Looking for Someone Who Isn't Scared of Kids.

I too am a single mom. I have a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old, both boys. I have met MANY men who wanted to date me but didn't want to be involved with the kids...ever. When I first started dating again I dated these men too. Looking back it was the second dumbest thing I could have done. I thought that if they started to care for me then they would eventually care for the kids. That just didn't happen. The guy I'm dating now I met on a fluke through a college friend. He's a divorced father with a 2-year-old boy. He is GREAT with kids. My kids absolutely adore him and he adores my kids. There ARE guys out there who don't mind dating someone with kids. Some guys actually LIKE dating women with kids. These I've come to find are usually the men that are ready to settle down and are through their "partying till 5 a.m. days". When I met my guy I had decided I wanted to focus on my life with my kids, my job, and my other family. It seems like when you find someone it's when you're not looking for it.

Good luck and keep up the great work. I don't know how you do it...two ft jobs and ft student. Just having a pt job and dealing with my kids is hard. I couldn't imagine 2 ft jobs and student on top of it! Good job and keep up the great work! Just remember to breathe!

B.

My advice is to seek out a counselor or therapist that can help you deal with the isssues and give a professional objective opinion. Also, if you want to be a stay at home mother it can be done by a single mom. I know its not easy but I've known moms that have done it.... however, they had to sacrifice a lot of material things and got a lot of help through governemental programs!! Good luck.

Hi L.,
Screen the men you want to date first, it's legal and you'll learn what they are looking for and at the same time find out how compatible you are, take yout ime and have some fun without sex and let him come to you

You don't need a man that doesn't need your child. Your child is not just A responsibility, but your 1st responsibility. Sounds like you are a busy woman. How do you have time to sleep, working 2 full time jobs and attending college full time? There aren't that many hours in a day! WOW! I admire that you are attending college because that should help you get perhaps a single job that can cover your costs so you can spend more time with your daughter so she won't be so clingy. I am sure it is hard being a single mother and I understand your need to have a life too. However your little girl must come first. With the amount of time you must spend working and going to school and studying, your child would have no time with you if you add a relationship at this point. Get through your rough spots, finish your degree, get a single job, spend more time with your little one, then find a man that may be worth bringing in your daughters life - all of this will offer her stability. In the mean time, with what little time you have with your little girl, offer her mini bursts of focus time between your hectic schedule. Hang in there, mom! You must be strong to be capable of tackling so much at once. Just keep your focus. Good luck!

B. :)

Hi.

Read what you wrote, and pay attention to your words.

You do not need to think about having a boyfriend. With your 2 full time jobs and college, you barely have enough time to be a mom, much less concentrate on a man.

Do you wonder why your daughter is clingy? Maybe because your attention is elsewhere. Put yourself in her shoes. You are her Mommy, she needs YOU and all of your attention. You don't mention where her father is. She is probably terrified and can't express it in grown up terms.

Take this time to concentrate on YOU and your daughter. Not you and some man.

In time, when it is right, you will meet the person for you and your daughter.

I talk with experience and not being judgmental.

Hang in there.

CJ

I'm sorry that you are having problems with the guys leaving, that really sucks. I don't know what to tell you about that other than one day you will meet someone who won't mind that you have a child, and will love your child like their own. I know how it can suck not having a father figure in your child's life. I used to worry about that with my daughter, I always thought I would wind up being single the rest of my life and she would never have a father, because her father wants nothing to do with her. It's not your fault and you did not ask for this, don't let people tell you any different. I know that one day you will meet someone who isn't afraid that you have a child. I hope this helps maybe cheers you up a little bit.

hey girlfriend...i was a mother of 1 @ the time and went through the same thing for awhile...but i stayed in prayer and ask god to place a man in my life that could accept me and my daughter...until then i remained in school and went to work...finally i met my husband...i had to accept his kids and he hadn to accept mine and it just worked!..thank god you're not one of those kinda of women that would put her child on the back burner for a man!...but just keep the faith, continue doing what you are doing, love yourself and your baby, and god will place that person there for you....

