Is This Just a "Phase" That Moms Go Through?

Dear Exhausted Mom, I am a mother of three adult children. I am 44 years old so really not the age of most moms with 24, 23 & 21 year olds that I know, so I don't feel that out of touch with young moms. I still remember feeling exhausted and just tired of never having time for me but believe it or not right now are beautiful times and you might be trying to do too much. I was tied to my house for seven years before returning to work [a salon in front of my home for purpose of still being completely available for my kids]. There were times when I wished I had more time for me. I did not realize at the time, that time with my kids was time for me because you will never do anything more important than raise and love your children.

I am sad that your husband has to work so hard but remember that he is doing it to provide for you to take care of your children. That is such a noble thing in this day and time because so many men want their wives to work outside of the home which obviously leads to putting your children in daycare where people will care for your kids but not love them. Your children are so blessed to able to be in a loving home where even when mom is tired she always loves them.

Maybe you should seek someone to watch your kids overnight and just stay home with hubby and order pizza and see where it leads. I wish I knew you because I would be happy to watch those kids overnight for you to recharge.

Now that my children are grown they are very close to my husband and me and so appreciative of there childhoods. I have no regrets and hardly remember the exhausted times. I was blessed to be extremely poor when they were little and did not have friends with much more so I never realized that other moms were going to exercise class, shopping, doing mom's day out stuff etc. I just took care of my babies and I would go back to that stage of life if I could. It was a beautiful time. HANG IN THERE GIRL, IT WILL GET BETTER.... Don't do more than you can, but always do what is best for those kiddos. In answer to your question. Yes it is just a phase and one you will miss someday.

Dear Maretta,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! I feel this way almost everyday, but in my case the extra weight I am carrying makes it even harder! My little ones are 4 1/2 and 3 1/2, exactly one year and 18 days apart, and my hands are ALWAYS FULL.

I feel at times that I have lost myself, the things that I used to like to do have taken a back burner to my children's needs, but last Friday I did something that I used to love to do that really rejuvenated me and it made the world of difference.

I can relate to your situation regarding your husband' schedule...my husband is a freelance television camera operator, and starting Mid-August thru January he is home only one full day a week. He travels all over the U.S. shooting college football games and Monday Night Football for ESPN. If it weren't for my parents I don't know what I would do, but it is getting easier since my little ones are getting older.

As far as the nap thing is concerned, you must take a nap when you can...if your husband has a problem with this, TOO BAD!!!!!

I don't know where you are from, but have you tried a gym that has child care? Here in San Antonio, the Spectrum clubs have child care available for 2 hour slots, and if you would like to go twice a day (Only my husband does this!!!) you can take them twice as long as there is a shift change. We belong to the Spectrum in Universal City which has an excellent Kids Club...sometimes when I don't want to go to the gym, my son begs me to go, or other wise he will whine me to death!!! All the clubs offer classes from Yoga to Pilates.

Good luck to you!

Sincerely,
J.

P.S. Scroll down and look at BRENDA K's response...sounds like an experienced, wise and wonderful mother!

Totally understand where you are coming from. My kids are about the same age and its hard just to get through the day sometimes. My only saving grace is that it won't last forever. I think the most important thing is to be sure and take time for yourself, and have other moms to talk to. If you ever want to get together, feel free to e-mail me, ____@____.com luck and hang in there!
-A.

i hear you sister! i have a cup of tea (caffenated) @ 3pm and it honestly gives me a jump to get thru the day...not dragging. try it!

Hello, I'm a WAHM with to little girls very similiar in age to your children. My oldest will be turning 3 in May my other is 14 mos (also teething). When I read your post I thought...I know exactly how she feels. My husband also works 60+ hrs/week and he is on call 24/7 so is often on the phone or computer at home too. He is a fantastic dad but his time is very limited and I'm often trying to do everything on my own. My almost 3 yr old is also potty training. She has been almost trained and then we will have guests stay with us or we travel and then she is starting all over from scratch. She does great some days and not at all other days. Very frustrating! My 14 mo old has just had a severe case of the flu so for two weeks I have been getting little sleep and waking up to my daughter covered in vomit and/or diarrhea. She has had to go directly to the tub every morning and I can't count how many times I've washed her sheets. We spent one night in the hospital and of coarse my husband was out of town for one full week and we don't have family in town so I had my older daughter at the hopsital all night too. Anyways we all have very difficult mommy times where we would like to just close the door and sleep for hours!! I am not a night person so I useto wish I could go to bed about the same time as the girls and I useto get frustated easily but I have made a few changes that have helped and I now feel more in control and can deal with our everyday issues. First I take an incredible vitamin that has really increased my energy and helped me to get by on less sleep and be alert to get things done. These vitamins work really well becasue I get them from a great wellness company and becasue of how they are made they help your body absorb the minerals & vitamins much more then your everyday vitamin at the local store. If you want more details on the wellness company and all that they have to offer you can visit www.livetotalwellness.com/freedom & request more info. I also have joined two playgroups and try to get the girls out once a week for that. I work from home and the time I spend doing that has really helped me. Even though it adds more to my plate it has allowed me to stay in touch with other parents and make friends and socialize while also bringing in extra income. This team is great too because I can do it all right from home with my girls and I don't have to sell anything. This has helped me to stay focused and keep a part of me that is not just mom 24/7. If you want any info about working at home you can visit www.followingourdreams.com One other thing that I have recently changed that seems to be helping is I have more of a schedule to our day. Before I would just run with whatever was going on at the moment and we were always busy and my oldest was having a lot of tantrums and in time out throughout the day. Now I have specific times set aside for reading/learning games, outside play, housework, my business, naps, etc. everything is laid out by the hour. Of coarse if varies and we don't always stick to it but it helps and I have noticed that my daughter lets me get more done on my own because she knows she will have her quality time too. She has less tantrums, which really helps my mood and it has made a big difference for us. WOW...sorry this got so long once I started typing I guess I just had lots to say. Anyways just hang in there, you are not alone and should not feel bad about how you feel it is very normal. You just need to work on finding a few small changes that work for you to give yourself more peace. I wish you all the best!!
M.

