How Does a 2 Year Old Respond to Fear?

Hi, S.,
I wouldn't worry about it. My son did the same at that age. We took him on the log ride in the water at Santa Cruz, the one that has the big, high drop at the end when he was 2.5. He was DEAD quiet and scared to death after that! We laughed it off and teased him a bit, though my husband was worried that I had traumatized him by taking him on the ride at such a young age. Well, a year later, he was ready to ride the ride again and enjoyed it.

My 2.5yo gets quiet as well, and he's usually a noisy, outgoing kid. He has a fear of anyone dressed up like a animal, and when he sees them, he'll hide - but not say anything at all. And the other day, we were at the dr's office and a kid in the next room wouldn't stop screaming. It totally freaked my son out, and he hid under the chair. He doesn't get vocal with his fear, but totally clams up.

Hi S.,

I often wondered that same thing with my son when he was 2ish. He never wanted to SHOW he was in pain or afraid. I'm not sure where he got the idea that he shouldn't show those emotions, but I think it's just the way God made him :o)

I remember visiting with my mom one day, and hearing my son play in the other room.....then it went totally quiet! Then I heard soft "wimpering". I went in to the other room, and found my son laying down and holding his head. He had hit it on a table, and was trying not to cry. I remember thinking, How am I ever going to know what he is truly feeling when he holds everything in? My mom said, "You will honey, you are his mom. You will learn how to read his emotions no matter what they are"....Anyway, I will now say that to you :o)

"Please don't worry. Look how in tune you are to your son, right now. You will learn how to read him, even if he continues to hide his emotions. You are his mother, and a mother can "read" their child like a book"

My son is now 6, and he DOES show his emotions finally, and he DOES tell me his fears. Those other days are a thing of the past. Thank goodness :o)

It will be ok, S..

~N. :o)

Dear S.,
All kids show their emotions in different ways.
We took my son to Disneyland when he was still nursing and he's still a pretty mellow guy, but sometimes, his eyes were as big as big as silver dollars. It was just so much for him to take in and so many people and noises.
He never cried, he wanted to keep going. He'd get excited and then he'd get those big eyes again.
My daughter on the other hand would scream at the slightest thought of a bug being 40 feet away from her.
You can always ask your son when he behaves silently scared...
"Was that fun? Was that scary? Was it too noisy?"
I know he's little, but that's a way to begin communicating with him.
Think also....Even some of the little kiddie rides might make a child feel dizzy or like they're going too fast.
Maybe their silence is a way of handling it and trusting it. All the while thinking.....
"If we don't make it out of this 'It's a Small World' tunnel, THEN I'll come unglued!"

It sounds like your little guy is doing just fine. My son never did throw big fusses if he hurt himself or was upset about anything.
The older they get, the more you can talk about it.

You got it right, Mom!

Not all children scream and freak out -- your son is probably a bit of an introvert, and just doesn't display his fear the way most kids do.

Keep reading his body language as you did at Disneyland, and you'll be fine!

Best,

J.

Every child is different and noone knows your children better than you. Some children express their fears without screaming. Next time tell the ride controller to stop the ride

I think my 2 1/2 yr old daughter's reaction is strange but I'm assuming normal. Practically her whole body tightens up and she pulls her arms and fists up to her chest and shakes a bit. She's always done this even when someone got in her "personal space" and now seeing things during Halloween or scary things on TV.(like robots or strange cartoons) She is pretty scared of bees and flies as well. I would just keep an eye on how he reacts to things that might scare even you and then see how he's doing afterward so he's not being traumatized by these things happening. He might be scared but still wants to see what's going on (why he didn't look at you).
Good luck!

I'm not sure if this will help you at all but I also have a two-year-old son and after reading your request I realized I have never seen him fearful either. I can't say that this is normal, but you're not the only one!!

