Moving Fears

We've moved twice in the past two years, and thankfully won't be moving again for a long, long time. With the first move, my daughter was 2 1/2. We were moving from CT to PA. Here are some things we did:
-let her pack some of her stuff in boxes and then decorate her boxes with stickers and crayons and such
-let her pack some of her stuff in her duffle bag that would go in the car
-talk about things that don't come with you...ie..bathtub, deck, etc. because those things will be at the new house.
-keep as many routines in place as possible...eating, napping, bedtime, etc.
-get away from the house some every day...all the boxes are a constant reminder...go for a walk, go to the park, just go
-get some books from the library (for kids and adults) about moving; read and reread them every day; ask her to talk about it
-keep calm and positive yourself - they feed off of our emotions; if you're stressed because of all the packing that you've got to get done, don't show it...do a little every day, rely on people you trust to help pack or help with your son so you can pack, etc.
-set up her room first...not sure what your time frame is in terms of getting out of one place and into your new place...we had her sleep at Grandma's house for two nights while we painted her room and set it up again (she picked out the yellow paint, too) Having a new room that she loved helped...she would often comment "I love my new room.."
-hugs - my daughter and I both calm down with a hug - I told her she could have "mommy hugs" whenever she wanted and just ask - thankfully, it helped

Lastly, probably the best thing I did was to make a book. I went on shutterfly.com and made a minibook for $8 or so. It has pictures of her in our old house, her old room, the pond near our old house, the old YMCA where she went for swimming lessons etc. Then we also got some pictures of the new house...yard, kitchen, outside etc from the inspection/walk thru (you could ask the realtor for the pics or take a few in the first few days that you are there). She still loves to read this book every now and then, but in the beginning, we read it a lot. The text that went with it was modified but based on the book "Goodbye, Hello" that we got from the library. Our version goes like this...

-We're moving, so I have to say goodbye.
-Goodbye to good old neighborhood.
-Goodbye shopping cart, goodby grocery store. We won't shop there anymore.
-Goodbye steps, goodbye street, Goodbye Pizza Works and Scoops for a treat (our favorite restaurants)
-Goodbye to you, YMCA. There's a new one where we're going, Yeah!
-No more swimming lessons here. It will just be different next year.
-Goodbye rocks I like to throw. There's lots of you wherever we go. (she loved to throw them in the pond near our house)
-Goodbye birdies, goodbye trees, goodbye squirrels that follow me.
-Goodbye swings, goodbye slide. Goodbye see-saw for a ride (pics at our favorite park)
-Goodbye favorite puddle, goodbye Daddy's office (obviously Daddy was getting a new job)
-Goodbye books, Goodbye toys, But not to you fuzzy Pebo bear, How did you end up in there? (Pebo is her lovey...not to be packed in the boxes but to always stay with you.)
-Goodbye kitchen for eating and painting.
-Goodbye my room for sleeping and playing.
-Goodbye friends. Goodbye Nana and Papa, too. We will surely miss you.
-Goodbye Ally, my very best friend. Goodbye Auntie Sharon, Too. Guess what? I'll come and visit you!
-I'm sad a while after we go, until it's time to say hello. (pic standing in the full moving truck...or in the car)
-Hello new house.
-Hello new swing. Hello new slide. Hellow new icecream store, what's inside?
-Hello new rooms that aren't the same.
-Hello new deck and new yard, too. I think that I'll like to run through.
-Hello? Guess what? (pic is her talking on a play phone) I miss you an awful lot. But I like it here and I can't wait for you to come. When we visit, we'll really have fun.

Feel free to swipe lines or at least get ideas from it. I'm so glad we did it. Even if you just took the pictures over the next few weeks and don't actually make it for a while?
For us, we were moving 240 miles to a place where none of us knew anyone or anything. It was invaluable.

Hi C.,
It's amazing how sensitive young kids are with changes. It's hard to explain to them that it's no big deal when they see stuff disappearing into boxes. I'm a mom of 6, soon to be 7, and we've moved a couple of times as well. What we did with the young kids is let them pack a suitcase or box and keep it with them, so they can be sure their favorite stuff isn't going anywhere without them. It also might help to let your son pack some of his other stuff, and then help decorate the
box(es), so that you can reassure him that he will be able to find it right away when you get to your new place. This makes him part of the process, which can help him "own" it, and will also help him have some security that he will see the stuff again. Most of all, though, his anxiety is totally normal -- kids are all about routine, structure, and security -- and really he will just want lots of extra love and reassurance during the whole process.

we moved over the summer....not very far either and i thought my kids(then nearly 4 and 3) were excited about it...bigger place, own rooms, yard for a dog...but my oldest kept saying "but yeah i dont want to move" turned out he was worried about losing his stuff....i had to keep reminding him that his stuff would be at the new house too...i'm not sure he believed if fully til he had his room with his "old" stuff.

just remember change is big for kids and even if its a positive change its still different and cause some anxiety.

good luck!

