In a Bad Situation

Hi L., I was in a simalar situation. I understand how frustrating that is and how badly you want to spread out and have your own home etc.
First if you dont mind Im going to tell you I had to have a wake up call myself about this once. Only we were sleeping on the living room FLOOR of my inlaws! it was horrible, no privacy etc.
Heres what we did. We went to Consumer Credit Counseling CCCS,http://www.cccsstl.org/?referrer=google&amp;cccs&amp;gcli... They are the best people! They dont judge you! They treat you with respect and the price is very very cheap, Like we paid $15.00 a month I think! We had $23,000. in credit card debt and my husband didnt even have a job! We didnt want to file bankruptcy, we wanted to pay what we owed and we did! He was able to get two part time jobs and I got a full time job (Our income then was only combined together $65,000.00 We also watched the show on Cable called "TILL DEBT DO US PART!" It was a HUGE Eye Opener. I also fell in love with SUZE ORMAN< the financial guru. You can get her books really cheap at www.Alibris.com
We cut up our credit cards and made a budget with CCS. They explained to us that if we didnt do something that in 5 years we would be Half a Million Dollars in Debt and that it was going to take 18 years to pay off our Debt at the rate we were going and paying over $130,000.00 in Interest!

We paid everything off in 48 months! We are now in our own home and have no debt but our home and one pre-owned car.
We learned the value of clipping coupons too! We get a kick out of seeing how much money we can save in a year. We have college accounts set up for our kids, we put in $100.00 for each child. We have IRAS set up for both of us and we each put in $166.66 per month, which will make us millionares in 30 years when we are our parents ages.
We wake up feeling happy, Carefree and Light.
It wasnt easy, but it was worth it! I love to watch my bank accounts grow and we've taught our kids to save 25% of their own money. We tithe to our church too and God has been faithful to us.
When we get our income tax money every year, we spend 1/3 of it and put the rest back! The thought of being a millionare with our ROTH IRAs makes me so happy that I wont be a bag lady in my old age or be a burden to my children. You can do this! We did, so anyone can! Right now I only earn 16,000. a year working part time, but Im able to save almost all of it, which is a actually fun! We do take one nice vacation a year, which is our luxury gift to ourselves.
But we use a travel agent and budget. We've found that Cruises are the cheapest vacations! A 5-7 day Cruise in the Carribean on Royal Caribbean is about $400. per person!!
Includes all meals, our room and nothing to worry about!
Check into it! Disney Cruise is the most expensive! So we dont do that. We go out of Galveston TX and cruise for 5 days and we even bought a nice cruise for my Mother and Father in Law for their 50th anniversary! They were so happy and proud of us!
Its worth it! Go for it girl and keep us posted on your progress! just dont waste time! Get to CCS tomorrow!
Hugs,
D.

2 moms found this helpful

L.,

I'm sorry for what you're going through! I don't want to come across as "Churchy" but it works for me. Pray to GOD. Be real when you pray to Him, let him know what you're feeling on the inside. L. He didn't create you to fail, He created you to WIN because you're a WINNER and an OVERCOMER! Cast all your cares on the Lord for He cares for you. The devil wants your marriage to end and for you to loose your mind but, he’s a liar and there is no truth in him…GOD wants your marriage to succeed and to keep your mind in perfect peace, but you have to keep your mind on Him. Your sons really need their dad. I lived with my mother in law for several months and it was not easy. I hung in there and did what I could until our season was up. Do all you can do and let God do the rest. Nothing is worth loosing your marriage over. I know family means well, but if they are speaking derogatorily to you regarding your husband, don't accept or listen to it. Pay what you can on your bills and see if your parents would pitch in with baby care for your twins until you guys can get on your feet. Give them something for keeping them...it's cheaper than day care. Start saving up for a deposit for your new place and find something that's temporary until you guys can do better. At lease you'll be on your own and your husband can really take pride in taking care of his family his way. Don't move to far away from family because of the support they are offering with the twins. Time is on your side, this to shall pass!!!! It's just a season, hang in there joy is coming in the morning, I promise!! I'll be praying for you L. I'll be praying.
Yours truly,
S.

