L.S. asks from Agoura Hills, CA on February 09, 2009
How to Teach What Sex Is to a 10 Yr Old Boy ....
Hi! Feeling a lil nervous about taking the pro-active step in talking with my son about what sex is -- I think I am afraid of saying too much --- anybody have any great ways of talking about IT --- any books or ideas are very welcome .... I also need to be careful as I have an 8 yr old daughter ....
3 moms found this helpful
T.M. answers from Los Angeles on February 12, 2009
The 8 yr old is not to young to learn about sex, start with how animals get babies in there tummy, let them know both together that you would like to have some discussion about how we pro create. best time to start this is in the car driving this way they can pretend not to hear you talk, but really they are both paying attention, a little at a time
J.M. answers from Los Angeles on February 09, 2009
There are some AWESOME books about this that were mentioned in a magazine I read - here are the names of them:
1. Its So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families by Robbie H. Harris - ages 7 and up
2. Where Did I Come From? The Facts of Life Without Any Nonsense and With Illustrations by Peter Mayle - ages 7 and up
3. Its Perfectly Normal:Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris - ages 10 and up
I have a few years to go for this but from what the article says these books are great for teaching the topic of sex to kids. Good luck mama!
J.M. answers from Los Angeles on February 09, 2009
Depending on the relationship,between father and son,sometimes,it can be more comfortable for a boy to discuss sex with the same gender.They feel,they will better understand. When they are beginning to go through puberty,and experiencing changes,or certain feelings,they know,Dads been there.Teaching your child about sex,demands a gentle,continuous flow of information. Adding more materials gradually,until they understand the subject well. One aspect that many parents overlook,when discussing the subject,is dating,getting to know someone,talking,and holding hands,getting to know each other. I think we get so flustered,with how to discribe (sex) we tend to concentrate on the physical aspect,and forget about the emotional feelings involved.Even though your son is reaching puberty,it would be extremely difficult for him to absorb everything there is to know about sex in one discussion.I remember my mother sitting me and all my sisters down,for the (BIG TALK) she ran through it so fast,that I walked out confused,and disgusted at my father! lol I remember walking by him that evening,and gritting my teeth!I think the important thing for your son to know at this time,is that the changes his body will be going through are normal. He will be growing hair in places he never imagined,and his voice will change. He will experience urges,and he needs to be told,that these are all normal.That all boys feel these.I would let him know,how you and dad met,and got to know one another,and eventually fell in love.Children need to know,this is an important part of a caring relationship.Its important to let our children know our values about sex.I wish I had a reference,a book or video to reccomend,but i'm sure some of the wonderful mothers here will have a few they've used. I wish you and your growing son the very best.J. M
3 moms found this helpful
R.W. answers from Los Angeles on February 10, 2009
I'm a Dad, so it may seem from that (male) perspective, even more important is from the aspect of being a parent:
Age appropriateness is the guiding light here. I would not tell your ten year old "everything" at this point, but answer questions HE might have. I would inform him about what sex is, why, maybe some of how, etc. You (or better yet, your husband) should bring him into enlightenment, but in a measured way. First of all, it is very overwhelming for a kid as young as that to be exposed to all there is in the realm of sex, much less "get it" at that point. And also, it is inevitable that this discussion will filter down to his younger sister as well, so be prepared for that. You want to guide your kids into an understanding that is factual and sensitive to real personal dynamics (and feelings).
2 moms found this helpful
D.M. answers from Los Angeles on February 09, 2009
I agree with Julia.
For me and my sister, our Mom never had the 'talk' with us and we had to learn from that silly film that show in 5th/6th grade, and of course from Health.
While ALL that technical information was helpful, it would have been nice to get one of those mother/daughter talks. I think the only thing she said was to be careful about kissing boys, because that's how girls get pregnant. So, from 6th grade until about 9th grand I avoided ALL contact with boys that didn't involve sports. Then, of course there are the friends who have books and big sisters to share information...so that was equally confusing!!
I would say, sit down with his Dad and ask him what his memories were of 'the talk' and what things you both think he should know right now. Most people I know have weird stories about that time in their lives, so make sure your hubby thinks about what he would have changed about that talk and make it a comfortable experience. I agree, it should be between father and son...I would have hated it if my Dad tried to talk to me about my body and how it was supposed to work! How does he know??
At any rate, it's great that you're thinking about it now. Just do some research and make sure he doesn't feel talked at but, talked with and that he is able to ask questions that he's curious about...
2 moms found this helpful
M.G. answers from Los Angeles on February 09, 2009
I have an 11 year old boy with the same pending talk. We have talked about it for the last year in spurts. Ask him what he knows about it and go from there. I heard that talking on a long car ride is good, because you are not staring into his eyes and he can look away from you if he is embarrassed.