Can you take a calendar and go over some dates with him?
Maybe mark some boxes for immediate opening and some for later on as other things have to get unpacked first...
with following the calendar, your son can look at the days and know when he will see things....and other days as well.
Has he been part of the process of packing?
With this age the kids think things are goign away for ever...so with the process of the calendar and having him help with the calendar and boxes....it might help him.
Can you show himthe new place you will live when you are out and about? "This is going to be our new home...you will have a new room...and we will put your things in our new house...."

Maybe pack a box of your things and your husbands so he sees that everyone is packing their things and not just him....let him help where he can too.

I remember my 3yo sister stressing about moving, it turned out she thought she was going to get packed in a box. I think most kids are just worried though that their toys are being given away, in which case it helps if they can chose a few things that don't get packed and if they get to pack up some of their toys themselves. You could try showing him on a map where you are moving and you might make some sort of countdown to when he will get his toys back.

hi C.. i went trouh the same thing last year with my2 daughters.we came from so. boston lived there all there lives. we went looking for houses in and around boston . then we founda house kind of fare away from boston . the big thing was. they got very unhappy to move so fare away from there friend in boston . it got so bad i had to take them to conseling . it might be he is scared to move. because he will loose all his old friends. and its hard to make new friends. i thing this is bothering him . to this day i still drive my daughter to so. boston on weekends to see her friends. i wisch you good luck and ask him wy is he so unhappy to move ask him is it because your loosing your old friends? see what he has to say. ty
B.

We moved about a year ago with my then 2 1/2 year old little boy. Moving is very stressful and it's only normal that your son has some anxiety; I'm sure you do too. Reassure him that he will still have all of his toys and things. What worked for us--Read books to your son and talk about it and the positives of moving. If possible, take him to the new area to show him around. Let him pack a box of his own stuff. If you go on Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.com there are tons of books for kids and adults about moving. Bernstein Bears, Goodbye House, etc. When the moving van is packed and you're ready to leave the old house, let your son walk around and say goodbye to the old house. Sounds cheesy, but it helped us. When you get to the new house, let him 'help' you unpack boxes with his things, then give him some stickers, markers, etc. that he can decorate the boxes while you finish unpacking. Good luck with it!

I've seen in bookstores some really good picture books that you can read to children that helps explain why you are moving and may allay his fears.

Check out Borders or the like, they have various children's characters, such as the Berenstein Bears, that move house.

Hope this helps.
Nicole H

Hi C.. I have moved 4 times in the past 8 years and my 5 year old son was in 3 of those. THis last move, he was about 3 1/2 and 2 weeks before we moved, we made a chain link out of construction paper that he got to decorate. Every night we would take a link off and talk about something excitingabout moving. The night after the last link, he was quite excited. When the movers showed up, we gave him thomas stickers (his fave) and he marked all his boxes with certain stickers so hewould know which boxes were his. He watched them pack it up and they even let him draw on the boxes. This made him feel much better. We moved into our house a month later and we made it an adventure to find his boxes with the stickers on it and unpacked those first. He was so excited. Moving is h*** o* kids but if you trun it into something exciting, he will get on board. Good luck!

We moved from NH to CT this summer and there were two books that I found really helped my kids. My then 2 1/2 year old loved the book titled Big Dan's Moving Van. It dealt with her biggest fear, what happens to my stuff. It talks about Dan who brings his moving van and gets everything to the new house. My 5 year old got a lot out of the book Danny's Moving. This book dealt more with the emotional side of moving worrying about friends etc.
I found both at our library and our librarian was very helpful.
Just a note about finding books on moving. Make sure you read them first. I found a lot of them seemed great at first, but then dealt with divorce etc
Good luck with the move!!

