Is It Wrong to Not Throw a Party Every Birthday?

Several hundred dollars for a first birthday party? Wow! I didn't spend several hundred dollars for my daughter's Sweet 16 party.
It sounds like birthday party expenses for ALL the kids need to be scaled back. Your husband shouldn't be lavishing money on taking his kids AND their friends out just because your toddler isn't old enough to remember ir understand. Surely the older kids can understand the phrase "We can't afford it." I was a single mom for much of my daughter's life, and she learned that one early on. She also learned that there are lots of cheap, even free ways to have fun. Now that she's on her own, she knows how to have friends over to her place and show them a good time without spending a small fortune.
Have the family over for the birthday - have a samll cake and ice cream. For the older kids' birthdays, have family over and allow the birthday child to invite three friends for a sleepover. It isn't necessary to have elaborate decorations, catered refreshments, and live entertainment. Teach thm how to have a good time while staying within the budget. They'll thank you for it when they're grown and have to fund their own lives.

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There is no reason to spend so much money on birthdays. Plus she is young and wont remember. It is not a 'bad deal'.
I think staying at home is better than any BIG party. There is too much importance on THINGS and MONEY. Kids need love and family.

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Absolutely not !!! We always had very small birtdhay parties at home when my children were small. We went to "strictly" family at around 13 but they got to invite one friend to a movie or out to eat at a place of their choice. Raising a second family & we've just had a family & gma&gpa then one friend over for something special. It's just too expensive to throw a big "shin-dig" & at that age they don't even realize anything other than the gift wrap papper! Don't beat yourself up over this...!

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You need too do what is right for your family. There is nothing wrong with having a small family party or nothing at all just make sure the little one knows it is her specail day. Give her specail tinme alone with you maybe a trip to MC Donalds and the local libarty.

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Hi Ro!
I would say definitely not! I had heart surgery two and a half years ago, and bills were so tight that I could not throw my son a birthday party. He totally understood (he was turning nine). What I did was have his two cousins over. I made a pizza and I made a cookie cake (like at Great American Cookie Company) and took him and his cousins to the swimming pool for the afternoon. The total cost of the entire day was $25.00 and he still talks about how much fun it was for him. You might do a picnic at the park, a day at the lake or something to enjoy this warm weather and the sunhine we are finally having! It doesn't have to be expensive to be really enjoyable. I would just have a camera and snap lots of pics of the fun!! Your daughter won't remember the party later on, but she will love hearing the stories and looking at the pictures.

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You know it's not wrong, silly lady :o)! You being at home is the best party she could get! My mom threw b-day parties for us only every 2 years. The off years were still special with us choosing the dinner, getting a cake, a couple of presents, just not a big "friend party." My daughter is turning 8 this year. She gets to choose breakfast (pop tarts and bacon every year for her) and dinner and she wants a picnic with one set of neighbors. We decided to forego the big party this year and she's just as excited... Good for you, don't over-think things and enjoy your journey.

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Ro V,

We too had a big party for my son on his 1st birthday (that he wont remember)last year and spent more money than we should have. This year we are going to keep it small, simple and inexpensive. So, to answer your question no, I do not think it is wrong or bad not to throw a party every year. When I was growing up I only remember a few big actual parties (ages 5, 10, 13, 16 and I remember being very sick on my 18th so not much of a party) the other years my Mom just always did something special for me (made me my favorite dinner and/or cake, or let me have slumber parties without all the fuss we usually made tents out of blankets and the furniture with my closest 2-3 friends and had a blast)Parents seem to be so caught up in throwing big expensive parties for their kids these days and the kids dont even seem to appreciate it. I think spending time with and loving your children through actions and words mean more than big parties every year. Do what you think is right for you and your family and everything will be just fine. Best of luck and may God bless you and yours.

-T. W.

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First off it's great to be thinking wisely and considering your daughter. I have 5 children and we just can't afford expensive birthdays. I have set up this system of a party every other year. They can have their friends over one birthday and then the following year it's just family. But you can make her birthday special even when it's just family. Make the cake, play a game she chooses and maybe watch her favorite movie with popcorn. This has worked well for me, and the kids never fill like they are getting the wrong end of the stick. Just make it special for her and that doesn't have to include spending a lot of money

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I am a grandmother now but I have a daughter on this web site so she shared it with me. When my three children were small we had family birthdays which included the immediate family. When the children began school we allowed them to celebrate a family birthday every other year, then a friend birthday the other year...this cuts down on expense and also they realize they have the best of both worlds.

MeMe

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We just celebrated our son's 3rd birthday. We haven't stepped outside of the "family" only birthdays yet. I've made the cakes myself each time and he's loved them all.
There are several websites out there that give you free ideas for do-it-yourself parties. We'll probably wait until he is in school and makes new friends before we start the bigger party ideas for him. It's getter harder for a lot of us, I don't think you'll get any bad looks for not throwing her a "big" party. Just being home with her is the best gift!

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What a great time to start a new family tradition. Like maybe letting them plan the family meal of their favorite foods and having a special birthday plate to eat on. The time you spend at home with your child is priceless. Some of her best memories will come from the special days that you get to spend with each other.
A.

