How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Don't Want His Parents Here as Soon as Baby Is Born

Sound like using money from the savings account would be best used in the next 18 weeks.
I'm sorry. What you describe is far from optimal ( & I'm not taking about BFs parents visit).
You have a 13 year old to think about here.
VERY critical age with regards to forming relationships with the opposite sex.
All the best!

Chances are they are NOT coming when the baby is born anyway. If they are as out-of-touch and dysfunctional as you say, they are just saying that now because it's the right thing to say. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it and just let it go for now. I remember getting fixated on certain things before my first was born. No one coming over, no one touching the baby no going out in public, blah blah blah....With the second, I took advantage of every free pair of hands that showed up. So, in general, if people want to come over and visit, or help, let them!

Lay down the law now. Tell him what is and isn't going to happen. Such as, his parents are welcome to come visit if they stay in a hotel.

I'm also 22 weeks pregnant & I've already made it very clear what will and won't happen after this baby gets here.

Good luck!

L.:

Congratulations on your upcoming arrival!

I'm sorry - I see a few things going on here.

1. You haven't met your boyfriend's family - yet - you've been together long enough to get pregnant and move in together. That's a HUGE red flag for me.

2. People you have not met are showing up after a life-changing moment.

I would say "this is great news!! I'm so happy to finally be able to meet your family!! What hotel are they staying in? Do we need to make reservations for them?"

3. You and your boyfriend are NOT communicating. Well, yeah, you are...you are yelling at each other. NOT a good sign or way to deal with things.

4. Your boyfriend is NOT working with you. He's working against you. Calling you selfish when you know what to expect - healing time - after a baby is born. He has no concept of what to expect.

So like I said above - what would I tell my boyfriend? I would tell him "it's GREAT! What hotel are they staying at?" If he doesn't get that? I would boot him. Sorry. I know that's harsh - but it's not like he has any sort of great relationship with his family - they haven't seen in other in how long?

If you want to save this relationship? Get couples counseling. If that doesn't work? Let it go. Stop trying to force something that isn't going to work.

Good luck!

The thing that's sticking out at me is that you seem to be looking for this baby to fix the issues in your relationship. Baby's don't fix anything. In fact they put additional pressure on relationships because they add additional expense and take away sleep.

Right now he's in your house and making life difficult for you by calling you names and not helping out. What exactly are you getting from this relationship? You need to sit down and figure out what's best for you and your children (including new baby to be) and then figure out if you are better off with or without boyfriend around.

Zelda Girl is right -- find out what is meant by "when the baby is born." They may mean the same DAY, or a week later.

But finding out will be hard if you and your BF never communicate. And you don't. Why are you asking this online instead of asking him? Why doesn't he already know how you feel? And why are the two of you in a "really rocky" time since you found out you were pregnant? (That does not support what you then say about his being happy -- if he's happy and you're happy things are not rocky; someone's not happy, for sure.)

The bigger issue is not his parents. It's your unwillingness to talk to him directly and openly, or your fear of doing so. Are you afraid to just say, "Hey, we need to get very clear on this...what does 'after the baby's born' mean? And I do want them to stay in a hotel. You may not realize this but I know from experience that I will be bleeding when I use the toilet" and so on and so on. Yeah, gross, but real couples can talk like this. Can you and he not have frank talks like that? Because if you cannot -- you and he need some couples counseling FAST, starting before the baby comes. It sounds as if the new baby is putting a strain on your relationship; it's unclear if you and he plan to marry or if you are asking for that now that you'll have a child together; and you are clearly considering (repeatedly) breaking up.

Either you are a couple or you are not -- your post sounds as if you and he have no real idea if you're together or split. If you were truly together you'd be able to TELL him what you need regarding visitors, and he would put your wishes first. But you can't seem to do that and you're on the verge of breakup with a baby almost here.

You need to decide: Are you in this together or not? Counseling could help because you both sound like you cannot communicate clearly enough to get it all out in the open. If he refuses any counseling for the baby's sake as well as yours and his -- that is your answer, right there. Be sure to get a good lawyer to line up your court-ordered child support, and be sure to get a good, court-ordered child custody agreement in place.

And "spending a week or so together with a new baby would help us work out our problems" -- You do realize that you and the BF will be exhausted and on edge and MORE likely to fight and argue, not less likely, with a newborn around? Baby is not a way to glue together a fractured relationship. Do not put that responsibility on an infant. TAKE responsibility and either work with BF on committing (married or not, doesn't matter, just real commitment) or leave him now and don't expect a newborn to fix your relationship.

Wow.

First, they are your boyfriend's parents and the grandparents to your child. They want to see their grandchild when the baby is born, which is completely NORMAL. You having not met them is a reflection on their relationship with their child and the instability in your own relationship, not a reflection on their interest in meeting the newest family member.

