I Need Help with My 19 Month Old-- She Won't Sleep!!

This is completely what happened with my not-so-great-sleeper about 6 mo ago. If you haven't already look into the "18 mo sleep regression." It happens to nearly every kid around this age, is completely normal, and temporary. My son had a terrible time going to bed around then and it resolved itself (or got markedly better) around 20 or 21 mo. (He's 26 mo now.) I know the "Ask Moxie" site has a good rundown on it. Try http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/04/qa_18month_slee.html
So hang in there. This too will pass.

There are several things you can do. First 8 is a really good bedtime for a 19 month old, but how long are her naps, and what time of the day is she taking them? She probably does enjoy sleeping with her grandmother, it's safe. I have a son and he used to do the same thing so I had to try several different ideas until I found what worked for us. I didn't like all the crying and staying up late, so I now lay in his room until he is asleep. I know "experts" say you shouldn't do this, but it is so much easier for us. I believe little ones just want to feel secure and be reassured, and we as parents are that for them right now. They aren't little long, and think of it this way, you know the older they get the more independent they become and don't rely on you as much. I have read alot of books and some say put them down and keep going back in the room letting the time get further and further apart giving the child time to self sooth. It's just up to your parenting style. There is no wrong or right way, it's just what works for you and your little one.

H. my name is L. and I am a grandmother of a 22 month & 4 month old. From personal experience of 3 grown children it is hard but Grandmother needs to let her granddaughter take naps alone. Trust me I have done it a few times, she has gotten use to having someone with her. Also how late does she take her naps and for how long? Not everyone, but some that take late naps can't sleep at night. I myself would like to hear other suggestions.

H., tell her grandmother not to let her take a nap to see what happens for the day. I had to do that with my now 2 1/2 yr old son when he was about 19 months. He would lay down for a nap perfectly, but when it came time for bed, it was "No Way!". I know how you are feeling. He's not my first one, he's actually my last. As a mother of 3, try not giving her a nap and see if it works. It should. My son doesn't take a nap anymore, and goes to bed at around 9 PM every night with no problems. Hope this helps!

Hi H.,
I am going through the same thing with my 8 month old son!!! He used to go to sleep just fine on his own at night but then the last few days he's been crying when we put him down to sleep and he's been waking up during the night crying. I took him to the doctor to rule out an ear infection or any other illness. His doctor seems to think it's separation anxiety and I should let him cry it out. It's so hard to do!!! Maybe your daughter is also experiencing stranger anxiety???

I sympathise! My daughter fights sleep something awful! I have two other kids and never had this problem. I finally decided to see how she acted if she determined her sleep needs. (She wanted to give up naps) If she was crabby and obviously tired, then something would need to be done. In her case, she seems fine, so I gave up worrying about it. It was too much stress for us both.

I know your situation is at night, so that is different. First off, I would stop doing the cry it out. It doesn't work for everyone and if it hasn't worked for her yet, it's not going to. (It worked for only one of mine) You didn't say if she is in a crib, but why not just give her some toys and say, it's time for everyone to go to bed. Don't pressure her to sleep, teach her to be quiet. Quietly play, look at books or puzzles..etc. Keep the lights very low, perhaps play some soft music. It will take a little patience and practice on your part, but she's old enough to learn. I'd continue to do your bedtime routine, don't change your rules or bedtime, just remove the pressure to sleep. She may start falling asleep on her own after playing for a while. Maybe she just needs to wind down by herself or something.

I personally wouldn't worry too much about grandma. She probably lays down with her to force her to sleep, so she can get a break herself! Kids can learn that there can be two sets of "rules" for two different houses.

If you really feel like laying with her is the only thing that works, How about camping out on the floor in her room with a pillow and a blanket. That way you can police her not laying down, and she can see you--but she's still falling asleep on her own. You can then sneak out. I've tried this one too.

Just some ideas of things i've tried with my 3. Maybe one will work for you!

Hey H.! I too had a child who just didn't care to sleep. We did the crying it out thing and it was soooo hard, but it did work, but she had nights where it lasted as long as two hours... fortunately, it only took about five days of that before she started realizing the crying wasn't working. So, as hard as it is, I would continue with that and realize that it's just a phase she's going through. She may end up sleeping well for a while and then out of the blue, start not sleeping all over again! At least that has been the pattern for my daughter! Hope this helps! Good luck!