2 moms found this helpful

The ladies who have already responded gave you great information about your financial situation, so I just wanted to encourage you regarding your living situation. My husband willingly left a job in FL, and we moved in with my mom while he looked for a new job. It worked so well for us that when we moved from her home in GA to TX, my mom sold her house and we all bought one here together. I am grateful for the sacrifices my mother and husband were willing to make so that we could be better stewards of our resources and so that we could stay together as an extended family. I prayed that God would strengthen our relationships, and He has. During our transition, our family clung to the promise in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with Annette. You need to get out of there b/c that is tough on everyone, hurts your husbands pride and you might have the added stress of trying to discipline kids around grandparnets - doesn't work. Also, Dave Ramsey is great stuff. The basics, write down everything you spend (I have a spreadsheet I can email you) that I used after the class. You track every penny and cut the unnecessary. You save toward an emergency fund of $3000. Sounds impossible but we started with $25/pay check and did it!! This money is for actual emergencies so you don't use credit. Call your credit card companies and talk down your APR. We were in the same boat as you but in our house...we got a $30k card down to 1.99% with auto payment. Something wonderful that will help you guys is to attend Basic 1 separately at www.sosinc.org. We've had the best marriage since, been the best parents since and been the best person to ourselves since. Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

I remember having credit card debt coming out my ears. Me and my husband were $21,500 in credit card debt alone and now 2 years later we are down to $4500.
We took a class instructed by Dave Ramsey called "Financial Peace University." Our church offered it. You can also go to daveramsey.com and purchase it online. It's going to havge to be a group effort with you and your husband but if you can get him on board and follows the guidelines Dave Ramsey teaches you, you will have success!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Go to Dave Ramsey's financial freedom seminar. He will give you the tools necessary to make the decisions you need to make (even though they may be hard decisions) so that you can meet your financial goals. One hard choice may be to move out of your parent's house into a small apt. that doesn't cost much, but where you are on your own. One hard choice may be to sell your car and get a less expensive one. Without knowing all the details, I can only suggest you attend one of his seminars. A lot of churches sponsor these events.

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Try the Christian financial guy, Dave Ramsey. He has several books out that may help. My hubby and I are working on reading them and getting out finances into better shape. I also know several couples who have used his methods to work their budgets and get out of debt.
Read and do your homework before any decisions are made.
Good luck,
L.

1 mom found this helpful

There is a Dave Ramsey live event in Dallas on March 28th. I believe there are still tickets and it will be worth the $40 a piece to see him- or you can listen to his radio show- 1-4 on 570am. He is great because he teaches you how to get control of your life and it really helps you and your spouse become closer as you work together getting debt free. There is a light at the end of the tunnel- even though the tunnel may be a long one! The most important thing is for you and your husband to stick together through this- it will be a rough patch for sure, but it will make your marriage so much stronger as you work together, it has helped me and my husband a lot!
God Bless!
~C.

1 mom found this helpful

David Ramsey can give some great advice on what to do. Google his name. He has a radio show and is leads Financial Peace University. He's been there, got the t shirt.
Hope this helps. Know your family is in our prayers.

1 mom found this helpful

L.:
Go out and buy the book, "MONEY MAKEOVER" by Dave Ramsey. Seriously, if you follow what he tells you, you will be on your way to being out of debt AND out on your own eventually. I would take advantage of the fact you do not have a mortgage to pay right now. This book can really help you get ahold on your CC debt.

Praying for you,
A. C
Canyon, Texas

1 mom found this helpful

Check out The Heights Baptist church at www.theheights.org. They offer Dave Ramsey's class. Give them a call to see if they are offering a scholarship so that you do not have to pay to take this. Trust me, they do have funds set aside to help you. Please read Romans 8:28 if you have a Bible, and do not give up hope.

