Today I decided to throw caution to the wind and drove 20 minutes, pushing naps late, to a quaint beach town for some window shopping. I knew it could go south but did it anyways. And boy did it (go south that is). I felt like a second class citizen, yelling at the lowest decibels possible while still trying to keep my kids from touching all the lovely breakable things in the teeny tiny boutique shops that really couldn't accommodate my stroller. Think we'll stick to Target. What about you. Do you venture out or stay home? Do you ever say what the heck, lets see if we can handle xy or z today and totally regret it? My SIL won't even drive out of her neighborhood with her two small children for fear they will choke on their own saliva in their car seats. Which end of the spectrum do you fall under and why?
my kids are 4 and 20 months. My oldest loves to go anywhere and my little one is just past the baby stage so I'm dying to do more things, but I think I jumped the gun.
I think it's sad that some people don't take their kids out. I also think it's unrealistic to take small kids out to a non-kid friendly place without naps & expect them to be angels.
The happy compromise is taking them somewhere kid friendly - like a park, library, play date, etc., that way everyone gets out.
I have 2 kids.. 18 months apart.. and when that first summer when I had anewborn and a toddler.. we didnt go anywhere except the local park in the double stroller.. we tried the mall once. both were screaming by the time we left.. I dont think the kids cared about going places.. but for mommy mental health I had to get out.. so I found a playgroup.. run by the school district.. and we went twice a week. the baby slept.. the toddler played and I talked to other adults.. It was my sanity..
Now they are 4 and 6 and we can go anywhere... however if I have more than 1 errand .. I will likely hire a sitter and go alone.. most places we go are for the kids...
I took my kids everywhere....as did my Mom. She was adventurous - not only with my sis/me - but with all of our kids, too. The grandkids all have wonderful memories of traveling with my Mom! In fact, for their 13th bd/16th bd/H.S. graduation....she gives trips.
It's all in the approach. Once you get into the habit, your kids will learn the rules of engagement & all will be happy. & when I say we went everywhere....I am not exaggerating! We truly hit every shop, museum, art gallery, flea market.... in a 100 mile radius around St Louis! After each round of "Mom" stuff, we always did a kids' thing, too. The reward of that encouraged the kids to behave.
Oh, & I have 9 years between my sons. I took both of them + my sister's kids on most outings, especially when I had my Mom's help! Enjoy - it's well worth the initial effort....
We definitely venture out, but we choose activities that are made for preschoolers. Here are some of the things we've done recently in SoCal:
Rode the train from Irvine to San Juan Capistrano. Went to Zoomars, played at the park, had lunch at Ruby's (we had four 4-year olds and a couple of younger siblings)
Today, four of us (again, four 4 year olds, two 1 year olds) drove to Carlsbad and went to the Flower Fields, then lunch at the outlets
School field trip to the Tucker Wildlife Sanctuary in Modjeska Canyon
Visit to the Environmental Nature Center in Newport Beach
Discovery Science Center
Pretend City
Anyway, yes, there are definitely meltdowns sometimes and times that I wish we'd gone home earlier. But, for the most part, I do my best to at least be back in the car by 1:30 or 2:00 so the kids can nap in the car, if not at home in their beds. My son is almost 5, daughter is 18 months. I go absolutely crazy if we are home all the time. Don't get me wrong - I'm not out doing these big outings all the time, more like once or twice a month. Otherwise, we stay closer to home doing things like the park, library, bike rides, etc. But we definitely venture out - usually with friends - to do bigger and more exciting stuff.
If its kid appropriate I am UP for it. In fact, last month I took em all to the zoo and even had to walk 2 miles from our parking spot! Turned out to be a great day.
For what you described....Hell to the no!
My kids are 7, 5, and 2. Taking them to a restaurant by myself is an adventure!
