From: C. M Date: Thu. Dec. 04, 2008
I'm not unemployed but I'm very limited on my funds and I've been trying to find some kind of help and just keep hitting a brick wall. I need someone who will help me get Primary Custody of my 10 month old daughter. Never married to her father. I have not let him see our daughter in two weeks and before that visitation was limited after I found out he left our then 8 month old alone in a house that he has been staying at not once but twice in one night, then threatened to take her away and called me some choice words. I asked him to leave our home after not only him not working or even looking for a job for over a year but also found out he was smoking pot. and starting to drink while he went bowling 3 nights aweek then driving home with our daughter. and this is just the tip of an iceberg. After I told him I was completely done with him he asked me about child support and tax write off of our child I told him we would let the courts decide well while I was busy working two jobs and moving and packing up a house I could no longer afford on my own he filed custody papers against me and has somehow aquired a lawyer and now I feel I must also aquire one. Only like I said I cannot find any help anywhere online I'm a resident of Lyon county And there just is no help here so if any one has any knowledge other wise PLEASE! PLEASE! let me know.
I recieved your replies and thank you all so very much!!!! I've talked to two lawyers one by phone one in person and both have pretty much said the same things. I would have to prove without a shadow of a doubt that he is drug addict and that he is drinking and driving while bowling and just every thing before they would think about giving him only supervised visitation. They both said even though it isn't always fair or correct that it will end up being a 50% -50% deal and that no one will have primary custody.One told me I should just call his lawyer make a 60% - 40% offer and let him take it from there let his attorney do all the work and from now on really pay attention when something is going on and either record or catch on camera things that he is doing . there has to be proof or else I just sound like a pissed off woman who s trying to keep her child to herself. How sad is it that we've come to where Mothers and Childrens rights are so small that the (And I'll use the term loosly) Father who is only worried about paying more child support than he already is($19,000.00 in reers) and doing what ever he wants even if it endangers the child (which by the way seems to be what has to happen first) And they wonder why these Mothers and children keep dissapering and even end up dead its because we somehow have given men the lisence to do what ever they want to us and our children. Sickning!!!!! I understand that a lot of these laws were but into place to protect the Father that was getting unjustified rulings against him but the court system has somehow turned it so far around that this kind of thing can keep happening. Well you all have been a wonderful inspiration! I 'm so blessed that I found this site and all of you! I will let you all know what I decide to do. But keep the responses coming maybe I'll find something I can really use.And take him to court.
Call Marissa about some pre-paid legal advice. They are VERY low cost. ###-###-#### or ###-###-####
good luck
Try We the People. They might help or point you in the right place. They have a web page and may be a 800 #.
C.,
I was in your same situation...and well, still really am fighting for what I know is best for my son. I could go over ALL the details, and they would be practically parallel with some exceptions. But, my son's Dad after expressing little to no interest in putting any effort into seeing our son filed papers against me, claiming I was an unfit mother with emotional instability...I'm sorry, as a Mother who isn't going to be emotional when your safety and security and peace of mind are threatened by the frustration of cheating and lying.
The way it was explained to me is that it doesn't really matter who files first, what matters is what you can proove in court. The paperwork for Custody and Child Support is like a wishlist of how you want things to be, and like a request for the judge to see it your way. There are no guarentees that you will get what you want!! While, I was able to proove that my son's Dad was not consistent or necessarily the best prepared person for the job, the court still gave him visitation and the chance to improve his standings as a parent.
I digress...in california I Googled SO much stuff. So, what I ended up with is an attorney I can't afford because the 'free' legal help here doesn't actually go to court with you or help you with anything more than filing paperwork and giving advice. And, when push came to shove I needed someone who was going to be able to pick up the pieces I wasn't able to and interpret the law for me at a moment's notice...not after 45 minutes waiting in line.
But, if you are just looking for help with the current paperwork and getting help with advice you might want to go to the link below. I Googled 'family law assistance nevada' and this is one of the sites I came up with. It is a directory of some groups and agencies that offer certain services...if you haven't yet gone to the courthouse in your county, I would do that too. Don't wait.
http://www.nvlawdirectory.org/bysubjectb.html
Link to your local county law office that handles child custody and child support...give them a call and see what services you use.
http://www.lyon-county.org/index.asp?nid=675
This is a link to legal aid lawyers who are in your area...worth giving them a call.
http://lawyers.law.cornell.edu/lawyers/nevada/lyon-county
I hope this helps a bit...it's really about working your best to maintain a good life for your kids. When push comes to shove, I hope you get what you are hoping for as far as custody. Just remember that it takes a lot of work and lot of heartache.