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no you are fine i only have parties with the family usually grandparents and aunts and uncles and my kids are 4 and 5.. in case we can not afford huge parties they dont expect them.. she will be ok she will remember and you are teaching her to be down to earth and not to expect big parties and to always take friends also this is about her not her friends

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Hi Ro,

Family only parties are not wrong. We do them most of the time and then "special" parties on milestone birthdays. Sunch as, 5 or 6 (going to school for the first time), 13 and 16 and 18 and 21...you get the idea. For the other birthday we allow our child to invite one or two children over to celebrate with the family.

We, too, are an one income family and need to keep costs down as much as possible. By throwing milestone birthday parties they stand out as special and the child doesn't expect "special" ones every year.

Good luck...

W. Q

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a small party. I have had hard times financially and my children have had less extravagant parties. For example, my daughter's second birthday, I made her cake, and invited everyone to the park for her party. The kids had equipment to play on, the adults got to visit. We had cake and juice. I paid for cake supplies. Inexpensive, but a very good time.

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Not only is it not wrong, it's good. You have to live within your means and teach your children to do so. Also, kids can't have everything they want, and we harm them by teaching them the world revolves around them. Not only that, but she'll have a blast, probably more fun than a huge party, if you just have cake with family and play with a few presents. Don't spend a lot on presents; go to the appliance store and get her some large cardboard boxes. Maybe pick up something at a garage sale or thrift store (she won't know it's not new). The best thing you can ever give her is staying home, so cut the expenses and stay home. And as she gets older, continue the financial & values lessons.

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I didn't have real birthday parties for my kids until thery were in school and had friends to invite. Before that, it was just family...and I mean just me, Dad, their siblings and sometimes Grandma would be able to come. It was just cake, icecream, a simple lunch and very inexpensive gifts, such as books. None of my kids ever complained, and they are all very happy kids. In fact, it is a rule in our family that after they turn 13 we don't have parties either. They can have one friend over to spend the night, or go to the movies or something...but no big blow-out. And guess what, they never complain about that either. I was a SAHM with my husband the only one bringing in an income, and some of the things we did to save money was that we grew our own vegetables, hung clothes out on the line to dry, cut my kids hair (2 boys and a girl), made my own baby food when they were little- out of the home grown vegies, and we did simple inexpensive things to entertain the kids. We went to the library weekly for storytime, went to the park to picnic, did all the vacation Bible schools during the summer, rode bikes, etc. etc. You can find lots of ways to save money if you sit down and really think about it. Good luck. D.

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Never think you have to make excuses for grabbing every moment with your children. The step kids are his??? You werent clear. Each child needs something different... Maybe they would like to stay home and have face time too. They just may not know how to say it.

If you really enjoy staying at home then by all means do it. You will be surprised at what she remembers. Even if she doesnt i will just bet that you will have pictures and stories to remind her.

Go for it. Cut what you can keep the best.

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I don't think it's wrong at all! That's all we ever did in my family growing up, and it was fine. We might've been allowed to invite one friend over at the most. That's what I plan doing with my kids, too. I've seen such extravagant parties for kids, and i think it just makes extremely spoiled children who keep wanting more. So I say, keep it simple! Save money! :)

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She's 2 years old. Cake and koolaid are a great party. At this age children tend to get overstimulated by excessive parties. It's okay to cut back. Everyone in America is having to cut back right now!

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Hi there! My daughter's second birthday is approaching also. Times are tight for a lot of us! I am having one friend over for her, my family, and a cake. Simple is best. A book or two, some clothes for presents and that's that! Kids that are our children's age do get overstimulated by too much...there is a woman at work that is having a second birthday for her little one...she has spent about 2 grand...RIDICULOUS...the party is more for her than her daughter...

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A party at home with her family will be just as exciting, and probably more enjoyable for her than a large party. I have seen children her age act up at large parties, just because they don't understand what is going on, and haven't learned company manners yet. They get in trouble, which makes it an unhappy time for them, or they don't get in trouble, which makes it unpleasant for the rest.

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a home party is really best for that age so they don't get over stimulated and cranky. if you only invite your closest family and friends for cake and ice cream then they will all understand if the birthday girl has to go take a nap, or if she's bouncing off the ceiling after cake. my son's 2nd birthday we just did cake and presents 3 family members (besides those living in the house) and two close friends. it was lovely, and nobody freaked when the birthday boy decided to run through the house with no pants!

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For my kids' 1st and 2nd b-day, i just had family (like 5 people) and made spaghetti and a cake. That way they still got a few presents and they won't remember anyway. I had one party my whole life, and I turned out just fine. I've tried to do something from 3 on with my kids whether it was a big expensive party or invite one or two friends to go bowling,spend the night and have pizza, cake, and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. (my 7 yr old loved that!) I wouldn't worry about her 2nd, maybe just have a nice family night with a few gifts. Good luck!

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Your looking at it wrong - don't think of it as "not having a party", think of it as having a smaller family celebration. Invite one playmate or cousins over . .. and make it all about her. Put on her favorite outfit. Serve her favorite foods, blow up some balloons, put on her favorite music, blow some bubbles, dance and play. Cake and ice cream. A couple well chosen gifts (i've even wrapped up hand me down gifts from older sibs that have been in the attic and are new to my youngest!) She will think it is the most special day ever and you won't blow the budget.