1 mom found this helpful

I really feel your pain! Living with parents while married never works very long, I'm sorry it's so rough right now!

I wish I knew where you could live, but what I do know is a Crown Financial class or advisor (free, with option to pay for books-cheap)would be a HUGE help and a step in the right direction.

Also, read articles on the www.nogreaterjoy.org website, there is some gold in there! About finding a job, about providing for your family, about keeping your husband, and about childrearing.

Let me just encourage you, that your debt can be whittled down over the years, and your relationship with your husband will soar once he regains his independence and self-respect of having you and the kids in his own home.

Good luck and God bless!

~A.

1 mom found this helpful

I am going to add to what everyone else has said... Dave Ramsey's "TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER". There is a book and workbook that you MUST read and put into action. And, I'd look on eBay for it.. I think I bought the two book set for $25 with shipping.

And, I just want to throw out a month saving idea... eBay is wonderful! I buy a ton of stuff on there... printer cartridges, clothes for my son (they do sell items new with tags and he needs Tall clothes), cameras, they have everything on ebay. Just be sure to read the listings and make sure you know what you are buying ...

We had a car we purchased on ebay last year. We figured out that the seller misrepresented the car --- the car needed a new transmission. Unfortunately, the seller had gone out of business. SO, we went to eBay's Buyer Protection Plan and they did cover the cost of the repair! They really came through for us!

1 mom found this helpful

L., we have been where you are now, except that there was not the option to live with parents. You have gotten some great suggestions--I second those: Go to the Library and check out books by Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, Jean Chatzky or Dave and Tom Gardner. Pick a plan you feel you and your husband could stick with, go to www.half.com, Half-Price Books, or Goodwill or other thrift stores and buy books by the author of your choice. Example:

www.half.com Pay It Down!: From Debt to Wealth on $10 a Day
Jean Chatzky Paperback, 2006 $0.75 + S&H

I would not recommend moving until you have a solid get-out-of-debt plan in place. After you and your husband talk this through, maybe you could have a sit-down with your parents and ask for suggestions from everyone about how to make this temporary arrangement better. If you would like thoughts on how to handle a talk such as this such that it doesn't escalate into arguing, anger or hurt feelings, please feel free to email me (I am a retired family counselor--no charges).

If you are interested in some ideas about supplemental income, there are many actually. One of the most promising for part time work is with a marketing company of an energy company, whose marketing plan includes relationship or warm marketing as opposed to TV, other media ads, or building expensive stadiums, etc. When marketing energy, you have no tangible product to deal with; you deliver a service, for which you get paid when electricity or gas bills are paid. If you would like further information, go to my website: www.thefutureofenergy.igniteinc.biz or the main Ignite website: www.igniteinc.com.

Good luck to you. I sincerely hope that you both are feeling better within a short time after you adopt your plan.

I read something like your story in a Guidepost article last evening. The guy/family was in dire straits and he looked to God for guidance. They are still not totally clear but they are on the right path.

Sit down and write all your debts. Take your husband's salary and if you work your salary. Figure out each month how much you can pay on the debt. Chop up the credit cards and get one debt card and use it only for groceries/gasoline. Do not buy any clothing or household stuff new... garage sale (cash) and thrift store (cash). Car repairs? Do you know someone that works on cars rather than the expensive car repair places? Hop the rail rather than drive saves on tires/gasoline/parking/traffic congestion. Rent movies/buy books/magazines/music cds? Library has all of these things for FREE and avoid the fines by turning the items in on time. Do not see a DVD you want, ask the library to order it for you. I have saved a lot of money by utilizing the library. Have a clothing exchange among friends with children or even your friends. Think of things you do not need or truly beneficial and go from there. You will be amazed how you can trim your budget.

Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey...

daveramsey.com

It's wonderful!!!

a few years ago my husband and i both lost our jobs about a month apart from one another, and then my 2-yr old son got his thumb stuck in the door of our house and severed it. We had huge medical bills from two hospitals that worked on my son's thumb-and thankfully you can barely even see the scar today, but we couldn't pay the bills. I called both places and one reduced their fee and let me pay it out month-to-month and the other sent me a form to fill out showing our bills and our situation, and they ended up completely washing the bill away because they have an endowment that helps families struggling. You just have to call and ask. If you have other bills like this as well, I'd just call and see if they can help you out. A lot of places have a service like this.

I highly, highly highly suggest Dave Ramsey's program called Financial Peace University. My husband I almost divorced over finances a couple of years ago. This program saved our finances & our marriage. He gives you simple tools to use that are so easy to do and helps you get out of debt. In the first 2 months of the class we saved enough money to not get behind on ANY bills while I was on unpaid maternity leave. It is an AWESOME program. If you want more information you can e-mail me or go to www.daveramsey.com

Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover

Your marriage is most important, so be sure you are agreeing with what to do about money.

1. CCCS
2. Mary Hunt / Debt Proof Living
3. Maybe you need to be broke for a little while to pay things down - money in the bank makes all the difference in the world.
4. Depending on income, the hospital may have a 'forgiveness' program for part of the bill, or the collection agency may be willing for settle for less than the total amount, since they only paid about 5cents on the dollar for it.
5. Google "It's Your Money" "spending plan" - they have a free spending plan on their site that goes well with Mary Hunt's free information, and that is what I've used almost exclusively to pull us out.

S.

Another vote for Dave Ramsey! I listen to his talk show daily, I think it is 570 AM from 1pm-4pm. Sometimes, he gives tickets or books away to people who call in. My prayers are with you. Also, if you are able, bartending and waiting tables is a good way to make extra income. Since, I am not able to work outside the home right now, I make extra income by selling Arbonne.

L.,
I really feel for you. It is a difficult situation. My suggestion would be to find time to do things together as a couple each week. Have an appointed date night where you get away from everyone else. It doesn't have to cost money, go walk at the park or something along those lines. Also, have time with just your family without your in-laws. I'm sure they're wonderful but you need time to be a family not be the kids.
I would also suggest listening to Dave Ramsey and reading his books. He can help even the most broke people get out of debt.
It is going to take a lot of hard work to get through this but you sound like you have the motivation to do it and I believe you will find a way. I hope some of our advice helps you out a little bit. Hang in there.

Dear L.,

I can tell you this. Regardless of what you might think about wanting to buy a home someday, your family togetherness, peace and harmony is the best thing for you NOW.
You must restore your husband's pride by moving out of your parents' house as soon as possible. Look for an appartment with even 2 bedrooms. Right now I am sure that you could even get to rent a 3 bedroom house for that same price. Budget, budget,budget.
Is it worth you working and paying for daycare for or even 3 children?Probably not.
you might also be able to keep the kids in the day and work parttime at night. you might be able to budget hubby's salary so that you get to stay home with the kids.
Use coupons etc. You might think that it is impossible but I promise you that with just cutting out unnecessary expenses, budgetting, you will be supprised where you will be in the next 5 years without living with the parents. As much good intention as it might be for both sides, it is still difficult to live in another adult's house.
goodluck and write back if you have any other questions or ideas about what I have written.

L. -

I have a child with an autoimmune disease and her medications (even with our insurance coverage) cost us more than $10,000 a year. To stay out of debt, I started using coupons and stockpiling stuff that we use regularly at the lowest possible price (sometimes free). It takes a little work, but might be something you would want to consider. Once you get going, it gets easier.

There are lots of sites available to help you. I've got several listed on my blog. Look for the ones with "DFW" by them to get the local ones.

http://cravingthesavings.com/?page_id=14

Good luck!

L., I do not have any advice for the debt problem, but I am a mother of 13 month old twins abd a 4 year old. We have a great resource and support group in the Dallas area. It is called PAMOM Plano Area Moms of Multiples www.pamom.org . They love to help out other moms of multiples.

