Kindergartner Scared of the Lunch Room at School. 5Th Grader Hates Homework.

No school has the right to use that term "bad children". Don't let them get away with that. She has problems and needs teachers that "can TEACH"; put that in their face. An alternative school that is equipt to teach her with her specific problems is always a better option than mainstreaming in an unequipt institution.

I'm not sure I would keep my child in a school that has a culture that tolerates the use of language like "bad kids."

Project Choices is a great Illinois resource for schools looking to improve their practices to provide inclusion and least restrictive environment (LRE)- which happen to be the law. They also are a great resource to parents who are looking for strategies/want more information about their options and rights in finding services for their children with special needs. They have a conference coming up in January.
http://www.projectchoices.org/

It is tough decision - being "labeled" and risk feeling the stigma of that label if a teacher/school that does not have an appropriate culture & philosophy about special needs OR not labeling the child and therefore not getting all the services that the law provides for them through the school system (as well as risking the child being misunderstood/mislabeled).

I would definitely take a hard look at the current school and see if they can appropriately serve her (It may be the case that even if it was before, it is no longer the appropriate "least restrictive environment" for her - the onset of adolescence is a powerful thing esp. combined with the social aspects of Aspergers). But I would be careful not to let the school send her somewhere else because it is a more convenient solution for them.

good luck!

As a former kindergarten teacher, I know how hard managing lunch can be for kids. Kindergarten is a huge transition and lunchtime is overwhelming for many. Unfortunately logistics, rather than children's needs, typically dictate lunchroom procedures.
I would suggest trying to find out what he's nervous about. Once you know what's bothering him, you and his teacher will be better equipped to help him deal with it. Ask him to tell you what lunchtime is like, how they get ready for it in the classroom, how they walk there, what they do when they get there, who does he sit by, what are some things he does (or can) talk about, how they clean up and exit. He may just not know what to do at lunchtime, who to sit by, etc. It can be really overwhelming. It may help to visit the lunchroom before or after school when he can meet the lunchroom staff, show you where he sits, walk through the procedures without the added stimulus of noise and other kids. Have you discussed it with his teacher? It may help him to have an assigned seat or a lunch buddy who sits with him and helps him feel secure.
In many schools, this is the only break a teacher gets to get a drink of water and go to the bathroom, let alone eat, so it may not be possible for the teacher to walk him through lunchtime, but I'm sure she can work with him to help ease the transition.
When is able to handle it more easily, his mastery of the situation is something you can use to bolster his confidence when he has a new challenge.
Good luck!

As far as your other child goes, it sounds like you have lots of advice on how to advocate for your child, but her frustration with schoolwork may be what's causing her to act out. I know this may not be possible for you, but getting someone else to help with homework could help. many children react more positively to someone other than a parent when doing homework. Any positive experiences relating to school will most likely help to alleviate some frustration and anxiety that she must be feeling.
Also, remember that it's the beginning of the schoolyear and the transition is probably going to be the hardest part of the year for her. It might help to remind her teachers of this as well. She isn't someone who acts out all the time, she's someone who has trouble managing transitions.

Our schools allow parents to come in for lunch. Even Grandma can come. If you want to buy a lunch you let the office know in the morning, otherwise we can just show up. We usually plan it, but sometimes go as a surprise. Can you do this? The lunch room can be a big scary place. Does he buy his lunch? If so, maybe he is upset if he is unsure of the chioce, procedure, etc.

As for your daughter, I don't have any advice for Asperger, but she should not be labeled as a bad kid. That is totally unacceptable. I would definitely take this up with the principal, or superintendent, etc if the teacher used this term. If it was the principal, then go to the super,etc. Good luck!

Sounds like you have your hands full at home. If at all possible, it is wonderful if you or your husband could join your little one for lunch one day a week. Something to look forward to for good behavior.
It sounds as if your 5th grader is acting out due to the possiblilty of asperger syndrome. I'm sure you have done all your research regarding these lables (ADHD). For your sake, and hers, revisit your nutritional intake with her. Avoid processed, artificially flavored and colored foods. Continue to focus on whole food, lots of fresh fruits and veggies along with whole grains. It really does make a huge difference with behavioral issues.
Best of luck!
N.-Nutrition Naturally
www.jp4ahealthieryou.com

Putting a 5th grader with Asperger's into "a class for bad kids" is not an *appropriate* placement. I highly recommend you find an advocate asap for your IEP meetings. Have they tried a behavior plan in your IEP? Has it helped at all? Are they following it?

If you have a doctor that specializes in autism, ask the doctor to attend your IEP meeting, or to go and observe your daughter in her classroom environment. The doctor's input may prove quite valuable.