I understand completely!

I'm a mother of four and even as I type this, my four year old is finishing lunch and I just changed the channel from Blue's Clues to People's Court.

Something I found only a couple of days ago which may, or may not help. Learn to say no. It's ok to say no, I can't go. No, I can't do it. No, I can't...

Two days ago I woke up very early. (530am) My children don't get up until 615, so I had 45 minutes to do as I please. I stood out on the front lawn and did about 10 minutes of yoga, and 10 minutes of Tai Chi. Then I did my devotions and prayed. The whole rest of the day I was rested and relaxed. I felt as though I could do anything. I told several people that I wouldn't be able to help with something they wanted me for, I cleaned my daughter's closet out, I vacuumed. It was amazing.

I, too, used to stay up late at night for those few precious hours of alone time. I've traded it all for my 45 minutes in the morning. Even this morning, after only 4 hours of sleep (long story, lol) I got up at 530 and followed my new routine. I feel pretty good.

I hope you're able to find the respite you need. God Bless.

SAHM's tend to fill their time too full in order to entertain their kids and wear themselves out. It sounds to me like that is what you have done. You could have a medical problem as well- have you had your thyroid checked lately? I know when your thyroid is out of wack it causes severe exhaustion and one has a hard time recovering from not enough sleep. Also setting a schedule for your kids will help exhaust them. Have you thought of setting a set schedule for your 3 yr old and then having him/her lay down with you in your bed for 45-1hr. each day. He/she can watch tv or read books with you in bed but that is quiet time every day. That might help you get the mental rest you need. You are a mom like all the rest of us we are tired, we get frustrated, we are proud of what we do- When you look back you will not regret this time of your life!!!

Wow you made my head spin reading what you are doing. I am 41 and keep 8 children from at 3 months to age 8 in my home weekly. They are here from 4:30 a.m. until after 8 most evenings, I have to get training for my job, keep the house clean for inspections, potty train, work on our letters with the 4 year olds, do homework with the 6-8 year olds, cook 3 meals a day, have a tread mill in my garage for when i have a moment. My husband is always gone, he just finished a job as the aide to a General so he was gone for weeks on end. I did this also while he was deployeed and had 14 kids in care. I do however understand what you are saying. Once in a while i just sit down and feel like i have been living in a fog, but the eye opener for me is classes. It seems that it makes thing make sense. I enroll in online children classes and local classes. I keep the kids so busy they all rest at noon so i have a chance to calm myself in the middle of the day, and girl coffee is my best friend. You son is 3 what do you mean he don't nap?! what time do you get him up in the morning? Work out a schedule, kids love it and then the craziness with seem less. We have lesson plans so the day runs MORE smoothly. that is not to say that somedays are not stressful, but it is alot less often. if you would like ideals on activities or anything for that matter fill free to contact me.

I understand where you are at! I have an almost 6 year old who was up last night and the night before and the night before to sleep on the couch. I have a 3 year old boy who was up till 10 talking, then was up 2 times during the night and 3 times the night before that. He slept on the couch on the other end from his older sister. THen my 11 month old who wakes up a minimum of 3 times per night. I nurse him through it. He currently has a cold so his sleep is even worse. We also attend play groups. I home school and potty training my 3 year old. I am so sick of having him almost trained then he poops in his pants (yesterday and the day before). My daughter bugs me all the time to play with her, my son bugs me all the time to eat and my baby bugs me all the time to walk.
We also have 2 surgeries coming up this month and 2 birthdays. This is a crazy mommy life. I also have 20 lbs I cannot seem to lose.
I take anti-depressants, exercise and worship the Lord. I try to find pleasure in the little funny things my kids do like when I find nemo in my bed sleeping on my pillow. Or my daughter makes a funny face or a silly joke.
Other then that I cannot give any advice. You sound exhausted and need a break. Does family live near who can take the kids for a whole day so you can rest. Are you pregnant? That might exhaust you. I feel for you and remember that "this too shall pass".