Infant Sleeping on Their Own

Everything I have read and asked the doc, is that you wait until they are 4 months old to cry it out, until then it is important that you are establishing and supporting the connection in them that you are there you will care for them they are safe. My guy is 7weeks old and we are planning on waiting till the 4 month mark

HI G.,

After reading tons of information regarding letting our kids "cry it out" I gathered that anytime after about six months is safe to start the process. Prior to this age the baby's lungs are just not prepared for the heavy crying and breathing that will follow. At ten weeks I would not even be concerned about daughter not sleeping through the night because well it is just silly (not to be rude haha) she needs to eat at least every few hours so sleeping through the night will not happen for awhile. Good luck and dont worry sleep for you will come again soon.

G.,

NEVER!

That stupid "cry it out" method only teaches babies at far too early a stage that they cannot depend on their parents for comfort and help when they need it, and that they have a set of parents who will gladly put their own selfish needs over those of an infant. Makes babies clingy, insecure, and ill-adjusted.

Check out www.askdrsears.com for baby-friendly sleep suggestions.

Best wishes,
K.

10 weeks is somewhat early. I would suggest you get the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block". It tells you how to get your baby to sleep through the night. We used this method and it worked great. Our son started sleeping through the night at about 2 months and has always slept in his own bed and been a great sleeper. It's hard at first to listen to your child cry it out but it only lasts for a few days, then everyone's happy. Good luck!

I agree with the woman who suggested Dr. Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". We loved this book. I will say that although difficult the cry it out method is something that I agree with. However, I don't think every child responds well to this method. We have twin boys and we tried the cry it out method with both at different times based on size, etc. My one son did just as the book described, cried one hour the first night, 20 minutes the next night, and was asleep without difficulty the third night. My other son would have cried forever (we tried Dr. W's suggestion to start with naps) which he did. We had to try a gentler approach with him and he now sleeps very well. They both (at 17 months) sleep 7am to 7pm.

Best of luck to you. Just check with your doctor to find out when the time is right for you to let your child "cry it out".

NEVER. thats horrible to let a child sit there and cry. when they cry it means the need something. babies like to feel secure and loved rock her to sleep or just lay down with her in your bed. and if you tried for so long to have her then you should want to rock her and soothe her. now i will say this my youngest daughter WILL NOT let me hold or rock her when shes ired but she does want me to lay there with her, she "talks/fusses" for a few mins but im right there and if it goes on longer than 3 mins we get up walk around the room let her calm down and try again. shes a great sleeper and a happy baby.... and people who say rocking or holding the baby will make them too Dependant... to hell with that i want my kids to depend on me. so i think its so stupid to let a child whale for hours so the parent doesn't have to deal with it... if you cant deal with it then don't have kids!

----edited to add:
My apologies for misinterpreting your request - I see now that it was much more of a, "We plan to let our daughter cry-it-out, how soon do we start?" type of request instead of a "When should we...?" request. My bad.

I was a bit shocked by your reply because I never suggested you do this: "I am not, however, going to lay down with her until she falls asleep until she is 9 years old or walk her around for the rest of her young life." I'm sorry it seems so ridiculous for you to lay down with your brand new daughter until she falls asleep, even if that's only for the first months of her life. BOTH my husband and I truly enjoy putting our kids to bed during their first 2-3 years on this earth. And yes, we walked, rocked, sang, and layed down with them. It's how we would want to be treated if we were young!

And an interesting observation -- I've *never* met any older kids (9 yr olds?) that need to be laid down with! Even so, I clearly wasn't suggesting you lay down with her to sleep every single night from birth until she goes off to college. ;)

Last, I didn't realize it was such a radical idea to walk or rock your young baby or toddler to sleep, either. Among my family and friends, many of us saw how baby's sleep changes gradually over time and how our toddlers (usually between 2 & 3 yrs old) did learn *on their own* to go to sleep.

