I Feel Really Guilty for Not Breastfeeding Anymore

I would educate your husband about extended nursing. It is totally normal and fine and in many cultures, the norm. Nursing is just as beneficial to your dd as it was when she was a baby. She is still getting antibodies to help keep her from getting sick. Even if she is only getting a little bit of milk, it is made specifically for her and gets more concentrated as they get older.

It really isn't his decision. Yes, it is his daughter but you and your daughter are the ones that make the decision, not your husband. If you want to continue, you will need some strong support from elsewhere unless you get him to understand. I am sure you will hear from alot of moms on here who nurse past 12 months....it is perfectly healthy and fine. It is just our society's hang up over making breasts this huge sexual thing that causes the problem. It is his problem.

Have your husband read up on it. You can be on birth control and be nursing. It is perfectly safe....just sometimes it can decrease your milk supply....but if you are only nursing once a day anyhow it shouldn't matter too much.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
http://naturalchild.com/guest/norma_jane_bumgarner.html
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpweaning/0,,3x5j,00.html
http://www.kellymom.com/newman/21bf_toddler.html
http://www.mothersover40.com/extendedbreastfeeding.html

I nursed my first son until he was 29 months...the last year or so was probably only at bed time. He decided when he was ready to stop and it ended so gracefully and simply and it was very satisfying to me to know that I didn't end it artificially because it was inconvenient to me. He told me when he was ready, and it was done. Easy peasy. I am now nursing my second child and I hope to do it the same way (although I may have to push a little more with this one....he is quite intense in his love of the "gilkies".

As your baby becomes more and more independent and busy, nursing really becomes even more of a joy. A time to recenter yourself, focus on what is important. It will not be so much longer that your child is going to want to stop and snuggle with you in this way. When they are toddlers...so mobile and busy......this is extremely special and rewarding for both you and the baby, even beyond the nutritional and immunological benefits. It also calms and centers them and lets them know that Mommy is still there for them when they need you. I don't know how many times I was so thankful that we didn't stop nursing when he was sick and wouldn't eat anything.....but he would ALWAYS nurse. AFter a busy day at daycare and a busy day for me at work we would come home and nurse and take a little rest/snuggle time and after that, all was right with the world for the evening.

It does not matter what other people say. I know it is hard to stand up to them but really, what business is it of theirs? It isn't weird......it isn't sexual....it's just one of your ways of nurturing your child. Just don't even talk about it, if at all possible...no one needs to know. If you end up having to for some reason, just don't make a big deal out of it and if they make some kind of rude comment you can either try to educate them (if you think they are the kind of person who has an open mind) or just tell them that the way you raise your child is your business and that you have looked into it and there is nothing wrong with it, it benefits both her and you and you saw no reason to discontinue it when she clearly still wanted it.

Good luck. I'm rooting for ya!

In the same way that NO ONE should ever shame or guilt a mother into formula feeding her baby or quitting breastfeeding...NO ONE should shame or guilt you into stopping breastfeeding if the feelings between you and your child are mutual.

What works for one family may not be best for another. If what they're suggesting does not work out for your family, then do what is best for your family.

Though I've always said that once mine start talking good it is time to stop...I've never had to stop them. Both my girls I nursed for a year. They both weaned pretty much on their own at that point. I'm now nursing my son and he's seven months old.

I think most people that make statements like the one you mention about it being weird have never nursed a child. It is very relaxing and such a sweet, comforting feeling for mother and child. Sitting in a dark room with my son at my breast is the most peaceful, contented time of my day. I couldn't be more at peace with life. It is so hard to explain to someone that has never nursed or never took the time to just relax and enjoy it.

I don't know if I could nurse a child for two years. I've never had to think about it. I guess it all depends on the mother and child. Now is it weird the mother still nursing her seven year old son? Absolutely yes. Especially when she said that she didn't think he even got any milk. In my opnion she bordered on a pedophile. That was just not good for him at all. But your daughter isn't even two yet.

