Is My 3 Year Old Really Ready to Drop the Nap?

Updated on October 19, 2010
T.R. asks from Altamonte Springs, FL
19 answers

My daughter is turning 3 in a couple of weeks, and for the last 3 weeks (or more) naps and bedtime have been a struggle. We have always had the same routine, dinner, bath, books then bed. The only shift in routine, is that she no longer goes to daycare, and we are together 24/7. Yes, this is about the same time her behavior shifted maybe a week earlier than the end of daycare, but she has become very dramatic, very 3 year old! But back to her still needing a nap or not... She won't stay in her bed, she comes out and wants to start talking or dancing and being cute, for an hour or more. So, not so cute! It's driving me insane! I have tried EVERYTHIG, even rubbing her back and staying w/ her but she just wants to talk and play. We even went out to get supplies for a "good girl" chart today, she seemed excited about it, but then at nap time, she said she didn't want the chart or the reward, so, she didn't stay in bed! UGH! Nothing is working. She used to always go to bed very easily, staying asleep was the issue then. But now that she sleeps all night, it's actually just getting her to stay in her bed long enough to fall asleep. I feel like she still needs the nap, because she looks exhausted (dark rings under her eyes) if she doesn't get one, and also, on the rare day I get her to stay in the bed, she passes out right away. So, I archived the question here on Mamapedia, and most moms said to drop the nap, BUT, do I really??? What do you think? Is she just fighting me, or not tired for the nap?
Updated: I have also been telling her that naptime is "resting time" she doesn't need to sleep, just rest, and have let her take books to the bed etc..but that she's not allowed to put her feet on the floor, which works for a few minutes, but then she just doesn't want to stay in bed.

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

My oldest stopped napping a week after his 3rd birthday and now only naps if he passes out in the car or something. My mother also told me that I started refusing my nap at 3 and never took another one!

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Every child is different, but my son is much more enjoyable now that we have dropped the nap! Now he gets to do a quiet activity (read books, rock, sometimes watch a movie) while his little sister naps in the afternoon. We have far fewer fights, bedtime is so much easier, and he is much happier.

I never would have guessed, but it was great decision for us. Maybe try getting rid of the nap for a few days?

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

Well, I'm coming from the opposite end.....I do believe!

NO, don't drop that nap! If you plan on your child attending public school - most full-day KGs require a "resting time" for the 1st semester. By maintaining the nap schedule at home....even if it's just "quiet time".....you are properly preparing your child for KG!!! Seriously, it's true for most all-day KG.....!!

Soooo, let's tie in the change in her daily schedule. When she attended daycare, your daughter was accustomed to an onslaught of stimuli all morning long. That's not a bad thing, it simply means that she was either being stimulated thru play, learning, & social interaction.....& now ??she's not?? That's what I'm betting on! Are you filling her mornings with learning activities, song & dance, & playground time? I truly believe that is the root of all of your issues!

Join a Parents as 1st Teachers playgroup, go to Story Hour at your local library, join a tumbling class.......do whatever it takes to keep your daughter physically & academically active......& those naps will be a breeze! She was in daycare, she requires some measure of activity......& if you're together 24/7......when is she with other kids? I'm not saying go back to daycare.....I'm saying.....find something for her to do!

OH, & as for the "not staying in bed"......boredom will bring an increase of defiance! Good Luck & I wish you Peace!

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

My kids rarely napped during the day even when they were way younger than 3. They slept all night with no problems, but I still made them lay down for 'rest time". I told them they didn't have to go to sleep, but they had to stay on their bed, they had to be quiet and give their "bones" a rest or they wouldn't grow. I even had a book about bones that I let them look at and "read" to themselves at rest time. I'd say things like, "You may not feel tired, but your fibulas need to rest." They fell for it. And as a result, they also learned about the bones in the body. I didn't care if they quietly sang to their stuffies or looked at books. They got to choose 3 to put on their bed and that was it. No saying they wanted another one, etc. They were to be still and quiet on their beds and if they got up....they lost a book and the rest time started all over. I did that with my kids from the time they were so little that it was just a normal occurance. Many times they were tired and they'd konk out, but otherwise, they still had their down time. I remained very consistant about it. There was no struggle because I told them they didn't have to sleep, in fact some days when I knew they were tired I used reverse psychology and told them I didn't want them to sleep. Those were the days they usually drifted off.
Keep things at a specific time of day, tell her it's rest time, she has to stay on her bed but she doesn't have to go to sleep.
It worked for my kids.

