If You Attended a Baby Shower at a Restaurant, Would You Pay for Your Meal?

I threw a baby shower for my sister in law at a restaurant. Darn tootin I paid for everything. That would be totally rude to invite people, expect them to pay for a gift and then pay for their meal.

I was invited to a shower where you paid for your own meal but it was spelled out in the invite so that you could adjust your gift accordingly. Personally I declined and just gave mom and baby a gift, I didn't like the particular restaurant as much as I liked mom, ya know?

9 moms found this helpful

If you received an actual invitation to this shower, and it didn't state anywhere that each guest would have to pay for their own meal, then NO, I would never expect to pay. If this were the case, I think that's really tacky if you had to pay for your meal. If one cannot afford to give this type of shower, then don't give it. A "host" is supposed to pay.

I had a baby shower for my sister at a restaurant. As the host, I would never expect them to pay, and they didn't ask to pay. It's understood that the host pays, unless it's stated on the invite. It was also understood, that if people wanted specialty drinks, that they went to the bar and paid for those themselves. As opposed to what someone mentioned below, I think of a resaurant shower as actually be more formal than a shower at someone's home. Yes, it can be expensive. I've also given showers held at home, which tend to cost quite a bit less.

9 moms found this helpful

I would never host a party at a restaurant and then expect guests to pay. Obviously the feeling on this is split (as far as your responders go) Would you pay the hostess if she were having a shower at her home? I've never heard of such a thing.

One more thing - we just recently celebrated my husband's 40th. I invited 4 couples to meet at my house and then take a limo to the restaurant. I paid for the limo and everyone's dinner, but my friends picked up the bar tab. Everyone seemed happy with the arrangement (we had decided on this well ahead of time) and we had a blast!

7 moms found this helpful

Are you serious? If I'm invited to any shower at all, I would NEVER expect to pay for my meal or for any portion of any aspect of the shower except the gift I'm bringing.

If you can't afford to feed your guests then you rent a simple hall like Knights of Columbus, Elk's Club, or a church hall and serve cake, assorted cookies, tea, soda, and coffee. Have the party at a "tea time" rather than at a meal time. But you never ever make your guests pay their own way. I would never attend a shower where I had to pay to attend.

EDIT: I'm shocked at the number of people who can't picture the logistics of hosts pre-ordering meal choices or even having the restaurant set up things in a buffet style for a baby shower. Many restaurants have a large room that they can set up in a hall style to accommodate a large party like a shower so there's no such thing as having to figure out people's separate meals even if everyone orders something different from a preset menu.

There's never a reason to assume you'd be paying your way as a GUEST to any event you've been invited to. Even if it's a restaurant. And there's no reason to assume that the host can't afford it. You have no idea what accommodations they've made or if they're paying for it with someone else and they're just not broadcasting it to people.

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I guess as a host, I would NEVER invite a bunch of people to an event (regardless of where it is) and expect them to pay. So as a guest, I would be surprised to be invited to an event and then be asked to pay my own way. Unless it was something like "Hey, let's all get together at such and such restaurant to throw so and so a baby shower!" or "I'm throwing a baby shower for so and so at such and such restaurant. It's $xx.xx per person - you in?". In that case, I'd expect to pay and would be happy to do it - it was made clear up front what was expected. But if I received an invitation in the mail, I would fully expect to be treated like an invited guest who is would attend and participate without paying. Have you ever been invited to a wedding where you were told "Oh, by the way, it's $40 a head, you and your husband owe us $80. Pay up." or a wedding rehearsal dinner "BTW, your portion is $60. You can pay me by check or cash." A baby shower, bridal shower, birthday party, etc is no different from an "etiquette" perspective. I can't think of anything more tacky than inviting someone to something, then at the event itself expecting everyone to pay their own way. It's just a recipe for disaster, bad feelings, people who didn't bring $$ feeling mortified, SPLITTING THE CHECK between THAT many people!! etc. A good host would NEVER let something like that happen.

