I Want to Have My Son Evaluated for ADHD, but Hubby Doesn't

While I agree with Martha regarding the process, you may want to consider waiting for an assessment until he starts Kindergarten. Sometimes it is better received from a "teacher" than from a "wife"... at least that's my experience as both a former school psychologist and a special ed administrator. I could/can say things to fathers that wives can't b/c I have some "authority" and am neutral.

A pediatrician may "yield" to an eval request, but an eval does not necessarily result in a diagnosis and a diagnosis does not necessarily mean medications.

MANY fathers have a hard time seeing behaviors in their sons, especially if they have similar behaviors themselves. I wouldn't rush into an eval right away, but I would absolutely discuss it with the pediatrician and with his teachers now in preschool and in the fall.

Ask your pediatrician for a Connors ratings scale, have your husband agree that if the results indicate that your son may have ADHD, you will contact a Developmental Pediatricain for a full assessment. Then, get two parent forms and one for his teacher, and take them with you to the appointment. These scales do not lie, either your son is showing signs of ADHD, or he is not. Do not depend on a ratings scale for diagnositics, but get the full scale evaluation because you want to no only be sure, but know what individual processing skills are weak and where his streanth is.

M.

Don't wait, early is always better. He can get into some really good early therapy that will be helpful, and there is no reason to wait on diagnosis of a medical condition that will soon make him miserable, if it isn't already. Also, this is no time to speak of what his treatment options are. Wait for a Developmental Pediatrician to assess all areas that may be affected, which will include an Occupational therapy assessment if the DP sees a need. That is the beauty of a DP, they call in all the needed ancelary therapists so that you do not have to guess. Omega 3's may be good for your health, and feel free to try them, but they are not shown to help ADHD, and the placebo effect is huge, so be careful of any money you spend on ADHD "treatment" there is a lot of money to be made of the desperation of parents, so make sure that you stick to standard care with and if you stray into the DIY market, that you know that there is a good chance that you could be taken. Good luck. MR
Sensory Processing Disorder is very often comorbid with ADHD, and in my experience as an advocate, seldom stands alone. Your pediatrician is probably a great resource. He may know what to say to make your husband feel better. Men think in a much differnet way than we do. MR

Your husband is speaking with zero knowledge about ADHD. Mention your concerns to your son's pediatrician but make sure you get a referral to a specialist such as a psychiatrist, neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician for an accurate diagnosis.

Don't let your husband stand in the way of helping your child. Look for a PBS show called ADD and Loving It. It is full of factual information about ADHD and dispells the common myths.One, being that doctors are quick to diagnose ADHD. That's simply not true. It's an extensive screening process and one specialists take very seriously. It won't happen in a single visit to the doctor. Your husband is wrong and is basing his knowledge on nothing. Also check out ADDitude magazine and CHADD online for some good tips that may help you deal with your husband while learning more about ADHD.

We have a son with ADHD and we sought medical help for him when he was three. Trust your gut instinct that something is wrong. If you're seeing problems at home and at school, huge red flag.

You can't "will" ADHD away, nor can you change it through better parenting, diet, supplements or other mythical options out there. You need help from medical professionals. If your son has this condition, he needs help. If he doesn't get it, he's going to suffer in the long run. Don't let naysayers deter you. This is a valid, serious medical condition. The earlier you can get assistance, the better.

Best of luck to you!

I think dads have a harder time admitting their kid may have a special need/condition/deficiency etc.
My son's preschool teacher KEPT flaggin me down on a weekly basis to tell me time and time again that he was having a hard time with grasping his pencils, etc. I mean, it was getting annoying after like the 4th or 5th time. I didn't see what she was getting at. THEN the bulb went on. mentioned it to the ped who prescribed an eval for fine motor skills. My husband kept ignoring it, fluffing it off, etc. Then he saw what a difference the weekly OT visits were making in our son's abilities. It tok him a long time to admit just that!
I say, approach it as a knowledge-is-power, the-sooner-the-better kind of thing. The sooner you find out, the sooner he can be helped--IF NEEDED. Good luck!

While it is hard to go against your husband, you need to do what's right for your child. Getting him the help he might need now will do him a world of good once he is in the school setting. Tell your husband prior to the appointment that you will be sharing your concerns with the doctor and you would prefer his support. That way he won't feel blindsided if you bring it up and he didn't know you were going to.

That seems very young for a diagnosis. What does his teacher say? If he is better at school then it is because school is very consistent, follows routines, etc. If he is worse than the kids around him are over stimulating. is his class full of kids exactly his age or is he younger than the others? Did you start to notice changes recently or has he always been this way? Some kids are slightly delayed in some areas, some kids regress when siblings come along or when siblings become more mobile and there fore more competition. Some kids imitate younger siblings to get more attention. Read everything you can about handling ADHD and see if the suggestions help. For instance LESS toys available = less stimulation which would be helpful, so pack up 90% of his toys in boxes and every three weeks you can rotate the toys. Keep his room a quiet calm place for sleeping and listening to books. not a highly stimulating area full of toys and posters etc. Pick only two things to work on with him like saying excuse me, and waiting a minute NOT EVER interrupting adults. Always praise him for saying it even though it is because you are insisting on it. This will take a long time but try being VERY consistent. Can he listen to a story? If not make that a thing to work on at home, one on one when the little one is asleep. Read really short books and nursery rhymes at first. Read to him when he is in the tub and can't run off. So I'm thinking he's too young to put on meds so for a little while treat him as if he is ADHD and worry later about a diagnosis. Good luck he sounds like a challenge!