We moved our 3 children last summer -- ages 4, 2, & 3 mo. They were nervous about the movers packing up all of our stuff. I assured them that everything in our current house would be moved into the new house with us -- the beds, clothes, all of the toys, etc. I told them they could each pick out a few of the toys they wanted to pack and move themselves. They had great fun deciding what to pack in their special bag. We also packed some yummy snacks, drinks, and lunches on the day of the move. They were thrilled to have the toys they had packed be available right away, and everything went smoothly. We also asked the movers to be sure to set up their beds ASAP & brought all the sheets, quilts, pillows, stuffed animals, etc. the kids had on them at the old house -- a familiar bed in an unfamiliar room was a help! Good luck with your move!

Hello, My husband and I had the same experience with or son. My suggestion to you is to not pack any of his stuff until that last day. His things are his security to the house you are living in now. My other suggestion to you is to try to move the already packed boxes into an area of the home that is not in is eye view all day. It is scary to a small child moving but they are resilent and I am sure he will do just fine. Do not show him your worries of moving because children feed off of adults emotions. Also explain to him details of the new house. Get him involved with the move and designing his new room. When we finally moved, our son had a hard time the first few nights falling asleep in his room but as time went on he adjusted just fine. He loves where we live now. Good luck!!! Amy

When we moved my daughters were young (under 5). We were able to find several childrens books about moving. One in particular called Boomer's big day (or big move?) it touched my girls because it was about a dog and they really loved animals. We read it several times a day and tried to get them to help with the packing and even talked about the new things we would be doing in our new home. Making a big chart with magazine cut outs of childrens faces that had different emotions on them came in handy when they started to have "melt downs". I would ask them to show Mommy how they were feeling and they would point to the picture. Then maybe later when they were playing and happy I would ask them again. That started to help them "use their words" to express how they felt and we gave them the attention they needed during the stressful time. Having thier special things packed in a "special" box that they decorated also helped and we brought that box with us instead of in with the truck. They unpacked it as soon as we arrived. Also having Grandma help at our new home gave me a chance to get stuff done with out having the girls feel pushed aside. Best of luck on the move and be sure to take a few deep breaths! You will get thru it!:)

We moved when our daughter was 3. I'll let you know a few things that helped us. The biggest thing for me was that within a short time of moving, she knew only the new place and was perfectly content. This was the case with friends of ours who had 3 year olds and moved as well. This too shall pass.

One thing that helped was role playing with her dolls and animals. We even had a little toy moving van. This allowed her to play out her anxiety and allowed us to play through a successful move, with all of her things coming with us.

We also had a Winnie the Pooh Disney book, a collection of stories, of which one of them was, "Tigger's Moving Day." We explained that we were moving to a bouncier house and even had a Tigger in her room to greet her when we arrived. We also practiced bouncing all over the house. (I loved this book for her when she was three. It was a gift that I never would have picked out on my own, but have now given as a gift.)

One last thing, we packed her room last, and unpacked it first. I think we had a box that came with us in the car. She was very attached to a few of her things, so we assured her that all of those things were coming with us. We had to reassure her again and again and again and again. She was concerned that her things were going to disappear.

Best of luck. C.

I have moved 3 times with my oldest. 2 times with the next oldest. If they are able to, I let them help pack and made it a fun thing to pack. I also made sure we had their favorite toys in a box we carried with us in our vehicle so they had it with them at all times. When we got to the new place, we set up the TV right away so they could choose to watch movies, but ultimately they wanted to help unpack. Take lots of pictures. I have some fun pictures of the boys "packing themselves" and packing things like the baking goods. As long as it wasn't breakable, I let them help me. I just made sure I was helping them pack the box so I didn't have to redo it. Every kid is different. With ours, they didn't get anxious since we made it a fun thing from the start. We "included" them in the decision to move as well. We asked, "how would you like to live here" and point out all the fun stuff they could do. With one of our moves we hired a moving truck (where the guys pack it and move it for you - was a long haul move) and they even let the boys help a little and thought it very cute.

Hope this helps and gives you some ideas. Oh, and it might help if you have some friends (kids' friends) come to play with them as well when you move. They could all "help".

We are about to move as well and have a 3.5 yr old and an 18 month old. Our real estate agent mentioned that the little ones get really anxious when everything (especially toys) gets boxed up and that it helps if you have the children help with packing their own things in special boxes that are clearly labeled (maybe even with a few pictures so they are reassured that their stuff won't get lost). When you get to the new place, immediately identify thir boxes and open them first. Don't know if that will help - but I'm certainly going to try it!