As with everything parenting related, follow your instincts. If you feel that cry-it-out is what your baby needs most, and that it's the best way for you to mother your baby, go for it! I hope it works just the way you think it will (minimal tears, well rested baby) instead of what some others have experienced (takes longer or doesn't work, stressful for both parent and baby, not permanent, needs to be repeated at different developmental stages).

-------original reply:
G., if you tried for 4 *years* to get pregnant and that was a miracle, are you seriously considering letting your tiny, new 10-week-old "cry it out"? Honestly, that's not healthy for her right now anyway -- even hard core "cry-it-out" parents will typically wait until 12 weeks. Please be very, very wary of anything the Ezzo's (Babywise, GFI) publish because they are hard-core cry-it-out advocates to the point of causing harm to the breastfeeding relationship, the baby (failure to thrive!), and they basically bash anyone who does it any differently.

Personally, I don't really ever think that "cry-it-out" is a great method (I list one exception below) because it basically means ignoring the baby, or ignoring them for intervals at a time -- parenting your child to sleep is important, and I don't think ignoring = parenting.

Plus, a baby's first 12 months on earth are spent growing and developing at a RIDICULOUSLY fast rate. Her sleep patterns, how often she eats, how quickly she's developing -- all of these things are DESIGNED to be different from adult patterns! "The Baby Sleep Book" discusses what is really healthy sleep for babies, and how that is DIFFERENT from how we adults sleep.

My suggestion, as a mom of 2, is to ditch that tired "cry-it-out" idea. Be an active nighttime parent -- parent her to sleep just as you parent her during the day, by being *with* her, by creating a very soothing and consistent and simple bedtime routine, by helping her learn the difference between day (bright, activity, etc.) and night (dark, calm, etc.), and by helping her learn to relax herself (stretching/yawning, deep breaths, for example - even tiny babies can mimic this!) so that she can go to sleep. Respond to her cries (I'm not saying to scoop her up at every hiccup or sound, but you probably already know the difference between a little dreamy fussing a small cry that quickly escalates into a wail).

Think about it - crying is a baby's only, and very important!, form of communication. This is her only way to tell you what she needs (and at this age, her wants ARE her needs, she's not trying to trick you into anything!).

I just don't think babies were designed to be left alone in a crib to "cry-it-out" -- there are far gentler, more respectful ways of teaching our babies how to sleep:
* The No Cry Sleep Solution (by Elizabeth Pantely)
* Sleepless in America (by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka)
* The Baby Sleep Book (by Dr. Sears)
* Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide (by Dr. Jay Gordon)
* Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide (by Kim West)

While it is true that sometimes babies fuss a little bit in their sleep or while going to sleep AND very quickly settle back down, that is quite a bit different from "cry it out" where you essentially leave your baby alone to fend for themselves (or leave but check on them but don't talk or hold them or respond to them in any way). Of course, if you are in a severe situation where you're so sleep deprived that you risk getting angry, shaking or potentially hurting your 10 week old baby, then sure, cry-it-out is safer than the risk of anger/potential abuse. Note: if you feel like you're ready to lose it because you're so exhausted by a baby who is sleeping really poorly all the time, like waking up always after only 15 or 30 minutes, that's likely a sign of your baby having a *health problem* (like undiagnosed food allergy and/or bad reflux or ear pain, etc.) and should be addressed with medical attention, NOT "cry-it-out"!

Anyway, I say just hold and snuggle and love your little baby girl to sleep, because these days of your daughter's infancy will be gone in a FLASH - they grow up before you know it. :) I've never yet met a mom who regretted the time spent (and the bond created by!) rocking her babies to sleep for a few months or even years. I have, however, met moms who tried "cry it out" because everyone else said it was "the thing to do!" and then deeply regretted it... especially because for many, it's not just the "quick fix" that people say it can be. Bottom line, there are much gentler (yet still effective) approaches to helping your baby have healthy sleep.

Congrats on becoming a mom! It's a wild, wild ride. :)

When you know they are crying to be defiant.

Seriously, it's up to you. If you want to go the cry it out method maybe you might read the Brazelton book.

Myself, not a fan.