If he got a lawyer already, keep in mind that they work to make the other person look as bad as possible, with the facts given. It can get ugly...I personally took the high road and didn't make my ex's issues the issue.
Good Luck!!
Deanna
Hi, C.. The best thing I can tell you is: Document everything. Some resources which may help: Washoe Legal Services ###-###-####). They should be able to refer you to a lawyer (possibly reduced fee or probono) who practices in your county. Volunteer Attorneys for Rural Nevadans, ###-###-####, provides reduced fee/probono services. Also, you can call the State Bar ###-###-####) for referrals. Another option may be to call Truckee Meadows Comm. College (Meadowood campus). They have a legal assistance program which offers assistance and help for various matters, as does the Self Help Desk at the Washoe County Courthouse. I know most of these are Washoe County services, but they may be able to offer resources for Lyon County as well. Good luck.
C.,
How sad for you to be in such a terrible situation! I don't know about your state, but here in Nevada, if you need an attorney, the court will appoint one for you. Just go file papers, and the judge will appoint an attorney for you. Moms and dads both, and grandparents too, have a right to representation! Check with your local Child Protective Agency, they can give you information and help, especially under the conditions of the child's father!
Good Luck!
A.
Working at Home to Live a Healthy Life
http://www.ProsperingFromHome.net/Angel
Hi C.,
Get a Pre Paid Legal membership. It's $35.95 per MONTH and phone consultations with attorneys are FREE.
You can call me at ###-###-####. I will call you right back to save you long distance charges.
Blessings,
R.
I would recommend calling the State Bar for referrals and then calling the attorneys and asking if they would take your case Pro Bono (free to you). I just moved here from New Mexico where I worked as a legal assistant and I know that over there attorneys HAD to take a certain number of Pro Bono cases for their CLE (continuing legal education) requirements. I don't know if that is a requirement here in Nevada, but it doesn't hurt to ask.
I would also recommend documenting EVERYTHING (dates, times, witnesses, etc.).
Good luck with everything.
C. ~ Call the County Bar Association (Look it up online through the Nevada State Bar) and ask for the Lawyer Referral Service. Tell them what is going on in your situation and see if they can refer you to a family law lawyer who can help you. In California they have a nominal fee (like $25) and they refer you to attorneys who are on their pannel. The cost of the consulation with the attorney is covered through your fee the bar association. Sometimes this can save you hundreds of dollars. I'm not sure how it works in Nevada, but in California it will save you a little money. A lawyer will tell you what, if anything, can be done to help you.
Good luck.
L.
UGGGGG!!!!! I am going through hell with this right now. My ex (boyfriend of 8 years) cheated on me, left me for the other girl. And kicked myself, our 1 year old son, dog and cat out of our home, I didn't have anywhere to go and truly not one dollar to our names because he had been the breadwinner and I was the stay at home mom, and meanwhile, he was suing me, I went to free legal aid but, did not feel it could compete with his fancy "unethical' lawyers. Try to find a lawyer who is on your side, Maybe they think they can get their money through your ex. It is a horrible situation, My ex and his lawyer are trying to take what very little I have away from my son and I and basically are trying to ruin our lives. I find California to be a very warped state. If you were not married, you get almost nothing YET still have to treat the father like a hero. Just for showing any interest in his child, even if he is a very bad and mean person. Something is not right. I really hope it works out for you. It's a tough road. If you ever want to talk, I am avail to you. I am going through this myself. I am realy having a hard time with it though. Love to talk. Thanks L.
Did you check with legal aid in your county?
When my hubby was in law school, the school ran a family law pro-bono program. Check with your nearest law school to find out if they have such a thing. Also ask the law school for names of local attorneys who offer pro-bono services. Many lawerys will take a portion of their cases as pro-bono as a service to the communities in which they live. Good Luck.
Lyon County NV? Call the Distirct Attorney at ###-###-#### they are located at 885 E. Musser in Carson City. This should be you best starting point. I live in Carson and would like to be able to help you the best I can. Just reply to this message and we can see if I can help you! I have been where you are. But God has belssed me! I also there is some volunteer program that has people who speak out for children, I can not recall the name of that group but will look it up for you! Let me know what I can do!