6 moms found this helpful

I have been to both.

I don't care HOW tacky anyone might think it may be... I want that info on the durn invitation! :)

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I would expect the host to cover costs if they are going to choose to hold it at a restaurant. I mean, if they decided to have it in their home, and have it catered, or just order subs and pizza, I wouldn't expect to have to fork over money for food that I ate at a party that I was invited to. Same thing goes if they have it in a banquet hall or similar facility. I think for someone to host any kind of shower in a restaurant and then expect guests they had invited to pay their own way would be in very poor taste. When I got married, we hosted the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant and paid for everyone's meals but also went with a limited menu for them to choose from, as well as a set number of appetizers and pitchers of soda to stay within budget.

If you are not sure, just ask. And plan to pay for your food just in case.

5 moms found this helpful

No, I would not expect to pay and would find it rude if I had to. Every restaurant shower I've ever attended or helped host was set up where the guests were given two or three entree choices and drinks and appetizers and dessert were picked by the hosts and brought out at the appropriate time. Shower guests shouldn't be asked to pay. They're already bringing a gift.

5 moms found this helpful

I would be very happy to pay for my meal. However, I would want to know from the invitation that it was expected of me.

To me, what is important is spending time with the mama-to-be. Not whether I spend $10 on my meal. But... I want to know in advance and not be embarrassed that I didn't know. (Especially if my being surprised is obvious - I don't have a poker face!!)

Hope this helps!
D.

4 moms found this helpful

The hostesses should pay, but I would go expecting to pay.

4 moms found this helpful

If I were a hostess and invited people...... I would pick up the entire tab.

If I were invited to a shower and blindsided with my tab, I'd pay my own tab but my perception of the hostess would greatly lower.

If I were invited to a shower and it was noted that I pay my way, yes. I find that total tacky.

I was raised that if you invite someone, you pay.

Anything other than that is tacky in my book, most especially if it is a surprise to the guests that they are to pay their own tab.

4 moms found this helpful

Honestly, I would not go to a shower where I had to pay for the meal. We have a strict budget. I could not afford to pay for a mean and a gift. I think it's generally assumed, that the guest is not responsible, if it's not stated on the invitation.

If you want the guests to pay, please include that somehow on the invitation. There could be a guest who gets there and can't order a meal, because they can't afford it.

4 moms found this helpful

would absolutely expect the host to pay. Can't imagine any other scenario unless it was specifically stated that guests would pay (which I have not heard of).

Showers are "given" by someone. If one person can't afford to give a shower, than they usually team up with several friends and throw it together.

But I've never heard of inviting people to one and then expecting them to split the bill.

4 moms found this helpful

I can only go by what we did when we threw my friend a baby shower at a restaurant. We paid the restaurant to offer certain beverages and finger sandwiches and veggie and fruit platters. We were allowed to bring in a cake, so we had that, too.

Whatever the guests wanted that we didn't offer, we expected them to pay for.

ETA - By other things, I mean full platter meals or alcoholic beverages, or specialty drinks besides tea, soda, punch, coffee etc.

3 moms found this helpful

Showers are diff to me than adult bday parties. A shower is more formal. I definately think the hostess should be paying and to those that said it would be expensive, it is the responsibilty of the host to know how expensive it will be and be prepared. There are lots of cheaper alternatives, or they always have the option of limiting the guest list.

3 moms found this helpful

Did you receive an invitation to attend the baby shower? If so, it would not occur to me to even offer to pay. Who ever is hosting should certainly pay unless they said otherwise upfront. I have never gone to a shower where I was expected to pay nor have I ever hosted a shower and expected others to pay.

3 moms found this helpful

If it's an actual shower, I'd expect it to be covered by the host. You don't invite people to a party... ask them to bring a gift AND expect them to pay!

Now, if the "host" is just a mutual friend of the mom-to-be and just casually called me up and said "hey I'm thinking it would be fun for a bunch of us to meet for lunch to celebrate so-and-so's new baby," I'd expect to pay my own way... but if I actually got an invite and didn't get to weigh in on the details of the event, I'd assume that host means host.