When it is a temper tantrum or crying to "get his way", I let my boys work out their own emotions. But when they are scared at night or having problems fighting on coming sleep, I comfort them.

i just wanted to add that "M"s response had some very valid points that i don't think should be dismissed or taken as a personal shot against anyone as a mother.
i noticed that some mothers became defensive at her response and those like hers, but please consider what she is trying to say. just because you hear our mothers and grandmothers stressing that babies should be sleeping all night and we should let them cry it out, it doesn't mean you should. they DO eventually sleep all night. just trust your maternal INSTINCTS and not what people who don't even know you or your baby are saying you should do.
one added note* my rule is that if the baby's cry in the middle of the night sounds like her mouth is closed, i don't go in there. she usually goes back to sleep on her own within 2 minutes. once it sounds like her mouth is open, that means she is awake and needs me. it works for us.

Our doctor says a baby should sleep through the night at 4 months and 14 pounds. I guess until then, she might need to wake up.

Oh dear, just read the comment next. Good for her that she had babies that that worked with. Every baby learns a different way. While crying it out may not seem ideal, some babies just don't learn to sleep any other way. I learned that by finally having my 18 month old cry it out. Yes, I was waking up every 2 to 3 hours for 18 months. Your baby will need to learn to sooth herself back to sleep.

It is really easy to be against something that you never had to do.

I think you need to wait until your baby is closer to 6 months old or so. Now is way too early - I think I read somewhere - probably in my what to expect the first year book, or a sleep book, that parents should not let an infant less than 6 months of age "cry it out" because they are learning that you will come get them and are developing their attachment needs during that time. I think you will know when it is time as you will be able to tell that the baby is doing it just for your attention versus a need that has to be taken care of. To note, I am only defining "crying it out" for any period that would go beyond 10 or 15 minutes, because sometimes infants will cry due to overstimulation as will need some time alone to wind down. Once you start letting the baby cry it out, the book I read said to start with 20 minutes and then go and comfort him/her, but this is when they are a bit older.

In my opinion, 10 weeks is too early. To be honest, I didn't let my son cry it out for several months, and even then I would start with only letting him cry for so long before going in and patting his back and letting him know I was still there for him. It would only take a second to go in and do this, then he would quiet down. If he started again I would do the same thing. He knew I was there if he needed me, but he knew I wouldn't be staying too long, or picking him up, etc. But every child is different, so find what works for you. Just be sure your baby feels secure.

People will tell you not to, but if you are sure that she is not hungry and not poopy, and is tired, let her go. learning hw to fall asleep on your own is a great thing and an important step towards independence.
At about 7 weeks we had the worst time getting our son to take a nap. He would fall asleep in our arms and when we put him down, he would scream. We finally put him in his crib and WATCHED THE CLOCK! What seemed like forever was about 6 minutes. We instituted a 10 minute rule, after 10 we could go in and comfort, not pick him up. In 7 months, I have gone in twice.
We now put him in his crib, he grabs his stuffed dog, rolls over and goes to sleep, with the occassional singing and laughing. Even through a stomack flu, teething, and other cribs when traveling, he has never had a problem napping.
That is not to say that if she is screaming uncontrollaby that you should not get her, but you know the difference in her cries.

My Dr always told me that at 4 months of age a baby can begin to learn how to comfort themselves and put themselves back to sleep. They also, unless they are premies, no longer need to eat through the night. So we have always stuck by this advice and began letting our babies cry it out around 4 months. All 3 slept through the night within 4 1/2 months. It took about 1 to 2 weeks to really get it down to where we didnt even have to rock them to sleep, we just laid them down and said good night.
Some people start before that and some after, but its a good guide to at least start thinking about whats good for your little darling! Good Luck!!

