I Think I Have Really Screwed up Potty Training My 3 Year-old

I'd leave it alone until she's interested. I really hoped the advice that "kids will potty train themselves when they're ready" was right, because it sounded so much easier. And it worked! My son did it all on his own. I didn't want him to start doing it because he had a new baby brother and I wasn't ready to tackle it. But he asked to take off his diaper, then a few minutes later, sat on the potty and filled it up. Now, doesn't that sound better than what you've been going through?
You can lead a toddler to the potty, but you can't make her pee. She has to want to!

Take a break for a week or two then try again. Don't comment good or bad about anything she does or doesn't do potty-wise during that break. Then when you start again try offering choices and lots of them (ex. "Would you like to wear pink undies or purple?" and "Would you like to walk to the bathroom or crawl to the bathroom?" and "Would you like to sit on the toilet with the kids' seat or without it?"). Try your absolute best to be unemotional about the whole thing (not easy). Smile when there are successes and hold your tongue when there are not successes. Teach your daughter straight-forwardly and respectfully to participate in the clean up of the messes without lectures. And offer choices. Only two choices at a time that are within your own limits. I like choices because it shows her respect and gives her a bit of control. Good luck.

Relax! I know it is gross to change diapers, but it won't last much longer unless you keep pushing. Katie D is right on. If you turn potty training into a power struggle your kid wins because they have total control over when and where they go potty. Each kid responds differently--leave it alone for a while and keep her in diapers. In the mean time- Give her some control over other aspects of her life by giving her lots of choices. (do you want the red dish or the orange dish, do you want this outfit or this dress, etc) hope this helps, it does with my kids. Good luck!

You did not screw it up, it takes time. My daughter was potty trained at 2 1/2 and then broke her knee, so we had to go back to diapers as I couldn't get underwear over the cast not to mention she couldn't get to the bathroom as fast and would forget to tell him, THEN she had to have her tonsils out so again, pullups on her in the hospital. THEN, she became a big sister and no interest whatsoever. Then three mos after her third bday, Santa called said he wanted her to go on the potty because he was bringing her pretty underwear for Christmas and how proud he was of being a big girl, it was done, she hung up the phone and she was 100% potty trained, even pooping and at night. Just take a break, do not talk about it other then mention she cannot have big girl priveledges unless she acts like a big girl. Then maybe consider a favorite character (played by a friend calling) maybe Barbie, Dora, whoever just calling her to say he or she is proud of her becoming a big girl and how important it is to go on the potty poopy and pee!!! Then take a deep breath and give it some time. It is a natural order for them to eventually go, she knows how to and it is a power struggle, if you act like it is not a big deal she is more apt to want to make the decision herself. Also, just say "well you need a nap because you aren't a big girl yet..or you cannot have that toy until you are a big girl"...that type thing, let her know all the fun things that go along with being a big girl.

I'm trying not to laugh but I feel like I just read a story about my daughter and I 3 yrs ago! Only my daughter would poop on the potty no problem but pee NEVER! My advice and what worked for us is to stop making it your agenda. She is on to you and at this point I can guarantee she wont do it until you back off. I know the thought of starting all over is extremely disheartening but it's your best bet. My daughter was a fantastic talker, dressed herself, and had no reason for not using the potty other than I wanted her too. My plan and it worked was to give her a week off let her use pull ups and then start all over. We then went together, bought big girl underwear that she choose, and I started monitoring her liquid intake, so no more more sippy cups and she had to ask for a drink when she was thirsty so I knew when and how much she was drinking and then from there I could gauge when she would probably need to pee. So when I thought she would probably need to go I'd ask her if she wanted to go for a walk to park, she'd say yes and I'd say "ok well there's no potty there so we should go together who's first you or me" after a few days it started working! I also took her to observe a ballet class that I thought she might like. I told her I'd let her do the ballet class with the other little girls but she had to stay dry because the class was for girls who knew how to use the big girl potty. It worked and she's been dancing ever since. Goodluck! Oh yeah we also let her decorate the potty with lots of girly stickers and I commited to staying home for 1 week with her until we had accomplished something!!