I don't think it matters. Does the birth control pill stop your milk production? Why are you worried about going off of it? Maybe your husband isn't so worried about it being weird as he's tired of using condoms...if that's what you have been doing.

Anyway, I don't see the harm in it, but sometimes we need to consider our spouse as well. It's a tough call.

I think breastfeeding is the most awesome thing. For medical reasons I could only breastfeed for three months and having to stop out me in depression. If I had it over to do, I would of conitnued as long as I could have. If you really are missing it that much I think you should continue it (if you still can). Our kids grow up so fast and they will be on their own before we know it, why not take as much bonding from them as we can. I'm sorry your husband is not supportive. Have you had a real sit down conversation with him telling him how you feel about what he says? he should really support you. Enjoy holding your little one as long and as much as possible. Stop when YOU and your baby are ready and don't give in to the pressure. But if you dedice to quit (and that bc might be adding to the emotions of this) then its ok. Most moms don't get as far as you did. You should totally be proud of yourself for going that long!

S.,
I nursed my son Kenny, who turned 4 yesterday, until he was 22 months old. He's always been very healthy, which my doctor believes to be a result of the nursing. Do what is best for you and your daughter.
C.

good for you for nursing so long! that is wonderful! she is very lucky that you are providing her with the best nourishment! it is up to both of you to decide when it is time to stop and no one else! if she still wants to nurse and you are o.k. with that choice keep doing it! if you want to stop because it is taking a toll on your body that is YOUR decision. good luck with the guilt!

My mouth is dropped open! Nurse your baby for as long as you want!

It sounds like both of you still want to do it, so do it. There is no way 15 months is too old! I would talk to your husband seriously about how he has made you feel. Then tell him you and the baby are not ready to give up breastfeeding and why, then just assert to him that is how it is going to be.

S., girl....this is your business! Only you and your baby can decide what is right for you. Men just don't get it.

You sound so nice and that you are trying to do the right thing without support from those who should be supporting you! Shame on them (not you).

Next time is gets brought up (as you continue to nurse) I would ask those people, with a bit of humor, " Wow this seems to be making YOU uncomfortable, how come?" or "YOU seem to not understand breastfeeding, what can I answer about it for you so that you are more informed?"or " I have my pediatrician's/ lactation consultants' number right here..would you like to share your concern with them?" Girl...put that shame right back ON THEM them where it belongs!!! You go!

Enjoy this time with your baby and tell your husband to stop acting like one! He does not understand, but this is not the time to make him feel better about this perfectly normal, healthy situation. Breast feed your baby! I did until she was 36 months and she quit on her own. Anyone who gave me weird comments I considered stupid... because they are. Stupid and ignorant. If they knew about extended brestfeeding, they would keep their mouths shut. You take care of your baby... the little one. The big baby can keep crying. (I am sure you love your hubby and he is great, I am making no judgement on him, just expressing a point.):)

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you and your daughter still have a routine, I wouldn't drop it cold turkey. How much of her nutrition still comes from breastfeeding? I only nursed a couple months but it was a wonderful experience. I don't think you should stop because everyone else deems it socially unacceptable. They are just in the wrong social circle. Give yourself and her more time. If you want to stop, then do it gradually, and start to introduce something else you can do together, like share a book during a normal nursing time.
(The other thing is, if you quit now, when you are not ready, you might have regrets that nag at you. If you quit when you are more ready/prepared emotionally, you will probably have less doubt...?)
Good luck

I'm sorry you are in the situation. My baby will be 16 months old in a few weeks and I'm still nursing her during the day. My husband and MIL keep making comments that she is too old and when are you going to stop that... I nursed 2 of my other kids until 15months but it was mostly nightfeedings at that point. I would like to nurse her until she is ready to give it up or before she is two. At least through the winter, since it's comforting to her if she's sick. Is your daughter crying for it daily or does she seem okay with not nursing? If she seems okay with not nursing, I wouldn't go back to it, but if she isn't ready to stop,I would continue. It is nobody else's business how long you nurse for. I know how you feel and I'm sorry you are dealing with pressure from people to quit.