Also, having twins and a 4 year old is stressful enough on a marriage without adding in a financial situation. Please know that we will be praying for you.

J.

Hi L.,
I will be glad to show you how you can start earning extra money by just spending 10-15 hours per week from home. We have a special event in Dallas on Friday,March 6th at 7:30 p.m.Right now you can spend $20.00 to start that business.I will train you,mteach you and you will be blessed by a good income to pay your debt.
Call me at ###-###-####.
S.

I so happy to see that I am not the only person hooked on dave ramsey.

You've gotten some great ideas so far, Financial peace university is really great! I suggest cutting your debt as QUICKLY as you can and then get out on your own. I know it's hard living with parents but just tell your self that it is only temporary and before you know it you'll be on your feet! I am married and we have 3 children, I know how hard these these times are. We save money on diapers and food by shopping at Sams, I use coupons too. If you need assistance with groceries, why not apply for food stamps? Consider day care arrangements and see if there is another suitable, cheaper option. Cut eating out down to a minimum or out all together. Check your auto policies and see if there are better rates (insurance depot has liability insur. for $45 a month), just look for any ways to save money. Have you thought about renting a house? or a three bedroom apartment? Maybe stay with extended family or friends for a weekend to refresh and take a break from your parents. Most importantly though, talk with your husband and reassure him that his feelings and opinions do matter to you. Then address the problem your facing and talk out a solution that works for everyone. Good luck!!

Contact your creditors directly. Ask for hardship program, explain your situation and ask for low or no interest payoff of your balance. Ask them to waive any late/overlimit fees and allow you to make payments on the principal amount in 30-40 months. I did this and all but two of my creditors agreed. If living with your in-laws is a strain, then search for an inexpensive place if you can afford one and try to set aside some money for savings. (I didn't have the money to do that - but it is a good idea if you can). I don't know your financial situation, so it is hard for me to really advise in depth - but definitely contact your creditors. If you can stay with your in-laws for a while then I suggest doing the first step above and then taking any extra and start paying off your smallest credit card and then taking the money you paid on that bill and use it to pay off the next smallest bill (you see how this works) until you have eliminated your credit card debt. I hope everything works out for you and remember that you are a team and will have to work together to get through this without damaging your marriage. Sometimes the rough times can actually strenthen your marriage - but it is still rough to go through at the time. I wish you the best.

good advice from everyone about listening to Dave Ramsey. however, don't BUY his books----borrow them from the library! LOL

if you have a dallas library card you can go to dallaslibrary.org (no www.) and do your search there AND make a request all with your library card number. then when the book is available it will be delivered to the local branch you choose in the request and all you have to do is walk in, show your card and your book will be there (they send an email to let you know it's avail and you have a couple few days to pick it up). then, whle you are reading it, you can continually go back to the webpage to RENEW the book until you are done with it assuming no one else requests it. it's so easy and you will save the money instead of buying it-----and isn't THAT the whole point????

by the way, i'm in exactly the same situation as you...however, we've been living with my inlaws for nearly 13 years! i think i'll go bonkers if we don't move soon! we, however, have had opportunites to move we just never wanted to be the people that live pay check to pay check and i'll tel you that living this way makes it really hard to remember not to splurge on unnecessary things! remember your goal and don't get complacent! thats what we did and you'd be surprised how fast the years will slip by. even if there isn't tranquility among the adults. we decided to send our kids to private school and that was one thing that made it extremely hard to then ever move b/c we had that committement and I didn't want to take them out of their school. if i could do it over i'd have researched really well on GREAT public schools and taken my almost 13 year old now daughter out or never put her in b/c the tuition has just gone up and up every year and now there are two in there! but i don't like to move them....anywya, that is just an example of making the best decision you can with teh future in mind...think of the consequences of this decision in relation to your goal of moving! don't spend that money if it will not get you there. good luck!!!!!!

