Is Every Holiday Going to Be like This?

You're going to have to spell it out to him in detail. My husband has really slacked off, and I told him he had become really thoughtless -that the more I do the less he seems to care. You have to make it very easy for them most of the time. I send mine links of things I want; tell him exactly what I would like him to help the kids with,etc. It still irks the hell out of me though -especially given the lengths I've gone to in the past to make his holidays and occasions special. I don't do that anymore though -he gets things and cards and stuff from the kids, but I don't sweat it. It only makes me angry to do so much and for him to do so little. SO -spell it out! If he still doesn't do anything, then you have some deeper problems! Also -make it clear to him that it's not the amount of money spent -it truly is the thought that counts here! It's thought and effort and the fact that they considered us.

No, it's not too much...if you've told him that's what you'd appreciate. If not, he doesn't read minds. I would comment on it in passing. See if that's enough to plant the see for Mother's Day.

Try and talk to him. Tell him how you feel.
Some men are just clueless. Clueless and dense.
Tell him... you don't feel appreciated....
Does he even give you compliments?

No matter how much a man works, they sometimes are just one track minded... so tell him how you feel. He may not realize.

You are not asking too much.
You just want to be appreciated... and noticed.
I get like that sometimes too... I tell my Husband. He has a Mom that never expected anything & never said anything... so he "thought" women just don't "need" those things. DUH! I told him his Mom is a martyr... but most women just like some appreciation and are human.

all the best,
Susan

l

A mother who wants a home-made card -- Hallelujah!

If I were a husband/father I might assume that women wanted diamonds or nothing and so maybe your husband just figures a card wouldn't measure up. Seriously tho, if I see one more hideous/manipulative/greedy commercial trying to convince the country that the way to show your wife or mother you love her is to throw money at her, I will scream. As it is, I take every opportunity to explain my annoyance to all my boys and am very clear that what I want and what I pray the majority of women want is:

Their love...I want kisses and hugs and random declarations and art work made just for me.
Their respect...I want them to think about how their actions affect others
Their gratitude...I want them to notice the little things I do and say thank you voluntarily.
Their help...I want them to put their toys away and to clear the table.
Their diligence...I want them to try hard at everything they do.

I guess what I am saying is...If I did not tell them (all of them...hubby too), they might just do nothing (daily or on Mother's Day).

I agree with JC. You need to communicate to your husband that it is important that he have your son make a card for holidays so that you can feel appreciated. Unless you tell him then he is not going to know, and you are just going to continue to feel unappreciated.

Is not asking too much at all. The only support I can offer is that in about 2 more years you'll get tons of cards and pictures from your son. I just had a birthday and my 5 yr old daughter and 7 yr old son made me cards, pictures and letters. Wanna know what my hubby got me? Nothing. We did go on a trip that I wanted to go on, but I still would've liked a card or flowers from him. In the meantime, work with your son on making cards for other people for birthdays and stuff so he learns how. Next time your bday rolls around and your son is 3, tell him it's going to be your birthday, ask him if he wants some time to draw or make something and I bet he'll do it all by himself! My 5 year old daughter even asked my hubby if he would help her make a brownie mix for me and he said he "didn't feel like it right now"!

The only thing that could be asking too much is if you're asking him to read your mind. While it seems inconsiderate, possibly selfish, and not necessarily the norm, he might truly have no idea that you feel hurt and upset by not receiving gifts or cards or acknowledgement. Just tell him how you feel. Tell him you'd really appreciate him taking a little time to do something for Mother's Day, your birthday, etc. He might just really not know that you want something. Maybe his family didn't celebrate these things when he was younger. Appreciate yourself and your contribution to your son. Regarding how underappreciated you feel, tell him how you feel and what you want. After all, he is just a man. If he needs instructions, he's not likely to ask for them :)

Does your husband know that you care about this? If he doesn't he may not be able to guess. He may believe - as all the commercial and TV movies make us believe- that you dream of diamonds or luxury cruises and doesn't make any gift because he cannot get to this level.

You may have nothing for this time around, but you could wait for Father's Day and have him a nice card and have your son make one and then, when he reads the card (or later in the day), tell him how you enjoy these cards and would love to receive one from your loved ones (i.e. him and your son) now and then.

My husband usually forgets these special days (anniversary, birthdays, mother's day, Valentine...) but would send me cards. bring me flowers... randomly, which is even sweeter when I receive them. Once, it was a jewel box that he saved from trash and within a simple paper: "Coupon valid for 1000 kisses". But, each time my husband makes some ting like that, I show him LOTS of appreciation and how much I liked it and how thankful I am... so he knows I'm so happy he has a gesture towards me and I don't need any expensive present.

