I Have Rhematoid Arthritis and Don't Know If I Should Have a Second Child

There are thousands of precious little children out there who need to be adopted If your concern really is for your daughter to have a sibling, adopt one. That is much less strain on your body, and saves the emotional life of some poor orphaned child. I'm very sorry for the health problems that you are having that make it difficult for you to have and nurse a child, but look at it as a blessing for some child out there who needs a family to adopt him/her. :)

I can somewhat identify as I also have an autoimmune disorder. My disease is related to my kidneys and I am sure does not include the pain you have, but I understand the fatigue, etc. I also take medications which add to the general feeling of chronic illness. I have a daughter who had a birth defect (probably due to meds due to my illness). There is no (tested) genetic component but I still have concerns about that. She is doing great now and I feel blessed to have her. I decided that it is not fair most importantly to her for what another pregnancy may do to me. Who would take care of her if I couldn't. Do not let society make you feel as if you must have more than one. I am also a full time working mother. Where is that extra time going to come from for another child who demands everything you have left (or so you can feel sometimes). I hope this helps, I have the anxiety, insomia, etc. you described. It's all I can do to just get my daughter in bed each night with a smile saying I feel great and put on the happy face. Some days it is easier than others. You need to make the decision about what direction your family needs to go, because ultimately you are the mom, and we do it all!!!

I don't have an answer for you, but I lend my support! I know this is so hard for you. I am into herbs and vitamins. I have a small business too. I have a book by a PHD that lists natural things to help with ailments. If you decide you would want more information on that sort of thing then email me and I'll send you some info or the book title. Whatever you like.

Whatever you decide......keep positive. I send my best.

If it were me in your shoes I'd just have the one child. If you are only having another child so that your current child will have a sibling to grow up with, you run the risk of them having opposing personalties to such a degree that they never get along and you'll have suffered for nothing.

There are a lot of reasons to have kids but if your only reason is so that your current child will have someone they can move through life with, I'd refrain. Your child will have friends and a spouse and children of her own someday. She won't grow up alone. With your condition you don't need the extra pain and stress.

My pregnancy had complications and I had to have an emergency c-section two months before my daughter's due date. The doctors told me that if I wanted to have another baby I'd have to be monitored by a specialist and there was a 40% chance of a repeat of my first birth experience or worse.

With that knowledge, and how horrible by body reacted to pregnancy, I opted to love and cherish the little girl I already had instead of trying for another and potentially wrecking my health as well as the happy synergy our little family already has.

M., if you read this letter written by another woman, perhaps you would think the same thing I'm thinking, which is take care of your health so that you can be the best mommy you can be with your daughter. Your rheumatologist is trying to give you the best professional advice that he can. He is the specialist who understands your condition. The ob is telling you to go ahead before you are older. I highly doubt he is trying to actively encourage you to have a baby over your rheumatoltogist's expert advice.

Take care of yourself, no matter what you decide.
All my best to you,
D.

I'm in the same situation as you. I have fibromyalgia and an almost 3 year old son. My husband and I want another child. I have spoke with the pain doctor and researched it and from what I can tell, pregnancy can go either way. Some people feel much better when pregnant since the hormones help with the pain and some people have horrible pregnancies.

If your husband really wants to have another child, maybe he can assure you that he will help more around the house and with the kids. That's all I can think of. There is no way of knowing ahead of time how you will do. I suffer from chronic pain (live on the fentanyl patch)and fatigue. I'm on disability and some days it takes every ounce left in me to care for my son. So I'm pretty much in the same place as you...I want another child but don't know if I or my body can handle it. Sorry, wish I had more advise.

I would have to say either adoption or if you want your second child to be biologically related to you daughter, then you could always have a surrogate.
Best of luck in whatever you choose!! :)

Hi, I feel for you! I have lupus so I understand the pain your in. I have a 18 year old son from a previous marriage and when I got remarried 4 years ago my new husband wanted a child but I wasnt for sure about it I kept putting it offI had to stop the methotraxte and got pregnant but it took 10 months , I had a beautiful healthy little boy and it was the best pregnancy ever no pain or nothing. I'm now want another child so bad I wished I didnt wait so long to decide on my last child. We have been trying and I'm now 40 and just had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago so now I have to wait 3 months before trying again. If you think you want another one then go for it don't put it off and wait till its to late. My doctor tells me don't let my lupus run my life I need to control the lupus so I'm going to have the family I always wanted. I know how some days are worse than others and I know what you are going thru!!!

If you think you can handle 2 children, have you considered adoption? Then you don't have to go off your medications. And cut work to part-time if you have 2 children, then you wouldn't be so exhausted. Having 2 kids doubles the work and stress, it's hard going from 1 to 2 children, easier going from 2 to 3. Good luck!

I have not been in your shoes, but I hope you can get some encouragement here. Congrats on your daughter and WAY TO GO breastfeeding as long as you could!! What a sacrifice! You must be an incredible mom to do what you do. Have you considered adoption? I know you are concerned about having enough energy to care for 2 kids but if you didn't have to carry the baby physically and nurse, it would take a huge load off. Good luck to you and I hope you can get some peace with whatever you decide. Trust the Lord and He will give you a peace that passes all understanding.
W.
Ps 138:8--'The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.'

Have you visited an Internist Doctor? I have suffered from insomnia, unexplained weight gain, anxiety, depression and the list goes on for the last 15 years and it has gotten really bad in the last 8 since I had several surgeries. I meet a lady on craigslist and we began a friendship and started talking and she recommended an Internist and I thought what the heck, it's worth a try? I not saying my regular doctor and ob/gyn weren't trying but nothing was working. I went to the Internist he ran a bunch of blood work and discovered my calcium and magnesium were dangerously low which was causing part of my problems. I started on a high dose of calcium (prescription) and over the counter magnesium (Slowmag) and am starting to feel better but the insomnia is still bad. While reading a womans magazine I read an article about being CoQ10 deficient and out of the 8 questions I had 7 of the systems I am on my second day of the supplement and both me and my doctor have great hopes that this is the last thing in the puzzle to bring me back to my old self. My friends and family miss the mom who could shop for 16 hours straight, all night and day movie marathons and all the other stuff we used to enjoy and my 3 year old has never experienced that mom so I am hoping she comes back with this new discovery.

If you suffer from extreme fatigue and two or more of the following your bodily cells may need more CoQ10:

Brain fog/memory problems
Bleeding or swollen gums
Unexplained weight gain
High blood pressure/high cholesterol/heart troubles
Severe perimenopausal or menopausal symptoms
Migraines and/or unexplained muscle aches
Depression/loss of enthusiasm
Decreased ability to handle stress

I hope this helps. Don't give up, find a doctor you fell comfortable asking questions. The best thing I ever did was to take this friends advise and visit the Internist he has listened and when I read an article like the one I mentioned above he listens and says lets check your blood test or we don't normally check this let's go to the lab take some blood and check this level and see what happens. I had begun to think I was going crazy until I found him and I am finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.