My daughter is 15 months old and she's never been a good sleeper either. She's also getting worse. She is teething right now which contributes but even when she's not she wakes up several times a night and is hard to get to sleep sometimes. The nap thing i've noticed causes us problems. If she takes two naps a day she is much harder to get to sleep, so I've been making sure it's only one and she goes to sleep but now our problem is she wakes up after an hour or so and is ready to play.

I'm not a fan of Cry it out and swore I would never do it but a couple nights ago I hit my limit. Now that being said she only cried for a few minutes before she gave up. I wouldn't have let her go for longer than 10 minutes because to me it would mean something else was going on, not that she was just not interested in going to sleep. (not that I have anything against those who use CIO, it's just not my way) I've also set her bedtime at 9pm instead of 8, she used to be up till midnight or 1 and refused to sleep but we've slowly worked up to 9, if she goes to sleep before that it's like a nap to her and she wakes up ready to play after just a little while of sleep.

Maybe try letting her stay up until 9, just rework your bedtime routine to start later. Ours starts at 8, and she gets a bath, lotion, book, and snack (yogurt) then we rock and nurse to sleep. I don't know if any of this will help but just know you aren't the only one going through it!

First off, it is a very bad idea to let your daughter sleep in a bed with her grandmother. It definitely sends mixed signals and will sabotage any efforts to get her to sleep in her own bed. The best way to get your daughter to adjust and get a peaceful night of rest is to set a strict rutine and do not give in. Put your daughter to bed at 8:00, or if possible you may want to increase that to 9:00. My kids do better going to bed at 9. Start with a bath and maybe massage her with lotion. Then read her a story or sing to her. Afterward, kiss her and tell her goodnight. Lay her down in her own bed and tuck her in. Tell her goodnight again and leave the room. Do not go back into the room untill your child is asleep. After she is asleep, go into the room and tuck her in again and tell her you love her. She will hear you even if she's asleep. Do not, under any circumstance, pick her back up. If she wakes up, tuck her in and walk out of the room. It is hard, i know. But trust me, this is the best solution for you and your child. It will create a more successful, self assured, and confident child. Also, it is best not to use a nightlight. kids don't need them. Children aren't naturally afraid of the dark, parents make them that way. Light will interfere with her sleep cycle. But soft background noise can be helpful. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Monitor carbohydrate, sugar and Caffine intake. Especially after lunch or at least 2-3 hours before bed time. Remember as a nurse carbs turn to sugar and can be stimulating.

It sounds like she is sleeping too much during the day. Maybe there might be a way that grandma could do some things with her during the day. However grandma might be tired and that may be why they sleep together during the day. I would suggest that you take to grandma and let her know that your daughter is not sleeping through the night. I hope that helps.

My daughter did the same thing. She would pitch an absolute fit at bed time. We finally let her cry it out, checking with her at increasing intervals and after about 5 days she can get herself to sleep. Every once in a while she'll fight off sleep, but it is much better than it used to be. Hang it there and you'll get that much needed sleep eventually.

Some people donot require a lot of sleep. My son was the same way. He didnot like naps or want to go to bed. He would pitch a fit if the teachers tried to MAKE HIM SLEEP at the Day Care. He would also cry for hours if left him in the room alone at night, we would camp out and leave.

We stop requiring him to take naps at school. He did have to lay quietly. We did the same thing at night. He's ok now.

GOOD LUCK!

Hello H. B.,

I would suggest that maybe during the day that your daughter have more activitiy and playtime. It's important that she takes a nap because she's still growing and she needs rest. However, I would recommend a nap of maybe 30 to 45 minutes. You may also, want to check her diet, make sure that she isn't eating foods with lots of sugar or salt that may contribute to her staying up.

Finally, when she returns home to you, as you prepare for bed, give her a warm bath with warm milk and a great bedtime story. Maybe this will help her to relax more and maybe she can sleep longer. Remember, to be patient with her and things will get better.

I hope this helps.

D. B.

The napping thing may be the key. HOw long are her naps, how many does her grandmother make her take and when does she get her up on the last nap?