Your daughter may be acting out because the people working with her are treating her autism as a discipline issue, and not a developmental disorder. So they're treating her like she's being bad, instead of trying to work with her and make accomodations for her needs. Threatening her (with a class for bad kids) or drawing a line in the sand is a good way to get her to dig in her heels and resist.

I'm not sure what resources are available in your area. Is there an Autism Society or a autism support group near you? Either would be a good place to start. Are you near Peoria? If so, try this:

Autism Society of Illinois
PEORIA REGIONAL CHAPTER #1009
c/o Easter Seals
507 E Armstrong Ave.
Peoria, Illinois 61615
###-###-####
Diane Parrish (ext. 2241)
Email: ____@____.com
Website: http://www.autism-society.org/chapter1009

Call/email them and see if they can recommend an agency that does advocacy. They might also be able to assist you with your son as well.

I strongly recommend you get someone on your side to accompany you at the IEP meetings. An advocate, or a lawyer. Someone who knows about IEPs, the local school district, accomodations, and Illinois law. Don't let the school strongarm you into putting your child into an inappropriate placement. Check out Wrightslaw.com. And AboutAutismLaw.com.

As far as your son goes, has he been evaluated too? Is it possible that he could also have Asperger Syndrome? Or some kind of sensory integration issues? My son has AS, and he has strong sensory issues, which make it very difficult for him to be in loud, busy environments, like a lunchroom, or a restaurant. In fact, I keep a carton of earplugs in my house, and always have several pairs on me at all times. (We tried several brands until we settled on a type that he liked and could easily use himself.) It's made a world of difference for us. Any time we end up someplace noisy, I hand my son a pair of earplugs, and he's fine. It has completely eliminated the problems we had with going out to dinner. We bought them at the local drug store. They are the foam kind that easily squish up, fit into the ear, and then expand to fill. Some drown out too much sound, and frustrated him. Some expand too quickly, making it hard for him to position it quickly enough, and some are not soft enough to easily squish, so we had to play around with a few different brands, but finally found one he really likes. (They are bright pink and yellow, and sort of shaped like a rocket ship). Best things I ever bought him.

Good luck!

Hi L.,

Do not let you child with Asperger's get sent to another placement at this time! The issues you are describing are symptoms of your daughter's Asperger's and the failure of the school to support her.

Is your daughter bored with the homework? Can't see the point? Doesn't understand it?

Is her refusal at school due to the environment that she is having trouble adjusting to sensory wise? Is it the social aspect?

You daughter getting mad and refusing is her way of self-advocating for herself. This is not appropriate in the school environment, but until the staff is teaching her more appropriate self-advocacy skills, they should not be blaming her and looking for the easy solution out. Geez, it's not even September!

For your 5 year old you may want to consider the noise of lunchtime as a possible reason for his defensiveness not to go. Have you tried several ways to communicate with him, besides talking about why he is scared/uncomfortable? Ask him to draw a picture or show you exactly what he wants to do in the lunch room if nobody was watching (cover his ears? sit by himself? sit with a certain friend?)

Have you thought about sending something special with him that nobody can see except for him. Read "The Kissing Hand" and you see an action in the story of the Mom kissing her son's hand so he could carry her with him to school. Your son may need more of a visual, but is there a sticker, fake tattoo under his shirt or something else he may be able to bring for comfort/security.

As a special needs consultant, my job is to think out of the box for school solutions...email me off line if you want to talk more.