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Hey, Ro. Looks like you've gotten a lot of great advice. Your request sounds like you and your husband might be traveling in a pretty high income bracket, but the principles are the same. We've been to "private school" parties and "public school parties" and the kids seem alot less stressed at the less extravagant parties. Especially as the parents seem to be playing the "top this" game. Until age 4, big parties are definately for the mom's enjoyment, not the child's. Sorry to be blunt, but been there, seen that. Take the stress off of everyone and keep it simple for now with family and cake. The stepkids also shouldn't be getting big ticket birthday parties either. Why should half of your husband's family go without so that the other half can be extravagant? Would the kids rather have a nice gift or a big party that's over in 2 hours? Make it an either/or choice and stick with it. Having thrown the big skating rink party AND the sleepover party, I can see that the kids remember the sleepover with games and movies long after the skating rink party has faded into oblivion. A good rule of thumb is to only invite as many friends to their party as their age. A six year old invites 6 friends, etc. Good luck to you!

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My first son is 2 and has not had a birthday party yet. I will not have parties for my 2nd child at that age either. I'll prob. start at 4. Not only will they not remember, but a lot of times it is overwhelming for them anyways. I understand wanting to celebrate it as a special occasion, but I definitely think that can be done at home with just family.

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absolutelty not. as long as your daughter is aknowledged on her birthday, i dont think it matters one bit how much money you spend. i would make her a cake,and maybe get her one special thing that she would like to have within reason, like a doll, not a horse! ha.ha. spending time together as a family is all they really want deep down anyway. i think your being wise honering your husband, and being a good steward of your money.
C.

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a party cost u several hundred dollars?!?! that sounds like my friend in NYC!!

here in middle america, where everything is nearly normal... we throw cheap bday parties-- cake and ice cream only... pizza perhaps...

she is 2- dont feel guilty, just give yourself a monetary budget and dont overspend

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Ro
Staying at home with your daughter is the best and cutting back is not a bad thing. Cake and ice cream with family I think is the best thing that you can do for your daughter. She will not remember it anyway. Take lots of pictures. When my daughters were little we only did a supper and cake and ice cream with the grandparents and the great-grandparents and my two sisters and my husband's brother and they loved it even as they got older they would rather have just family and now that we live so far away from family it is just the 4 of us and they are soon to be 19 and 21 and we do just the 4 of us.
We do have lots of fun silly games and they love to hear about the day they were born and all the things that happen on that day. So parties are not that important unless you need it to be.
T.

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No you are not wrong! Your Life is more important than this one day, and she is too young to remember. There are plenty of things to do that are fun and free for a birthday party. No sense stressing yourself out over money, which will affect the whole family.

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Some of the best times I remember was when our kids were young and we just barely scraped by too (I stayed at home and gave up a job making the same as my husband). I was tight but to look back now at the homemade cakes and fun we had just as a family - I believe sometimes we just get caught up in what everyone else is doing. You can spend more one on one time with her at a small gathering and play more games and have just good ole fashioned fun. I vote for the family get together. She will love it anyway just because it is her birthday! Let her help with decorating with homemade decorations. She may be too young to remember but she will feel like a big girl helping with the party.

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We always had at home birthdays when I was kid. I loved them and still do. Everyone is more relaxed. Tell her you can get a few more presents if she doesn't have a big party because parties are so expensive... that's what my Mom did. We always wanted more gifts instead. You can do a party really cheap too- balloons, bubbles, play games and sing songs- all things that are cheap and 2 year olds love. Good Luck!

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Ro V,
This is sweet but you don't even have to ask this question. You do what you feel is best. I think spending hundreds of dollars on birthday parties, espcially for little ones, is ridiculous. They don't care about all that, we are the ones who get caught up in that and waste money that could go on something else. I have 2 children, ages 7 and 2. My 2 year old doesn't know what a bday party is -we just get a cake and snap pictures. My 7 year old has has a few small bday parties (with just family) and 2 "real" parties in which her friends were invited. Trust me your 2 year old won't love you any less if you just invite family and friends - depending on what time you have it, she may be napping:-)

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I talk to my mom about everything to do with my childhood, but one question I have never asked (nor ever even thought to ask) is what kind of party I had for my second birthday. This is not something that is going to "stay with" your child one way or the other. I think a small party at home with family is perfect. That is probably the least overwhelming and most fun thing your child could have. Don't stress about this--in my opinion, you are being a great mother because you are doing what is best for your family!!

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I applaud you for going in this direction!! She is two and as long as you celebrate, she is not going to care for the cost. It seems that you are thinking beyond the now and really trying to do what is best for your family long-term. It seems that you are making her best your priority, not just what everyone thinks at the moment. Going into debt is a horrible experience (from one who is still trying to climb out!) As she gets older, you might have to reevaluate, but for now it seems to be the best thing. Besides, my step-daughter always took a cut-back or denial better if she knew it was something we were also doing for her half-sisters. It let her know that we were all sacrificing if we had to, not just picking on her. I wish you the best.

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Skip the barbecue. Just have a small celebration.

We have never thrown a big party for either of our boys. We have cake and Ice cream at home and let them open their gifts.

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My son is 3 and hasn't had a party yet. All we've done is a little thing for the family with cake so far. I think it is unnecessary to have a huge party when they are this young. Save the money and the stress for when they are older and ASK for the parties and they will have the memories. They don't remember stuff from this age anyway so why stress over it. You do the 1st birthday as a big deal mostly for the parents (ok moms) but after that the kids don't know the difference. Save your money. She will hound you for parties soon enough - then imagine how much it will cost.

