit, no veggies, no meat but the ground beef in tacos. No variety. Won't drink anything but water so I cannot sneak liquid vitamins into her, she doesn't have anything liquid consistency. This has been going on with her since she weaned at 13 months. She gets so hungry that she throws up. She is a tiny 33 pounds. I've actually got an appointment with her doctor next month to see if I can find out if she is malnourished (which I strongly suspect she is) and what we can do about it. In the past they have just told me that I'm doing everything all wrong catering to her likes, and that if she won't eat what is on the table, then she shouldn't eat. Eventually she'll start eating. She went without dinner for 5 months, and then the morning puking started...she couldn't keep anything down all day because she was going so long between meals. So, I threw the docs advice out the window and when she asks for fries (she won't eat the ones from the store, only McD's) I run over town to get some. Same goes for Italian bread or anything else she asks for. If she wants to eat, I get it, because she eats so little and I worry about her. She is very pale and I don't know how she survives. It is almost as if she has anorexia or some other condition that is causing this. Scares me actually. None of my other kids (she's got 4 siblings) are like this. To make it worse, she's got bilateral clubfeet, low muscle tone, gets PT 2 times a week and really could use good nutrition to aide in her treatment process working.

Well, that's not a very hopefull response, but you asked if anyone else deals with this. You are not alone, but I have no answers.

D.
35 year old mother of 5 with one more on the way

Hi
My daughter is 6 and my son 5 My daughter loved everything as a baby and hasn't hardly touched fruits or vegetables since. My son was a pretty good eater until the last yr we stopped eating out at restaurants much, He will eat some fruit but not much meat or veggies. Once my daughter was in Kindergarten I let her buy her lunch and found that she was trying other foods. I'm hoping for the same when my son starts kindergarten next yr. People say that it is just a thing they go through. I ate everything well as a baby and I am very picky myself, they obliviously get it from me.

you are not alone. You can hide all sorts of veggies in pasta sauce (which you can use to make pizza, chicken parmesean, meatball heroes). If he likes Mac n' Cheese, you can puree some cauliflower in it. Otherwise, I'm at a loss too. My son is the same way. He loves fruit but hates veggies. Thank goodness for multivitamins.