Is This Something I Talk with the Teacher About?

1st thought: I hear complaints about spitting ALL the time! With my daycare, what they're referencing is a multitude of perceived sins....such as blowing a raspberry - "eew, he spit on me!"
touching their mouth, unconciously, & then reaching out to poke/tickle/etc - "eeew, he wiped spit on me!"

& I could go on & on...... :)

Soooo, mention it to the teacher. Allow her time to do a little bit of observation....& hopefully it will all fade away.

Spitting is just gross. Tell the teacher. Do not ever feel bad about being THAT mom. I have thought I was THAT mom before. Believe me THAT mom is a lot worse!!

I think you go with your daughter and have HER talk to the teacher about it. Kind of gives your daughter the power.
L.

Be that parent. Forget about the fears and asking too much. I used to work at a pre-school and we would much rather a parent who is involved and asks questions, then one who sits back and waits. You are paying for this whole school experience for your daughter. Talk to the teacher in the morning and ask her if your daughter mentioned anything happening at circle time. Then tell her what you were told and ask how they deal with that sort of situation. Good luck!

I know what you mean about being "that" parent, but if you are respectful and really leave the process up to the teacher and simply inform in a kind way, you will be a value add, not a hindrance to the teacher's efforts.

I'd make sure she knew about the incidents and let her know you realize kids do what kids do, but the germ factor and the gross factor warranted her awareness of the situation.
Best.

I agree with Laura. Encourage your daughter to tell the teacher. Perhaps when you take her in to the classroom take her to the teacher and have her tell the teacher what happened. This way your daughter learns that it's OK to talk with the teacher.

You can begin the conversation but include Laura in the discussion.

First, in regard to correcting the teacher previously for the misspelling: good for you. Your daughter needs to see her name spelled correctly on labels because she is learning it.

Second, yes, you have a two-part solution on your hands.
First, you should certainly encourage your daughter to stand up for herself by telling the boy "Don't spit at me. I don't like it." in a strong voice. I don't believe in letting little ones this age have to 'sort it out', however, doing some role-playing with puppets or dolls can help her get outside the situation a bit and find that voice she needs to tell him *back the hell up, mister*. I find that my preschoolers who can use that strong voice get good results, both because it shows the offending child that they aren't going to accept being treated this way AND because that voice gets a teacher's attention pretty quick, without 'tattling'.

Here's the second part: tell that teacher, and have the teacher *tell your daughter* that it's okay to interrupt circle time if someone is hurting or spitting at her. (Another favorite preschool teacher once told me: "in the world of adults, spitting is the same as hitting, it's still considered battery, legally"). If your daughter has explicit permission from the teacher--in person-- to speak up and defend herself, that's important. The whole idea of circle and gathering times is both community and instruction; kids can't learn when they are worried about what that other child might do. If it were happening within my group, I would want to know. This isn't about you being "that parent", it's about little Johnny not being allowed to be disgusting and offensive at school. By talking to the teacher, you are also helping the boy learn how to be at preschool.

Speak up, Mama! I hope it all works out.:)

This is a teaching moment mom. She needs to be taught to use her words. She did need to tell the teacher but only after telling the little boy in a good firm voice to stop spitting on her. If she had said it loudly enough the teacher surely would have made him go sit in a different area....

I would ask the teacher how she wants this handled. If she wants her to wait until circle time is over or just speak up. This way you are helping her to follow the teachers plan.

I agree with Dawn below. You are paying, you have the right to speak up, and spitting is right up there with hitting or bullying. If I were the teacher, I'd want to know so I could be on the look out for it, and to cover it as a non-acceptable way to behave during circle time. And the spelling of your daughter's name is HUGE! If the teacher is spelling it wrong, she will be teaching your daughter to spell it wrong. Don't hesitate. Speak now.

I would talk to the teacher. She will need to deal with the boys behaviour.

Oh please don't be a "rule follower" like your little girl. You are PAYING for preschool. You don't have to keep your mouth shut.

Go to the classroom and ask your daughter which kid spit on her. Go straight to the teacher and point him out and tell her what happened. Ask her to discuss the issue of spitting and tell this little boy that we DON'T spit. Tell her that it's nasty and you don't want it to happen again and that you KNOW she would want to know this.

You have to be your child's advocate. If you aren't in her face everyday over some petty little thing like "My daughter's dress has a spot on it - how did that happen?" then you don't need to worry about it. Yes, spitting is nasty. So is hitting, shoving and calling your daughter names. You tell on the kid so that they can teach him not to do it.

Sending you strength!
Dawn

I would definitely say something or email her to let her know this is going on. That's just gross!!! Plus, think of all the germs in that spit - whether he's actually spitting or blowing raspberries, etc. Kids are going to inhale enough germs on their own they don't need them being forced on them!! I would not want this little boy thinking it's ok to continue; if he gets stopped now maybe he won't still be doing it in the 8th grade!! lol!!

