42 answers

How Long Should Baby Stay in Mom and Dads Room?

I really have two questions. I have decided the past few days to switch our 6 month old son from his portable crib in our bedroom to his big crib in his own bedroom due to the fact that he’s starting to out grow the portable crib and he’s rolling around a lot more and I feel the big crib would be safer. I was nervous about it at first since his bedroom is on the opposite side of the house. But we have tested out his big crib the past few nights and I’m feeling ok with it. My husband on the other hand is freaking out about it. He has this fear that he will roll face down and not be able to breathe. Even though that fear is in the back of my head also I try to trust that our baby will fix himself if he needs to. After all, he did fine in his portable crib. My husband wants to move his big crib into our bedroom so that we can watch him better at night. I have mixed feelings on that. I don’t want him to think our room is the only place to sleep as he gets older and I want him to feel safe and comfortable in his own space. Plus I really don’t want to have to take apart his crib and try to find room for it in our bedroom. These past few nights of baby sleeping in his own room have worn me out. And not at the baby’s fault. My husband intently listens to the monitor for any sound and if he moves in his sleep he gets up and checks on him, or wakes me up and tells me to go check on him. And typically everything is fine. I thought my husband would have settled down about it by now but last night he went to check on him several times and twice he ended up waking our son up, and then passes him off to me so I can settle him back down to sleep. I got little to no sleep. I’m temped to give in to my husbands request to move the crib back into our room so he will feel more at ease and I can get better sleep. I’m at a loss at how to handle this? How do you know when its time to make the move? The baby is doing fine sleeping in another room. It’s my husband who feels like he’s not ready. Any thoughts?

My second questions is, our son has always slept on his back, but now that he is getting good at rolling we find him on his side or on his tummy when he sleeps. And when he is on his tummy he doesn’t always turn his head to make breathing easier. Which is probably why my husband is panicking about it. Is there anyway to keep him laying on his back or a way to teach him how to lay on his tummy the right way? Or should I just trust that baby will move himself if he has trouble breathing? And how do I get my husband to feel more at ease?

Thank you for your thoughts.

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It sounds to me that this is your husband's issue. If your son is sleeping well in his crib and in a different room whats the problem. The problem is your husbands paranoia. My 2 were both in a crib at 6 months and did fine. There are more important things to worry about. Like choking on things or them learning to drive as teenagers. Make your husband put him back to sleep if he wakes up the baby. Again, his issue.

2 moms found this helpful

I can completely understand the anxiety with this issue witha new child. How many of us haven't checked on our babies throughout the night to make sure they are still breathing? We have been trained to believe that a baby sleeping on their tummy may as well be a death sentence. While I agree that it is very important to always put our children to sleep on their backs, I think we tend to overdramatize the risk of them sleeping on their tummies. As others have said, once a child can roll, they are okay to sleep however they are comfortable - as long as they are on a firm mattress with no bumpers and a blanket that is tucked into the bottom of the mattress or no blanket, it really is safe for them to be in their own crib - wherever that may be.

As for having the crib in the parent's room or not, there is no right answer. It is something you & your husband should decide based on the facts (not fear or bias) and that you should negotiate. Here's what I know - There is no specific amount of time that the American Association of Pediatrics recommends for a child to be in your room as some have said. There is some evidence that sleeping in a parent's room reduces the chance of SIDS, but it is also true that the risk of SIDS drops dramatically at 4 months of age. I also think that it is overstating things to say that a child absolutely will or won't have trouble moving into their own room the older they get - but chances are they will. The majority of children get used to their sleeping environment and the older and more aware they become, the more difficult it is for them to change without trouble. Ironically, the better they are at sleeping & if they are pretty routined, the more likely they will have trouble moving later on. So take that for what it's worth and decide how important it is to you to have an independent sleeping child later on vs. how much anxiety you can deal with in the short term. If you're willing to risk sleepless nights ahead to relieve short term anxiety, have the baby in your room. If it's more important to establish independent sleeping habits that will have a higher chance of sticking and you can cope with the short-term anxiety by understanding that your baby really is safe on his own, keep him in his own room. He is definitely old enough to be on his own safely. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

If your baby is doing fine in his own room please leave him there or you could be like us. My husband was the same and I don't think we've slept alone for more than a handful of days in the last 5 years. Although our daughter starts in her own bed about midnight every night she joins us. I am constantly tired and cranky and so is she. Our 4 year old son finally started sleeping in his own bed right next to his brothers about a year ago but he still sleeps with us sometimes as well. It might be reasonable when they are small but it's not so great when they are big. My 14 year old would love to continue sleeping with us as he did until he was about 3 and we finally just locked him our of our room where he slept snuggled up to the door for a year. Right now it's tempting to do the same with my daughter except that she screams for hours until we let her in.

