How Many Friends Does Your 6/7 Year Old Have?

Updated on September 24, 2012
P.R. asks from Akron, OH
7 answers

Another question got me thinking. My youngest has always been way more solitary than my oldest who will play with any other kid day or night. So I may be biased by my oldest and her tons of friends as to what's average at this age. My youngest has 1 BFF she loves and never tires of. Then she has another very good friend who she's usually, though not every time, excited to play with. Then there are 3 other girls she does like and will want to play with but only sometimes. FInally, there's a girl a year younger in our neighborhood who often comes by to play and my daughter wants to play with her 40-50% of the time. At school, there are a couple of girls she'll say she likes but doesn't talk about them much or ask to have them over. Writing this out, it seems like a good number of friends but I cant' help but compare to my oldest who has 8 or 9 very good friends she's always excited about plus many other "friends". She's almost 2 years older but has always been like this. I was the "few but close" friends type so I'm not criticizing my youngest but do worry a bit. Kids this age seem to join in happily and make friends so easily but she doesn't. So how do other 6 to 7 year old girls fare? (1st grade)

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B.S.

answers from Lansing on

Growing up I was like your second daughter. I had a friend who was my everything. We lived down the street for a long time until I moved but we still remained close. We had our ups and downs. Specifically one other friend who would come between us and I would be forced to do things with others, but I made it through. I would not worry about it so much your daughter will be ok.

As for my daughter who is 7. She has been SUPER close to one of her friends since preschool. In fact the two girls switched schools together. However, last year things weren't very good for awhile. My daughters friend kept leaving my daughter out of things and kinda moving on from my daughter. Even though when it was the two of them they got a long great! It was at this point when I had to start arranging some play dates with some other girls. And now continuing on into this year I find my daughter is having an easier time in school because she's learned to take in a group of friends instead of just one close one. (I encouraged this only because of her problems with her close friend and I figured having a group of friends allows you to fall back on others if need be)

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Six - seven different kids in the neighborhood to play with is good. There is nothing wrong and I don't see any need for concern.

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J.F.

answers from Atlanta on

Friendships can be so fluid at this age that it's hard to pin down an exact number. My son has a group of about 4 or 5 kids he plays with regularly outside of school, some of them boys and some of them girls. He also has a buddy from preschool that he considers his best friend, though they aren't in the same school district and don't see each other more than once every month or two. He plays with various other friends during recess at school and during weekend activities such as soccer, but they don't really spend time together after hours.

It totally caught me off guard the other week when he told me that he wasn't popular - it seems early for those worries (I'm not sure I even grasped what being popular meant at that age). He is certainly outgoing and well liked - almost all of his 30-plus schoolmates came to his birthday party, for example - but he is also very bright and precocious and, I think, sometimes has trouble relating to his peers. I think he longs for more close friends than he has.

That said, your daughter sounds happy to limit her circle of friends to a small, select group, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. I have always been wired that way too - I simply find it more fulfilling to spend time with a few people I'm close to than a large group of people I'm not. If she's satisfied with her friendships, I wouldn't worry.

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M.O.

answers from New York on

My 6-year-old has one best friend who is the sun, the moon, and the stars to him. He's got about 4 or 5 other kids he counts as friends, and we do playdates with them all, but he's definitely a "few but close" kinda guy. I wouldn't worry about this at all.

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A.R.

answers from St. Louis on

My little one is 6 soon to be 7; ..friends- friends...just a couple.They play, they get together, they celebrate b-days, etc. He usually plays in the neighborhood with other kids of his age (4) and with children from our home school group, kids he sees twice a week. The oldest who is 12 has 6 in total, I mean friends also, they are in the neighborhood and some others from the same group and Boy Scouts.
Depending on what you do, activities, sports, etc., kids will have the opportunity to meet other children, but at this age just take it easy. Do not force or do not get anxious about it. Every kid, develops friendship at HIS pace; some are shy, some are outgoing..just different kids with different personalities and interests.

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

When my daughter was younger, my friend told me they don't really start solidifying friendships until 2nd-3rd grade. It seems to be true. My 8 year old has a "best friend" at school and a couple little girls there that she likes to play with a lot. But that's really it. But the friendships have become tighter and more consistent, and she is better at verbalizing about it with me.

More importantly, we have tons of different situations where she has "friends" - girl scouts, neighbor kids, ballet, playmates we get together with from preschool years. So, on a regular basis, I would say she is close to only 3-4 girls, she is socially very mature and gets along well with a bunch of kids. My point being that it's more than the number that counts. It's more important that she gets along with the other kids and feels confident herself.

So, at 6-7 I would expect her to still be at the "liking everyone" stage, but maybe playing more frequently with 1-2 girls. By the end of the school year, I bet she will be pairing off more and more... and next year, she will be a lot clearer about what a "friend" is and who her's are.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

have 2 kids, both different personalities.
They have their own friend ratios or quantities.
One thing, I do not want to give my kids, is a hang-up about how many friends they have or not... as compared to their sibling and ALSO as compared to their classmates.
My kids, really don't even bat an eyelash... about the quantity of friends or playmates they have or not, as a comparison.
They make friends, by choosing... their friends. They do consciously CHOOSE their friends, per character and how they feel about another classmate. They make their own decision about it and I am proud of them for how they choose, friends. They are discerning and wise and caring about it.
However, they do get along with most everyone, despite their own personalities.

For kids or adults, personally, I don't ever really focus on 'how many' friends a person has or not, or about it per their own respective personality.

Also keep in mind, that there are extroverts and introverts.
And, despite the common perceptions, Extroverts are not necessarily more successful or better than introverts.

My kids are 6 and 9 years old.
They each have, friends, whether it is just 2 or 22, does not matter. They are happy.

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