I am a single mother of a 7 year old. There are men out here who love children, maybe you just been trying to hard. Give yourself a break. You know the man I have in my life today, love my little girl and I feel very blessed with that. I guess what I am trying to say is just slow down and have faith that God will bring the fellow into your life. Its sounds like your little girl just wants your attention when you are availalbe. The love that you are looking to give to a man give it to your little girl, you will be amaze how good that can feel. I am not by any means saying anything is your fault you have just ran across the wrong men. Pray on this, you will also be amaze how God answers our prays. God Bless and good luck with everything

Hello, I have read the responses here and I am sorry that some of the women have been rude, judgemental, and insensitive. No one here knows the details of your situation and has no right to be so harsh with you. The same thing goes for me, it's hard to give advice to you without knowing all the details. The only thing I can say is to stop looking for a man right now (as lonely as it may be) just look for people to be friends with. Then there is no worry in the back of your mind when you tell them that you have a child because they are not your boyfriend. I would also say that one of the first things you should tell your "new friends" is that you have a daughter. Don't make it sound like it's a duty that you are telling them that, just casually bring it up in the first conversation about how you have a beautiful daughter and she is your world (use whatever words you wish to choose just be upfront and honest). You might not find the right guy for a while but one day the right person WILL come along and you WILL be able to tell him apart from all the rest if he truly does care about kids!! And then you will see that the wait was been worth it because now you have a great guy that loves kids! I don't know if you are a believer or not but God knows your heart and if you look towards him in a time like this then he will give you the desire of your heart. It just might take a little longer than you wish and that might not be a bad thing with all you have going on right now as well. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by making sure you are doing everything you need to to be able to provide for your child. Now just be patient and you will be able to provide a father when the time is right. I hope things work out for the best for the both of you. Take care and God Bless!

I too am a single mom, but have the best boyfriend in the world. He is still trying to get used to the "father" role. He is the only father my 17 month old has ever known. It took me a while to find someone that would take into consideration that I have a child. The others that I tried to date previous to him seemed to always "forget" that I had a baby and always wanted me to go out on short notice. Jeremy and I have been together for 8 months now and live together. It may seem scary, as it was for me, but I met Jeremy on EHarmony. It has a very long form to fill out describing exactly what ur looking for and not looking for. You are able to communicate and get to know each other before even deciding to date. He is completely in love with me and my child but still needs a bit more time with the "this is MY child". He wants to be full time dad and is doing very well with it. Now that we live together things are going much better in that department as well. I never thought I would find the guy that would want me AND my daughter, but it happened. If you need to, take a break from dating for a bit and enjoy your time with your daughter. The right one will come along when it's time. GOOD LUCK!!!

the only advice i can give you is when you finally stop looking and decide you can handle your life without a man around and you can take care of yourself and your daughter without a man by your side, you will find what you are looking for.

no offense but you sound really desperate. change your type of guy you are interested in. and you should not blam your boyfriend for moving away, people do it all the time. why would you want to be with somebody that doesn't want to be there withyou? so what he got a job out of state and he is moving away, and its over.........no biggie, you learn and move on.

i was a single mother of two girls, working two jobs, and hardley ever saw my babies. and at first when i was younger i was just like you. feeling the same you do, but then when i finally had enough of it, i concentrated on myself and my girls, and we did great. it was hard of course with money issues, but we had each other. and i went about two years without even having a relationship. i had decided that all i needed was me and my girls, and out of the blue my man showed up. and it was purely accident. he had called the wrong number..... and we are getting married in october and i'm a stay at home mom and i even gained a child (his son) and i'm the happiest woman ever!

the point is you are so young............concentrate on your life and your child............ dont' worry about anything else. and when you get to where you want to be in life whoever god has planned for you to be with will be there waiting on you. but you must be happy with yourself.........before anyone else can be happy with you.

Try a single or divorced dad!!! :):)
L.

First and foremost, if they are not ready for the responsibility of a daughter, they are not the right one for you. My biological father wasn't even ready for a child-he left my mom when they found out she was pregnant, and they had been dating for quite some time, and I was his own child. I just think a lot of twenty-something year old guys are very immature these days, and don't want to give up their play time. You look like a very hard-working woman striving to do the best you can. I didn't have any expert words, but just wanted to send some encouragement your way.

I think the bottom line is you and your daughter are a package deal and if the guy isn't interested in making a committment to both of you then he's not worth it and not the right fit for your family. This may not be exactly the same as your situation but when I got a divorce several years ago my children were 6 and 10. I decided to only date guys that were older and "ready to settle down" because I didn't think there would possibly be a guy my age 32 that would want an instant family. Well, I was wrong and my now husband of six years, who is actually younger than me was immediately drawn to both my kids and we now have a precious son together. He is a great dad to all of them.

Basically, the guy is either on board from the beginning or you shouldn't waste your time. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate but are on the right track. You're very young and have your life ahead of you. Keep doing what you're doing and when you least expect it the right partner for you will come along! God bless! :)

Thumbs up to the other two responses. And I recommend eHarmony, I know a few people who've had great success with it.

it sounds like you have your hands full without worrying about the drama of a love life right now anyway. Maybe its time to concentrate on getting yourself on your feet and helping your daughter through a time where she's letting you know she needs you. Sucks, but those have to be the priorities, you wont be alone forever, there's not need to be chasing a man that sounds like he isnt interested.