Agree with other posters - nobody but you and your daughter can tell you when to wean. If both of you still want it then plase, keep nursing her! I did tell my son, when he got to around this age, that he didn't need to nurse in public, but could wait until we got home. Every child will wean at some point - and I guarantee it will be before age 4!! In my book you wean as soon as one of you decides you're done.

OMG! No decision. Tell them to butt out and continue nursing. My 3 year old still s/t nurses and my 1 year old certainly does many times a day. It only has benefits.

I had had/have the same problem, however, I chose to do what's best for my son and I. Don't let other's opinions on breastfeeding change the way you feel about it. I have a son who will be 18m in 5 days and I was sure that we would be done by now. I have people telling me left and right that he's too old and that it's just "weird" to nurse a child that is beginning to talk (plus I'm 6.5 months pregnant). At first I started to listen to the outside opinions and really felt like I should wean, but when I saw how attached to nursing he still was, I felt horrible taking that away from him. I love that time that we have together; the bond is indescribable, unless you've been there. I think you should do what your heart is telling you and don't let other's make your mind up for you. You know your daughter will not nurse forever, why not enjoy it while you both still can? She's still young and contrary to what other's may believe, the breast is still best... Whether it still be for nourishment or just plain comforting! Good luck and God bless. Stay strong to your own beliefs!

You should do what you want to do. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until at LEAST age 2, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends AT LEAST 1 year... so you are simply listening to the experts:) It is obviously not common for people in the US to nurse that long but that doesn't make it bad. There are many health benefits to it and also the happiness of mom and baby. You can use the mini-pill, both IUDs, and Depo while breastfeeding if birth control is a concern. The diaphragm is a good non-hormonal option.

If you and your dd are still wanting to nurse then do it. Tell your husband it isn't "hurting" anything and actually is good for her, medically and mentally. She still wants/needs it. You can try to stop again when she's 2 or around there. Ultimately, it's up to you.

You know what's best for yourself and baby. Do not let anyone tell you when or when not to nurse; that's a decision ONLY a mom can make for herself and child.

I nursed my first until she was 22 mo. old and my second until she was 19 mo. (she did not have the best nursing manners!). I am now nursing my third, and I'll quit when it's right for both of us.

If she is still asking for it then it's not only you who wants to keep breastfeeding. Better to breastfeed her now than to regret it later. Be sure to tell your husband that your daughter will continue to receive benefits to her immunity through breastfeeding and that is very important during the winter months when colds and flu are rampant. Also, the comfort your daughter receives from breastfeeding cannot be underestimated. Good luck with your husband.

I am just starting to feel that pressure, my daughter is also 15 months and people have started to question why we are still nursing, but neither of us are ready to give it up yet. If you want to nurse her than please continue. It is still a good thing for both of you. Luckily my husband was nursed until he was 2 so he cant really say anything about our daughter still nursing.

Hi S.,

RESUME nursing your little one. It sounds like that's what the two of you both want.... You have to stop worrying about what others think of you. Life is a lot less stressful that way! Enjoy your time with her and let her go back to breastfeeding before her nap. Time goes by so quickly, you might regret later that you didn't go with your gut on this issue. So go with what feels right, S..

Take care,
J.

