I Want Another But..

yes, finances play a role, and the fact that you are even "planning" ahead shows a lot of responsibility... I don't know how old you are, but I had my first 33 and my second at 38.... any chance of putting it off a little longer until you are in a better financial situation?

I am in the same boat as you, I want another one but cant right now bc of finances and school obligations. I do have that baby itch though and everytime I see a baby I, I think I want another!!!

i'm in the exact same situation. I want at least 3, and I am not getting any younger. My husband wants to go to Medical school next year. Ther is no way I am waiting until he is done to have another, that is way too long. However, I also know he will make a good living after. We plan on takin out lots of loans, and have saved a good amount of money already. But as we are not using the money we have saved, we are living on practically nothing now. I don't want to post pone children becuase of finances, we will get there...and yes it will be a struggle, but in my opinion it will be worth it. Only you and your husband can know your situation and what you can truly do good luck, God bless you!

Money does go into the decision, yes. I do not understand why one would be so selfish to bring someone into this world knowing they would be putting themselves in a position where they would be struggling and may go on government assistance etc. Responsible parenting is also ensuring that you can provide for your child financial security - if you are having a difficult time with one(or how ever many you have) why have another?

I think it's VERY important for children to have siblings.... I come form a large family, 48 cousins, of which 3 are only children (due to fertility issues). All three of them have said they would have none vs. one. Of course that's just their experience - others (only children from this site) may have a different feeling.

I think the cost of going from 1 to 2 is incremental... esp. if you don't get caught up in all the buying/new baby stuff. I know that my brothers and sister are a HUGE part of who I am and I would have adopted if we didn't have twins (late clock too!!). But only you can really answer this question for yourself.

Well sister, I'm with ya' on this.

Here's how I figure it.

You can go to school with an infant and three year old. Granted, it might be harder than if you were single. But you aren't single NOW. You are already a parent.

One of the beautiful things about being a parent in school (so I hear) is that you can often create a schedule to best meet your needs (classes four days a week, or three, or in the evening, or the mornings, or scattered, or, or, or). You can apply for scholarships, may be eligible for great and affordable (!?!) daycare near or on campus, or you may choose to go to school when your husband is at home with the kids, and just get childcare while you are doing homework. The possibilities are endless. (I loved when my mom went to school - she'd read to me from her textbooks, take me into the art studio, introduce me to her professors - it was very empowering for BOTH of us).

You can work towards your dreams as a parent. You can continue to grow emotionally, spiritually...perhaps even financially! You can gain an education, switch jobs, continue an education, make moves, travel, laugh, love. Parenting is not a destination. It's an adventure and a journey.

You cannot keep your daughter little forever, or quit your clock from tickin', or stop aging.

So *I* think, if you're going to do it, why not DO it now? I mean, you are already LIVING the family life.

That's my two cents!

Absolutely.

So did time.

So did health concerns.

So did lifestyle choice.

So did my choice in husband.

So did so very many things.

It wasn't like there was any ONE thing that needed to be overcome. A single thing is a challenge, but -in my experience- not that big a deal. It's when one starts layering in multiple reasons, considerations, hesitations... that it becomes a real dilemma/problem.

To me... I'm hearing that it's not just financial. You also want to go back to school. Have started school when my son was 2mo old (he's now 9) I'm pretty blase about school and small children. Yeah, it's more challenging than going to school without children, but so is working a 40hr a week job once one had children. Kids are game changers. That's just all there is to it. Could you start school, go to school pregnant, take a quarter off for the birth, and go back to school? Sure. Less difficult than doing the same at a job (fewer hours to cover, breaks every 3 months for a few weeks, only a few days a week to get covered for childcare instead of all day every day)... yet soooo many working parents say "I could never go to school with kids!" LOL. Not the same way you went to school without kids, but you don't go to work the same way you used to either! And school you can take as many days off (sick kids, tantrums, etc.) as you like and you're not going to get fired. Heck, you can take a whole 3 months off during a challenging period, or even a year, and then pick right back up again. To my mind, being in school with young children is pretty ideal. Best of both worlds. Doesn't make it easy, though. The time commitment is pretty huge.

Again... nursing around the clock, no sleep, weight gain and other "fun" body things, mood swings... not easy.

Again... being low on cash, needing to figure out childcare x2, where to put the 2 foot long human that takes up 40 acres of space (they're like cats that way, aren't they? It's like the never took a physics class. Or physicists don't have kids.), so maybe needing a larger living space, or a new car, or not being able to do x, y, z.

Time and money issues.

Relationship issues. You & your husbands... you and your daughters... your daughter and your husband...

I don't know. Maybe it's just me... but it just never seems like it's about one thing. One thing is easily fixed. It's the stack of problems that tip the scales.

There is never a perfect time to have babies....you will never feel like you have enough money.

If you have to have two incomes to survive - the cost of day care for 2 especially a newborn is HIGH - would you make enough to cover the day care costs as well as clothing, gas, taxes, etc.?

If you plan on going back to school - I would wait until you are in your last year before you tried having one - this way - you have improved yourself and will most likely make more money than you are now and will be in a better place to afford another child.
I personally am not an advocate of having children and applying for state aid knowing full well before I had the baby that I could NOT afford it. This is ME. I don't know you.

When my husband and I married - we did EVERYTHING on his income. My income did not do or affect ANYTHING in our household - it was all "cream" as we knew I was going to be the SAHM...do what you can to make it on one income. I know it's not easy. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman to get your finances in order so that you control them and not the finances controlling you.