HTH
T.

3 moms found this helpful

I would expect it to be covered! I've been to numerous bridal and baby showers (which in my area are usually held at restaurants, banquet halls, etc) in the past few years and have never been asked to pay for my meal. I actually just threw my sisters bridal shower this past summer at a local country club and felt guilty not having an open bar for the guests ... that was just way out of my budget. I opted for the champagne fountain instead :)

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I would expect the host to pay- I have never been at any kind of shower where I was expected to pay!

2 moms found this helpful

UNless the invitation specifically said that all of the cost was being covered by the hostess I would always assume that it was "dutch treat"...more than likely the hostess is paying for the guest of honor's meal, but it would be horribly expensive to ask her to pay for all of the meals of all of the attendees.
I have been to several birthday celebrations at restaurants, which would be the same idea as a babby shower...and I have always covered my own meal..I have even offered to pay for a portion of the guest of honors meal, to help out the hostess.

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I would not expect to pay for the meal. That's been included in every shower I ever went to.

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When you're invited to a shower regardless of where it's being held, the host/hostess is responsible for picking up the tab. You're bringing a gift - that is your payment for the meal/entertainment.

I went to a wedding shower at a restaurant a few years ago. I was not asked or expected to pay for my meal.

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My thoughts are that if you don't want people wondering if you are buying or not then pick a different venue. There are tons of other places to have some chairs set up with a few tables for gifts. There are lots of people's homes or parks or churches, just about anywhere for a baby shower. If it's at a restaurant and you don't want to pay then in the invitation you might say something like:

We are hostessing XX's baby shower in the back room of the XXX restaurant. If you'd like to eat while we are having the baby shower the meals start at about $XX and continue up to $XX. Please feel free to enjoy the food while we have a fun time fixing this baby up right"....

1 mom found this helpful

Unless the invitation had something on it saying "lunch/dinner provided" or something of that nature then yes, I would expect to pay for my own.

1 mom found this helpful

My sister was given a baby shower at a restaurant, but the hostesses paid for it. There were 2 choices of entrees.

I would not mind paying, but I would want a heads up, so I would not be wondering what was expected.

1 mom found this helpful

I've not attended one at a restaurant. I would like to know in advance. It should be noted on the invite (meals are or are not included). Give them a ring and ask. I would think it could go either way. Maybe they're just using a banquet room and giving snacks. If it's held at a meal time I would think they'd let you know either way.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

1 mom found this helpful

I was at a baby shower in a restaurant last month and the host prepaid meals (our choice of menu) including beverage choice or a glass of wine. Anything outside of that was on us. Then invitation in this case did not say that so I expected to pay for my part but was surprised that it was taken care of.

1 mom found this helpful

I would assume I am to pay since it seems informal. I feel like if it were a typical shower it would be at someone's home and therefore they would provide a meal.

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When I threw my SIL a baby shower for her second child, she really wanted it at Chuy's, her favorite restaurant. So I paid for it and all the guest. I figured by the time I paid for food, drinks and calculated my time for cleaning and finding activities for my hubby and kids it came out about even. As I recall it was about $200 for everything.

As a note, I would never have another event at Chuy's because they don't take reservations or have private rooms to use for parties. We had to wait for about 45 minutes for our table once everyone got there. People paid for any cocktails while we were waiting on their own dime thankfully. This was three years ago and while we made it fun, I would definitely do it at a restaurant which had a private room for parties. You can offer to chip in, but as a hostess, I paid for it myself.

1 mom found this helpful

The hostess should take care of the food and drinks. That would be kind of like having a cash bar at a wedding.

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I didnt read the other responses..but, I have been to baby showers, bridal showers and birthday dinners at restaraunts in which, "yes" I did have to pay for my own food AND leave a tip for the waitress. So, "YES" I would expect to pay

1 mom found this helpful

As the host, I wouldn't expect the guests to pay and as an invited guest, I wouldn't expect to pay either but I would go prepared to offer because that could add up for one person alone to pay.