C.
www.purelybalanced.com

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No it's definitely not wrong! Growing up, I only had one or two "regular" birthday parties with other kids. All of my parties were at home with my family and I was always fine with that. You don't have to throw a big expensive party for your daughter to enjoy it. :) I hope you have a fun time whatever you decide to do!

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I am confused...why do you talk about the kids as if they are a set of his and hers towels. With the his kids / my daughter thing??? Even if you have a blended family and they are his and she is yours you both made a committment that involved the others children. All of the children should be treated equally and you and your husband need to make money decisions together before it leads to resentment and serious problems down the road. As for a birthday party it shouldn't cost several hundred dollars especially for a child so young. Have fun, be creative...I'm sure you can come up with an affordable way to celebrate (hint...dollar stores are WONDERFUL things) If the family is understanding enough - set a theme and make the party pot luck.

Good Luck!

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We had a simple party at home for our kids, even the 6 year old every year. We might do something a little more this year when the 6 year old turns 7 if he asks. There's nothing wrong with hamburgers and hotdogs, chips, soda and a cake with family and close friends at home. We got a character cake for our 2 year old last year and watched her favorite DVDs and the kids played and had a blast. We were hosting regular get togethers so the adults just did our regular Saturday night thing while the kids played. The birthday girl was happiest with the three mylar balloons from the dollar store. As far as she was concerned, it was the best party ever.

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Maybe it would be more fair or seem more fair to you if your stepchildren also didnt get the big birthday party until your finances get more stable but your daughter really wont know the difference.I try to do the simple family birthday party for my sons real birthdate and a big fun one for his friends in May before his class gets out but I mainly do that for me not so much him because my parents couldnt and or didnt celebrate my birthdays alot and I wanted for my son to have the opposite experience!He likes the fuss I make so far!! I think there are alot of ways to cut expenses more than birthday parties- just make it smaller and more affordable- do cake,snacks at a park not meat and a barbecue.Good Luck!!

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NO, NO, NO !!! It is definitely not wrong. If you put yourself in the place of a two year old, would you rather have a bunch of people over or have your mommy and daddy give all their attention to you? I think a two year old would love having you spend all your time with he on her special day. A cake with candles, a small gift that she will enjoy, and lots of attention devoted to her will make a GREAT birthday party for any two year old. I am sure your husband will appreciate the efforts that you are making to ease the financial burden on him. Love never fails in ways that we search out to show it.

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Hello Ro! It is interesting that you asked this question - yesterday a friend of mine and I were talking about the birthday party thing. Growing up I can count on one hand the number of parties I had, literally. But every birthday was a big deal! Mom made a cake and if there was a little more that year, we could pick to go out to eat (and where) or we could choose dinner for Mom to make at home. And the cakes were just 9x13 with icing or sometimes a round cake with icing. We had the best time!! Sometimes grandparents were visiting but usually not! Fast forward 'til today: I have an almost 3 year old. His 1st birthday his Uncle, Aunt and 2 cousins came - I made a cake and we had hotdogs and hamburgers. Birthday #2 I made a cookie cake (put some frosting and a little tractor on it (from his "collection") and dinner - both grandmas were here. For this birthday, I don't know if anyone will be visiting (probably not) and I'm planning to make a cake for him - probably a 9x13 with a construction tractor on it or something... I guess my point in telling all this is that it is really the family and thought that counts. You being able to stay home is WONDERFUL!!!! Your little girl will reap the benefit of that for the rest of her life. Family birthdays will be the best memories and the years that you DO have big parties will stick out in her memory - more special!!! Good luck and enjoy your time!! I agree with another poster - cutting back to save expenses should be across the board. It isn't about fairness, it is practicality. Shoes, clothes, food before birthday parties until years of plenty.

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What is wrong with young mothers today?!? My daughter does the same thing. A two year old does not even understand what is going on at that age! Just give her a cake, some gifts, and sing "Happy Birthday" to her! Young kids don't need all the fanfare. If they get big, expensive birthday parties every year, they will come to EXPECT them, and be very hurt and disappointed later in life, when they don't get the big parties. Keep it small and SIMPLE!! They will love it just as much, because you cared.

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My little girl is 19 months old. I've been thinking about her upcoming 2nd B-day for a few months now. To party or not to party? She got overwhelmed and cried during her 1st B-day party (thankfully she won't remember any of it) so I was leaning towards no party. Truthfully, she is too young to know what all is going on and way too young to remember it so the whole event is more for the rest of the family's enjoyment than for her's. I've pretty much decided to bake colored angel's food cupcakes with brightly colored icing and musical candles, get her 2 new toys wrapped in the Sunday comics (her relatives will send more stuff), and splurge on a bunch of shiny helium filled balloons (the ONLY thing she liked from last year's party) and call it a party by inviting only the people who are closest to her. Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I hope this helps you!

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Absolutely not! There is no reason to throw a big expensive party every year, especially when the kids are so young. A big party can be overwhelming and just lead to a meltdown, and at 2 she won't know to anticipate it beforehand, or remember it afterwards. My son is 2, and we've only had a few friends and family over with cake and ice cream. We plan to wait to have a big party when he is much older, and then probably only for big milestone birthdays. Others will just be family celebrations - out to dinner, presents, cake.

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I think at 2 years old, your daughter will be just as happy with the family and a cake. The big birthday parties at that age are more for the parents and grandparents anyway. Don't feel guilty, just make it the best 2nd birthday ever. You can make it a very special day without spending a lot of money.