Hi, Shelia. I think that your basic instinct to forget everyone and birth control and go back to nursing is the right choice! I nursed for almost 3 years! I stoped about 2 months before his 3rd b-day. It was sad and we both missed it for a long time.But being done with it for a year I am soooo glad we did it!! Yeah everyone said it was weird, but I respected myself and my thoughts about my baby over theirs! Don't let the flighty opinions of others dictate your life. As far as hubby goes, if he really wants to love you though this, he will be patient. LOVE out weighs opnions:)

YES. Tell them to mind their own business and do what you feel is right for you and your daughter. There is no reason to stop and it's not too late to relactate. Your daughter is old enough to stimulate milk production again. She obviously isn't ready to stop and neither are you. It's really sad how people can make us feel so inadequate about the choices we make with our children. I'm tandem nursing my kids, 2 1/2 and 10 months and you wouldn't believe the looks I get if I tell people. Too bad. It's what's best for my kids. To hell with everyone else. Do a few google searches on the topic and show your husband the literature out there that completely supports extended nursing. There are so many benefits to your daughter, and to you, that go way beyond the first year. There is a good book, Mothering your Nursing Toddler, I think that is helpful once they reach the toddler stage. Join a mom's group that has a lot of nursing moms in it. Go to a La Leche League meeting to not feel like the only one nursing an older baby. it's probably the only place and the only people, other than my husband, that I can completely and freely nurse my daughter without looks or comments. Everytime I nurse her in front of my mom, she always says, oh, she's just nursing for comfort. yeah, so? PM me if you want to talk more. You can always stop later, but as time goes on it's going to get harder to start again. GO WITH YOUR MAMA INSTINCTS!!!

First of all, let me say that if you were going to stop at 15 months, it's a bad time of year to do it. By nursing her, you are giving her your immunities, not to mention that if she gets a stomach virus it might be the only thing she can digest to keep her hydrated. That is a huge reason right there for your husband or anyone else who thinks they know better than a mama's instincts!!

I nursed my first daughter until she was three and a half and she weaned herself, slowly eating more food and finding more and more ways to soothe herself until it was just a "sip" before bed at night.

Just because American's typically go against nature and try to manage everything by interfering with chemicals, processed foods, etc. doesn't mean you have to agree. What is the alternative- cow milk? Cows are made to stand around in their own filth and eat a diet of corn, which isn't even natural to them, and quite dangerous for us (but I digress...) Shouldn't our babies be allowed to at least do what nature intends and drink the milk from their own species!?

You can use that as a comeback if you need to. Everyone has their own comfort level with nursing, but here is what I did...

I didn't nurse in public past about 14 months. My daughter was pretty small for her age, so I felt comfortable going a bit longer than I probably would have if she had been a larger baby. Now, I have a very big daughter #2 and she is 13 months and I'm more comfortable and will probably nurse her much longer in public!

I didn't tell people who I knew would disagree or make me feel bad, unless they brought it up (doubt it- it simply doesn't occur to many people!!) If I was at a relative's house, and she needed nursed for an injury or something, I would ask if there was a room I could go that was quiet so I could comfort and calm her down, and then I'd nurse her there for a minute or two.

I'm honestly surprised that she is that young and down to nursing only once a day at a nap! I hope you will continue nursing her, as it does sound like you both need it.

Also, in response to the birth control, you can talk to your practitioner about birth control while nursing- maybe there is an option for you that is safer. I doubt that nursing her 1 time a day at her current age is that big a deal (combined with the hormones from the bc) anyway. But DEFINITELY do ask your practitioner to be sure!

Hope this encourages you!
M.
aspiring IBCLC

(You have some wonderful resources and replies, I see, so I won't bore you with all the health benefits for her and You!)

S., I think you should do what you feel is best and ignore everyone else around you. I'm not encouraging you to have problems with your marraige, but I think your husband should support your decision to bond with your baby. I nursed my first for only nine months. My second made it to eleven months and I only had to stop because I was already pregnant and that baby needed all the nourishment I could give her. If it had been a normal pregnancy, I would have kept nursing my son. Now my daughter will be 18 months at the end of December and she is still nursing at noon and at bedtime (and when she needs me to help her back to sleep). I have two very close friends and a relative who also nursed their children well past a year. Sure, other people think it's wierd. You cannot please everybody all of the time, and you shouldn't feel like you have to! Just tell them thank you for their opinion and that you are doing what is right for you and your baby. Whatever you decide to do, Good Luck!