How Much Do You Cater to Your Kid's Friends?

My kids greet their own company at the door. At 10 and 13 the parents aren't bringing the kids to the door. I do not "entertain" my kids friends. I try to keep out of the way. If they are invited for dinner I will cook and serve the meal, but my kids can take care of providing their friends with snacks. I will usually make breakfast if they sleep over.

At 12-13, unless there was some real negligence or danger going on at the other kid's house, I allowed my kids to go to their houses. I guess that's what you mean by "cater"?

It depends on how well I know the people, the adults and the kids. If I don't know them well, then I will greet them at the door, otherwise I let my son meet his friends and off they go.

As for food, at 12-13, my boys know how to fend for themselves. They know how to cook simple meals, and when they have friends over they like to do their own thing. If I have a family meal planned, then that's what we'll do, but usually it's a Friday night and I'm fine with taking it easy and letting the boys scrounge. They know how to find what they need and clean up after themselves. I never fix breakfast. They're better at it than I am. Also, I work hard as a teacher, and if I'm home, I'm in pajamas. My house is spotless because I have control issues, but I like to be comfortable. Everyone who knows me has seen me in pajamas. I don't see it as a character flaw.

I guess to answer your question simply, I don't cater to my kids friends much at all. I make sure there is food in the house for them. I tend to their cuts and scrapes when they get hurt. I get them blankets and pillows before bed so that they will have what they need to be comfortable sleeping. Other than that, they are usually outside getting into adventures, watching movies or playing games with us, or working on building a new computer together.

My younger sons have a friend whose mom seems very hands off when they are over...never comes to the door, the kids are more or less free to do what they want, feed themselves, etc. There is a grandfather who lives there who seems to be more hands on from what the kids tell me (he cooks dinner or provides breakfast food if they sleep over) but I've never actually met him either. For the first few years the older of my younger two was friends with this boy he would sleep over once a year for the kid's birthday and without fail when I would pick up on Sunday morning to get my son to CCD (and I always reminded the mom in advance that I would be picking up at 8:45) mom wasn't awake, kid wasn't ready, I'd have to ring the bell several times to get my son to come to the door and inevitably the Christmas tree was still up (at the end of March).

That said...this boy is the sweetest, most responsible, level-headed, good influence friend I could hope for. He is unfailingly polite, always on time, encourages my sons to get their homework done after school so that they can play after, etc. When I do interact with the mom (mostly via text) she is as sweet as can be, loves having my kids over (her son is an only child), my kids are always welcome in her home, etc. but she just lets them be. Not my style, but based on how great a kid her son is, I can't really judge or criticize.

What a great question! I always do a simple wave at the door To let them know I'm here. I make sure food/ drinks are available. I make lunch/ and or dinner. That's it. I do my thing and they do their thing. Every now and then I'll go to where they are and ask if everything is okay (I'm not there for longer than 1minute asking)This is for 12 and 13 year olds. I always make sure they go home full and content. I expect the same exact thing.Don't get me started on transportation!! I believe if the kid is going to that friends house that kid is to be dropped off and picked up. Right?? Idk. When there younger you have to be more involved. I did get really mad when parents call me asking me if that friend can come over so the kids can hang out, but really the parent just wants a babysitter (this is when they were younger)

My kids are a bit younger but yes, I usually meet the other parents and check in on the kids. I know what you mean by cater and I don't set up art projects for them or facilitate too much but when they're hungry I either get them something or tell them what to get. So I'd find this odd too. But some people are odd! And as kids get older, I figure as long as nothing dangerous or inappropriate is going on, it's ok. The mother of my best friend growing up was divorced and would come home from her "hard day at work" (10am-3pm job in an office) and go to her room and talk on the phone or sleep. The house was neat bc she had a cleaning person and once in a while she would cook but my friend did a lot of the meal prep. My friend grew up very independent and disowned the mother.

At 12, she answered the door when her friends came over and they entertained themselves.