My son gets very quiet and red in the cheeks when he is overwhelmed - by excitement or fear - then melts down later over something that is unrelated. I don't think there are "normal" toddler responses to fear ... I think even how adults respond to fear depends on their personality. A friend recently told me that most people know the "fight or flight" response to fear ... but most people don't know that it's "fight or flight, freeze, or faint". Something like that. Sure wish our kids came with instruction manuals!

This is how your child shows fear. He is unsure BUT very courageous. My sons heart would beat like it was going to burst out of his chest. A lot of talking and listening to his body language will get you both through this. Let him know his feelings are of worth and he is right to have such feelings. Give him a choice of what he wants to try, praise him for it, encourage him to experience more WITH YOU. He will begin talking about it and even enjoy trying new small things and progress to other stuff later. LTH

I think you will find that 2 year olds' reactions to fear vary as much as adults' reactions to fear. Some people scream their heads off and freak out, while other people get quiet and withdrawn. I think it has a lot to do with personality; even kids in the same family might have different reactions.

Hi S.,
My daughter is similar. During our last visit to the doctor's office she was very very quiet and eerily obedient. She's normally an outgoing, social little girl. After the visit, which went fine, I noticed her playing out the scene with her dolls and with me. She used my belt buckle like a pretend stethoscope and listened to my chest. I try to encourage her to talk about these things and to play them out. I know she's just processing.
It breaks my heart, though, to see her controlling her behavior so severely under stress like that. I guess we all have to find our own way to deal with stress. Sounds like you're really in tune with your son.

Hi S., as everyone has said children have varied responses to fear. However, it might be a good idea to start trying to get your son to vocalize his fear or worries for the future, rather than using his method of "shutting down" to deal with the stimulation. We all develop coping mechanisms, some more beneficial than others, so if you can teach "good" ones early on - all the better! Good luck!

My daughter was such a drama queen as a tot - until the day she calmly walked up to me and said, with a very serious face, "Mommy, I think a bee stung me." I laughed at her, and told her that bee stings hurt so much she'd be screaming and crying. I stopped laughing when her cheek started swelling up. Her reaction, ever since, to extreme cases of pain and fear has been to get very, very still and serious. I guess that's "normal" for her!

My 3 year old has varied reactions. If it is something that startles him he will scream and run but if it is something scary that makes him uncomfortable like when the baby sitters daughter was watching a Halloween movie he will get quiet and creep away to the side of the TV. So your son's reaction sounds normal to me. He may have thought that if he was quiet the scarey things wouldn't notice him.

S.,
Remember all children are different. When my daughter is scared she tries to basically climb into me (like become part of me). If I ask her if she's scared she will tell me yes but otherwise makes no noises about it except when she wakes up in the middle of the night, then she screams.
Wishing you all the best with you two little boys from a mom with two little girls.

Hi S.,

My 2yo boy is very verbal, but sometimes he does not express his feelings/fears until much later. I notice his facial expressions sometimes, and then even days later he will bring up something that made him unsure or scared...Just try to be in tune with his feelings/fears and help him to understand his feelings by talking him through it, before he thinks about it too long and develops real fears. Otherwise he might have all this stuff going on in his head and he will develop a fear in time. (for instance, my 2yo was obsessed with Monsters Inc, we thought he loved it, and then suddenly one day he was crying and told me he was sacared of the Monster in his room...that was months ago and he still talks about being scared of Monsters). You can't prevent them from getting scared, but I have found it is helpful to discuss "scary" topics with my 2yo so that he doesn't get too scared on his own.

K.

My 2y old is a HUGE drama queen for the most part, but a lot of the time, esp. when she was younger, it was all in the eyes. I would pay attention to her eyes and be able to see how she was doing (like in the pool, how far to let her go on her own) My mom used to say she (my daughter) would get a look of fear on her face, but would be like, "okay, I don't know about this but I trust my mommy..." Your son might have been afraid but willing to see it through because he felt safe with and trusted you. A great thing!