How Do You Tell 7Ds About Divorce?

I told my daughter when she was about the same age, that her father and I were getting divorced. I was honest and straight forward with her... she was very aware that things were not good between us, even though we tried to hide it as much as possible from her. And I stressed that even though we would not be living together as a family that we both still loved her and we both would always be there for her no matter what. She actually handled it quite well, she did get a little emotional for a while but has gotten much better. I also let her call her dad when she feels she wants to talk to him, and he visits with them twice a week and every other weekend.

Good luck.

C.:

I have just started the divorce process and I have two young sons (7 & 3). I too wanted to wait until after Christmas and will probably sit down with my sons this weekend. I asked my soon to be ex to join me, and he has no interest in doing so, so I'm going it alone (as usual - hence the divorce!)

Anyway, my son sees a counselor for other reasons, but we have started to incorporate what is going on at home and it does seem to be helping. My husband moved out of the house at my request over the summer.

I agree with the other people who posted that you must first tell your son how much he is loved and that he has nothing to do with what is going on. Let him know that you are always there if he has any questions.

Go to your local library too, you will find all kinds of books that are kid friendly that discuss divorce and how there are two homes, etc.

Best wishes to you,
C.

He most likely already knows that something isn't right, and has been feeling the stress for quite some time, but it won't be easy to tell him all about what's to come. One thing that he will need to know is that the divorce has nothing to do with him, or his behavior...children tend to think divorces are their fault, and "if I only had been a better boy..." or "if I hadn't made daddy/mommy mad..." "maybe if I do better, mommy and daddy will love each other again!" So let him know that its between you and daddy, and that you both love him still the same and always will. It would be good if you both could explain it together so that the story is the same on both ends and he knows that when it comes to him, you both are together on it. If that isn't possible, perhaps you can let your ex know what you've told him, so that he can back it up and not play blame-game stuff or say something insensitive (let's be real, some husbands aren't known for their tact or sensitivity with stuff like this, LOL!). Knowing that his mommy and daddy will be better people and will become a better mom and dad to him if you both live apart, will help him understand the situation as well as it can be, under the circumstances. Good luck with it all and best wishes with your new little one on the way :-)

First of all, I am sorry that you are going through this, especially when pregnant. The best thing to do is to sit down with your husband and tell him together - - and very soon (like tonight). There is no easy way to do it, but the best thing you can do for him is to put aside whatever your differences may be and handle it maturely when you tell him (which also goes for the whole process and on into the future). You don't need to explain in too much detail, just tell him that you and your husband love him very much and that will never change. Explain to him that you are moving, where you are moving and, if you know, what the arrangements will be between you and your husband regarding your son's scehdule. If he asks questions, and he may, answer them as honestly as you can. He is still relatively young so the most improtant thing is to constantly reassure him that the two of you still love him.

Know that it is an ongoing process and there will always be questions. My XH just got remarried and it has sparked a ton of questions from my 6 year old about our marriage. My XH is sort of dismissive, but I answer them honestly and matter-of-factly.

I wish you the best of luck.

C.,
I am so sorry you are going through this stressful experience!
I got divorced when my kids were 6 and 10. My six year old really did not understand what a "divorce" was. I think it is best to describe in very simple terms that Mom and Dad need to live apart because they are fighting all the time and that it is not because of anything the child did. Many kids blame themselves. It is really important that BOTH parents are there to give the news. Despite your differences, you are both responsible for the rearing of this young boy. Parents should never express blame for the situation and should avoid making negative comments about one another in the child's hearing.
I reccommend that you look into any support groups that may be available through the child's school. My kids got a lot of support from other kids who's parents were divorced. If your husband would agree to it, family counseling can also be helpful, the 2 of you need to find ways to be effective co-parents and present a united front when it comes to the kids.
Good Luck!

Hi C.,
Although my daughter was 4 1/2 when we told her I think our approach could work for any child. We basically told her that we would be happier as her mother and father if we lived in different houses. She was obviously very upset but we just kept repeating that to be a happy mom and a happy dad is was going to be best that way. Although we were in a very tough place at the time, we agreed that going to a child psychologist (my husband and I only) for some advice beforehand was the best thing to do. I would highly recommend doing that even if your husband does not want to go. The other advice we were given was to tell the child ahead of when you will actually be moving out so that they can get used to the idea. My husband had an apartment set up and a lot of crayons, scissors, doll house, etc already at the new place when we told her. That way she knew weveryone had a house and that she had a special place in each house.
The two pieces of advice I found most helpful were 1. reiterate over and over that this is not about anything your child has done and that mommy and daddy are doing this for them. And 2. you and your husband should choose a 1 line answer (like "mommy and daddy will be happier living in different houses") and stick to that rather than getting into a real explanation.
It will get easier as time goes on. We have been living in seperate houses for just about six months and although my daughter gets upset and says that she misses daddy sometimes (mostly when she is tired and overstimulated) she does not ask us to live together or anything like that. Kids are resiliant and your son will be ok through this as long as you are able to listen to him and give him the truest answer you can.

Good luck.

Jenn gave you great advice about being honest and talking to him. My parents divorced when I was a little older than this (11) and my brother was a little younger (5). The other thing I'd add is to make sure both of you tell him that this is not his fault as often as he needs to hear it. If you and your husband have ever fought over him about anything and he was in the home he could have overheard (kids have amazing ears!)and feel like it's his fault even though it obviously isn't. Just make sure he knows that. Obviously I don't know the details of the situation but when the new baby arrives see if you can get a family member to help you out or if your son's father can take care of him full-time for a little while. You'll have your hands full. Good luck!

If things have been ugly so far, he might already figure something is up. Stress that he will now have 2 homes( 2 sets of toys etc.), with 2 parents who love him very much. It is important that he know that you and your husband are the ones who no longer like each other and fight too much.

I wish you lots of luck and even though your husband can afford the house, don't let him get away without supporting you financially, especially if you have been a stay at home mom.