We have raised our kids to make decisions of where they are. If they go somewhere and they aren't comfortable, they call for a ride home. But honestly, we only let them go stay places where we know the families and trust them. At 12-13, your kid should know if she's in safe place or not.

I don't get the part about catering? I don't see that as catering....

How old is the child?

For my 8 year old, I greet the parent when they are dropped off or picked up, even if it is just a wave at the window.

Same for my 10 year old.

If it is neighborhood kids or for my 11 year old (where they are walking through neighborhood), I have mom text me that they are there.

Beyond the greeting, my kids are the hosts of their guests and I am usually within ear distance if they need something.

As for your dd 's friend, I think at next play date I would ask to talk to mom, just to check in and make sure I feel comfortable leaving my daughter there.
If not I would have play dates at my house.

At 12-13, I let my kids take the lead. My DD has a neighbor friend she met through a school friend, whose parents I've met only once, briefly. But they seem like a very nice family, no red flags, really. And I am very cautious. DD gets invited to sleep over A LOT from this friend, and I feel it's OK to let her go. I drop her off and her friend opens the door. I watch from the car, no problem. I will wait in the car and text her in the morning to tell her I'm there after a sleepover. Never have I had any problems with my DD at their house. I don't have to go see her Mom each time. The friend also seems to have responsible older (college aged) sibs around, and her friend's parents have been available to come pick up my DD when our own family has been in some chaotic situations and DD needed some space, which is very kind of them. I've encouraged DD to reciprocate and invite her friend to sleep over here, but this friend I guess, has diabetes, and her parents are just so much more comfortable being the sleepover hosts, so I'm OK with that.

I'd feel weird not knowing who my kid was staying with.
Friends are all good and well but I want to meet the parents and who ever else is there (other siblings).
We never did sleep overs - our son's just not a sleep over guy.
He did a few Parents Night Out Lockdowns at taekwondo but he's never wanted anything more.

We're kind of in the middle.

If parents come to the door, I always greet them and chat. Typically we're friends with our kids' friends' parents (at least enough to have a chit chat) - and if they are new parents, I just do the "Hello we're .." thing. Talk about pick up if needs be.

Otherwise, my kids let them in and I'll just yell hello to the kid. My kids at this age want to greet them themselves.

They also take care of snacks at this age - or at most will come and ask me. At that age, they are taking over making lunch for them. For an evening meal, we'll make something as a family but leave them to it - burgers, pizza, whatever. They hang out in kitchen at eat.

This lady may have a reason to be resting - shift work, not well, depression, or just vegging. My sister frequently greets guests at door in her pajamas. She puts them on the minute she's home. Just her thing.

I am like the mamas who do not want anyone fending for themselves in my kitchen. So, I would cook and take the hotdogs, juice, chips to the bedroom where they were hanging out or out by the pool. I would be around but not close enough to hear the conversation.

I would not like this situation. As a child I was taught not to go through other people's things including refrigerator cupboards drawers etc. I taught my kids the same way I feel this is respectful of other people's homes.
I would not like not knowing the other mom or if my child is going to get a meal while there.
You could arrange for food to be delivered pizza, Chinese, subs or maybe show up with a take out meal and ask to stay with the kids and the mom. This way you can spend time with her and talk to her. The mom could be going through something and need a friend.

Hi deedee

I think I'm alot like you and would find that situation unusual -- altho I also like to change into my pj's not long after I get home from work ...However, I woudn't call it catering; it's more of a common sense/courtesy thing particularly with kids that age, old enough to be alone for a while and do their own thing but still young enough to know you're there particularly for an overnight thing

The first time I have a kid over, I talk to a parent at the door to see if there is anything I need to know (eg, a food allergy). Otherwise, I cater to them as much as I do to my kids any other day - which I don't really consider catering, just normal stuff like making them meals. But otherwise, no. I consider my son the host, not me. If his friend wants a drink or a snack, son can help him.