BK (before kids) dh and I did every outing you can imagine. We hardly stayed home and I can't stand being at home for activities even now that my son is older. So when I had a baby, it never stopped me. Not sure if it is because we were bored, or adventurous or our son was just really well behaved or that Houston is the best city in the world. As soon as I could walk after giving birth, I was out the door, taking walks, going shopping, going to the movies (yes, by myself and if the baby cried I could feed him or we just left, no big deal). I loved loved loved meeting friends for lunch with my newborn because it gave me a chance to show him off. I also joined Bible study and prayer groups because it gave me a break from holding and feeding the baby because you can't be in a room full of women where at least 1 or 2 of them wanted to hold the baby the whole time. When my son started walking, we went to every single park in the Houston area, going all the way to Katy, Kingwood, the Woodlands and everywhere in between. I took him to every store and mall I could find so he could walk and run around and esp because they were indoors and air conditioned. We went to alot of museums, not just the kid museums, so my son learned to perfect his museum hands (clasped in the back so as not to touch anything). I went to every single library event, community event, fairs and festivals. Unless we were meeting his little friends on a playdate, we hardly went to those kid friendly places. My son was restaurant trained by 1 yr so he had no idea eating out required a playland. Don't even get me started on going to Galveston. I would have gone every weekend but dh started complaining about the rising cost of gas. We did staycations and stayed in some really fancy hotels on random weekends, taking our son swimming if they had an indoor pool or hanging out in the hotel lobby playing with toys or reading books and playing games. We took road trips almost every weekend, even short hops to College Station or Brehnam or Lake Charles. I am proud to say my son spent his preschool years discovering Houston. Now that he is older I can't wait for him to discover the rest of the state and then the world. I love how dh and I can enjoy life with our son and that we were never scared of taking him anywhere and show him there is a whole world out there to enjoy and discover. Yes, the baby cried and as he got older he threw tantrums but it always passed after a few minutes and we were back to doing fun things again.
I have 3 kids - 9, 7 and 4. We go everywhere, but I actually think that they are better behaved when we are away from the house. There are some places I have a hard time with them- clothes shopping with all the racks of clothes, it makes it easy for them to want to hide and stray, you know?!
During the day it is just me and my 4 year old and I try to get out of the house with her daily. I found that it actually makes things easier for both of us- I get less stressed out about the house and cleaning, we get a bit of sunshine, she is less bored. But I think it really depends a lot on how many children, their ages and their personalities. And if you have 2 in car seats that still have nap times and need diaper changes, that is a lot to deal with. It gets easier as they get older.
The outing you described seems to be one for you to enjoy, not for your kiddos. If that is something you would enjoy try it alone, you deserve a day too.
As far as getting out, yes, to kid friendly places. We love outdoor adventures. Not many kids would be "good" on an outing like the one you described. It would be boaring and they are tired on top of that. Not a good mix.
We love searching online to find a new place to explore. There is a really cool (not so maintained) beach near us and there are fosilized sharks teeth. When it is low tide you can find a handful.
I guess taking a 5yo down to fanfair in TN doesn't count here?
Before I found out I was moving, I tried to get out 5/7 days a week. Now, I spend all my free time cleaning and staging the house, doing repairs, and I don't leave the house unless I have to. It sucks, but it's a different posting.
My kids are 3 and 18 months. However, our activities are almost entirely limited to age-appropriate outings. We would go to the park, to the gym, to the library for story-time, to the pool, or running errands. Boutiques are something I do with a sitter or when my husband is home to watch the kids. ^_^
I think it's all a matter of how much drama YOU can tolerate. I don't like drama, I like things to go smoothly, so I play it safe. It's just more pleasant that way. My SIL, whom I adore in all her quirkiness, seeks out drama, thrives on it, wants the world to turn their eye to her and her screaming kid. :)
LOL, somewhere in the middle!
I have certainly had a few adventures as you describe above (like when I thought it would be *cool* to expose my husband and children to the symphony, ugh) but I never enjoyed staying home every day either, and we got out of town quite a bit on day trips, especially hiking and beach time.
I live near San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Berkeley, etc. so there's a lot of appropriate and healthy family fun going on around here :)
We go places all the time, but lately, as my son is hitting the 2.5 mark, we are staying home more. He kicks and screams whenever it's time to go home. My 4 year old encourages him, and I'm tired!
We do go place a few times a week, even if we are in "stay home" mode, but we use to go places everyday!
going on adventures is an absolutely necessity.
mamas of tinies must pick their adventures carefully.
your SIL is way too timid. you are excitingly bold.
i'd fall somewhere in the middle.
:) khairete
S.
i think it just depends on the age of the child. used to be i would never venture anywhere around naptime. that probably stopped around age 4, but i wouldn't do it (myself) with a 20 month old. my son is 5 (still in preschool) and still naps but missing a day is not a complete catastrophe. i also try to keep it kid friendly, i wouldn't go shopping for pretty breakables, no. i took my son to a sports memorabilia store around age 4 (it was for christmas shopping i think) and i was a basket case the entire time, terrified he would break something. if we had to run errands we'd try to do just 1 (or maybe 2 as he got older) at a time, to avoid burnout. now i am more comfortable, but just me, i don't put myself in that situation, or my child, because if i know he'll be tired, cranky, or too rowdy, it's on me, not him, but if i get grouchy and cranky about it, then he suffers, when it's not his fault.
I laughed out loud at the "preschooler outing" you mentioned. Not sure what that was about...wasn't what I was expecting, I guess.