Best wishes.

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A.J.

answers from Chicago on

My son started refusing his nap at about 2 1/2 years old. Even though I started calling it "quiet time" and let him play quietly in his room, he never fell asleep as all of my friends' kids seemed to do (during their "quiet time"). I tried various enforcements and rewards and nothing worked. I think he was just being stubborn, because he seemed to need the nap. (He did start going to bed better at night, because he was just so tired by bedtime). On the days that he didn't nap he was cranky and looked and acted exhausted. So, I know this sounds ridiculous to lots of parents, but a few days a week I started putting him in the car and driving around until he fell asleep in his car seat (which always knocked him out). Then I'd sit in the car and read or talk on the phone or whatever for an hour or 90 minutes until he woke up. That was the only way I could get him to nap, and so that was how we very, very slowly transitioned out of a nap. I did this for over a year. Honestly, those hours in the car were the most relaxing part of my day, and sometimes the most productive when I could use my smartphone for work, return phone calls, etc. It sounds crazy, but it was actually kind of nice.

To specifically answer your question, I think my son was fighting me (and/or the nap) and his stubbornness didn't let him relax enough to fall asleep. To me it was obvious that he physically still needed a nap, but I honestly don't think he could have fallen asleep on his own (without the car) because he was so focused on not falling asleep. I tried to stop blaming him for it, and that's when I started driving him around, and ended up actually enjoying it. Good luck to you. It's not easy, but it will get better, and it sounds like you are doing a great job trying to see what works best for your daughter.

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M.A.

answers from Orlando on

My daughter stopped napping about the same age & I started putting her to bed an hour earlier.

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M.B.

answers from Sacramento on

I'm envious....my baby just stopped napping at 22 mos and I am sad. :)
He will only maybe pass out in my arms for 30 mins if he's run around and bone tired. So no more nap. Again.....I am beside myself sad. :)
All the moms on here agreed. Waaaa for me.
So once in awhile if he runs himself ragged he will take a 30 min nap.
Sometimes if I'm desperate and I have the time, I will go for a drive and he'll fall asleep for 30 mins. (Yay for mommy.)
So consider yourself luck? :)
Can you lay him in him/her in their bed and read quietly in there in a chair for 20-30mins giving you both quiet/down time?

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E.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

Is she sleeping long enough at night? If she's getting the recommended amount all at once, then she may be ready to drop the nap, especially if she doesn't have meltdowns by the end of the afternoon. My daughter gave up her nap the month she turned 2, but she got 12-13 hours of sleep at night. The pediatrician said we could even try putting her to bed earlier, but, unfortunately, with our schedule that didn't work. After two weeks of no napping, she did start sleeping in longer in the morning, though. So it all worked out.

G.T.

answers from Bakersfield on

whether she actually sleeps or not doesnt matter. You need to switch it to you need to stay on your bed for an hour and leave it at that... you do need your daily hour of silence.

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N.W.

answers from Dallas on

My kids both stopped napping at 2 years old. Many afternoons were difficult because by 5 they were very tired. But a nap that late interfered with nighttime sleep.

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D.S.

answers from Tulsa on

she maybe fighting out of exaustion. my 2 1/2 yr old naps only occasionally. he is napping right now. he only takes 2 or 3 a week. use your gut on this. it may be she only needs an occasional nap like mine. but sounds more to me like she is showing her independence or trying. sounds to me like she still needs them and some enforcement. she might miss something if she goes to sleep mom.

K.I.

answers from Seattle on

All 3 of my kids were done with naps right around 2! Now the only time they sleep during the day is if they are sick...

If you could, I would continue to encourage the "quiet time" for as long as you possibly can...maybe some crayons and a coloring book?

