I'm Having a Difficult Time Balancing Out My Life.

My husband never felt neglected because he was doing half of it. He got it.

He was just as tired. We both crashed at the end of the day.

He can help with the housework and kids or you guys can pay to have a cleaner - but you're maxed out right now. He should be supporting you (a 4 month old?) not telling you he feels neglected.

It gets better as they get older :)

If he is doing his share (that would be half), he should be feeling just a tired as you are - childcare and homemaking. If he is not, you need to fix this now because the longer he is in the habit of you taking care of the the house and kids, the harder the habits will be to break.

His house and, I'm assuming, his kids? He should be tired, too! That means he would be doing his share of the family chores. If he doesn't get that, rethink the marriage or get some counseling before you tie the knot. And double up on birth control!

If you are soon to be married, then you need to start working as a team. So, ask him to pick up 50% of the household responsibilities. Then you won't be as tired and he'll have a better understanding of how you feel. Win-win.

Also, if you can afford it, hire someone to clean your house twice a month and set up a sitter once a month for date night (eg, first Thursday of every month from 6-8pm, on your calendars as a solid commitment). My husband and I do work as a team, and we still need to hire some help and set time aside just for us.

Yes, exhaustion happens when you have kids, extra so when you have more than one born close together. What you both need to realize that this is a normal life stage. Time will naturally fix it. (If you have another kid, this stage will go on longer obviously.)

One thing that can help now is if your stb-husband is putting an equal amount of his attention on the kids and housework as well. If you guys get things done simultaneously as a team, you'll both have more free time with each other.

You can also tie in some mundane work with fun stuff. I like to fold the laundry while watching Netflix/Hulu. You guys can do that together.

Here honey, this is a list of your chores. If you want to live in this house you have to participate in taking care of it.

I find it helpful to do the math. When does his day start? When does yours? If he works 9-5 and maybe commutes 1/2 hour in each direction, then you measure your work day the same way (8:30-5:30). Anything after that is split time for kids and housework and laundry and grocery shopping and dinner and baths and story time. And no, that doesn't mean you have to get it all done during his work time - it means that child care is more than a full time, 40-hour-a-week job. So if he's working 40, and you're working 80, why is he feeling neglected?

Is your infant sleeping through the night, or are you getting up at least once (maybe twice) to feed? Is the baby nursing, or bottle feeding? If bottle feeding, is your STB-husband taking some of the load? If not, is it because he'd be "too tired" the next day? Well, what about you - aren't you understandably tired all day from not sleeping at night?

Even if the baby somehow sleeps through the night, if you get up at 6 to do diapering and breakfast for the 3 year old, and your man gets up at 7:30 and just takes care of himself...it's already unbalanced. If he gets home at 5:30 and wants dinner and TV, and you're still working...it's still unbalanced. Do you see what I'm getting at?

So I'd suggest one of 2 things:
1) keep a log for 3 days of exactly what you do from hour to hour. Show it to him and discuss.
2) Take a day off and leave him with both kids for an entire day, or a day/overnight. Let him see how easy it is and how exhausted he is.

You can't have balance unless he's balancing out the other end of the scale.

Welcome to the real world. You have taken on some VERY big responsibilities for your age. Of course you're tired.

How's your communication with your fiance? Have you expressed to him how you are feeling? Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. Both partners need to be heard. Talk to him, tell him how you feel.

But, in all honesty, you are going to be tired for a long time now. You and your boyfriend chose to have children together and with children, comes fatigue. That's just the way it goes.

Try and carve out time for yourself. Go take a walk, get a shoulder massage. Go to a friend's for a cup of coffee or tea. Take some time out for the two of you. Ask a friend or family member to watch your kids for a couple of hours and go on a dinner or lunch date. Nurture yourself and your relationship.

I'm sorry but I can't help but laugh a little.
I went through this when we had our son but I was 36 at the time.
You're 21 - this is as good as it gets with little kids at any age.
Don't expect things to get much better until your youngest is about 4 yrs old.
If fiance wants more attention then he can take some of the load off your back so you have more energy to spend on him - but then he'll be too tired for you.
At 21 I was in college, going out to discos (gives you an idea how old I am) and having fun burning my candle at both ends.
I wasn't ready to settle down.
By 36 I had my degree and career (and so did Hubby - we had a nice wedding and honeymoon and we'd been married about 9 years), we had done some traveling, and our own home (no more apartments - yea!) - and we were ready to welcome an infant into our lives.
Just falling asleep together exhausted in bed was a JOY!

What you need help with is HIM taking responsibility for the children so that you can have a break. How can you pay attention to him if you are worn out?

He needs to be taking care of the kids after dinner. Baths, bedtime, etc. You can take a bath, stretch out with a romance novel and get you mind into looking forward to sharing a bed with your partner for something other than sleeping. He will appreciate that. Use birth control so that you don't end up with #3.

You need to tell him that with you both working, you need help. Tell him that you know that he will do fine with the kids, and don't hover.

If you can cook several meals over the weekend or put oven ready meals into the freezer, dinner during the week will be easier. Put a load of clothes in the washer every morning after you wake up, and then throw them in the dryer as soon as you walk in the door from work. When the dryer bell rings, try to drop what you're doing and fold the clothes straight away. When you finish dinner, just go put them away. If you do at least one load a day, you won't have so much to do on your days off. And if you put the one load of clothes away immediately, the clothes take just a few minutes. This worked so well for me when I was working and then I caught up on Saturday mornings. (I was always sorry if I didn't put the clothes away and let them stack up.)

Ask him to do certain jobs in the house that will help you. Vacuuming - that would help - once a week. Taking out the trash. Make sure he is watching the kids while you do a job, or ask him to do that job.

Get a babysitter to watch your kids at least every other week. Go out with him and have a blast. Push yourself to have fun no matter how tired you are.

It's important to establish that both of you have responsibility for the house and the children. That way, one person isn't absolutely worn to a frazzle, and you both can enjoy being together more.

I hope your fiance will see how much it will mean to you both for him to lend a hand.

I used to nap with my kids. Then we were all happy.

Are you a SAHM or a working mom? If you are a SAHM then start cooking dinner after you make lunch. Try to get the kids in bad earlier and rather than looking at netflix, play some jazz and slow dance, have a glass of wine. Put on a cute pj set and nice perfume. Netfilx is a bore.

When your 4 month old naps, then it needs to be quiet time for the three year old. During that time, you need to rest. Be sure that the room you are in (3 year old's bedroom?) is fully baby proofed and lie down. Let him/her play quietly next to you. Darken the room and they might sleep, too. No TV, no noise. Quiet time. It will be a routine worth starting. You are 4 months out from giving birth - and you have a 3 year old. Of course you're tired. Give yourself some time.

Your kids are very young (and so are you). As they get older you will be less exhausted and have more time and energy.