Joint Custody & How to Split Cost

Have you spoke to an attorney? At least here in Missouri if I quit to be a stay at home mom it does not effect what he pays in support at all. The court looks at it as I could work but I don't so it is based on what I can earn. That I would have another kid and that was the primary reason I was staying home would just make it worse.

So far as decisions go, my ex doesn't either but if I were to take him to court to modify he sure as heck would get involved. He would tell the court well I didn't know it bothered her, I will be more involved in the future. Since I enjoy not having to deal with my ex I see no reason to stir that pot, do you?

What I am pretty much saying is you need to be asking these questions to an attorney. What makes sense to us tends not to make sense to the court and that opinion is really all that matters.

Oh poo, forgot about cost splitting. It should stay the same.

After reading what you added you are counting a lot of unborn chickens. Idaho and most states used imputed income. http://family-law.lawyers.com/child-support/Imputed-Incom... That means you are not calculated on minimum wage.

Like I said before, speak to an attorney before you waste your time in court.

I think you are being overly optimistic. I am not an attorney but have spent many days in court on our own cases. Based on how I've seen judges rule here, here's what I see happening:

1) Court doesn't retroactively change support orders or base future orders on past information, so he assumption that the medical insurance thing means that he would order support today is false.

2) They will order him to supply health insurance. There is no need for your child to be on tax-payer funded insurance while there are two parents capable of insuring him (your ex, or your current husband now that you're not working). If your current husband has insurance, your ex may be ordered to pay for half of your son's portion.

3) There is something called "attribution of income" that any lawyer could use against you to determine what your income potential is and that you chose to no longer work but could, so you are therefore responsible for the same % of costs as you were before you decided to be a SAHM. Your income would not be assumed to be minimum wage. Your choice to stay home doesn't mean your ex has to start paying. Think about it - if he remarried and quit his job, would you think it fair that suddenly you have to pay child support to him?

4) Because you are, in effect, providing day care now you may be able to get support based on that. Presumably your being at home to watch your son while your ex works on his weeks saves him child care expenses. Those expenses could possibly be credited to you.

5) Unless your ex is abusive or negligent, no judge will revoke his legal custody, which is what you're asking regarding rights to decisions about medical care and education. Let that sleeping dog lie - as long as he's not abusing that and making you jump through hoops, why do you care?

Child support is to cover the needs of the child. I don't think you can get child support and then ask for 50% of school supplies, sports, clothes.....etc. Usually the only "extra" the non-custodial parent is required to pay is half of medical bills not covered by insurance and schooling (as in tuition to college). That is how mine reads at least.

As far as changing the wording on your divorce so that you all of the decision making rights, that probably won't happen. You would have to hire an attorney and even then, most Judge's throw modification cases out unless there are cirumstances that have changed that REQUIRE a change. And when I say circumstances, I don't mean dad not coming to a class play....I mean dad is physically abusing the child or serious neglect. My ex got a third DWI and lost his license for a year and that still was not reason enough for a Judge to modify our origional decree -even though he could no longer transport our child anywhere.

Also, since you are no longer working at the time, you might want to look into if they will look at your "household" income now. Not sure how the law is where you are.
Good luck to you.

Kind of hard to follow...but, if you currently have jt custody and now want sole custody, something had to have *happened* to prompt this request. Otherwise, its likely the judge will leave it as is. Your ex being a butthead and not active in his life, doesn't mean he shouldn't have a "say" in regards to decisions in your sons life.

You can file for a modification for child support and include that he pays insurance. However, I don't think you can ask for half of school supplies, sports, etc since that should be covered in the child support. Most counties have a free child support calculator you can go online and fill out to see what is included. You can *ask* for whatever you want, it doesn't mean you will get it. Good luck.

ETA: In AZ, if you are a SAHM, they consider you to be making minimum wage. That is what is used to calculate child support. So you would need to check with your county (go to the courthouse, they have info, if you don't have an attorney).