I felt the same way when I was a single mother. The right person with a big heart will come your way when you least expect it....And it will be worth the wait. Just concentrate on yourself and your daughter, that's whats most important.

L.

You know L., I'm much older than you but I was in your shoes about 18 years ago. I was raising my then 5 year old daughter alone. (Her Dad decided to walk out on our marriage) Guys were idiots then and really weren't interested in me once they found out I had a daughter. I wouldn't take the guys around her unless they were decent to me. My husband and I have now been together for 16 years. Married for 15 of those years. We have 6 kids together, 2 from this marriage. He adopted my oldest daughter about 3 years after we were married. Life does have a way of workin' it's way out, but that doesn't make your situation any less painful and down right unkind to you as a woman!

We deserve to have someone that we can lean on, be in love with and live our lives together in our old age. I truly hope you find someone as I have. You might want to look for someone who has children already himself. Maybe a single dad or someone that shares custody w/the mother of the child.

Don't give up L., there are men in this world who aren't afraid of being a true man. You sound like a decent gal and if you ever need a shoulder contact me! ____@____.com Like I said I'm waaaay older than you are, but I've walked in your shoes and sometimes just someone allowing you to vent is what we need. (not all we need but what we need at the time! )

PS: your baby girl loves you! You can only control what you can control. You can't control her father and she'll come to realize that in time. When our kids hurt they can lash out and pierce our hearts with their emotional daggers! Stay strong as her mother and as a woman! She'll learn so much from you! Take care!

Not sure on the men thing. I would say just stop looking. Your Mr. Right will come someday! As far as your daughter goes, tell her the truth. Don't say "YOur dad ran away cause he's a good for nothing SOB. But do tell her the truth. Even kids will lose respect and faith in parents if you lie or try to cover it up.

L. you have a right to be pissed off... I was recently in the same boat but my boys are teenagers. until the day i said screw it and i quit looking. and now im seeing a great guy who my kids like. but anyway if this guy is not willing to even try than you are better off without him and for people saying its your fault bs. just keep your chin up not all guys are afraid of single, smart women with children just the dumb guys you will find someone who is worthy of being in your and your daughters lives and youll question why did i ever feel like i wouldnt good luck the MR. RIGHT you are looking for is out there.

It's not your fault that the guys u date are LOSERS and don't want to be gentlemen. I'm sure you'll find the right one down the road. Destiny has a plan for you and hopefully it will pay off in the long run. Just keep your spirits up and concentrate on the more important things like your kids and your job. When the right guy comes along I'm sure you'll know.

I found some of their advice to be quite harsh as well. What you are asking is why is every guy leaving because you have a child, right? It could be where you are meeting the guys, be up front from the start that you have a child. What age are the guys? A lot of younger guys get scared off because they think you want them to be a dad or they don't want an instant family. I have been in your situation and I understand. With getting older I am finding more guys that don't mind that I already have a kid, it will get easier, I promise.
I also work full time and go to school full time and am a single mom and have been for his whole life.
As for your daughter hating you, she doesn't! My son's dad has never been a part of his life and it comes and goes with my son wanting his dad around. These times can get tough because you know you are the only one they have but you can't explain that to them. You know how bad their father is but you can't tell them that either. You just have to grin and bare it in those times. My son will often say "I wish my dad was around, I'm so bored here I bet my dad would be more fun." It hurts, but we know the truth deep inside that we are doing the best for them that we can and that's all that matters.
I wish you luck and just trust me there are ups and downs but you can make it through them. I have so far. :)

L. you have a right to be pissed! It is a crappy thing to happen to you and very immature! Words of wisdom....I am so sorry you are going through what you are. I have a sister in the same situation but she finally found someone that wanted to be with her and her son. She laid it on the line when she met him and how her son and life meant everything to her. They have now been together for three years and very happy. Her son's father isn't in his life either. I can understand your frustration and can personally atest that most men are just plain asses! You will find the right one someday that loves you and your daughter! Don't worry about what others say and think and kudos for all the hard work you are doing just to survive! Keep your head up and email me if you ever want to chat at ____@____.com

Do you realize that you and your daughter are worth so much more than you are putting up with? Get away and stay away from these men. If you are not in church, I would reccomend finding one and becoming actively involved. God will provide the man for you and your daughter. Put your trust in him and he will provide! Men suck. Realize how precious you and your daughter are in God's eyes and then find a man who holds you both up. Stop hurting youself by allowing these silly weak men into your life. Find an man who stands strong in God and you will get your hearts desire! Good luck!