1 mom found this helpful

I always expect to pay and to pitch in to pay for the guest of honor. If the host does end up paying for everyone, that's just a very pleasant surprise.

I know that it's customary for the hosts to always pay, but with my particular group of friends, we know that covering so many people gets expensive for any one person and we'd rather get together at a nice restaurant than quibble over a few dollars.

1 mom found this helpful

I would assume that I'm paying.

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I would expect to pay for my own meal. Can you imagine if 10 people went, all got a dinner and drinks. $20 a person X's 10!! $200!! That's a lot of money!

1 mom found this helpful

if it was a formal shower.... invites and registry information sent... the host should pay
I have done small informal shower... hey let take so and so out for dinner to celebrate the baby with co workers. then we pay .

1 mom found this helpful

ALWAYS be prepared to pay. When I've hosted parties, I have paid for the food unless I specifically say "this is a potluck party at my home" or something, and everyone is bringing something to share. HOWEVER that's not necessarily always the case. I think that if I'm good enough friends with someone to actually go to a shower (which I loathe), then I am good enough friends with her to ask for clarification.
There have been times when I've attended a Moms club or hosted a party where we had the choice of 2 entrees, a salad, and the choice of 2 desserts. Other times, we didn't want to try to pick out whether someone wants "beef, chicken, veal, or seafood" so instead we just figured it was worth the extra money to let them order their own food. Depends on how many are there though. I never go anywhere (even as a highschool kid just starting to date) without all the money I would need for an evening, to save myself from a sticky or embarrassing situation though, just in case.
One more thing: I never pay for alcohol if there's more than 4 of us (unless it's at my own house), so I wouldn't expect that. It's just too darn expensive! And I would never let someone pick up my drinks on a group ticket for something like a baby shower. A glass of wine to accompany dinner would be an exception I wouldn't mind making, but I'm so not paying for someone's cocktails and shots. And I wouldn't want to stress out over my $9+ drinks and how many "should" I let someone buy.

1 mom found this helpful

If its in a nice restaurant then I would be surprised to pay for myself.
If it were at a all-you-can-eat buffet, then I would expect to pay my way. Having that information on the invitation to me is important, because depending on the price, I may or may not attend.

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I have always expected to pay for myself. However, I have had one experience where the host picked up the entire bill.

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I would expect that I would have to pay for my own meal (maybe the host had to pay to rent the small room?)

tell us - did this happen to you? were you a guest? or are you planning on hosting a shower and so you're taking a pre-emptive survey?

This is a case where the host really has to specify when inviting people. I have no problem paying for myself and would be pleasantly surprised if the host insisted on paying for everyone. But I would not automatically expect the host to pay.

A lot may depend on who the invited guests are -- All good friends? Just coworkers of the pregnant mom/expecting dad? Not really close but acquaintances? It could make a difference in how you see it. I'd never even think twice about paying for myself if it were all good buddies, but would want to know in other circumstances whether it was "the office" throwing the party and paying, or the host expecting to pay, etc. It's not tacky to tell folks who's paying - it saves a lot of hassles and huffing when the bill comes if everyone knows what to expect before they get there.

I would offer to pay once the meal was finished.

Chances they will be paying for it.

Either way don't go overboard and be extravagant in your ordering just
in case.

Kinda awkward, but I'd expect for it to be covered. To be certain, however, I'd ask. How was the invitation worded?

ETA: Maybe you can ask like, "Is there a per person cost, or will we be doing separate checks?" You will get your answer without implying that you are expecting the hostess to pay.

I've been to adult birthday parties at resturants and have never expected it to be covered. I have always paid for myself

I attended one recently and was surprised when we were expected to pay ourselves. I've just been invited to another one, and again will be expected to pay. Again, I'm surprised, but I guess this is how it is done.

Pay for my own...unless of course you were informed of something different. My guess that's why it is held in a restaurant. Toodles!