Lessons in Safety for 3-Yr Old

Hi there -

I've heard great things about a video that John Walsh (America's Most Wanted) made re this subject. Here is a link : http://www.mypreciouskid.com/stranger-danger.html

I'm going to buy this as my girls are just about the age to start this conversation. Good luck!

Here is a good place to start. http://www.netsmartz.org/resources/activitycards.htm

The basics concepts taught to the children include:

Check First: Students watch the "Know the Rules" rap video. They discuss checking first with a parent, guardian, or another trusted adult before going anywhere, helping anyone, accepting anything, getting into a car, or leaving with anyone.

Take a Friend: Students discuss the importance of taking a friend with them when going places or playing outside.

Tell People “NO!”: Students discuss what to do if someone tries to touch them in ways that make them feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused. Students discuss situations as a class.

Tell a Trusted Adult: They learn that it is important to tell a parent, guardian, or other trusted adult if anything happens to them

M.,

Honestly, I think our society goes about this subject all the wrong way. We tell kids someone is going to take them away by a stranger (which only happens to about 100 kids per year. The other 800,00 are abducted by a friend or family member or run away.) And after we drill "don't talk to strangers" in them, we expect them to be friendly to the substitute day care provider, take a sample from the bakery lady, a candy from the banker, cooperate for the new nurse they have never met. It's a mixed, confusing message.

I saw a Dr. Phil episode about this several years ago. All the kids interviewed knew all the right answers in the classroom when asked about "strangers." Then they took these kids to the park to play. They had one of the show producers the kids had never met show up to the park in a car. He walked up to the kids, told them he had puppies in his car, and the kids ran up and jumped right into the empty car without a thought. We think these kids know what to do because they regurgitate the answer we want to hear but they don't. They can't apply it to real life at such a young age.

When they are little, you just have to watch them closely. I tell my kids, if you want to pet someone's dog at the park, you have to get me to come, too. If someone you don't know offers you a treat, you have to ask me. If someone you don't know talks to you, you can talk to them if I am right there. It's rules they can understand and none of my children have had trouble following them.

When they get to be school aged and they are more independent, then I talk a little more about strangers, but not constantly. (Again, think about the odds of stranger abduction versus the odds of emotionally / mentally traumatizing your child.) The schools are VERY careful not to release your child to anyone unless they are on your child's "release to" list. But you may drop your child off other places, so it's good to talk about who will pick them up, when, and what to do if someone else tries to pick them up, give them some story about how they are helping you, offer you a ride, etc.

I always tell my children what to do if they get separated from me in public. If we are at Target or another store, I have trained them to identify a female employee and ask for help. They know to give their name, my name and our phone number. If it's not in a store, they are to seek help from a mom with young kids.

Good luck,
S.

I think it's a scary lesson, too; what I've told my five year old is that there are some people who think he's so gosh darn cute that THEY would like to take him home with them, and that that would make me very, very sad, because some people are not very nice, and I love my son very, very much. We are at the point where he wants to use the men's room, and while I let him at certain places, this is one of the things he HAD to understand before I let him. I also talked to him about people he could trust and people he couldn't, but that's a really hard one, especially in our small town community, where MOST people are nice and might easily recognize him from any number of places and be very friendly.

It is hard to teach because there are so many good, well meaning people out there that want to say hello to our children. I told our two that it is Ok to answer an adults questions or speak to someone IF they are with Mommy or Daddy. Not if they are by themselves. We had to practice it, but it worked pretty well. That way if they wandered off in the grocery store, they would know not to talk to someone they came across in the next aisle, but if someone wanted to say hello in the check-out line while I was there, that was OK.
Another good tip is to teach your children, if they ever can't find you, to stay in one spot. Not to go off looking for you. You'll never find them. If they REALLY need help they should fine "another mommy". Another woman with children with her is always their best bet for help.
Good luck - it's always good to be prepared!

I think his lessons in safety should be about things like household safety (don't play with matches, don't touch the stovetop, etc.) and other things (wear a bike helmet, always use a seatbelt/carseat, etc.) rather than much about stranger danger. Anything you do tell him about stranger danger should be really brief, calm, and simple.

And I recommend checking out the blog "Free Range Kids" by the NYTimes writer Lenore Skenazy, to help you feel reassured and safer. The odds of your child being hurt by a stranger are incredibly small.

Good luck to you, and I hope you can find some reassurance.

A. M has great advice - it applies well to both stranger incidents and to acquaintance incidents as well. I practice with my kids - lots of "what if" scenarios where they can practice giving me the answer "I have to ask my mom first."

I think another good thing to do is to trust your son's instincts about people. If there's someone he just doesn't want to say hello to or shake hands with, respect that. Don't force him to touch or be touched by someone who scares him or creeps him out.

One thing that I have told my 3.5 year old daughter is if we were ever to become separated in a store that she should NEVER leave the store to come look for me or leave the store with anyone else. I would be looking for her and would never leave the store without her. I also told her if we were to become separated to find a person who works behind the cash register or to even just yell for me. I have taught her her home address, her home phone and my cell phone number. I have also written her phone number in her shoes (saw that tip in Parents Magazine).

Brite Music has an AWESOME Safety Kid series that teaches about personal safety in a fun, no-threatening manner through music. I grew up with it and bought it for my kids. You can check it out here and get 10% off with code ###-###-####: http://www.britemusic.com/discount/safety-kids-vol-1-cd-a...
It is also available for a lot cheaper (plus no shipping) as a download here: http://www.britemusic.com/discount/safety-kids-1-personal...
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Good luck!

Hi M.!
I don't have any advice but I wanted to comment on the posts that say that the odds of a stranger taking your child are very small.
My sister and I were very small and had a strange man try to take us. My mom turned at just the right time to scare the man off. I remember it very clearly.
Also, I was in a store and a man and woman were watching my son VERY closely and trying to get in between he and I while I was looking at clothing racks. I snatched my son up and held him ,he was 5 at the time
, and stared at them until they left the store.
And last but, not least. Several years ago, a man from our church (who happens to be a police officer) came to church late and noticed another man carting off a little boy from our church. Doug, the man from our church, recognized the little boy and asked him, by name, where he was going without his mom and dad. The man dropped the little boy and took off running. Doug brought the little boy to the parents, found that the man had taken the little boy from the church nursery and reported the incident to the police.

The moral of the story is, of course, that stranger abductions DO happen and that we don't want our kids to become part of a rising statistic. Good for you for wanting to instill a healthy boundary in your son! I think the advice from Elisa B. was VERY good!

Thanks for posing this question. It has been on my mind with my 2 little girls for awhile too. I will be looking at all the responses!