I Need Help 18 Month Old and Tantrums

My oldest two average kids tried nasty tantrums at 18 months (average age to start them). We disciplined it, they no longer tried it. My 3rd was born angry and aggressive and was FAR WORSE. She started at 9 months, yes 9 MONTHS. We disciplined it even more diligently and earlier and it took longer. Now at almost 2, she is past it and has great control over her still fiery temper. Now I have 3 happy non tantrummers under 5 that I can take anywhere. If you don't agree with discipline at this age, you will have to live with it, and it will get worse. If you are willing to discipline it, I have a great book, and tips on certain scenarios, let me know. My husband is gone most of the time too, and we agreed, no tantrums allowed. I could not handle it if my kids were doing that, so the discipline was worth it.
Lots of methods will day you shouldn't discipline before two, that is soooooo late and wrong. The earlier you start, the quicker they get it and the more discipline you prevent.

This is not unusual, particularly if a child is about to make a huge developmental leap. I would not be surprised if her language skills exploded in the next few months.

Check out "Parenting with Love and Logic" for some disciplinary ideas. Give any disciplinary technique a week of absolutely consistent implementation. If you haven't seen results by then, try something else. If *nothing* works, start looking at the possibility of atypical problems: sensory processing, language, asthma, etc.

Regarding how to hold/transport a tantruming child:
If you are strong enough, you can tuck them under one arm like a piece of luggage. Their arms and legs can flail without hitting anything. This even leaves one hand free for your other child.

I've also used the fireman's carry with tantruming children. Throw them over your shoulder and hold their hands on one side and their feet on the other. This leaves them immobilized and well-balanced on your back. Depending on the size of your child, you might also be able to do this one-handed.

And.....this will sound terrible. When my son was small, if I grabbed his hand, he would drop and twist. I was terrified he was going to dislocate his shoulder and/or throw out my back. So, I started grabbing him by his hair. He couldn't pull away without his head and hair has no joints. Controlling his head for a few seconds would buy me the time to get a good grip on his body. Be warned: you will get some shocked expressions from other parents if you use this technique.

Good luck!

I am reading the Happiest Toddler on the Block right now and it is very good. Harvey Karp is becoming more and more well-known and is considered to be an expert on infant/child behavior. If I were you I would check out the book-it's a pretty quick read and he talks a great deal about how to communicate with your toddler. Good luck!

When my children was little the younger one would do the same throw fits or trantrums; I didn't know what to do either so one day I thought ok I am going to try something. The next time my son throuw a fit; I got down in the floor with him and did the same thing. Threw my arms and fit around and screamed like he did; he stopped and just looked at me. When he stopped I said this is fun lets do it some more. He didn't know what to think. Now I had to do that 2-3 times and he stopped; and that was a good thing. Now if you try this you may want to explain what you are doing to with your older child so they will be aware.
If that does not work then my suggestion would be to have the child checked medically for safety to make sure there is nothing going on. Sometimes it is as simply as changing laundry soap and cleaning soap. I have some stories of how some friends of mine had to change their childs diet and cleaning products to help their child because he was having a reaction to cleaning products in the home. If you would like information on that simply send me a personal message and I will get that out to you. Hope this helps and have a blessed week.

A quick tip: If you have to pick her up when she does not want to be picked up, come up from behind, pick her up so that she is facing out and put your arm diagonally across her shoulder and through the crotch area. This prevents her from arching, flopping around and hitting her head, or kicking you. Plus it leaves your other hand free.

sounds like my daughter at that age. I wish I had known about The Happiest Baby on the Block by H Karp. got me through my third child with hardly any tantrums!

My 14 month old was throwing a tantrum and I moved him so he wouldn't get hurt and then ignored him. Later he came to me wimpering and laid his head on my lap. But his tantrum was over. Another time, I put him in his bed for 2 minutes and then got him up again. It seemed to work. Good luck!!

Yes, it's hard when they cry and scream all the time, but 18 month old's benefit from discipline, and if you nip the tantrums in the bud you won't be dealing with them later, and your 3 year old won't get any ideas to start imitating her. My daughter was around 18 months when she began to have blood-curdling screaming tantrums, sorry, I don't do tantrums with anybody! For the sake of your nerves, your tiredness, and with no family support team you have to do this on your own, but you can.

You are a parent who I'm guessing is trying to establish acceptable behavior so you have to be proactive. You can't assume it's a phase and hope it goes away on it's own, unless you don't mind a bigger problem to deal with and undo later. These are power struggles, and her weapon against you is her temper tantrum.

Whether she is angry, tired, frustrated, or simply didn't get her way, discipline by ignoring her, which since she's a screamer I highly recommend (I left the room after making sure she was safe, and no audience is no fun) or isolate her in a time out. I have a friend who's grandson is 17 months old, and he knows that his chair is for time-outs as he's been walking himself there for months, so 18 months is not too young.

Pick her up from behind when she's having a tantrum so if she goes to arch her back she arches into you. And watch your head, she may try to hit you with hers. Simply tell her what she did that you don't like and that she is going to her room or a time-out, then no talking until after she has calmed down. Don't argue, which prolongs the tantrum, and for some reason the silent treatment lets them know you really mean business.

