How to Appropriately Deal with Breastfeeding Advice

I always said, very sweetly (tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice), "Thanks! I'll think about that!" and then promptly forgot about the conversation.

Maybe I live in another world but by 11 months no one was offering advice on breastfeeding. I mean by 11 months clearly you have it under control.

Never heard much criticism at that point either.

I am with Christy, it would help if we knew what advice you were getting.

I had similar issues when my twins were approaching one. I would get comments like, "You're STILL breastfeeding?!" Just simply reply, "This works for us," and leave it at that. Kudos to you! My singleton is also 11 months and still breastfeeding. I don't think she's giving it up anytime soon, so I'm going to enjoy this time in her life while I can. It goes too quickly!

I'm guessing you're getting the "when are you going to wean?" comments.

I nursed DD to 2.5. When people gave me the hairy eyeball when she was a year or so, I simply told them I had done some research on the benefits of extended breastfeeding and I was satisfied with my decision to nurse her longer. Then I talked about something else.

Ya know, it's funny... people who are actually educated about breastfeeding generally agree that it's pretty beneficial to the child to nurse well past 12 months... In fact, I have read that the nutritional benefits of breast milk are significant until the child hits age 2.

Personally, I only made it to 16 months with my DD before she weaned herself.

I find it funny when people claim it will make the kids needy because they are nursing on demand at that age... I always had to chuckle when they would give their kid a cup of juice or cow's milk when he or she was thirsty, yet knock me for giving my child a (MUCH more nutritional) drink when she was thirsty... just because it happened to come from my body instead of the refrigerator. How is one more 'needy' then the other? You are simply meeting your child's needs in your own ways.

Keep doing what you are doing, and don't let anyone get you down. :)

As far as responses go...
"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure her kindergarten teacher won't mind me sitting in class with her... after all, the HUNDREDS of other malnourished, spoiled children who have been nursed will probably need their moms there too..."

I say 'where did you read that?' Its contradictory to everything Ive read about breastfeeding. Or, just say you are following the advice if your doctor. Or if you are feeling sassy try 'our knowledge of the benefits of long term breastfeeding have come a LONG way since you had kids, you should really check out (insert name of pro breastfeeding website here) so you arent giving other people advice that could negatively effect their childrens health'. If its your inlaws, I wouldnt say anything, your dh should take care if it.

For those who are offering advice out of 'concern': "Hmm...I'll keep that in mind."

For those who are offering advice simply as buttinskis: "Well, I'll keep that in mind, and this is working for us right now. "

For what it's worth, I nursed my son on cue (I hate the phrase "on demand") until he was about 1.5, then at certain routine times until he was 2. Nap and nighttime only from 2-3 y.o. He's not a spoiled kid and I'm not sure what each person's criteria is for 'needy'.... but ALL kids need attention!

Sounds like you are doing just fine. When my son was wee little, I actually started a mom's group for mothers practicing attachment parenting, (not to say that other forms of parenting were wrong--that's not the case), so as to offer support for moms who practiced extended breastfeeding because so many of these women experienced the same advice and concern from friends and family. My theory is that if you own the boobs and it works for you and kiddo mutually, go for it.

You're the mom. Don't explain. Don't open yourself to the debate that babies need it/don't need it emotionally, because both camps have their opinions on that and they will never agree. What kind of weird people have something to say about it at 11 months anyway-do you look like you're still "trying to decide"? It's really none of their business. I don't understand when people care if other people nurse or not. Ignore their opinions. What's to "value" with people saying you shouldn't be nursing when it's none of their business? (I'm assuming that's the nature because you probably wouldn't mind if they applauded and went into the benefits of attachment parenting) Ignore or say, "thanks for your opinion, where'd you get that shirt?..."TOPIC CHANGE.

It'd be helpful if we knew what kind of advice you are getting. Can you please give an example?

Thus far, I'd say a gracious "Thank you" is enough. You don't have to explain your choices.

Okay, after seeing your edit...

To those who say "she'll be spoiled and needy," just thank them for the advice and ignore it. Whose infant/toddler ISN'T needy? That's silly.

And to those who say she'll lose weight: Just because she's still breastfeeding doesn't mean she won't get table foods too. She should be already (and probably is). Just tell them "she gets enough to eat." And let it be.

