Loss of an Son

You will never let him go. I lost my brother 13 years ago and it is still hard for me as well as my parents. I can tell you that for my family the 2nd year he was gone was actually harder than the first. It does get easier but it takes time and some days are definately really difficult and it doesn't seem like anyone really understands why. You just have to hang in there remember him daily.

Millie, I have two beautiful children and I can tell you with all certainty that I would still be struggling two years later if I lost one. There is no reason for you to feel that still having grief two years later is not normal. I am so very sorry for your loss.

However, you can and will find ways to move on with your life. Did you go through any grief counseling? I did a year after my mother died (we were extremely close, and she was only 52) and it really did help. Are the people around you supportive--do you have outlets to discuss your pain? Do you have other children? If so, they are hurting from the loss, too, and you must find ways to be strong for them, and even listen to their grief. Seek out counseling, resources, others who have lost children and try to connect. Maybe consider speaking about it.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Also, you don't have to "let him go." You don't say how old your son was, but for however long he was alive he was part of your life and part of the world. Don't let him go, honor his life.

I lost my mom 9 years ago, and I still find tears in my eyes at inopportune times. Like seeing a woman at a movie theatre that makes me think of her. Other cultures have days set aside to honor the loved ones that have crossed over. In our American culture, we are taught we are supposed to grieve, then "let go" and move on. I think we've been taught WRONG. I think I am going to create a day to honor my mom. I will choose one day each year that has nothing to do with the date she died or the date she was born. And celebrate her life, and tell her stories to my children.

dont let him go- Live your life with him in your heart. He was yours. Your love gave him life.

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dont let him go- Live your life with him in your heart. He was yours. Your love gave him life.

I don't know that you should let him go... But maybe instead when you do think of him try to remember all the happy times. Mourning is not something you can set a time limit on. When my Aunt lost her daughter years ago, she never completely got over it, I don't think any one ever does, but she was able to enjoy life again. Have you tried support groups? Talking to people who have gone through what you have gone through may help you understand this process of grieving. There is no one answer that will help you through this. Know that you deserve to be happy again, & wouldn't your son want that for you? You can be happy & still hold on to all the wonderful times that you had together. No one can take your memories from you!

Live your life to its fullest in honor of your precious son!

Because you loved him so, and love him still, and that is good.

because YOU ARE A MOTHER there is no other reason,,,,but he would always be in your life in your memories,,,,,and he willl still be alive in some way!!!

So sorry for your loss. I don't know how old your son was but my parents lost a baby -she only lived 3 days. It took my mother years to be able to be happy again. I don't mean to make it all negative but it takes time to move on. I know my mom still remembers the day she was born and the day she died and says a prayer for her. She still tends to her grave and but flowers on the Easter alter in her name. She will always be a part of our lives and there isn't any reason why celebrating that persons life should really be sad. We are sad but they aren't.
Have you tried to celebrate the little milestones that would have been in his life instead of trying to forget them? Maybe it will help. Just a thought.
Hope it helps.
L. M

Have you sought out consoling? I do not think you can ever get over that, but it can ease the pain. I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

First let me say I can't begine to imagine the grief and other range of emotions you have been through. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I think when you become a mother, your children BECOME your heart, and soul. How could you ever let him go? My cousin passed a few years ago at the age of 35 years, and my aunt was absolutely heartbroken and devastated. There are many times she will say to us, "I just cried my eyes all out day yesterday because it hurt so bad, and I just wanted to hug him, what's wrong with me?" And my answer to her is NOTHING, you are his mommy, you lost the most precious thing in the world to you and it's okay to cry, sob, be angry, depressed whatever you are feeling it is okay. There is no appropriate time frame, there is no "right" way to feel. Feeling bad about your feelings of hiding them will only make it harder. You do whatever you need to do be okay, and if you don't know what that is, seek help. There are wonderful organizations, support groups etc to help you get through and make it through another day. You don't have to let him go, ever. Just find a way for you to be as okay as you can be. You know your son would want that for you!! You are in my thoughts, take care of yourself!

It has never happened to me. Being Spiritual, and having a Higher Power ** whatever it may be has helped me thru so much, YOU just need to be strong, YOU can't change what happened. In my time of need, I just got up & still do sometimes in the morning, and do what you have to do to get thru it. YOU are not the only person that is going thru this. Support groups are very welcoming, and maybe it will give you a light at the end of the tunnel. If you can see others that have made it thru this. I will pray for you, if you need to chat, I will be here for you. KH