Be firm and consistent, but loving and understanding with your discipline.
Keep explanations short (Because I said so,") until she is older and more verbal. When you discipline her, make a verbal separation between her and her behavior ("I love you, but I do not like it when you scream." Pick her up, hold her, or remove her from dangerous situations, of course, and I know this is hard with a thrashing child. Reassure her once the negative behavior has stopped.

Consistency each and every time she has a tantrum, in love, will teach her she can't win the power game, and give you more time to spend enjoying your girls.
God bless<3

Have you ever spoken with her pediatrician about her being very sensitive? If you ignore a child who might have issues, you are only making the situation worse. One thing we did with my daughter is got the "Signing Times" videos, which are children teaching children sign language. It really helped my daughter communicate and so the tantrums weren't so bad. You can find Signing Times on Amazon, ebay or in 2nd hand stores. I really recommend them. I also second Love & Logic. There is a great book that might help you "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years." It helped me!

One of my four kids was like this and we chose a place he was to go when he started a tantrum or screaming. He was 12 months when we began this process. His place was the couch and whenever he started to scream we put him on the couch until he calmed down, once he calmed down we would go in and talk about what he did, give him a hug and then let him go. I must say, we were lucky that he would stay on his couch, most kids would get up. If you have one that gets up all the time you can keep putting her back in her spot over and over again or you can just put her in her crib if she is still in one. It is SO trying on your patience but just keep at it. My son finally stopped doing it so much, he really is the person that freaks when things do not go the way he wants or expects but he has learned to control it.

Good luck!

P.S. I forgot to mention that when you put her in her "spot" say briefly why she is going there, e.g., "I am putting you here because you are screaming and you need to use your inside voice." (you can use your own words of course) then walk away. If she gets up be silent when you get her and put her back. The more you talk, the more it gives her the message that you are trying to engage her and she will continue the behavior. Just stick to it - be strong - it is not for the faint of heart.

All of my kids did this and I never really gave them a lot of attention. I tried to distract them when a saw the fit coming on.

Well I am not bragging here but I would like to think for an 18 month old that my DD is very well behaved. I just lucked out in the behavior dep with her. She has been an easy baby since day one. Now with that being said, she, like all children have her moments and she can have some serious attitude when she wants to. Recently what I have started doing when she throws a fit is to start by ignoring her and if that doesnt work I will just act exactly as she is. I know it sounds crazy but it seriously works. If she is running around screaming and stomping her feet I will do the same and 9 out of 10 times she stops to watch me and then gets a big smile on her face and I stop and tell her thats how silly 'you' look when you throw a fit. If anything it diverts their attention
Good Luck

I hear excatly what your saying. My 17 month pre madonna does that a lot. Her favorite. Thing is take older brothers(4 yr) book and try/ succeed to rip out the pages. Big no, there. When she starts her fit, I tell her what she did that she wasn't supposed to and give her a moment and attemp to help her calm. Since that normally doesn't work, I then pick her up and take her to her room and explain that if she wants to throw a tantrum then she can do it her room. She sees this happen to her older bro to. That usually works. She will stay in her room for about 5 min and thencome out on her own and be ok for a bit. Hope this helps. Good luck

HI--
You've gotten a lot of good advice. I just thought I'd add a few thoughts. You might look into bach's flower remedies--particularly the rescue remedy. They make a version for kids. It's kind of like a homeopathic, but it directly treats emotions. Second, keeping your stress levels down will help her (easier said than done)--the rescue remedy would be good for you as well. There's an old Chinese medicine saying, "Fix the Mommy, fix the baby."
Next, has she ever shown signs of food or environmental allergies/sensitivities? Signs would be puffy or dark circles under the eyes, frequent ear infections, any type of digestive disturbance (constipation, diarrhea, stomach aches, spitting up a lot), any type of rash (both diaper and anything on the skin like eczema), swollen tonsils with no apparent illness. Often times a symptom of allergies/sensitivities is tantrums (in children) and extreme anger (in adults). I've seen children go from nearly impossible to sweet as an angel when taken off whatever they were reacting to. If she hasn't had some of these symptoms it could also be a reaction to food dyes and additives. Try to make sure she gets as little processed food as possible and stay away from things like red dye #5 (and all dyes), sodium nitrates or nitrites, MSG (monosodium glutamate), anything that is hydrolyzed (soy, corn--these are another form of MSG), etc. All these things have been proven to cause hyper-activity in children. I'm happy to talk to you about this stuff further if it feels like it might help or if you'd like to know more or have questions.
Good luck!
J.

she sounds a lot like my daughter. i was surprised that it was my daughter and not her brothers who chose to bang her head on the ground when angry. something that i found helpful was to talk with her calmly, both in the moment of the fit and at other quiet times, saying things like, "you don't have to scream, you can just talk to me and i will listen. you don't have to cry to get me to pay attention. i am listening. what can i help you with?" she picked up on that and now (2 1/2) she will relay an experience to me and say, "i don't have to cry about it. it's ok." keep teaching her the tools for dealing with her frustrations. she'll get it eventually. for some kids it takes a long time to learn anger management. if my daughter is not in a listening mood, i tend to ignore her for a couple minutes and then try again to communicate. if she's violent though, i hold her on my lap restraining her arms. or if she is hurting herself, i put her in a bed or other soft place where the head banging will hurt less. and yes, all my kids began their terrible twos at 18 months.