Becareful you don't open a can of worms. If you don't "need" the money, don't ask for it....child support always comes with a price. I didn't ask for any Child support that way he wouldn't want the 50/50 to not pay child support. He can see her when he wants and we alternate holidays. He doesn't see her much except for when he has a new girlfriend....I guess it looks better to see your daughter.

You can ask, but he might not pay. How it was *supposed* to go with my DH was she had joint legal and visitation, and was supposed to pay 50% of things like extra curriculars (which she approved prior to enrollment), school supplies, doctor copays/medical bills/orthodontia. What ended up happening is that she would buy school clothes and cry poor the rest of the year. DH did not force the issue of paying CS so she never did. Honestly, I don't think it's worth going back to court over this. The schools will learn who is the best one to call and who isn't. I'd focus on taking care of the child vs making his father toe the line or having sole legal just because he's not using it. Save your money.

What you can also do is go to the school and talk to them about the reality of the custody situation, and give them alternate people if the parents cannot be reached. DH wrote a letter for the kids' files every year so that if they needed someone and he wasn't available, they could call me or my ILs or a close friend of the family. (Their mom being 1.5 hrs away most of the time.) Don't be "that mom" just say, "I want you to be aware that my son is usually with me and you should call me first before trying to reach his father in the event of an emergency." Be professional and neutral about your ex.

Tell your ex about the events (even just a quick "here is the school calendar and Josh has a parent-teacher conference on x date. If you cannot attend, here is the teacher's email address for a different appointment") and then let it go. Be short. Be professional. What he does with the info is his problem. If he lets the kid down, let it be on him.

I went to most of SS's football and wrestling matches. I watched SD squeak her way through years of band and then watched both of them on stage for various theatre productions. I was there and that is what mattered to me. The ONE time we mixed up the venue and missed SD she was so upset - because we were there. Always. When her mom showed up, it was a treat. But she could always count on us. That is what your son will remember. So be the parent that is always there and let your ex define his own parenthood. Even if it's not what is ultimately best for his son.

If circumstances have changed, you can probably get a review of the CS, but I cannot speak from experience about it. If you ask him for 50% of bills, what does your CO say? Does it need to be submitted with receipts in writing within 30 days?

I won't say it wasn't maddening to receive a child who needed to see the doctor and wasn't taken in on his/her mother's time or to truck out to CVS on a Sunday night because somewhere in the mall crawl their mom couldn't buy crayons and glue -- but at the end of the day it was more important to do it than to get into a tit for tat with her. You cannot force him to be a better dad. Pick your battles.

My ex and I originally had nearly 50-50 custody, but he never had the kids during the week, only every other weekend. We also were supposed to split all expenses - insurance, out of pocket medical, dental, clothes, sports, school lunches, etc. That never worked for us. My opinion would be a set amount monthly so you don't have to approve every purchase with him. Also, spin it that it benefits him because otherwise you could spend $1000 on school clothes and he'd be on the hook for half.
I wanted to have our custody amended since my ex moved out of state, but my attorney said unless he agreed it would be very unlikely the judge would agree. Ours is joint custody, but I'm the primary residence and school placement parent. I do have to consult him for all major things.

My ex pays child support and is still required to also pay half for out of pocket medical bills and extra carricular activities. Of course, he's also required to have medical insurance on her so the out of pocket shouldn't be bad but he hasn't had that in over 2 yrs.

My friend and her ex switched years on school fees. They were each responsible for child care costs that they incured when the child was with them. They both had to agree to an extracarricular activity for them to have to split the cost. If one parent doesn't agree, they don't have to pay half the cost.

First of all, if you have 50/50 physical custody, he may not be ordered to pay child support. He may be ordered to get and maintain insurance for your son. If that's the case, then you should arrange with the health insurance provider for all notices regarding the policy to go to you with all premium statements go to your hubby. That's the way mine is set up here at work. All notices about policy changes, payments made by them on med bills, etc.come to me at my house, but the monthly premium statement comes to the office for my employer to pay.

As for changing legal custody (the right to make decisions) I doubt the court will go for that because you don't have a good reason. The fact that he's not stepped up to the plate doesn't really constitute good cause. It should, but it doesn't.