My daughter was the same way. It was more of a power thing for her. Like some days if she wanted a treat she'd go on the potty and then other times you couldn't bribe her with anything.
What worked for us was making her think that it was her idea to do it. We had to include her in each step. I actually just blogged about this recently with the step by step process that worked for us:
http://melissaschoenhardt.blogspot.com/2008/01/potty-trai...

Give it up for a while. Let her wear diapers and don't even mention the potty. After about a month, try introducing it again. It helps if you have something to really motivate her - a new bike, a trip to the zoo, etc, something that she desperately wants and just explain she can't have that until she's a big girl that uses the potty. No threats, no bribes, just matter-of-fact. If she says she doesn't want to use the potty, then don't bring it up for another couple of weeks, and just try until she agrees to use the potty.

At this point, she knows she has absolute control over using the potty and she isn't going to use it until she wants to. And, like you said, you are under a huge amount of stress and I imagine she is, too.

My son did this and I finally gave up and let him use diapers again. A few months later we tried again when he wanted to go to preschool and knew he couldn't go to school in diapers and he was potty trained in a week.

Hi C.,

I have boys, so I know there is a difference, however, my oldest is five now. He pee'd in the potty at three, and it took a year before he would poop in the potty. I did the same, charts, chocolate, stickers, crying, begging, fighting!! I knew I had ruined him for sure. My mom's best friend, a brilliant woman, said to me at my height of despair, "Do you know any adults who are not potty trained?" Hmm, no I don't, she told me each child has their own schedule, the more you worry, the more they need to take control. Relax mamma. don't listen to the outside pressure's of the world that say she should be doing this by now or that by now!!!!! You are okay! Also, I bought Elmo's potty dvd, the boys both loved it and watched it over and over, but it was still a few months before success.

My oldest went to pre-school, he had to be potty trained, and it was barely happening. I think being around the other kids going to the potty helped too.

Now both boys are happily out of diapers, pull ups, no accidents, except missing the toilet bowl once in a while, but I hear that is a life long problem.

Good luck, and really, relax, be good to your brain, it will all happen in time.

K.

Okay, you have two other kids, so obviously you know how to do this. Just remember each child has their own agenda, right now, going potty is not on hers. She will get there. I have a three year old girl she a two year old boy. Both are potty trained, but both have friends that are three that are not potty trained, and that means they just aren't ready. I think pull ups are always good, because you can use them like underwear, and she can get the concept of pulling them on and off. And you can also see exactly when they go, to tell them, okay you went potty, new pull up. As for going into the bathroom and doing it on her own, my daughter will be 4 next week, she can do it by herself, but sometimes she "thinks" she needs me. I do have two suggestions aside from what the other moms have added in. One, take her in the bathroom with you when you go, let her see you use the big girl potty too, let her see your underwear and that she can be like mommy. Number two, is kind of gross, but it got my 2 year old boy potty trained at 26 months. When he would poop in his diaper I would take the poop and dump it in the potty, yuck I know. But I would say, that's where the poop goes, and we would all say yeah, and bye poop and then he would get to flush the poop down. Now he is only 28 months and never wears diapers or pull ups. I also let him pick the potty and step for himself. Just don't show your frustration, and if she potties in her pants, just say we all have accidents and leave it at that. She is not abnormal. C. C

I would normaly never say this cause I believe all children can be potty trained around 2, but I think you should pull back for one month, she may have gotten confused when you switched her into diapers, it is much easier to use the diaper then it is to use the potty. Give her and you a little break, set a date to retry, mark it on a calendar, and evry day do a countdown with her, by her a new pack of undies that she really likes and keep it by the calander, let her see everyday what her goal is, and then on the "big" day remove her from diapers and pull-ups, no going back, and start the process all over again, I let mine go naked from the waist down with a big t-shirt on the first couple of days, and walk them back and forth every half hour to hour just depends on the kids, and with in a week they are pretty good about it all on their own, there are still the occasional accidents but not many....good luck!