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Family parties are sometimes the best. It sounds like your kids have plenty of toys. More kids just means more tension less fun and more stuff to sort through later.

My 2 yr old is having family and a few adult friends and we are going to play "Blues CLues", eat cake, and make "ear" hats at the party instead of party hats.

Think about what your 2 yr old has fun doing everyday. Do that and just give all the attention you can give. Good Luck

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You are not doing anything wrong. I have been in your position before and there are lots of things you can do yourself to make a wonderful party. She is only 2 but she deserves a party also. You can make up different games and make decorations out of items you can find around the house.

Go to the stores and ask for empty boxes, they make great playhouses and you can color, paint or whatever you want. The other children at the party can help build and stuff.

You could also have a dress up party with some of your clothing and jewerly or a tea party. Little girls love that.

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Ro,

Kids don't need a big party to be happy and it doesn't have to be expensive.

My kids prefer that I make their cake and we buy a 1-gallon tub of cheap ice cream. You can invite a couple of small friends over and you can be done with that.

If you want to, you can even play a game that is inexpensive. One year, I had every little girl bring dress-up clothes and they dressed up and I videoed them walking down the red carpet with us clapping for them. They loved it.

As long as your child is recognized on their special day, I think it's ridiculous to spend hundreds of dollars whether you have a job or not. My husband and I both make over 6 figures each and there are better things to invest our money in and my kids still feel special.

Also, don't worry about those crazy goody-bags. Kids are just as happy to leave your house with a blow pop or a helium balloon and those are both inexpensive.

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Hi, I don't think you would be wrong for not giving her a party. At two years of age it's really not a big deal. I would do something family oriented and call it a day.. However, the baby does need to have a cake at least and a few balloons to grasp the concept of a celebration in her honor. By no means should you feel guilty about it. You have many years ahead of you and more precious memories as well. I hope this helps.

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I don't think that is wrong at all. You can get a happy birthday banner from birthdayexpress.com that can be used over and over again for about $15.00. I plan to get one of those and in Walmart they have plastic colored plates in the seasonal section right now and I am going to buy some of those. You get about 4 for $1.00 and they are dishwasher safe. Then we can just reuse them every year.

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Woa! Your husband should NOT do for the step kids if you agree to not do for your child. Thats a big sign for trouble. Money is money and fair is fair. It's the principle too. Just cuz she's so young - that doesnt make it right. You are sacrificing and contributing to the family as it is by staying home. That saves money. I think a nice cake and fun at home is absolutely perfectly fine. For the steps too. Kids get too much. Not appreciated. Also- its normal- for some years to have to cut back on gift dollars. Hope it helps. Kind of depressing- but its all a part of life. J.

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My daughter is 14 now. We have had two birthday parties her whole life. One was when we invited one other friend her age to go to Chuck E. Cheese pizza parlor with us. The other we had here at home and invited her friends. The rest of the birthdays consisted of us having only family here with cake, ice cream, and presents or going out to dinner with just the family someplace special to her.

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It is absolutely not wrong to skip the big birthday party. Especially at that young age. When my 4 month old turns 1 and 2, I plan on a simple celebration at home with family - you know, give her a cupcake with a candle and take some pictures of the messy eating, etc. That's it. I'm a stay at home mom and do not want to shell out big bucks for a big party for a bunch of kids. At least not until they are older, in school, have school friends to invite, etc. Don't feel guilty, she is really young so it won't matter to her. Sure, big parties are fun, but they are not necessary. With your reduced income situation, spend money on more important things. Good luck!

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I don't think so, I don't like birthday parties except for milestone birthdays, like turning 1 then 6 and maybe when they become a tween and then there's that 16 bday. You can celebrate without having spending a lot of money. That way they don't come to expect it and then think you suck 'cause they aren't getting a party. Just my 2cents

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No, it's not wrong! You can have a wonderful, memorable birthday with just a few family members and cake! Take pictures. IF you really want to stay home but want to add to the budget, you should go online and look at Direst Sells. I quit my RN job after 26 years and love Premier Designs. There is something for everyone and DS is good even in a slow economy. I advise checking out www.premierdesigns.com.

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You put a party hat on that baby's head and let her blow out those candles, and get into that cake. You take a lot of pictures of her and she will have a blast. Family is what is important. You don't have to outdo the Jones. She is two, she won't remember if you trot an elephant through the house. You at home with her is the greatest gift of all. Have fun.

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Dear Ro. A birthday with family is great. My son and daughter-in-law do these massive birthdays and spend mega bucks as well. Once our kids got up older we did larger parties with friends but money was always tight and there were some years that we just couldn't. We would use the money for what they wanted for their birthdays rather than the big party and make sure there was family present...and maybe a couple of their best friends. You don't always have to do bigger and better....it's another of those things that has gotten WAY out of control. Enjoy your daughter and family. R.

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Absolutely not....you can still invite friends, just put on the invitation-"cake and ice cream will be served"...that way your guests know that they will not be fed a meal...schedule your party between meal times...10am, 2pm...that way everyone has eaten. Just make a bunch of tea, lemonade, kool aid (cheap stuff) and bake your cake - That has worked WONDERFULLY for us several years...in fact my oldest just turned 8 and she had a blast even at her age...you can also schedule your party at a park....where it is free... Good luck

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I'm going through this right now, too. My daughter is turning 7, though - and knows that all her friends have parties, so she's expecting one, too. But you know what? Growing up, my siblings and I were always thrilled to choose the meals of the day on our birthday and choose whatever cake/dessert we wanted. My family made it special for us as JUST a FAMILY. And I never felt deprived.