Just to add to the others, Dave Ramsey's program is life changing. Look at his website and find a church near you that is offering "Financial Peace University". My husband and I checked out the videos from our church library and are watching them. Awesome information fomatted in "Baby Steps" that make it easy to see progress being made. Lifeway book stores currently has the "Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey on sale for $12.99. If you simpy cannot afford that, go to the public library and check it out.

L.:

I work with a company that helps people like you get totally out of debt in a very SHORT time. It doesn't change your life style, and it isn't a debt rolldown program, - please go to my website: www.propertiesnmoore.com and do the Free Analysis - it doesn't ask for any personal info - just numbers. If you have a question, please call me. My number is on the website. I've been where you are at - and it isn't a great place to be - best wishes, and I hope to hear from you.

J.

L.,

Dave Ramsey/Financial Peace University! They may be able to offer you a scholarship for the class, but even if you have to pay - it is the best money you can spend. The class members become your support group.

Budget, budget, budget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See if any of your debt holders will negotiate a reduction in the debt.

Read some communication books to help maintain good communication and relationships in the family, because it will be very helpful if you can continue to stay with your parents while you dig out of the hole you're in! God bless your parents!

Hang in there! I've heard of people digging their way out of tremendously high debt! You can do it!

A.

In my opinion, if it is the debt that is tearing you and your husband apart why would you want to take on more debt by moving out? The cost of rent, utilities, etc. is only going to take more money out of your pocket. I would stay where you are until you can pay some of your existing debt off.

I have no idea what your spending habits are so if I say something you are alread doing I don't mean to step on toes. First hide your credit card. Don't use it the interest ads up to where you could of bought something else. Look at what you buy, is it all just needs, or are there some wants in there. For the time being you can tighten your belt and explain to the kids, that payments to hospital, and food and fuel to get to work etc. is where the money goes and there is none left over. And stick to it. That won't be forever, but if you really want to get out on your own this will have to happen. You can buy clothes for the kids at a thrift shop, as usually they are just outgrown and look like new for a fraction of the price. don't know what kind of car you have, but if it is a gas guzziler , you may think of trading in for something else, and a second hand car doesn't have the tag or insurance expense that a new fancy car does. You would be surprised at the difference in those fees. And when looking for a home, as long as it is in a safe neighborhood, you don't have to have the home of your dreams, you can make do for now in a smaller place, and since you are saying you don't have money, i am sure it will be rental for now. Cook a lot of beans and mac and cheese along with veggies, and the grocery store bill will be a lot less, use old rags to clean up messes instead of paper towels, and you won't have that expense. A lot of things that seem like just a dollar here and there really count up at the end of the month or year even if at the time you say it is (only) a $. If you are both working and living with in-laws, it looks like if you watch your pennys you should be able to come out of it if you don't spend on stuff you don't really need and just want. Good luck , I know you can do it.

Hi L.,

Many have suggested Dave Ramsey for debt. As far as making an income if you would like to start a home based business please contact me at ###-###-#### or email me at ____@____.com.

Sally

Have you tried government housing programs such as HUD or applying for Habitat for Humanity homes? Just a thought. I do not know the details, but I know that there is a income limitation.

Wish you luck!

First of all you may be trying to fix things from the wrong direction. You need to get with a credit repair person. Always get a referral before doing so! Right now with everything going on, you would be extremely surprised as to what you can do! Also, there is a huge tax credit and incentive for first time home buyers! This is actually your moment in time to change your life forever! Do not wait! Jump while it is hot!

We are currently in a situation ourselves but have found much guidance and hope through the Dave Ramsey plan. He has a book and a radio show which broadcasts on 570AM 1-4pm each day. It is a sensible plan on how to prioritize what to pay off first, having an emergency fund, uping income, and whether to rent or buy a home. I listen to him daily and it helps to keep us on track. www.daveramsey.com

Good luck!