Good luck!!!

Actually you should bring it to the teacher's attention. You are right - spitting on people is gross.

It is so cute that your LO didn't tell because there is no talking during circle time. Good indication that she is going to be a good student and a joy for her teachers!

I do want to bring to your attention that when people in custody spit on police officers it's called Gassing and it is a crime! People can pass all kinds of diseases and germs by spitting on someone - it's really not funny and it is unhealthy and gross. So I do think you should mention it to the teacher so she can keep an eye on this kid. Maybe just send her an e-mail not in a complaining tone, but more of a "I thought you should know so you can keep an eye on this" type of thing

I think that I would bring it to the teachers attention I was in a similar situation with my daughter and she was scared to say something but yes being spit on is super gross and the little boy needs to learn that he can not spit on people. Even if you are the parent who is labeled as having a million issue lol I have been that also I think that it is better to let the teacher know now before it goes any further so your daughter isnt getting spit on and the little boy starts doing it to more kids I mean yes they are our childrens teachers but at the end of the day its there job to keep them safe while they are there in school. Best of luck to you

My kid's not even that old yet, and I am proudly THAT PARENT. I am also THAT DAUGHTER, THAT SISTER, THAT WIFE, THAT NIECE.... I'm nice about it and will usually come in at the onset of the relationship and explain my sentiment. When my father was in the hospital, I made it clear--"I don't mean to be a pest, but that's my daddy, and I'm here. I'm very much involved in his care."

People say not to sweat the small stuff. I totally disagree. I think that the big stuff is made up of lots of small stuff and that if the small stuff is managed on that level, the big stuff can work itself out. I notice details and nuances and like to nip things in the bud before they grow into something that requires long-term therapy.

Tell the teacher and also ask the teacher to talk to all the children about speaking up when they are touched, hit, spit on etc by another child!

Kids who are natural rule-followers and who want to please adults by being good also tend to not speak up. We teach kids all TOO well to "use inside voices, don't talk during circle time, don't raise your voice" but children also need to hear that it is required of them to talk when someone is doing something to them! The child who won't tell the teacher immediately that "X spit on me" could be the child who later is reluctant to yell, "You are NOT allowed to touch me like that" when a child hits or shoves. And so on. Role-play with your daughter what to say and how to say it when someone invades her space or otherwise is gross toward her.

Any teacher who puts circle time quiet ahead of instant removal of a spitter would be a teacher with whom I'd have issues. If the teacher is reluctant to do anything or to talk to the kids about how to notify her of problems -- talk to the preschool director!

Be THAT parent. I never hesitate to contact my kiddos teachers (5th and 8th grades). Thier teachers know that I am involved and paying attention.

I would hate for your little girl to get in trouble for breaking the rules (and I think it may REALLY upset her) so why don't you take care of the problem for her.

M

I think it's MOST important that you first teach your daughter to speak up for herself. Being a rule follower is a great thing, but all kids, especially girls, need to know when someone has gone too far. Spitting may not be the end of the world but it is gross, annoying, disrespectful and aggressive behavior. By not saying anything, your daughter is essentially giving this boy permission to treat her badly. That's not a pattern you want her to fall into :(
So leave it up to her to solve it herself. When the boy does it outside she should say no, stop, I don't like that in a very firm, big voice. If he doesn't stop THEN she should find a teacher. In circle time she should raise her hand immediately to report what he is doing, as the teacher may not always see it.
If it continues, THEN it is time to go to the teacher yourself. But I hope your daughter can take care of it, it's SO important for our girls to stand up and be strong, the early years set a strong foundation for this!

I would talk to the teacher about it. I've been afraid of being "that parent" myself. I've never really had any issues w/ my son's preschool, I just like to ask often how he's doing. If my son came home and told me about being spit on, I would definitely talk with the teachers, spitting is just plain gross!! Like others have said, you're paying for this experience for her, she's not required to go, so ask away!

I would definitely talk with the teacher so that the teacher can speak with the lil boy parents.

absolutely talk to the teacher about this. you're paying them good money, eh? yes yes....

ok kids perspectives of things can be totally differnt than adults.

This could be a crazy active kid that gets a little too close while he is talking and a smidge of spit flies out of this mouth.

Or he could be the meanest, slyest bully in the world who is deliberately Hocking a Loogie on your kiddo.

see, kids an overreact, Best think to do is tell your daughter that if it happens again she needs to raise her hand and tell the teacher -excuse me this is important Joey spit on me and i don't want to get sick from his germs.

Tell her to try to sit by someone else and avoid joey.

personally this is not something to go to the teacher about. If dd is coming home with bruises yes, otherwise this secenerio is too wide open.

Absolutely. Talk to the teacher about it, there is nothing to wait for. Your kid will learn that there are certain moments when she needs respectfully to speak up, and the other kid will learn right from wrong.