Everyone wants to be appreciated and I don't blame you one bit. Working to support you so you can stay at home is a nice thing but it is also something that needs to be done. Did he come from a family that didn't celebrate Birthday's and Holiday's maybe he just doesn't know it is expected not that it excuses him or makes not even giving you a card from your son right? You might just have to show him what it is like to celebrate. I am sorry you didn't get a Birthday card maybe you will get a Mother's Day Card. Happy Birthday whenever it was and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY too.
Kay

My husband is clueless, too. I just have helped our kids make things for me. Even for my bday, Christmas, etc, we go to the store and they find things they want to get for me. I close my eyes and they put it in our cart and pretend I don't know what it is. I think helping your son do it is better than having nothing get done.
S.

When my son was younger this drove me nuts. And I'd say to my hubs couldn't you get our son to make a card? Husband "never thought of it". So when a birthday comes or holiday I tell him, I expect a homemade card make it happen. And it does. Tell him or he won't do it. And to answer your question, no it's not too much to ask!

I haven't read the other responses.....yet.

Personally, I'm a really bad gift giver and seldom send cards. I like to do things perfectly, and I get discouraged when I only have time for a quick message. I'd rather call the person and speak directly with them.

But, that's my preference. My husband is the opposite. He's a much better gift giver and puts a lot of thought and effort into birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas.

I have to ask him what he wants and how to best celebrate his day because how he likes things and how I like things are completely different.

He feels very unappreciated (we're both working parents), but he doesn't see that I put my love and appreciation into doing things for him such as laundry, giving him a few hours to take a bike ride, picking out the kids' clothes the night before so it's not an issue in the morning.

I think you'll just need to tell him how important those keepsakes are to you for the future. I am extremely sentimental and have kept every card, every note, every gift my husband has gotten for me in 10+ years together. He could care less - just differences in personalities.

Good luck and Happy Mother's Day

You need to tell him that this is important to you and then provide him with the tools to make it happen. Contruction paper, crayons, markers, and as your child gets older, scizzors, glitter, glue, paint etc. Get a small tub, put craft supplies in it and then leave it out from him to use when an event is near. Do the same for him as well so that he sees the value. It's not asking too much you just have to help him make it happen.

I'm sorry you were disappointed. Happy Mom's Day!! From personal experience, I can tell you I think that some men are just not wired that way. I had my guy trained fairly well (we've been together 7 yrs & I have 2 kids from my prev. marriage) -- then this past year (my b-day is January, valentines and now mom's day) was awful! I got my own b-day cake and planned out a family valentines day (and had to wait until mid day when he was done shopping to exchange gifts & take the kids skating)...mom's day he had money issues (not a big deal or so I thought)...my kids (12 & 9) took the initiative to plan and make me breakfast and made cards and crafts -- but they were bummed they didn't get to shop for me. I waited till bedtime and said I was ready to stop celebrating holidays since he used to make a big deal something must've changed because he wouldn't even help the kids put candles on a cake i bought for myself! He was crushed, the kids were pouting, but then again so was I and this is holiday #3.
I'm sure this isn't too helpful to you, but I thought you should know that some guys just don't get it...even if you tell them what you want and when the date is (I did both!!)
Best of luck!!

I agree with many - you have to just talk to him. Men need direction and clear direction at that. It may very well be that simple. I agree talk to him about it and let him know that it is important to you - then if he doesn't do it you might have another issue. Good luck and Happy Mother's Day!

No, you are not asking too much! My mom said that my dad was the same way when they were first married and they had two small boys. She had to sit him down and explain to him that it is his job to teach his children to respect and apprecitate their mother, which unfortunately, I think you will have to do if you want the situation to improve. Start out by saying how much you appreciate and admire him for working so hard so you can stay home with your son & how much you enjoy it. That being said, you don't feel appreciated for you role as mother and caregiver of the family. Explain that it is his job to teach their son to show you respect and apprecitation. Until he is old enough to shop himself, your husband needs to do so on his behalf for your birthday, Mother's Day and any other holiday that is important to your family. I wouldn't even address the fact that he doesn't get you gifts from him, personally, at this point. He'll come around. Good luck!

You definitely need to tell your husband that this is important to you. Tell him what you expect for holidays because believe me men are NOT mind readers. My first Mother's Day, my husband didn't have a card for me or one from our 6 week old daughter. He thinks the day is to honor his mother without any regard to the fact I'm the mother to his children. This year for the first time in our 4 year married history, he is going to take his mom out to breakfast today and I'll do the same with my mother. Usually we just get together with his mother and his siblings and their kids. Since my mom was in Florida, the celebration was always for his side. Thankfully my mom recently moved back to MN from Florida so I can see her on Mother's Day. Tomorrow just my husband and our daughters are going out to celebrate Mother's Day for me. Believe me I've had to have these conversations with him on what I want for our anniversary, my birthday, etc. Bottom line he doesn't really care about his birthday or how it is acknowledged, but my birthday matters to me. I also make sure we acknowlege and celebrate how he wants to celebrate Father's Day. Acknowlege how much you appreciate how hard he works, but he needs to know how hurtful this is to you and what you need.