Especially since your daughter is only 2 - it's okay to not succumb to the excess that society tries to pressure us into. Enjoy the special day with just her and your family - get her one really special gift (for my two year old's b-day one year, we got a $50 radio flyer tricylce. Classic!) and enjoy watching her eat her fill of special cake and ice cream. The memories we make with FAMILY are often the sweetest of them all. :)

(also, since you just recently became a SAHM, if you're looking to earn extra money, I work from home with The MOM Team - and it more than pays for those extras like birthday parties! :) Feel free to check out the website at www.healthyhome4family.com )

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She's 2 ... I think just a family party is much more meaningful, and no, she won't remember one way or the other. I only did the party thing for my children every 2 or 3 years, ever, and they are 17 now. Yes, they probably would have liked one every birthday, but if it didn't work out financially or time wise, then we just did a family party, and made a big deal out of being together, and making a special request meal, and the cake and the presents. We had some special family birthdays, and they've grown up well adjusted and don't hate us for it! Do what works best in your situation, and have a wonderful day!

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I dont think it is wrong. My daughter had primarily birthdays with the family til she was 5. I am one of those people that feel the big 200+ parties are a wasted exspense. Try something like I have done to avaid some of the guilt if you want, they have an excellent park out on Cedar Glades and since it is in the county you can usually reserve it fairlt easily. (You can do that through the same place at the county court house we pay our trash)I believe it was a $25 deposit and as long as you clean up your mess they give you your check pack and then no cost to you. Get a bag of balloons and some plates at dollar store call a few friends and have some fun at nearly no cost.
I dont think you have to have a party every year and I think that simple is just as fun if not more so think about the real part of it all. Letting the kids have fun and in general they dont care where as long as they can run a muck and enjoy each other they are satisfied.
Good Luck!

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it's not wrong at all. my daughter is 2 and she has never had a big bash, just usually cake with family and a few close friends. isn't that what birhtday parties were when we were kids, and we are all ok, right??? she will be ok. you are doing a good job.

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No, I think you are doing the right thing! She will remember all the fun things you do together by staying home with her!

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I think it's perfectly fine to not have parties for kids when they are young. I have 4 kids and none of mine had parties until they were in school. We would celebrate with cake and ice cream and open presents. If they had a favorite meal we would have that. You can also make them feel special by letting them pick a movie to watch together or pick a game they like to play. You can make the whole day special by waking her up by singing Happy Birthday and referring to her as the birthday girl all day. At that age they just like having alot of attention from Mom and Dad.

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Hi,

I don't think it is wrong to not throw a huge party for every birthday. I never did that for my boys when they were young because I was a stay at home mom also. I did a paper route for about 3 years to help pay the bills and I was able to be at home for all of the important functions they needed me for. I wouldn't trade the time I got to spend with them for all of the money in the world!!!

Enjoy every minute, they grow up before you know it and all we have is our memories and the love we create.

Mom of 6 loving babies...

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There isn't anything wrong with cutting back. Make a cake with candles and take some pictures or video (both). That will be awesome! The party for 1, 2 and maybe even 3 year olds is mostly for the parents and/or older siblings I think anyway. So no need to feel guilty. It will be fun just the same!

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This is not at all wrong, she's 2 she will not remember. I didn't start to make birthdays a big deal until my kids were old enough to make it a big deal. Then they can help you plan their party it is much funner then.

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The short answer is, no. I think your immediate family should recognize birthdays and celebrate them, but serving a favorite dinner, cake, and any "tokens" (small presents) are more than enough.

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Ro,

I've been where you are and it is tough to make those decisions. My daughter didn't get any Christmas presents from us for until she was 3 - (she did get them from her extended family though). My point is, your daughter is young and not giving her a birthday party will not do any permanent harm to her. Sometimes a special cake is enough at that age and maybe spending some extra time at the park or something like that would be enough. Cutting back on expenses is hard, but she'll appreciate the time you have with her more then a one day party. HOpe this helps and good luck!

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Forgive me, but several hundred dollars for a birthday party is absurd. How will you teach your children that money can't buy happiness if you throw parties like that? When I was growing up, I'd get to invite a friend or two over for a sleepover, have my favorite food for dinner, pick out the cake and ice cream, and not have to do my regular chores. I had my first real birthday party when I turned 18 - and it qualifies as a party only because I invited about 6 friends over instead of 2. And even at that party we only had cake and ice cream; we played board games and watched a movie, and we all had a blast.

You are NOT a bad or unloving mother if you don't spend a lot of money on your kids. (I remind myself of the Great Depression whenever I wonder if I should be giving my son more. It helps me figure out whether it's a need or a want.) Since your financial situation is different, it may be a good idea to discuss with your husband how you will handle birthdays and holidays from now on, and then explain to your children that there will be less money for such things (though you will still have money for what you need). And then retrench!

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I don't think it is at all wrong. I have 3 boys, ages 11,5 and 1. Before they are 4, the party is really for you. Your daughter won't remember her 2nd birthday party. But she will benefit greatly from having you home with her as long as you can afford to be. We don't have a big party every year. For my oldest son's 2nd birthday, my husband and I took him to one of those indoor kid gyms with the tunnels and ball pits. We all had a great time. And it was all about him, not pleasing the guests. She will have lots more birthdays when she will beg to have her friends over. Enjoy it now when you can just focus on her and make her feel like a princess for the day.
Enjoy staying home, I do.
D.

