Humbling My Child

Dont deflate his ego, its great to think you are great. What you need to do is teach him manners and that its not polite to brag. Be firm with the bragging and remind him that it is mean to brag about himself around others less smart. That is makes them feel bad.

I know what you mean. I'm trying to replace "smart" with more specific praise, especially after reading articles like: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

I'm trying to emphasize instead hard work, self-reliance, and good manners. By acknowledging how hard he worked to accomplish something or how he did it all by himself. Or point out when he did something nice how the other person felt good (look she smiled when .... , she must feel happy).

I agree with the previous posters about emphasizing good manners and hard work. Plus, when there is something that he's not good at , you might have the opposite problem of "I'm so dumb". Today kids are really lacking in the manners department, too. I'm constantly reinforcing manners with my own. He's not too young to go volunteer to help others with you yo learn more compassion, too. Also, maybe he needs more of a challenge. My kids are really "smart", so I constantly challenge them. Music lessons, summer camp, etc. I'm sure he will grow up to be spectacular.

Find something he's not as good at and point out how it would make him feel if others brag about that. Maybe he's not a fast runner, or not a good dancer. Tell him everybody has strengths and weaknesses and instead of bragging about what you're good at, work on what you need improvement in. Hope this helps.

My suggestion is to talk to him about how every child is different; just in conversation, rather than reprimanding him for bragging. Talk about how he is very good and memorizing (or whatever it may be that makes him smart), but how it is takes a lot of effort for him to ____________ (draw, play soccer, sing, whatever...), but xxx is very good at that because it comes naturally to him, but has to work harder at math, etc. Show him that everyone has talents and weaknesses, including him, and help him see how having a certain talent, like being smart, doesn't make him better than someone else who has a different talent.

Good luck, and congrats on having a smart kid : )

it sounds like he needs more of a challenge. find things he's not so hot at and encourage him to try (will be hard from the sound of it if he expects to be great at everything). maybe put him in music lessons or some advanced classes at school?

First, I'll say that I've seen several articles that discuss overpraising kids. The gist of it was not to praise them too much, not to say "you're so smart" or "You're such a great artist" but to praise them for that you like how they blended colors in their painting or you liked how they used good sportsmanship when they won the game. Teach him to be a good sport, even off the playing field, and how to praise and compliment others without labelling them.

Unfortunately with the way our public schools teach nowadays he will always be the one to go to for answers. Challenges are not easy to come by when they can make leaps and bounds in the classroom and the "no child left behind act" really means no child gets ahead. .
We got our daughter involved in the community throught the youth group. THey routinely serve lunch at the soup kitchen and they have done several habitat for humanity type fix it ups for neighbors who are down in their luck.
I have also gone to the grocery store to help a neighbor who has a great need.
Have him help you help the neighbors, can he make cookies yet, have him do something nice for someone who has had a baby or been in the hospital. Then in a couple years find a good youth group that will actually go into the inner ciry and do some real down and dirty work.

I agree with the last post...don't reprimand him. Yes, explain that it's wonderful that he can do this and that and he can use that to help others who can't do it and that is to benefit him not that he's smarter than others but it comes natural to him. Say, now so-and-so is good at such and such an that means it comes natural to him and he can help others. Helping others with what we have is a great thing to do. So, praise him for helping others but you may want to let him know that bragging could cost him losing a friend. It's the idea that everyone is good at things we are not and we are good at things that others are not. That is what the world go around and that is what keeps things interesting to see differences. Just keep reinforcing it without reprimand but with "oh, that's great that you were helping so and so with math. You are such a great friend." He'll be fine.

I read a life changing article in the Stanford alumni mag. about how to succeed in life it is more important to be someone who enjoys tackling a challenge than in having natural talent. She urged parents to compliment their children (and others) with phrases like, "You really worked hard to figure out that problem." Instead of "That is a great picture," say "I like how you used water color and all of the page."

William Bennett's book "A Child's Book of Virtues" is great to read from. Try to talk about people you admire from a character/value/becoming base rather than from an achievement/talent base. It sounds like he has been trained for several years in one way of looking at himself, so it will take time to change course.

I was top of my class for a very long time - it helped me to be around people even smarter than me to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I was not going to be the best at most things - even the smartest. So, as a kid, it would be good for him to have to be involved (and stick with it to the end of the course/season) in things where he is not the best.

Going together to help others - to learn to see that ugly/smelly/uneducated people have a lot of gifts and talents as well - is really rewarding, too. It is okay if you and he are uncomfortable to start off with - that is a great life lesson, too.

Don't try to do it all at once. Baby steps.

I don't mean to contrary but do you really want to be the one responsible for 'deflating his ego'? Whats so wrong with being a braggart?
Being a boy is in the US is confusing. Why would you as his mother-as his source for unconditional love, support and understanding want to do something like deflate his ego?
There will be plenty of ego deflation as he gets older and reaches middle school especially if he's small and/or smart.
I HIGHLY recommend you read Raising Cain for the sake of your son.
You need to get right about what it means to be a supportive parent.
He needs your encouragement & intelligence - Not you thinking you need to humble him.
He needs to have his IQ tested - He could easily be able to test out of the grade he's in and into a Honors program. Ask his teacher when they do the Honors testing. All public schools test once a year.
Isn't that a far better boost for his self-esteem?

Best, J.

I know I am coming to this late, but I wanted to share what I was taught, and what I plan to teach my daughter. Smart and pretty and being born with money are gifts. You didn't earn them, you were born with them. They are wonderful gifts, and you should be grateful every day you have them. But they are not something to be proud of. You can be proud of what you do with them. You can be proud of how hard you work and whether you are nice to other people, because they are things you choose to do every day. But being proud of being smart is like being proud that your Aunt Tillie gave you $100 for your birthday.l

If you can get him to read Junie B. Jones is Captain Field Day, it mentions "tooting your own horn" in it. I'm not crazy about the Junie B. books, and they are probably a little less interesting with a boy, but in this one the kids all compete in different Field Day activities and it's not always the strongest kid that wins. You could definitely use the book to open a discussion about why you shouldn't brag about yourself. Since he's bright and turning 8 in June, the book will be a little too easy for him, but it's one way to open a conversation.

And, like others said, you could get him trying new activities that he would find more challenging so you can say, yes you are very smart, but so-and-so is very good at _____, everyone has their talents, and there will be times where you might need someone else's help.

Good luck