Looking for Advice on Having 3Rd Baby

Why do you need to tell them anything before you're actually pregnant? Once you're pregnant, just tell them you wanted to have another baby, and you're not asking anything of them, so why do they care?

People will always question things that truly are none of their business. You may get questioned about why you spread them out but I got why I had them so close (3 in 3 years). I would say don't tell them until you are pregnant.

You don't have to tell them anything until you are pregnant.
I love Micheal J Fox's response- We have the love for another.
Best, k

Ha! I wouldn't tell them until after I was pregnant and then I would tell them I was expecting. My Mother-in-law didn't want me to have the first, or the second. She told me she wouldn't have had all the kids she had although she loved them all. Then when my third came she was not thrilled but there wasn't anything she could do about it. She has always gotten the babies a life insurance policy and announced that she wouldn't get another policy should I have any more children. We went on to have a fourth who was stillborn as well as the fifth. When the sixth baby came along we didn't tell her until about two months before she was born. I just didn't want the stress. I can tell you that I LOVE ALL my children and I don't regret having any of them. I don't care what my Mother-in-law says. They aren't her kids and if she has nothing to do with us, her lose not mine.

I'll be 32 and my hubby will be 40 this year. We currently have a 9 yr old and 5 yr old twins...all girls. Currently, we are entertaining the thought of actually attempting for our 4th, to maybe try for the boy. Our thought is: if it happens, it happens, if not, no biggie. We really don't care what the rest of the family says or how they feel; they will not be the ones raising it or dealing with any of the issues surrounding it. Good luck!

I didn't tell anyone we were trying cuz it's not there business! I told everyone when we got pregnant with a happy, "WE ARE SO EXCITED to be adding a new addition to our family!"
I am now 14 weeks, and sometimes I think, "what was I thinking?" But we are truly happy. I also have two boys that will be 8 and 5 when my third is born.
No one has said anything to my face about what we were thinking, and one guy keeps saying something to my husband. But you know what? It's OUR family, OUR life, OUR children....that's what I would say!
L.

We mentioned to a few friends that we were trying (in part because we see them all the time and they would ask, "So, are you going to have another?" and we saw no sense in lying or beating around the bush). We did NOT want to hear any "Oh my goodness! You live in a 2 bedroom apartment! Your husband is working part-time! You don't have enough money! What are you thinking?" So, we did not mention that to family except to say, when asked, "Yes, we probably want more." We are waiting now for my ultrasound so we have a solid due date before we tell family. It is nobody's business how many children you have or how far apart they are. I know people who are not able to have children and I know people who have six children, I also have friends who are single with no prospect of children yet who would love to trade places with us. Everyone has an opinion, but only your and your husband's matter. We also did not tell many people because we did not know how long would take us to conceive. Anyway, good luck!

I would not worry about what they say. Life is too short to worry about how you and your husband feel about another child. If that's what is going to make the two of you happy, then go for it. Tell your friends & family they need to respect your decision & that's how it's going to be. I am learning that we worry too much about what other's think and in the end it causes more stress than what is needed. Go for it! I was 36 when I had my first. Tell your friends & family instead of complaining to be happy for your family. Good luck!

My opinion is, if you are happy with your decision to have a 3rd, then your family should be too. Don't care what they say because this is you and your husbands legacy you are building, not theirs.

H.

Not exactly, but sort of...

We had our first child in 1999 and didn't get pregnant again until 2004. I was 36 when my second was born. Some people questioned our sanity because I am a really bad pregnant person, spent most of the pg on bedrest. You take them when you can get them. If this is what you need/want do it. Don't worry about everyone else.

I was the oyoungest of five. There is almost five years between me and the next one up. My Mom will admit I was an accident, but she also says I was the best Christmas present every! I was born in December.

Beside you don't have to tell anybody anything. For all they need to know it could be and accident.

Good Luck. Also consider yourself lucky that you have this problem. I know many many people who have struggled to have kids and cannot.

As I was reading your question, my seven year old said, "Mom, you can help with that!"

I have two boys also, a ten and a seven year old. Last August, at 40, I had my baby girl. Before I was pregnant, if I told anyone that I would love a third they did all share comments, some positve and some thinking we should be done. The comments made my husband lean to staying with two so we bought a second house and I went back to work part time.

My third ended up being a surprise, (a great one!). We didn't even know we were pregnant until I was 16 and a half weeks along. (So busy with the new house and job)

What I noticed was that once I was pregnant, the negative comments ended. My friends and family rallied around and supported me as I was placed on bedrest and as she was born.

I think you have to do what is right for your family. Is it really important what other people think? Only the two of you (you and your husband) really know what you can handle.

Money is tight because I am staying home again. It is starting all over again and with that are wonderful experiences and exhausting moments. But I count myself one of the most blessed individuals.

My boys are wonderful brothers to their sister...in a way that they are not to each other. They are also extremely helpful to me, entertaining her so I get dinner on the table and manage the mess our house becomes everyday.

Go with your heart and your gut. Good luck!