Have you ever asked him to do this? He can't read your mind and doesn't realize you care.

You need to tell him that he is hurting your feelings by not getting you a card/gift for your birthday. Also, tell him that he is not setting a good example for your son on how to treat his mother/future wife. In fact, you should help him make a Mother's Day card for you to give you. He'll be so proud of himself.

Again - tell him he is hurting your feelings. He'll never know that you feel this way if you don't tell him.

Last night I told my husband what I want for Mother's Day. This way, he'll get me what I want and we will both be happy. You can try telling your hubby "I want XYZ for Mother's day from you and the baby" and where to go and get it. Nothing like an outright hint! Then if he doesn't get it for you - ask him why not and tell him that you are hurt. And that you deserve a gift for being a wonderful mom. Just be aware that you will have to pound this in for a while to come... Good luck - and happy Mother's Day!!

Have you read the five languages of love? You and your husband probably have different love languages. Read it and see if you can get him to read it or summarize it for him. Men are mostly clueless. Most need some guidance. Help him out and help yourself out too :)

Tell him. Men don't read minds and they don't know what you want unless you tell him. Maybe his family doesn't do holidays, maybe this is the way it was in his house growing up. Make sure you tell him how it makes you feel and I bet you will get some amazing results.

Have your husband read what you just wrote.

I can't answer from a married perspective, but single/divorced parents have this same dilema!!!!
However - you can probably use my solution. I have a really good friend (For you do you have a sister, mom, neighbor, other SAHM with the same dilema etc) who "stepped" up and was in charge of making sure my daughter made me cards and stuff for all the appropriate holidays. Now that my daughter is older, my friend takes her shopping and lets my daughter pick out my gift.

Once your son is in school you will get a TON of cards for every occassion (I have arbor day and earth day cards since pre-school!!!!!). The gift thing may always have to be someone else that takes your son.

I know that you are disappointed that your husband doesn't do this (and appears unwilling, for whatever reason). However, isn't the end result that your son gets to participate in giving you a gift? So, in a way, it doesn't matter WHO helps him. He gets to feel good to celebrate you and he gets to build a bond with yet another adult who loves him and can teach him stuff.

My husband is somewhat like this too. He won't get gifts for his mom or sister, though either. Usually, I just tell him that my birthday is coming up or whatever and tell him what I want. I then get it for myself. I even bought my own cake this year how pathetic is that!? Anyway... my son is only 21 months old so he is still too young to make me a card or whatever, but I do plan on talking to my husband about having my son do that when he is older because I don't want my son to grow up like my husband and not be appreciative of his wife/sister etc. I hope this helps and I'm sorry your husband treats you like this. You deserve so much more!

I would say his mom wasn't like that. . .

We would present my mother with homemade stuff and she'd look at us like we had three heads. She just didn't care about the homemade stuff she wanted jewelry. Just who she is. I don't fault her for it. Not everyone is partial to the arts and craft movement so to speak.

So maybe he just doesn't think of things like that because he wasn't accustom to doing it for his mother. You could mention it... that is really what I'd suggest. But at 2 your child can't do much besides scriple on a piece of paper or color a coloring book picture. So maybe he thinks it's a wash till the child can actually do something more.

Tell him how you feel. He won't know, if you don't explain your feelings to him.

You are going to need to tell your husband that these things are important to you and what you expect out of the holiday's. You will need to tell this to him more than once, and then you will need to remind him of it when the holiday comes close.

To us this feels like nagging and that it shouldn't have to happen this way, and eventually it won't, but things will not change unless you start to make them change.

I've been married to my wonderful husband for 7 years. He was much like your husband, but this year for my birthday he got me scented candles, a new bottle of perfume (never done before) and two homemade cards... It will get better!

i feel you. exactly the same here. but i don't want a homemade card. i want a day to be for myself and my girls but i never seem to get it. he says i must know how much they love me.
i do.
but i want this day to be all about me and my girls.
and our anniversary is a day after.
got a call from one of my moms today who said i swear to you you tell him he better do something nice or else.
so i called him at work and told him what my mama said. he laughed.
yup, laughed. he thought i was being cute.
i feel hurt that day and then i move on.
he just doesn't have it in him, and totally doesn't know what to do or get.