Have the talk about his body, how he needs to wash himself, groom himself and most of all when to have "private" time in his bedroom.
I have two boys with their hands in their pants while they are watching television.
Get Dad involved. I asked his teacher and usually they prefer that they know all about sex and hygiene by the 5th grade.
Don't worry... many 11 year olds don't know what sex is yet.
1 mom found this helpful
D.H. answers from Los Angeles on February 10, 2009
Hi L., I'm curious to know if he asked some questions and why he needs to know what sex is. I would talk about how relationships between parents are on many levels of interaction. Love, respect, support, mental and physical. All of these are caring and given with love. People need to be hugged and kissed, ask him if he likes to be hugged etc...
So men and women that love each other touch and kiss.
No need to go into details at his age, he will have more questions later and at a natural time. You could certainly answer questions but I would be watching his face for signs that you have reached his level of curiousity. Address more information as you need to as time goes by, it's an ongoing process.
D. Nothing to be embarrassed about but it's silly to move too fast. Let kids be knowledgeable as they need it. good luck, D.
J.P. answers from Los Angeles on February 11, 2009
Wow on Barbara L.
This is why kids no so much.
I would have a heart to heart talk with him ask him what he knows. At this age he ownly needs to know what is going to be happening to him. Getting hair in wierd places, your peepee standing up, etc.. Ask him if he has question about things he might have heard. And let him know that you are open to talk when he has a question or hears something he doesn't understand. Also that daddy is a pro and has already been their done that and can help with things if he is to embaressed to talk to you.
He doesn't need to know about girls issues until they talk about it in 6th grade or if you feel the need to tell him earlier then do it a year after you have told him about himself. He needs time to prossess this and telling him everything will be way more then he can handle you will find this out as you start the talk about him. Once he knows about girls wait another year to talk about sex, unless he comes to you first always answer they'er questions truthfully. But if he knows more than you think he did it's because he has a friend like Barbara's kids.
You should also talk to him about not telling or talking to other kids about this especially to other kids, this is something you only talk to your parents about because some kids haven't been told these things and this is a talk they need to have with they're parents first, that if they hear kids talking about it or they ask him questions he should simply say you need to talk to your mom and dad about this they can answer your questions best. And that there will come a time that everyone his age knows and it will be ok to talk to them then. (High school).
But really only give him what he is ready for the whole dad does what to mommy is a very disturbing and discusting thing to a kid. He only needs to deal with what he might experience first. When he has dealed with that then he can deal that girls go through something diffrent. And so on.
Good Luck! J.
K.S. answers from Los Angeles on February 10, 2009
Dogs and horses are particularly useful in this arena. "What are those dogs doing, Mommy?" "They're mating..."
I have two pretty darn well adjusted sons, now 17 and 19, and followed the advise given me years ago: Don't give them more information than they ask for. "Where do babies come from?" "Inside their mommies." "How do they get out?" "Through a little hole between her legs." vs "Well, the man takes off his clothes and gets an erection (at which point most boys that age will dissolve in a gale of laughter, if you get my drift.)
Most 10-year-old boys I know are more interested in who can ride their bike fastest and inadvertantly burning down the house.
Hope this helps.
L.E. answers from Los Angeles on February 10, 2009
I was a junior and senior high school teacher for many years, so I've heard teenagers talk about a lot of things. Based on what I've heard from them, I wouldn't worry about telling your son too much. (Most teenagers seem to know way more in this department than their parents give them credit for!) I'd worry about not telling them ENOUGH. If you act like sex is as natural as eating and sleeping, which it is, then I think that you and your kids will feel more comfortable about sexuality. I don't think talking about sex makes people want to have it more with a particular person or more indiscriminantly. I've seen sexual problems develop much more often in people who weren't allowed to talk about it. My husband grew up in a super-religious Catholic family and was the only kid in his class not allowed to see the sex-ed movie in 5th or 6th grade. At the age of 43, in spite of having had sex with many women, he still seems pretty inept to me and won't talk about sex with me. (I am currently looking for a sex therapist.)
My kids are babies now, but when they starting asking me where they came from, I will have a pretty easy way to introduce them to the topic of sex. My first child was created through Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). We have photos of him when he was only a few cells in a petri dish. I will encourage my sons to become knowledgeable about sex by reading and talking to people but wait until they have met the person they plan to marry to start having sex. Both my husband and I contracted type II herpes (I, orally). We met through a herpes support group, so when my kids ask me how my husband and I met, I can naturally bring up STDs.
A couple of good books on sexual development geared toward kids might prove helpful.