L.,
My heart goes out to you. I have an 11 year old son (sixth grader) who has high functioning autism. His doctor told us that he is treating him as if he has asperger's but cannot diagnose him with asperger's because he is missing one marker. That is that he is very affectionate and caring to others. So his official diagnosis is PDD-NOS. Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified. (PDD-NOS) is a 'subthreshold' condition in which some - but not all - features of autism or another explicitly identified Pervasive Developmental Disorder are identified.
He has had issues with schoolwork and homework. We are lucky to live in a school system that works with us. If not, I would work with the school, and elicit his doctor's help to have an IEP, individual education plan worked out.
The only thing that has worked for us with homework has been for me to sit right next to him to help him focus on 'the next problem', or 'the next assignment'. He also loves to read and has a huge interest in the imaginary (that's his focus right now with his autism). So we require him to accomplish a certain amount of work before he is allowed to read. I know that sounds awful, doesn't it? He also has been in a math class with children who struggle with math. There is a lower student-to-teacher ratio. We began that his fourth grade year when the math 'teacher' decided on the first day of school(you know the one where the students go for a couple of hours but don't really accomplish much) that our son wouldn't be able to 'hack it' in her class. (This is a boy who had been a strait A student to this point.) This was after I had made it clear to his home room teacher(who we loved!) that it always took a few weeks for him to adjust to the new routine at the beginning of the school year. I didn't appreciate this particular math teacher's mode of teaching for my older son before, and figured that if she had that attitude on the first day with this son, that she really had no interest in teaching my child so I was happy to get him out of there. He had been in a similar reading class in lower grades(with another great teacher). That worked well, because he was a good reader, just easily distracted, that teacher allowed him to help the children who really struggled and that really helped him to foccus on the reading material too.
Breaks also help with the homework thing. I know though that sometimes he did go to school without his homework finished. We just did the best we could. The most important thing is to have someone at that school who is willing to work with you. You are the best advocate for your child. Aspergers and/or not accomplishing school work does not make a 'bad' child. I would home school before I put my child into a school with children who are not allowed to attend 'regular' school because of behavior. I don't want to home school my son with autism because socialization is his biggest need. He needs to be around people other than family to have many 'models' of behavior. But, if his only alternative were to go to a school where children have been sent because their actions got them kicked out of school, the models for social interactions may not be good ones.
The other thing that I began doing when he was in the fourth grade was to give him 'pep' talks every morning. "How are you going to behave for your teacher today?" "If a, b, or c, happens, what are you going to do to deal with a, b, or c? "You need to try to not daydream and really pay attention to the teacher." "Your father and I expect you to be patient and use your manners." etc.
I spoke to him lovingly but firmly because his dad and I do have expectations we want him to live up to as a person. Simple, but neccesary, things like kindness and patience. These talks took about 2-5 minutes and when I began them I didn't really think they would make a difference but I didn't know what else to try. Well, they did make a difference. The teacher reported a significant difference in his behavior.
I don't know if any of this will be helpful to you but I do wish you the best of luck.
M. SAHM of 6, ages 9 months to 13 years.

L.,
My heart goes out to you. I too have aspecial needs child. My thought would be for your child who is struggling at the lunchroom, if you could find someone to cover for you at home for a day or two and attend the lunchroom until he gets comfortable. My other idea for your special needs child would be giving her short goals. If she will attend to a homework problem after she is done, to play a short game with her (up to 10 mins) then back to a homework problem. I have found making it fun they will want to do the homework problems. As for school...don't let them call your child a "Bad" child. Maybe the teacher needs to be more creative with her teaching style. Your child deserves to be in the least restrictive learning environment, know your rights. Read the book that they give you at the beginning of every IEP. Just because your child has hit a rough patch in her educational journey doesn't mean they should just wash their hands of her. Any teacher knows that they should never put down a child. Build her up with all the positive things she does. I truly believe you have what you say you have and a child will respond to how she is treated.
Take care, J. H.

Does your daughter have an IEP (Individualized Education Plan for students who are in special education)? Does she have a behavior plan? What the school is talking about sounds a bit extreme of moving her.

If she doesn't have and IEP she sounds like her diagnosis is impacting her so much that she should have an IEP.

If she does have an IEP and her behavior is challenging the school must have a behavior plan for her that looks at the functions of her behavior and modifications that the school should be making before they make a change of placement. The least restrictive environment is where she is supposed to be with modifications if she does have an IEP and the school really needs to make a case for moving her placement if that is what they would like to do.

You can email me if you have any questions.
T.

Do not let them put your daughter in a special school for behavior problems. She is not a behavior problem, she has ASD and the school needs to deal with that. Dist. 54 suggested that for my grandson who has Autistic Disorder and his therapist said no way. It was not the right program for him and he would start mimicking the other kids that really have behavior problems. You have a lot of rights as a parent of a special needs child. If you don't attend Autism Society meetings now you should try it. They have a wealth of information and can really help. There is one in Schaumburg that meets tonight in the township building at 7:30 pm. If you are not close to Schaumburg they have chapter meetings all over the Chicago area. Good luck!

Hi L.,
Is it possible that your 5 yo has sensory issues? School cafeterias are nightmares for kids with sensory issues, with all the noise and commotion, and benches with no clear delineation of personal space. I know sensory issues are common with kids on the spectrum, but they can also stand alone. My son has sensory processing disorder and a long history of feeding/eating issues. He is also in kindergarten with an IEP, but it is a half-day program with no lunch, and I fear that when his 3 year reeval comes up at the end of K, he will lose his IEP before he even starts full day and having to deal with the lunch chaos.