Aren't people silly? The shorter and more succinct your answer, the faster people will get the point and leave you be about it.

An incredulous look, partnered with "That's interesting," usually goes a long way. Don't argue, because they want you to question yourself and get defensive. Just be secure in knowing what you are doing is the right thing for you two.
And unfortunately, get used to it. People can be really nosy and rude when it comes to breastfeeding.

I'd listen politely to their advice and if they expect a response, say that while you respect their opinion your decision has been made.

I bet the older she gets the more people will assume you're done nursing.

If they don't like what they see, they can turn away. Just like when I don't like looking at some gross guy's plumbers crack. I'd MUCH rather see a mother providing such a nourishing bond with her child than THAT!

"Thank you for your concern, but we're doing what's best for our family. Now if you don't mind, since we've talked about this so many times already, I would prefer if we didn't discuss this again. You already know why we're practicing extended breastfeeding so if it makes you uncomfortable, let me know and we'll be happy to decrease the time we spend around you to spare your discomfort."

Yes, my in laws thought it was strange that I nursed my kids so long (22 months, 16 months, 20 months, approximately) but I just didn't let it bother me. All that EVER mattered to me was that my babies were happy, healthy and growing.
You need to remember that the past few generations were encouraged by both doctors and popular psychology NOT to breastfeed very long (for many silly, unscientific reasons) so that mentality is still there.
Just keep doing what you're doing, with confidence and a smile :)

You are doing the best for your daughter. Do not listen to anyone who goes against breastfeeding in any way. Medical facts are breast is best for at least 1 yr preferrably 2 yrs. The rest of the world is on board just because your personal family/ friends is not, doesn't mean squat to what goes on in your home.

Stand strong.

I have twins. You know how many times I hear, "I cannot believe you breastfeed." and I always respond "why? God gave 2 breasts for a reason...and it wasnt so your husband gets one."

.

What AV says. I also nursed till my son was 2.5, but I didn't have family around to bug me. I do think that you need to teach her some boundaries as she gets closer to a year so that you aren't just a milk machine - building in the solid food as meals and kinda getting into an eating routine. Spoiled and needy are completely separate from nursing - if she has a tantrum because you aren't able to nurse right away, that may be a bit spoiled, but the nursing isn't making that happen ; )

Probably saying "thanks" or "ok" and then moving onto another topic is best.

I weaned my daughter when she was 14-15 months old. Seemed to me like everyone had an opinion. Some thought I should have weaned her months before, I'd probably already turned her into an entitled pervert, while others couldn't believe I would make a decision before her, and that I hadn't gone a full two years.

At some point in all of this, I remember taking a shower and crying. It was morning, we had just lost our business, I felt guilty and stressed out. I cried until there wasn't anything left inside. When I got out, I felt resolved, and I knew what was right for me, my daughter, and our family - at least, in this decision.

That morning I gave her my tit for the last time. We sat under the window, light spilling over us, her eyes half closed and her fingers curled up. When she was finished I gave her a kiss, and then we were done.

What it really comes down to, in the end, is that it's none of their damn business. You can't please everyone. Go with your gut. If Aurora and you aren't ready to wean, then you aren't ready to wean. You don't need to explain yourself or justify your decision, it's what is right for you and her that matters.

Best of luck and many hugs.

I breastfed both of my kids exclusively. And on-demand.
My son self-weaned at about 1 year old.
My daughter self-weaned at about 2.5 years old.
Our Pediatrician had no problem with it.
My Husband had no problem with it. In fact he was so proud that our kids nursed and self-weaned that he'd "brag" about it to his friends that had babies.
My immediate family/my Mom... had no problem with it.
My friends, all nursed and self-weaned their kids too.
They had no problem with how I nursed/self-weaned my kids.

So, I never had any "problems" with my breastfeeding.
Why?
Because it was my business and my Husband's. I didn't care what others thought or about their opinions on it. It was my boobs and my kids.
I didn't go around announcing to everyone that I am "still" breastfeeding etc.
And it wasn't their business anyway. Even if they grew up differently.
But... as my kids got older.... I didn't nurse in public either.
Because, as a baby gets older... they naturally nurse less and less... and can go longer and longer between nursings. And then they stop, on their own.