I think it does NOT depend on the age of the child but on the temperament of the child, and the um, PLANNING of the parent. For example "window shopping" (boring for a small child) at nap time, and then going in to tiny shops full of "lovely breakable things" isn't wisdom nor is it an "outing" that a preschooler would be interested in. "Be quiet, don't touch" is not fun. Not even a little bit.
I loved a phrase another mom used, so I'll quote her: the more you go out on fun things (for all of you, please) the better they will learn "the rules of engagement" and be just fine with them. SCHEDULING was my key to success. Joseph was 37 months old when Victor was born, and we've always gone out everywhere. But we always had a schedule: they get up at about the same time every morning, go to bed at the same time every evening, have naps at about the same time every day, and their meals and snacks were always about the same time. Once you have THAT schedule set, everything else is super easy, you just work your fun time around their biological clocks (schedules for necessities like sleeping and eating). Yes, some of it get changed a little until their old enough: the symphony changed to big band concerts in the gazebo downtown, or a concert/picnic in the park (if under the stars, then in their pjs with a snack and a blankey). Theater moved to Children's Theater. The mall: we just went earlier---like mall walker kind of early, and ended it with a carousel ride and some time in the little play area.
When my guys were very small, they did trips to the mall (with their fun included), small fry club, art museums (they especially liked the cowboy stuff and the Chinese art because of all the vibrant reds), to see music shows, street fairs, farmers markets, we'd go to the airport observation park to see the airplanes zoom in over our heads, and then hop on and off at different locations on the busses, riding trains, exploring the touristy stuff around us, my oldest was 3 the first time he rode a mechanical bull and a camel, they go to any kind of restaurant (they love ethnic food), movies, just whatever we saw that was around that looked interesting.
Now my guys are ages 5 and 2. This week they go to the park, a local playground, 2 kung fu practices, my shopping that needs to be done, get hair cuts, the farmer's market to explore and sample, storytime and a craft at the library, horseback riding lessons and playing on a local farm, a picnic and petting zoo, a friend's Tball game, the beach, church, an equestrian expo, and a polo match. Next week I'm really looking forward to taking them to the Tall Ships Competition to tour The Bounty and see some other awesome sailing ships. Hoping to go on an excursion on one of them, if we have time....that evening we leave to go to Disney World, hoping to beat the after school, summer vacationers. We can do ANYTHING as long as we keep them hydrated, interested, fed, and rested. We just plan our outings around their naps. They don't really snack anymore, but there's always something in the diaperbag just in case.
We're super adventurous with out kids. We even took our youngest to Japan when she was 2. It was AMAZING and wonderful and awesome. The trick is, don't set yourself up for failure. Have adventures that can engage both kids and parents. We get outside a lot. This past Sunday we all went out to look at the baby seals at this beach near our house. We hiked over to the bluffs and walked along them for a while. Then we hung out and looked at seals. Then we hiked back. That's the great thing about the outdoors. Doesn't matter how loud and grabby a kid is. Doesn't matter if they pick up rocks and kick dirt and knock stuff over. It's outside!
I am somewhere in the middle. I have two boys 20 months apart. They are now 4 and 2.5 and It is getting so much easier to get out. We usually only do kid friendly outings or quick errands. I still have to plan around nap time for my sanity but I can push once in a while.
Wow! I am surprised at how many moms don't have adventures. The one piece of advice my mother-in-law gave me before she died was that life doesn't stop just because you have kids. Take them with you and give them a life full of adventures. That is exactly what we have done. We took my daughter to Palm Springs at 1 month old, All over Wisconsin, Illinois and Minnesota at 3 months, Fort Lauderdale at 6 months, Vancouver B.C. at 7 months and all over Ohio at 9 months, etc. She is 7 years old now and my son is 4. I think we have lost track of all the adventures. I stop in any Boutique that I want and my children behave. In fact they thrive more when they are out. I do find that they behave better in public than when at home. In public, they have my undevided attention and interesting things to see. At home, there is the computer, the phone, the dishes, cleaning, etc. We have been on buses, planes, boats and trains. Many museums and art galleries. We go out to eat at least once a week and most of the restaurants are not kid friendly. My children eat Indian, Thai, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, etc. Of course they love their mac n cheese, but I want them to be a little adventurous from time to time with their food too. In fact, my daughter begs for Chinese food, it's her absolute favorite.
My husband and I have no help. We work opposite schedules in order to always have the children with one of us. I think when you don't have anyone to lean on and you have to run 8 errands with no one to watch your kids, you learn to deal with it. I can't imagine not taking my kids to the grocery store. It's my time with them and they actually love it. They want to be out and about, not bored at home.