See if you can find out what bothers him about lunch. If it's the noise and commotion, maybe you could meet with his teacher or principal, etc. Sometimes they can make accommodations for a child to eat separately, away from the chaos. I bought my son earplugs (swimming ones) to deal with situations that are too noisy, but I also let the adults in charge know so they understand why he has them, and they also know that they have to get his attention in another way, other than talking. Sometimes it just takes a little creative thinking to figure out how to solve a problem. Good luck, and let us know if the problem gets solved.
Sorry, I have no ideas on homework yet; my kids are in K and 1st....but if your daughter has an IEP or 504, you should ask to meet with her team and ask for appropriate accommodations in terms of homework. If she doesn't have either, you should request at least a 504.

M.

Have you seen the lunchroom? It's scary! My daughter had a hard time when she started Kindergarten for the same reason. It's very loud, smells weird, and it's a very new situation for a 5 year old. In our case 100-200 kids in the same room, talking and no insulation to absorb the sound.

Once we knew lunch was hard for her we took turns having lunch with her a few times a week. Once she got used to it, I continued visiting once a week, it was fun and I was able to help with indoor recess when the weather got poor.

I realize that you have a younger child and watch another. I traded babysitting with a friend with kids one year and traded services with another friend another year.

Good luck.

Hi! I recently "retired" from 7 years as an elementary teacher to stay home with my beautiful daughter (5 1/2 months), so I hope that some insight from a teacher's perspective may help! First of all, for your son - I had some anxiety issues myself regarding school when I was younger, and what really seemed to help me was when my mom or dad would leave a note for me in my lunch (in your son's case, you may have to leave a little drawing instead since I'm assuming he cannot read much yet). It made me excited for lunch time, gave me comfort, and many times, my parents would write about something fun we would be doing together when I got home from school. Now, with your daughter... I was a 5th grade teacher for a majority of my 7 years in the teaching profession, and I absolutely love that age! Getting them to do homework, however, can be quite a challenge! You may want to try (if you haven't already)setting up a special "homework area" for her. Now I know that space and money are always factors, so it doesn't have to be anything elaborate or fancy... just a nice, quiet place to call her own. Let her pick out some things and decorate her area to suit her tastes and get her excited about homework, and do your best to keep others (especially younger siblings) away from her area when she's working. And remember... lots of encouragement and praise when you "catch" her doing something good will go a really long way!!! Good luck and hope this helps you out! One more thing.... with regards to the possibility of your daughter being sent to an alternative placement - I'm assuming this is a self-contained classroom (smaller class, more staff) you're referring to. If this placement does end up being the recommendation of the staff, I would really look into it. Observe the class multiple times, talk to your peditrician, do your own research. If you feel that this setting is not what's best for your daughter, you can refuse services. Legally, the school cannot change your daughter's placemnt without your written consent unless they follow a procedure called "Due Process". This is extremely time consuming and costly for the school district, so there is a good chance they'll just honor your wishes. Many parents do not know this, so I hope this helps to ease your fears!

I have a son in 5th grade and he also is an Aspie. He used to make mountains out of mole hills. He used to drive me crazy with his homework. After much trial and error, we have found a wonderful therapist. My mind does not work like my son's so we had a difficult time relating. But with the help of several different therapists I have come to understand. We now have a relatively peaceful home. Sometimes you need an outside person to explain what is really going on. The same might be said for your kindergartner. I am sure it is some simple anxiety that you are missing. Let me know if you are interested in our doctor. Good luck to you and your family.

My nephew also has Asperger syndrome and it has created some challenges for him too. Is it possible that your daughter is resisting because she is having difficulty doing the work? My nephew had a very hard time with homework before his diagnosis. There are some things that his parents and the school have done as a team to make things easier. First, he had trouble with putting his thoughts onto paper so he is allowed to dictate his answers to his mother and she transcribes them onto paper for his homework. Another thing that has been of great help to him is a computer program that they have at school and at home. I'm not sure of the name of it, but basically when he types it gives him word choices as he types so he doesn't have to recall so much vocab from his brain. Over time, the computer program gets used to his word choices and will put what it thinks will be his choice at the top of the list. Overall, maybe she is simply having a recall issue. I'm sure she's very bright and NOT a "bad kid." Good luck and keep your head up.

I totally agree with finding out what in particular is scarry for you son at lunch. I know that many of the kindergarten teachers that I have talked to (my daughter is in kindergarten this year too) say that it is overwhelming. For one, they usually only get about 20 minutes to eat. In a new situation, especially a busy/noisy or a scarry one, that is just not enough time to eat. I would definitely talk to your child's teacher about it. I really think that if you are able, to go in to school during lunch, and just let him know that it is a safe place and help him out. It might mean rearranging your schedule, but it is totally worth it. My daughter has faced several adjustment issues with preschool last year and kindergarten this year. I tried to fight it last year. This year I just made whatever schedule changes that I had to-and yes I had to inconvience people-but it is worth it.