Dr's need parents to tell them what is going on because they know their kids. Telling his Ped wont make him give him a diagnosis, the Ped should refer you to a dr to do an evual a child psych. What if you did get a diagnosis and decided to give meds and they help your son focus? Ask hubby that. A label isn't bad if it helps the child. I had ADD, it isn't the end of the world.

Hi K.,
I understand what you are going through!! My daughter, now 8 years old, when she was about your child's age, we started to see a lot of the same things that it sounds like you are experiencing with your son. We also were having issues with my daughters feet (socks and shoes) and getting dressed, brushing her hair, etc.... As it turns out, My daughter does have a Sensory Processing Disorder. (I am in NO way diagnosing your son. I am just trying to let you know that I have walked in your shoes and I understand that when your child gets cut, you bleed for them.)

My husband and I struggled through our 'discovery period' with our daughter. The time when you know something is wrong, but don't know what it is or where to go for help, what questions to ask and who to ask them to. I think it is normal. Men and women truely are completely different creatures. As mom's, well...we worry and then we start to crusade and get ready for battle. (Even if we don't know who we are going to war with, we know that we will win!) Dad's, especially with their sons, I think that is something that as a mom we may never understand. Dad's want their sons to be tough and 'men' even when they are just so little. That's 'their boy' that they brag about at the 'water cooler'. I think it is harder for Dad's to admit that there may be something going on with 'their boy' that may require some help. Call it pride? I don't know. Be patient with him. He loves your son! He is just a guy and because he is a guy, he needs to process this differently than you do.

Here is what I have learned over the years with my daughter, who by the way, is doing wonderful! I learned that a lot of children are diagnosed with ADHD when in fact they just have a disorganized Sensory Processing system. A child's sensory processing system begins to develop in utero and continues to develop through the age of 9. Children instinctively will get from their environment, what their bodies need to organize their sensory systems. For instance, some times you see kids that jump a lot, or stomp their feet when they walk, or always touch the walls as they walk, or even wiggle in their seats. Their brains are just trying to figure out where they are in relationship to the space around them. Organizing their sensory systems. Wiggly and fidgety kids in a class room...well it has to be ADHD because they are distracting and I can't get them to calm down, right? Wrong. They are not fidgeting to be defiant, they are doing it because their bodies and brains need it. That being said, children can have both SPD and ADHD. It does take a professional to diagnose it, but when they are young, and their systems are still developing, there is a lot of grey area. Trust your instinct. My daughter did go to Sensory Intergration Therapy and it helped a lot! Thankfully now, she is at an age that she can reason through things and she knows that certain shoes will drive her crazy so we just don't buy those shoes.

I was fortunate enough, two years ago, to find a job that deals with special education and we just opened a clinic in Troy where we provide Speech, OT/PT, Behavoir Analysis, we have a sensory gym, etc.... My point is, I have a ton of resources at my disposal and I would be happy to share them with you. Just let me know what you need.

Remember, you are the only voice that your child has. You are doing what is right. Do you think your husband would be more open to the discussion with the doctor if you never mentioned 'ADHD' and just explained some of the behavoir your son is exibiting?

Good Luck to you and please let me know if I can help you out in any way.

Kind Regards,

A.

wow I posted almost the same thing last week, my sons teacher actually recomended that we get his tested and treated for ADHD. I still ahvent talked my husband into it he is afraid of the restrictions it will put on him later in life and has this crazy idea that a diagnosis of ADHD will hamper him in anything he might want to do. So my son whom I love dearly is still bouncing off walls and screaming for no reason, falling behind in school because he cant sit still. Talk your pediatrician they will give you some forms to fill out about his behavior, I have actually been giving my son Omega3 chewables every morning and it does seem to help his concentration it takes about 2 weeks for them to really start working but he did sit through an entire cartoon the other day( this is progress)
I hope you get your husband on board I am still working on mine.

Hi K.,

Since your son is very young and it sounds like it might be a more complicated issue than ADD, why don't you take a tack that might meet with less resistance than a medical solution or evaluation? It sounds like your son is having a very difficult time managing stimuli, he gets flooded and overexcited. A very successful intervention to start with can be OT, occupational therapy. It can teach your son how to better manage his physical being and impulses in a child-centric way. Even if he were to be diagnosed later with ADD or something else, you would want to build some other things into his life -- OT, yoga, cognitive behavioral therapy. They will help him manage in the long run and will be suggested to you if he receives a diagnosis. So see what you can build in before you get to the harder stuff. Particularly in this year before he starts kindergarten!

Good luck!

C.
Founder and Director,
HiArt! and the Time In Children's Arts Initiative