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we have small family parties EVERY YEAR, simply because they are more special! look at it that way! please do whatever you can to stay home with your daughter, i operate a daycare, believe me, mommies should be with their children whenever possible, it is worth the sacrifice! what's a $300 birthday party once a year, when i get my mommy everyday :-)

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My opinions to your questions. 1.No it is not wrong to have a private birthday party. 2.Time is always more valuable to a child than being bought. She IS to young to care about having a party so as long as it doesn't bother her, don't worry if it bothers other family members or friends.

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It is just fine to have a low key 2 year olds birthday. She will remember your gift of staying home with her for ever! If you can afford it and enjoy it I don't see anything wrong with a party, but everyone will understand if you are wanting to go low key for finances (and it will be so much more pleasant than the craziness of a kid party). She isn't getting the wrong end because she is getting you all of the time. We can't always be fair to our kids, we can just love them the best we can. My 3 year old had a party with her sister this year and I still don't think she got it. It is a blessing really, a time to really enjoy her birthday without worrying about everyone. Most of the stress I felt about parties for my 2 year olds was offending my friends who had invited my girls to their 2 year olds parties by not having a party! so you have an out and a way to make your life simpler. If you are like me and like having get togethers, have a simple potluck, a homemade cake and print out pages from the internet to have the kids color as a party favor. REal friends are happy to bring something to a get together so everyone can have a pleasant time. Good luck ...

A.

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No way is that wrong. A simple B-day party can be fun to. Also have you thought of a pot luck and you doing the cake. I think that we are all trying to cut back these days. You will be in our prayers.

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Hi Ro,
I think you are exactly right in wanting a small celebration. My little girl was 2 in March and I invited about 6 of her friends (all her age or w/in 1 yr of her) and after the parents and siblings came (some had to) there were almost 20 people here!!
Most of the baby advice sites I checked (AFTER THE FACT) told me to invite the number of kids the child's age and NO More.
At 2 honestly how much can she remember and I really don't see how she would CARE that her older siblings got to do more. When she is older and you are back at work-DO MOre FOr HER!!
Right now I'd not let what you are doing for older kids-have done in the past affect what you do for your daughter.
And you did say you are trying to cut back-a nice birthday at home for your family will be lovely for YOU and your Husband and LESS WORK TOO!!
Besides, you child's Little Moments (when they are at the age ours are now) are more for the Parents than the Child. They won't remember but You will. Don't you want to remember you girls 2nd Birthday as a nice, Stress-Free Time?? Next year We are inviting 3 of her friends for her 3rd and having a small "do"...
I think if you feel this is best-stand your ground with your husband. Have the party at home for family only and make a cake.
Good Luck!
C.

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At 2 your daughters most important people are you and your family. I think it is a wonderful idea to save money and have a home party. I had family parties for both of my boys until their 4th birthday. She will love it and so will you if you let her help make her cake and decorations. Be sure and take plenty of pics of her helping. You will remember it for the rest of your life.

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I have nine kids total, although only my three girl's live with me. There has been numerous times where we have "put off" their birthday parties due to financial situation's. My daughter's have come to appreciate just having momma there for the day. Having a "girl's day". We watch movies, play games, do make over's, and just be girl's. Then to make up for it, at tax time, I go that extra step to do for them. I think truly that a child of that age is more likely to remember just having you there, then they would a party. My children range from 6 to 18, and none of them could tell you what they did for their 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd birthday. Hope this helped.

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She won't mind at all if it's handled in a positive manner - not like she missing anything. THIS YEAR take her to McDonalds to play in the play area or to the park for a picnic! They get excited about doing these things just as much. Sometimes the big parties seem to be more for the parents sake than the kids. We have done both, big and small parties with family only. It never seemed to matter to the kids because we made a big deal about the day no matter what. We would decorate the bedroom door also for something extra. Relax and enjoy a low cost birthday with her and let her eat lots of icing!

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Heck, I think I had one birthday party through my entire childhood. Other than that, it was just special dinners and cake with the nuclear family. I think I turned out okay. I didn't know any different. That's just how birthdays were.

You don't need to spend the money to show the love and to a lot of great, special things. Just use your imagination and think of what she likes, and go with that.

Have fun! (You will. Perhaps even more than last year.)

L.

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My daughter turned 2 last summer, in August. We had a small birthday party for her, just cooked burgers on the grill and had a cake, and then of course let her open her presents. The only people we invited were family. My parents, my husbands parents, and my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew came. It was very low key, low cost, and she had a blast! I definitely think its fine to just have a small get together at home with your family. I also think its wonderful that you're staying home with her! She will definitely benefit from so much mommy time! I stay at home with both of my kids (2 and a half, and 3 mo old) and it was the best decision I've ever made!
Those guilty feelings you're having about not having a big party are just those normal guilty feelings every mother gets and feels MANY times throughout motherhood! You can't help but want the best for your children, and unfortunately, sometimes when we can't give what we think is the best, we feel guilty when we shouldn't! I'm sure your daughter will have a wonderful time with family at her birthday party, and having a home-made cake just means it was made with love! You go girl!