C., I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is so sad when men become father's but don't live up to the role.
I'm also in the middle of a divorce and by no means in a situation as ugly as yours. But, I too have concerns about the father of my two daughters.
I find it amazing how much the courts bend over backwards to defend the rights of the fathers. Basically, it seems that they have a legal right to screw up their kids. This might be one of the places where equality for women is not a win.
Anyway, it is frustrating. You've gotten some good advice here and I wish you the best of luck in your fight.
C.,
I so feel for you, as I have been through this nightmare myself. I would suggest going to your local courthouse to inquire about free "family law" assistance, which most courts have. You may have to wait to talk to someone, but it's worth it! Most courts even have a free attorney that can give you free advice and tell you what to say in court. I waited in line at 4am to do that, but he helped me finalize my case after three years of court appearances when my ex refused to settle. Even though it was hell, I ended up with physical custody. He was so pissed at the judge's decision, he waived visitation befor leaving the court! I wish you and your kids the best of luck!
Hi C., I read your response to the advice and can tell you are very bitter. I have to say as the grandmother of my SON's child that you are only seeing one side and only seeing your own situation. The laws are FAIR & JUST! They are no long one sided in the mothers favor and that is a blessing. Not all mothers are deserving of full custudy of their own children, some have the same problem as your childs father. Just because you are a mother doesn't mean you are faultless. My grandsons mother has not lived with her son since he was born 4 years ago, she is now in a program and once our notorized agreement of guardianship is expired I have a feeling she will try to take full custody just so she can continue to get help from the Government/Walefare, she program she is in now is Government funded and now she thinks she can just take advantage of the system. I truly hope things work out for you and I have faith that the truth will always prevail. I was compelled to reply because I think it is important that you see the big picture and not just what is in your situation. My prayers are with you.
Hi C.,
There's some great advice from the ladies here. Something else I would recommend is to document everything, in detail. Get a note pad or something and write down dates, times, etc. with detailed notes. If there are witnesses to anything that may have put your daughter at risk, get an affidavit from them for court. This can help provide the court evidence that the father may not be the best choice for custody.
Good luck and God Bless you,
My daughter went through this situation with a offal man. Be careful. Get a pictures of your baby daily if you can. One reason if he takes off with her you will have a picture. You really need evidence of the pot. A picture of it laying somewhere. In the state of California he will get visitations if he presses it. My daughter had Judge Ito she is very much for giving the bio-fathers every chance, even to convicted felons. We prayed allot and because we turned him in to the social services he left the state. Usely the first one to turn the evidence in gets the upper hand. Don't do this without allot of evidence or they will view you as vendictive and ignore the case. We took the baby to the doctor with complains, to the ER and took pictures before he left with the bio-father and his new wife, and took pictures when he got back. The baby came back looking stone faced several times, he came back with bald spots buzzed in his head with his shirt taken off and wrapped with a black bow. You need to keep a journal everyday of what the babies bio-father did times and happenings. You need to file reports at the police station when you feel threatened. All this will show up in court. When he doesn't come to visit the baby, how many days without him even seeing the baby plays a big part in how much the judge gives the bio-father so please!!!!! keep a good log on your computer or on a calendar or both. Keep your recipes of what you spend on the baby. Sometimes turning on the heat with all these things the man doesn't want to put up with it. Good luck. M. R
Ps let me know if you have any more questions. One other bit of advice pray hard!!!!!
Hi C.,
I understand how tough it is to see your child go with someone who you don't feel is acting in your child's best interest. However, the bottom line is that both parents have a right to custody. Until or unless you can substantiate your claims, that's how it is.
1. Document everything imaginable. Keep logs and collect evidence. Many people throw verbal daggers at each other in court, so proof is important.
2. Very important - always, always, choose the high road. Make good choices for your daughter, be honest, stay in integrity, etc. First, your daughter needs a safe and stable parent, and secondly, don't stoop to your ex's level, or give him anything that can be used against you.
I know how frustrating this can be. I've been through it myself, but when the dust settled, the evaluator, the therapists, the teachers, etc, all have understood the true situation and what a great job I am doing with our son. Believe me, it takes a lot of strength to stand tall during tough times when things seem unfair, but that's what you have to do.
All the best to you and your precious little girl.
I am sorry you have to go through this. In California located at the court house is Legal Aid. I would think Neveda would have that as well. Call up and see ask if they have Legal Aid they should be able to help you.