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B.R.

answers from Tampa on

My twins stopped napping a few months before they turned 3, & I made the mistake of not continuing at least "quiet time" where I expected them to stay in their rooms & at least look at books or something. It became madness, because I wasn't ready for those naps to end! They weren't exactly ready, because by late afternoon/early evening (dinner prep time) they were out of sorts (then it was too late for a nap otherwise they'd be up until 11 or later!). A friend of mine maintained that "quiet time" for her daughter past the age of 6, and it worked beautifully for her, whether or not her daughter napped. Keep insisting on the quiet time, even if she doesn't nap - the downtime is important for everyone. If she comes out of her room during the designated downtime, turn her right back around & just stay consistent about it - she'll get used to it. You can set a timer if that will help her to know she must listen for the ring to be allowed out of her room (not as punishment, but let her that you both need the quiet time). Good luck - I think you'll be happy that you stuck with it (I sure wish I had!) -

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K.M.

answers from Tampa on

That sounds rough. My daughter went through something like that when she was 2 but I kept on pushing the nap and eventually she got back into the routine of her 90 minute nap. Even today at age 4 and 2 weeks she still takes at least an hour nap but we can skip it if we have an outing or event planned. She has even skipped nap for 10 whole days while on vacation and still returned to napping once home. so, I say keep trying to work the nap. Sounds like she needs it. I think she is going through one of the many phases kids go through and "this too shall pass." Just my opinion.

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C.C.

answers from Orlando on

I have a book, "Sleeping Through The Night" that gives guidelines for sleep schedules and how to handle challenges, etc. This doc says most kids give up naps between ages 3 and 4, but should be sleeping about 10 to 11 hours at night. It also depends how crabby they are in the evening. If my son was super stubborn around dinner time without his nap, I would make sure he went to bed early or had "rest time" the next day and explained why,"remember how upset you were last night? " "You need to rest so we don't have that again". I also want to correct a Mom that said kids nap the first semester in Kindergarten. Not here in Central Florida in public school. Not even for Pre-K at age 4. Pr-K is a 4 hour block, no nap at school and Kindergarten is a full 6 hour day w/ no nap. After care is a different story, they may try to have rest time there, but not in school. She may be ready to drop the nap, but I would encourage "rest time" like the others have said. It is harder on the Mamas when nap time is gone, than it is for the kids!

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K.C.

answers from Tampa on

I come from the other side as well.....DONT drop the nap. Yes, every child is different......but think about it this way, even in prek and kindergarten they STILL have rest/naptime. My daughter is almost 5 and in preschool, they have an hour and a half of rest time. They dont HAVE to sleep, but children, just like adult, need down time. And from what I read, it seems like your child is playing a game with you since you are home with her now. Its different, its new, and she wants to test her boundaries, which is DEFINATLY normal. But let her know that she needs to rest her eyes, even for a little bit. Some people think that if they dont nap a child, it will "make them sleep" at night. Not true. Its actually the opposite, your child will probably have a harder time going to bed b/c she will be so wired and overtired.
Good luck in what you decide. And remember that no matter what you do, make sure its a good fit for you and most of all HER.

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S.S.

answers from Daytona Beach on

my son hasn't taken a nap since he was 2. and i find it much easier. his sister is in 1st grade and he's in vpk. if i happen to give him a nap, he doesn't fall asleep until after 10pm. without him taking a nap, he goes to bed a 7-7:30 which means he wakes up right when i need him to.

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R.W.

answers from Tampa on

I had a super jumbo pillow that the girls could lay on in the living room and watch childrens cartoons. For example at that time My Little Pony, Smurfs, etc..They would fall asleep long before the show was over. My nephew always napped on the couch. There is no law that says they have to nap in their beds. Try something different and see if it works. If I could I would rock and read to them. After about three pages they were out like a light. Maybe now that she is home with you all day she is afraid that if she goes in her room to go to sleep you will leave her alone. It is very possible. Relax and try some new things. Good luck and God Bless.

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T.F.

answers from Miami on

It is possible that she is just ready to give up the nap - every child is different when it comes to that. I have two daughters, 5 1/2 and almost-4 (next month). If my oldest wasn't in kindergarten, she'd probably still enjoy her "rest time", which is also what we started calling it about a year and a half ago - they were told it's time to rest, doesn't matter if they sleep but they have to stay in their room. Frankly, I didn't even care if they played (not together, though) in their rooms - as long as I got a break for at least an hour I was happy.

Things changed over this past summer though and my 3-year-old really started resisting rest time alltogether. She had been showing signs for a while that she could go all day without a nap with no problem and I was concerned about losing that little bit of peacefullness in my day, but I finally caved and stopped trying! They both have been doing fine without a rest time. They go to bed around 730-800 and wake around 6-630.

I know I didn't really give you advice here, but maybe reading someone else's experience will help?

Best of luck!

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