Gosh no! Special time with you and the family is all that a person needs (especially a 2-year-old) to feel celebrated IMHO! Money does not equal happiness and neither does a fancy party. A fun time with people who love her is the best! When children are older, more aware of what their friends are doing and seeking friends' approval then the situation may need a different approach. But at 2, I don't think you really need to spend much of anything. My son turns 2 in June and we're gathering at the grandparent's house. We'll put up a sign, have a fun meal, and he'll have a cake and a few gifts. We'll probably make him a small cake (the size of a big role of masking tape) just for himself so he can have a messy good time eating his very own little cake. That's TOTALLY enough! Your love for her celebrating that she is alive is really what a birthday is, right? Just to love her and celebrate her is the best birthday you can give.

We are doing something similar for my daughter's 3rd birthday this year. Last year was expensive and a little crazy so this year we are telling everyone to eat lunch before they come. We are setting up sprinklers in the yard for the kids to play in and buy a cheep plastic pool from Wal-Mart. I'm going to make a cake and buy some ice cream. We are not going to decorate anything except the cake. This way she can still have her party with her little friends and cousins without costing a small fortune.
At this age the kids don't care about all the extra stuff. They just want to play! I hope this gives you ideas.

Personally, I don't think it's wrong at all. I think kids' parties are getting WAY out of hand. We all want to do something each year better than the last. At several hundred dollars at one year old think of the expense by the time she's 16!!! And these days we tend to measure "better" by the dollar. Yes, the very first b'day is the most important to the parents but take the next 2 or 3 years to keep it to family or just a limited amount of guests.

This will be long but I'll share what I did for my daughter's b'days. She is now almost 28 and she still talks about her b'days and how much fun she had. So I'm guessing these ideas were successful!!!

As she got into kindergarten, I had a small party after school AT the school with cake and ice cream. For her early b'days I did always invite the parents so that I could be concerned with my child and hostessing and each parent could corral their own child to keep things smooth and no one got hurt. (Plus it gave the moms a chance to get to know each other and many times Dads came too!)

One year, the theme was outdoor activities and the gifts were things to play with outside (ie: hula hoops, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, jump rope, etc.)

Then it was a pool theme and gifts were diving rings, intertube rings, a float, beach towels, and we got her a life jacket.

Another year, she got a puppy from her dad & I, so the gifts were puppy themed. (ie: a leash, a bag of bones, chew toys, a blanket, food & water dishes, books about puppies, a puppy poster, brush, flea comb, etc.) She was so excited to get things for the puppy that she didn't really care they weren't for "her"!!

Another year it was about games, another was books. You can then go with whatever is age appropiate for your child. This kept the cost of gift within a certain range and no one had to spend a great fortune. As parents, our gift was usually the "biggest" expense - the puppy, the life jacket, etc.

You see, most importantly the gifts could be very inexpensive and the parents LOVED having a specific idea to make it easy to choose gifts. I made the invitations to show the "theme" for the day.

At all of these, the park playground equipment was the entertainment. About 9-10 we added a clown, then a Jupiter Jump.

After that she was old enought to have her parties at home and without parents. We did an ice cream party, pizza party, skating, etc. We limited the number of guests to what her age was. This helped with the expense. Finally, we ended up the last several years being slumber parties so that we could accomodate the larger numbers. After that, she was old enough to be going out with friends (remember - all the parents know each other very well by now!) and we went back to a family dinner!!

And don't even get me started on the "goodie bags" that guests received for attending. I feel like that is "buying" guests so I don't agree with it. The fun, activities, socializing ang "giving" should be enough. And we never accepted a goodie bag for attending another's party. You know, it never seemed to effect the number that attended and other mothers quit giving them out too!!! It's just another way for Toys R Us to get you to spend $$$$$!

I hope these ideas will help. Sorry so long!

NO!!! These parties are crazy in my opinion. You could have a family party and make it pot luck (if your fam is the type that would be OK with that). I grew up with 11 siblings, and feel very lucky to have been a part of that, none of us ever had a party. We had a cake that my Mom made, a song and candles with the lights out and a present or two. I have wonderful memories of Happy Birthday with all the lights in the house off and all standing around singing. I remember that, my wonderful Mom making the cake that I chose...I don't remember the presents.

I had a similar struggle just 2 weeks ago when my son turned 3. I ended up just having close family over, I made his cake (I have the ability to make cute cakes) and we ate pizza. He had a WONDERFUL birthday and I don't think that he felt like it wasn't enough (his 1 yr and 2 yr were big blowouts). I think a small party with family is fine and you are making sacrifices because you love your daughter. You sound like a great mom!

No you are not wrong. Birthday parties at that age are more for the parents anyway. The kids can't remember their parties until a bit older. Older kids? Sure do a little something, but a party at the park, even for a 10 year old, can be just as fun as a big party with a high cost.

As far as the birthday party goes, it's about your daughter and celebrating her, not the rest of the family or friends. At 2 she just wants mommy and daddy's attention. If you want to do some extended family, they know your situation, do a potluck. If they don't want to come, that's okay. One thing that is inexpensive and fun for a little one, after she goes to bed, blow up a bunch of balloons and put them in her room. She will wake up to magic in her eyes. Make a cake or cupcakes. They are better anyway. Keep it simple and keep the focus on her and making her feel special. Maybe some time at the park with a picnic. Good for you for choosing to stay home with her. By giving up some other things and sticking to a budget, you will be able to really have an impact and enjoy her. It's great when you can make it work. Best of luck.