Would we be able to let a part of our own body "go"? Would we be able to live if someone would pull our heart off our chests? I don't know what you believe, but i do believe I'll reunite again with the loved ones that passed away, one day. Some people "feel" the presence of the lost ones around them at times...boy, do I envy them. We're made of body and soul, there's no sense in religion, any religion, if we don't think that there must be a substantial difference between the two. What is the soul made of? Can it be buried and dissolve like our bodies? I do not think so. How can a mother and a child ever be separated by death? How can this bond ever fade?It cannot. It must not. God, if you are a believer, or Nature, or whatever you want to call it, made us so we mothers would feel body and soul with our children. A total unity that starts in our head (when we want children), in our body (when we carry children) and continues in our heart, mind and soul when they become bodies and souls of their own. If I were to leave this world before my son (and I hope I will) I "feel" already that I will never leave him completely...I know my spirit will be always be lingering to watch over him, to protect him, to give him strenght. Otherwise there will be no sense for that miracolous, powerful force that is LOVE. Otherwise there will be no point in having our souls captured in our frail, perishable bodies. By having both (body and soul), God made us eternal, as eternal can be love. Aren't we supposed to be made at His resemblance anyway? You are in my thoughts, I hope in time you'll find the way to find that invisible string that has never really be broken between you and your son and that you will find some peace, not pain, every time you think of him. Many blessings to you and your family.

You don't ever let go. He'll always be a part of you. I think what you maybe referring to is how to live each day without him physically being here.

My best friend in this world, Penny Rogers, died a few years ago (she was in her 50's). Penny is the sister I never had and I was beyond grief. There were times I thought I just couldn't make it through that day. I cried until I didn't have the strength to cry anymore. Somehow though the days, became a week, then a month, then 2 months, then a year. I found that I can tear up, then smile when some little thing (like a can of gravy in the supermarket named Miss Penny's gravy) reminds me of her. I'm crying as I'm writing this to you because it's a fresh rememberance that I miss her. It's Ok though, because I allowed myself to move at my pace and not what other's felt I should do, that I'm able to, as others say "move on".

I don't think people try to be callous, it's just that they're uncomfortable dealing with death and because they don't know what to do or say they feel that by now you should be "over it".

If you haven't been, please find a support group. There you'll find people in varying stages of their grief and the support you need.

Please know that just because you are living your life it does in no way shape or form negate the life of your son on this earth.
Many blessings,
E.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it is completely natural to have hard time letting him go. I think you might want to seek counseling so that you can learn how to go on with life. You are still alive and even though you woudln't be expected to forget your son, you deserve to live life with joy.

All my best to you.

I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter lived for 1 hr. & 16 min. after birth. She would have been 6 y/o this April.
Being I don't know how he died or the cercumstances that lead to his death, there could be many reasons. Personally he was your child & there is no age for a child to die that would be easier to let go of them. Losing a child is insanely hard to understand (especially for people who have not been there) & accept.
All I know (being a Christian) is that yes, my daughter died but I will get to see her again in Heaven because Christ died for my sins & I have been washed clean & I live my life to praise him.
I will be praying for you!

God bless!

Because you can't let him go. He is your son and will always be your son. You don't have to let him go, because you will always love him. I don't have experience with this myself, but I just want you to know that it's ok to feel what you feel. It's ok to get some help and grief counseling to help you keep living a good life, for yourself and the rest of your family. Recovering and feeling "better" won't mean you love him less, it's just healing. If you like to write or journal, perhaps you can start a journal about him with all the sweet memories you have. He's always in your heart, and as you heal, that won't change. Take care!

Millie--all the others that wrote are right, and seems like anyone would want to help you and I'm also sad for you. The answer that I most agree with is the one where you celebrate his life, it is totally normal to mourn and I personally would not "get over it". But you can find peace, especially if you believe in God---you can know that your son is with Him and one day you will also be there too. You need to go on for the others in your life. Your son is at peace and I hope someday you will be also.

I am sorry you lost your son, Of course it is hard to let go and you really should not as you need to hang onto memories of him as he is your lovely son. I hope you find comfort with this pain by talking to him in spirit.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I hope you can find a counselor, a bereavement group and/or a clergy member you can talk to, they may be able to help you cope with this tragedy.

I lost my son almost 2 years ago as well (May 2nd). I think of him every single day. I wonder what we would look like now, what he would be doing, how he and his sister would be getting along, etc. I haven't "let him go" and I never will as he will always be with me in my heart. It is okay to grieve and to hold on to and cherish your memories of your son. If you feel that the grief is just to overwhelming then it is also okay to seek out help. This can be through therapy or by simply seeking out other mom's that have lost children that will understand what you are going through. It does help to talk with someone who has been there and knows your grief and pain. Please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to.

He is your son. He will always be your son. Grief has it's own course. In time your memories will be sweeter. Right now you are in too much pain. The mind has to find a way to process the unfathomable. Be patient with yourself. You might find it helpful to join a grief support group or seek counseling. If you have health insurance they could refer you or you could contact your local hospital or a local Church re: groups in your area. God Bless You.

J.