GOOD LUCK!

I have a big butt, I dont want another one. Ok, dumb joke but that's how I read your question...and I'm tired...and irked at the "retarded" comments in another post...

Anyhoo, I was in the same place but have 2 kids, a boy and girl. I was in my mid 30's when I had them and wanted 3 or 4. And I'm an only child so I wanted a "big" family. But health issues, and mostly finances, would not allow it. I'm 44 now and although I'm remarried and have a step daughter, I still wish I had at least one more. Its one of my biggest regrets but I do appreciate the 3 I have as I know a lot of people couldn't have any. Don't give up hope, you never know what the future holds. =)

Yes finances had to do with me waiting for having more kids, but it was also having the right partner (well, obviously the first want was the frog I kiss before the prince, lol) Also I wanted to enjoy my husband and I wanted to enjoy my older daughter.
But then we wait and waited for the perfect time, years went by and like Cheryl said, there was not really a perfect time, we (my husband and I) keep thinking we should wait for this and we should wait for that and finally I have to say ok, I think we now are going to the other extreme!
So after 10 years we had our second...well we stared before then 10 years but we did had some problems getting pregnant.
There was this comic I saw one time about these 2 couples:
One went on and have kids like rabbits, the other keep waiting for the "perfect" time and never got kids, they both end up bad (it supposed to be funny) but it goes to show you that extrems are never good.
In my opinion, if your finances are bad that you know you would need help or that you will struggle I would strongly recommend for you to wait, also if you are serious about going to collage.
Even for couples that didn't struggle when getting pregnant have things happen out of no where and struggle.

If you need 2 incomes to make ends meet, how will you afford daycare for this second baby? Will it be financially worth it for you to work and have 2 children in daycare?
Can you do it on one income? If you can, then maybe you could stay home and have your second baby. If you can't -- do the math.
If you plan on going back to school, that's almost impossible with a baby without help of some sort. Do you have family around who can help you? Is your husband going to take over some of the duties at home so you have time to study and do homework???
I don't mean to be a downer, but you've got to look at the big picture...
Figure out your finances.
Figure out the time involved.
Figure out the cost of a new baby -- formula, diapers, daycare, etc.
Put it all on paper and then decide.
LBC

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I would wait if I were you. No need to rush things if your life doesn't have much wiggle room. My kids are 4 and 11 we are just now trying for #3. My kids get along great even though they are so spread out and I love how well my eldest takes care of her little sister.

I'm sorry - that is hard. I would personally wait till you are done with school or until your finances get a little bit better. Paying for daycare for 2 is so expensive if you are both working. I don't know your age (that biological clock!) but I had my kids at age 32 and 38. If you are close to 40 then I can see why you would not want to wait. If you are in your 20s or early 30s then you probably could wait a few years to get your finances in order. Or sit down with a financial planner and look at your budget to see what you can afford right now. Maybe there is a way to make it work if you really make some big sacrifices (no cable, no internet, only one cell phone and no land line, no 2nd car, smaller house payment or rent, etc) Good luck! This is a hard one!!!

I suppose finance made a difference in our decision, but really we were (and are) happy with our one son and we like being able to focus our attention on him.
When ever he wanted to sit on my lap, I didn't have to say no because another baby needed it.
He's very happy as an only child and we never have to ration/split resources/attention.
We can afford to buy him anything he wants at the bookstore (his grades are straight A's, he does his chores and he's very respectful and helpful).
We can pay for his black belt tests (they can run $500) and band activities and we can take him to the beach or Disney World - those things would not be as possible for us with more than one.
And there's only one to put through college - while we are also saving up for retirement.
Not all siblings get along.
My sister and I fought like cats and dogs - the bickering and hair pulls were endless - and we still don't get along even as adults.
There's a lot to be said for 'One and done'.
You just have to be open to the positives and do not dwell on what you think you are missing - because daydreaming that more than one would all be roses, unicorns and glitter is not a realistic view.

I'm an only child who knows many happy only children, and I can tell you that having siblings is great -or not! I get EXTREMELY irritated with those who think that you're doing your child some huge disservice by not having siblings for them. Not everyone needs to have a bunch of children or even more than one child and there are many only children who are quite happy they don't have siblings! I have several friends with siblings who envy me because of the nightmare brothers and sisters they have.

Anyway -if you want another, that's great. I have two myself, but finances did factor into when I had them. Sure, there's never a perfect time to have children, but some times are better than others. I wish more people would consider their bank accounts before having kids they really can't afford.

You don't tell us your age, and it does make a difference. If you're 30, then you have some time, but if you're 39 -well -not so much! Since none of us know your actual income and living expenses, it's hard to say. It also depends on what makes you happy and what you're willing to do. I would definitely get the school portion out of the way if you're younger than older. Ask yourself some questions -are you fine with hand-me-downs and thrift store clothing for your children and yourselves? Is it okay if you don't go on any vacations for awhile? What about things like movies, dinner out, concerts, toys for the kids, extracurricular activities for your oldest, things you consider important like a gym membership -all of those extras that you can live without, but would you want to? Only you and your husband can truly decide if you would be okay financially right now with another baby and if any sacrifices you would be making would be worth it to you. Also, price daycare in your area for two kids. It can be astoundingly expensive! Good luck with whatever you decide!