As you can see there are a lot of different viewpoints on this subject. We read Preparation for Parenting by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo and followed their advice regarding a sleep schedule with our kids. We also started our two babies out sleeping in their crib(or pack-n-play) from day one. The hospital had them on a 3-hour feeding schedule, which is exactly what the Ezzos recommend, so we just continued with that. The 3-hour routine started with feeding, then awake time(except for at night), then sleep time. We did have to let them learn to cry it out at first, but that didn't last long and they are both great sleepers. My daughter slept through the night at 6 weeks and my son at 4 months. You can find out more about this method at the Growing Families International website: www.gfi.org. We didn't necessarily agree with or do everything they teach, but some of the advice was very helpful. Both of our kids also have a stuffed animal they sleep with which has seemed to help, and they listen to music. Good luck!

Hi G.! I know that everyone has their own opinion on this topic and since you asked, I will share mine. We started the crying it out right about 8 weeks and within 2 days he was sleeping through the night. I had many people recommend the book Baby Wise. So I went to the library and checked it out. You have to be consistant but it works like a charm. I helped some friends when she went back to work and I babysat and within a week he was sleeping at night for them. Many people I know have done it and have been successful. If you have any questions feel free to contact me. Best of luck to you!

G.,

4 months is a good time to start. Before 4 months of age, they have a hard time self-soothing. It might take a while, but you will eventually get them to sleep. You can either use the method where you put them down and leave them, or go back in after 5 minutes of cyring and soothe (don't pick them up), then after 10 minutes, then after 15 minutes, etc. I never had to go longer than 15 minutes.

Everyone raves about the Healthy Sleep Happy Child book, but it's a painful read (becaomes VERY repeatative). So I'll save you the read. To sum it up, start bedtime early (6:30 or 7:00 PM or even earlier). Try to catch them before they get cranky. Use the same routine every night (bath, reading, music, etc.). Diring the day, naps are important, try putting your child down to nap after 1.5 - 2 hours of wakefulness. You should have three naps for the first few months, then two, then one. Follow your child's lead as to when and how often to nap. The key is to presevre their sleep time. Babies need a lot of sleep and are happier when well rested.

I would have to say "the sooner the better" I have been blessed with children that have slept on their own in their own rooms and not really cried too much when laid down. BUT.... I have a friend right now who is pulling her hair out with her 7 year old. I tried to tell her a few years ago that she needed to get a 2 bedroom place and her daughter needed her own room. Well, needless to say she ended up cussing me out and telling me I was a horrible person and jealous that I "don't have what she has" with the kids and so on and so forth. Her daughter sleeps with her in her bed and has as long as I can remember and my friend said "it is ok" and " I have it covered don't you worry" Well, my friends daughter cries and screams and throws temper tantrums when she is told she has to sleep in her own bed now.
My suggestion is try a little bit now but only let her cry 3-5 minutes at the most before you go in and comfort. Make sure that you say stuff like "It is ok, mommy is right here, I am not leaving you, everything is ok... and so on..." As soon as she realizes that all she has to do is cry a bit and you will check on her she will be comfortable enough to fall asleep on her own and know that when she needs you, you will be there. Good luck!
~A.

We were told by my son's doctor that you should wait till they are at least 6 months till you start any sleep training, including crying it out. But he also said if you need a minute to regroup put the baby in the crib for a few minutes.

Try reading the book "Twelve hours in twelve weeks." My first son did not sleep through the night until we started him on solids. However by following the book our second son was sleeping through the night consistantly by eight weeks.

I think 10 weeks is entirely too early.

That being said, you should definitely buy and read Dr. Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It's based on over 30 years of infant and child sleep research, is a very easy read, and makes complete sense. The book discusses natural 'body clocks', when babies sleep and why they sleep at those times, and are respectful of baby's cues and need to sleep.

Although it worked wonderfully for our family, not everyone is a fan. Feel free to PM me if you'd like more info. Our baby slept through the night (9:30 - 6:00) at 7 weeks without waking to feed, and then around 4 months slept from about 6:45 - 6:00). We trained naps around 6 months and now he sleeps like clockwork! Now at 10 months, he goes into his crib at night awake, rolls over onto his belly, and falls asleep on his own. It's like a dream come true - baby gets great sleep and mommy and daddy get together time! CIO or various alternatives have worked for many families without them turning into deviants of society. If you find that it is a suitable solution for your child, don't let people bully you about your decision.