Why tell them? This is a decision between you and your husband. Instead, save the news for when you have some good to share! When you announce that you are pregnant, only the most insensitive clods (there will be a couple, but hopefully not many) will ask what you are thinking. Most will have the grace to wish you joy. ^_^

My husband is 33, I am 25. Hubby has a child from previous marriage who is 10, and we have a 5 year old together. Currently we are expecting a baby girl in November. We wanted this child, so even though lots of family members had assumed we were finished - we weren't. Simple as that. We set the tone by being happy when we told them, so they were happy in response. I wouldn't worry so much about what everyone else thinks though. :) Good luck with your trying.

I say if you want one go for it. I am almost 36 and pregnant with my 2nd. My first is almost 4 1/2. Our families were thrilled.Don't make this important decision based on what others MIGHT think. IT is all about you, your husband, and your boys. Best wishes to you!

My suggestion is, dont tell them yet. Make the decision yourselves and then only tell them when you are pregnant. Saves all the comments - ultimately up to you anyway.

Just don't say anything. It's no one else's business but you & your husbands. Our 3rd was an 'oops' & I was 42 when she was born. We didn't get the warmest of congratulations from either side of the family. They said we were too old to have kids, my health could be affected, etc etc. But as the days & months went on....things did get better & once she arrived, all was good. Granted, there's only 15 months between she & my middle child and our days are crazy..but I wouldn't change a thing about it. And the 3rd one seems to be the easiest. You will be so much more relaxed b/c you'e been through it before. You'll also be able to give the new little one plenty more attention than you gave your boys (because they look to be closer together). Good luck!

Why do you have to tell them you're trying to get pregnant? Just tell them when the deed is done. :) You and your husband are the ones who will have to parent a third child...if you believe you can handle "starting over" and truly want another child...go for it! Who cares what they think? Will you not have a third child, just because people might say something?

I wouldnt tell anyone until you were actually pregnant.

Never been there but you have to do what is right for you and if having another child is it then do it. But make sure the doctor thinks it's a good idea first. I wouldn't worry about what anyone else says. They will get used to it.

We just found out yesterday that we are having a third. My husband is "worried" about our second feeling betrayed when the third one comes. Of course, I "googled" it, though I already knew the answer, and it's all in what the family makes of it.....being cognizant of each child's need to spend time with the parent(s), etc. etc.
On the other hand, I'm soooo excited, even though I'm 40 and will be 41 when the baby comes, I'm praying for no complications, birth issues, etc.
I know several of our "friends" who will be less than thrilled of our news, so I'm not sharing with anyone just yet......it's a very personal thing.
People seldom realize how an impulsive slip of the tongue can "hurt" another or an entire family. I keep remembering too, when a person says something negative, etc. is has nothing to do with ME.....it's about them....and where they are at, at any given moment (emotionally, spiritually, etc.).

Dear J.,

My hats off to you and your husband for wanting another child! I wouldn't bother telling anyone until you are pregnant again. "Starting all over again" is reserved for women like me who had another child when my youngest turned 18 (not planned but still loved). The age gap in your children will not be that much. Women your age having a child is not a big deal either, though big deal is around the corner. When someone asks "what are you thinking?" Tell them that you love each other, your family, and you want to share all that love with another child. I hope you have a happy, healthy baby.

Why do you even have to tell them? It's your family, your personal life and if you are considering trying for a 3rd, that's your prerogative and your decision. If you're afraid of getting those comments, then don't even bother saying anything. Get pregnant, then tell them the wonderful news!

J.,

I say this..... It is absolutely your decision, if you are worried about the neg. comments def. wait until after you are pregnant... My children are not far apart but we are now preg with number 5 :) My daughter will be 7 in feb, My oldest son 5 in oct and the twin boys will be 3 a week from today :) by the time the baby comes they will be 3 1/2.. We are almost fully potty trained so I will have just a short break, lol.... We told only a few that we were going to be trying but just waited till after to really share the new.. Basically said we are expectin again and the entire family is very excited.. I told my husband we are never going to make someone else understand our desire.. Its just really what we wanted.. The kids were part of the whole process and are most excited they talk to the baby already and say wow shes (they want a sister )big mom when they share the news they always say hey did you know that WE are having another baby... Precious.... I say really follow your heart and desire its beautiful never let anyone's comments ect take that away... Best of luck and lots of Blessings :)
C.

My girls are almost 6 yrs apart and it was hard going back to the diapers & backpacks when our oldest could basically do what she needed on our own. I was 34 when Haley was born and although it was hard to adapt to, I can't picture my life w/out her.. I'm sure everyone is going to have their opinion on the situation - the biggest case of someone starting over was my old babysitter - her oldest was 18 when she found out she was prego!
I wouldn't allow others to cloud my decision on having another, if you feel that this is something you want to do, then by all means.......go for it! My daughter was such a help when the baby came - the age difference gets a little hard every now & then, but for the most part it's good. Good luck!

"Our family just doesn't feel complete." That's your response. It's the truth and it's a great answer. You're not as unique as you think you are. Lots of families are spaced out similarly.

Enjoy this exciting time! AND...think of how cool it will be to see your kids with their little sibling! Whole different world now that they are older. So fun and just amazing to see them be "big" brothers and to teach them through their sibling about love, caring, protecting etc.

I'm wondering why you are concerned about others accepting a decision that is a personal decision that only you and your husband are making. You want another baby. This is a wonderful thing. Who cares if others do not approve. They are not the ones "starting over." You are. Embrace this decision and don't worry about what others think. If our lives were dictated by what others think, I think our lives would be very boring.