1 mom found this helpful

Choosing where your baby sleeps is really up to you and your husband. There's no right or wrong answer. If your baby is sleeping well in his own room and isn't crying or anxious or waking more, then why not take this opportunity to let him have that independence and you your privacy? If your husband's really nervous about it, maybe you could create some sort of transition plan. Maybe he would like to sleep on a mattress on the floor of your baby's room for the first week or something, so that he feels ok, and you can all get some sleep. If it doesn't feel right to you both to have him across the house, than bring the crib in your room. If your husband feels strongly and you don't, then maybe yield to him on this. This is the norm in many cultures and many millions of baby's sleep that way in this world. Check askdrsears.com for more info on co-sleeping if you are leaning this way, but feel unsure of the logistics.

Go with what feels right and what works for all of you. The important thing is to teach your son that sleep is safe, secure and restful, so that he'll have good patterns for life. If he has them already, don't fix what's not broken.

Our son started rolling to his stomach to sleep at about that age, and there was no stopping it short of waking him up to roll him over. He's just going to do it. I stopped worrying after the first month or so. If he can roll back and forth, that's just what he'll do; some babies are more restless in their sleep. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

If he can roll over to his tummy, he's safe to sleep on his tummy. Both of my children have preferred tummy sleep as soon as they could get there on their own. When they're strong enough to get there, they're strong enough to move their head and adjust for better breathing.

If your baby's room is near enough for you to hear him crying, he's near enough to turn off that monitor! I would suggest nixing the monitor and coaxing your husband to relax. Your husband is keeping EVERYONE from getting enough sleep when he constantly checks on the baby. Maybe set a limit - he can only check on the baby once per night, then he needs to just relax and sleep. You'll all sleep better.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.,
I haven't read some of your other responses so I will probably repeat what some of the others have said.
Firstly, I was extra cautious when my son was a baby too. I was like your husband and listened all night long. You are lucky that your husband is so concerned and helpful. Firstly, if he is rolling over he should be fine if there are no blankets in the crib.
Secondly, I tried so hard to not let my child sleep in my room with me or otherwise. From four months until 20 months in his room. Unfortunately once those kids get their minds made up that they are scared or whatever, it becomes what it does and they end up sleeping with you despite all of your trying. So enjoy it while you can.
The good news about that is that you don't see many five year olds still regularly sleeping with their parents.
Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you guys should try to stick it out. I think it will only get harder to move your baby out of your room when he's older and realizes that he wants to be in your room. I think you're doing all the right things and it's great that your baby is adjusting fine.

Maybe your husband could sleep on the floor in the nursery (on an air mattress) for a few nights to be close to the baby in his own room since he's so nervous about it. I know when we came home with our little guy I was SO nervous about him breathing and every little noise and didn't get any sleep, but after a little while I realized he would be okay and was able to sleep. So maybe you'll have a few restless nights and then your husband will realize he will be okay!?

My son started to roll in his crib in his sleep as well about 5 months old. I was SO nervous about it as well and asked about it on here. All of my responses said that once they can roll over, they can "hold their own" and know to turn their head or roll the other way (which my little guy wasn't doing either). I lost sleep over this one and would often check on him and have to turn his face to the side while he was on his tummy so he wasn't just breathing the mattress. After a little while of turning his head he finally realized that's how he was supposed to do it. It was pointless to turn him to his back as well because he would just wake up and roll to his tummy again.

Anyway, good luck and let me know if you have anymore questions.

1 mom found this helpful

Both of my boys were moved to their own rooms at 2 months. I planned to do it at 3months but both were too big for the bassinet. For us it made sleeping so much easier. When they are in the room you hear every movement and that kept me awake, not to mention I would constantly check on them because they were so close and I didn't have to get up to do it. We never used a monitor at night, partly because they were in the next room. But, that helped because we didn't hear everysound. As for worrying about sids. You aren't going to be able to do much if it is going to happen. Even if he is in your room your not going to hear it happen. Take all the precautions don't over dress him to sleep, put him to sleep on his back, etc. I'm sure you have read everything about sids and how to try and prevent. When they start rolling there is nothing you can do. My second son (10 1/2 months) loves to sleep on his tummy. I worried at first, but after waking him up to roll him over and having to stay for a couple of hours for doing it, I learned that it was my problem, not his. Let him sleep! You need to start that independence now because it will only get harder to let him do stuff for himself. It all starts with sleep. It's normal to be nervous and precautious, but don't be overly so. Good luck you can do. Give your husband ear plugs.

1 mom found this helpful

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