And to me, it was so what what others thought.
My nursing my kids was my business.

Sure my kids had been on solids by 7 months old. But per our Pediatrician... for the 1st year of life, breastmilk or Formula is a baby's PRIMARY source of nutrition... NOT solids. Solids is not as nutritionally dense, as breastmilk or Formula.

I wanted to nurse until it felt right to wean. For us this was 22 months. It didn't really occur to me that people would have an opinion about weaning this late, she seems like a baby to me. But there were some attitudes from my family and the way I dealt it was a comment along the lines of "you know the trend is to wean closer to 2 these days. There really is nothing magic about the 12 month mark. I had some problems with cow's milk with my first daughter and I really just think this is better for her."

As an alternative to "thanks, I'll think about that," you can always say, "thanks, I value your opinion, but in this instance, I am planning on doing _______. It's what feels right for me and my infant."

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I always said. Thanks but you had your opportunity to raise yours as you wished and I will do the same for mine.

First of all, I would not even engage those who you know will differ with you on extended breastfeeding. If they offer unsolicited advice (I am assuming you mean telling you to wean at 12 months) then keep it really simple like "that isn't going to work for us but thanks for the advice". If they persist then say "I will think about it". Not much they can say after that. I started to lie to most people about 2 years of nursing since most people were pretty much horrified. So sad, right?

Oh, people love to predict who will become spoiled, don't they?! If you are around those who do not approve, them simply leave the room. I did not nurse in public after about a year or so which was really fine because we never went out for more than a few hours anyway. I would just nurse before or after and after my son turned 2, it was just before naps or when he was sick. If possible, when out, you may try to redirect her. But really, she is still a baby right now so don't worry about it. Maybe people are responding to her being demanding?

I have had similar issues and had to come to the realization that the only way to get it across is--bluntly! The next comment you get, smile sweetly and say" I appreciate you caring so much about Aurora and her feeding needs, but we have decided to breastfeed and will do so until one or both of us are unhappy with it. Please keep your opinions to yourself. If they keep persisting, tell them---Listen, I don't tell you what to do with your breasts, don't tell me what to do with mine. Best wishes and hope this helps!

So frustrating to hear these types of comments I know. Whether you breastfeed or you don't, it seems that women end up hearing the negative from IMO people who are quick to judge or mostly just uneducated about what they're talking about.

Every pediatrician I went to with my babies recommended at LEAST 6 months but all said that a year was best. The AAP says the same thing. Is she losing weight or unhealthy? That would be the only reason why others could have concern. The spoiled and needy comments are untrue, studies show that babies who are held often and whose needs are met become more confident and less needy as kids.

Yep, I do the same for my 17mo, and I hear about it, though not so much. Because of my personality, people who question it just wait for me to mention it and then say, "How long are you going to do that?" My response is, "Until we decide that we're done. I'm not sure of when that'll be, but we'll know when we get there." With people close to me who I can tell are just curious and maybe haven't been exposed to "extended" breastfeeding, I don't mind explaining that 1. I don't plan to give my baby milk from any other animal, so I'll give him this until he's done with milk; 2. it's very comforting for him while he's being exposed to new things and growing and learning.

With any response, I speak matter-of-factly and with confidence in my decision. Maybe one day I'll wake up and just be over it. I don't know; it's a decision that I make every day.

I weaned my first son @ 18 months because I wanted to; figured I'd done it long enough. My 2nd son weaned himself at 10 months. Everyone's different and this topic is quite subjective. If you want to breastfeed longer than the "norm" (whatever that is), go for it. It's really no one else's business.

My response to those kinds of comments is the following:

The American Pediatric Association recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST the first year of life. The World Health recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST the first two years of life. They're the professionals.

your kid. your choice!! simple as that.
i'm sure we've all had this problem. after my daughter turned 1 i was hearing it all from everyone. i weaned her at 18 months. it was harder on me then her. and now with my son, i'll be nursing till he's done. it is just amazing as women that we can provide the absolutely best nutrition for our children. who gives a hoot what others have to say!!!! keep it up!!!!