Second, a baby does not "fix" a broken relationship. That is a lot of pressure to put on a little person and is entirely unfair. Either the two of you want to work on your relationship or you don't. My impression is that this is not a good match. Unfortunately, you have brought (another) child into the mix.

Third, you may want to consider having him move out before the baby is born. Seriously. You can't even have a rational conversation with this person without it turning into a fight? Is this REALLY what you want to bring a baby home to? I say this because the stress of a new baby tends to (temporarily) stress a marriage. Your relationship is not a "permanent" one at this point and it's already pretty stressed. Bringing a baby into the household with an immature individual who name calls and won't work things out like an adult isn't going to end well.

If he's out of the house, then his parents aren't going to stay with you. They can visit for short periods of time and stay with him, wherever that may be. It's not "his house" after all, right? He doesn't help you maintain it, so he shouldn't be living in it.

Good luck. I really hope that you find a peaceful resolution to this situation because it certainly isn't peaceful right now.

My opinion - your bf needs to move out so you can both decide if you really want to be together as bf/gf. This solves several things - your mounting resentment that he's not contributing to your house, it gives the 2 of you some space to figure what you want, and, if his parents come, they can stay with him and then you invite them over (or not) depending on how you are feeling at the time.

Good luck.

ooo, baby. this doesn't sound good. if you're not comfortable having a discussion as basic and commonsense as 'honey, i want to take some time after the baby's born to adjust to our new routine, and just to get to know her. let's discuss houseguests at a later date' without it blowing up, it's not a good relationship.
i suggest you both go get some help, and do it now. this isn't good for your teenager, it won't be good for the baby, and it's not good for either one of you.
khairete
S.

You are both very immature. I am hearing a lot of 'Me' and 'I' not a lot of 'We'. Neither of you seem to be committed to this relationship. If you want your relationship to continue you need to get into counseling if not couples then indivual. You are both working, you should have insurance to cover counseling.

The 2 of you need to go to couples counseling ASAP. Right now the 2 of you are talking at each other
The 2 of you have never learned to communicate with each other.

Even if the 2 of you do not stay together, you are both parents to this child and will be a part of each others lives forever, because of this child. Do NOT get this counseling for just the 2 of you, get it for your son and for this new baby.

If your children had cancer wouldn't you do anything to make sure they got help? Well your relationship with the father of this child is like a cancer in this relationship.

My husband and I almost divorced at one point, because we just could not have a conversation, without biting each others heads off.

We were not hearing what the other was really trying to say.

We seemed to have a lot of assumptions about each other back then,,

After about 3 sessions we were done and just gave up.

We decided divorce was the only answer. While discussing how this divorce was going to be handled, we realized, we had learned how to communicate!.. We have now been married over 30 years!

You will learn to use certain words with each other

"I need", "I understand", "I am concerned", "I am frustrated", "I need you to" "I hear you say.. " I do not understand when you said...."

This takes practice.. And so a counselor can guide you through this.

I am sending you strength.

Before you get too much further into this, find out what "when the baby is born" means. Does it mean the day after? The week after? It might be that you get your time before they come after all. Find out more information before you get too worried. Good luck.

You wrote an awfully long post....and I'm going to give you a nice short answer.

Place boundaries with which you are comfortable. And SAY what you want. Nobody can read your mind.

"Oh, it's so nice that they'll be visiting our city and get to see the baby. Which hotel will they be staying at?"

"I want it to be just me and baby for the first couple of weeks and don't plan on hosting any visitors."

"When visitors come, I'll only want them to stay for 30 minutes-1hour at a time. It's important that we don't disrupt the baby's schedule, and when she's asleep that may be the only time I get to sleep."

"BF, I need a little bit of time before I have visitors. I know how I am after a birth and I really need you to respect that I need x before they come over." And find out what that "when the baby is born" really means? In the hospital? That week? If it's not immediate, can you compromise on a very defined visit a week later? Come for an hour? Nursing a new baby in front of everybody when you are a private person can be hard. That may also give you and "out" - go to another room to feed the baby...or just whenever you need a break.

My mom was here right away. My ILs visited us in the hospital. I had nobody but close family and friends the first 2 weeks DD was home. I barely showered or slept, and was not fit for anyone else to visit. When DD was born, I asked my mom to step out for the real labor part. Whatever.

He may not agree, but this is something I would continue to discuss, and perhaps even with his parents. It's understandable that they are excited, but his mom in particular may be understanding if you ask for a week or two to regroup as a family.

My cousin's husband's family was EXCITED to have a new baby around (many of them have fertility problems so babies are few and far between). Cousin totally regrets not being more firm about the visitors. My aunt ended up going over and telling them to bug out because Cousin was dealing with PPD and did not need these people around.

You might also want to enlist a friend or your OB or a nurse from the hospital to explain to your BF why you feel the way you do. My DH asked my OB to tell me to stop worrying and she looked him in the eye and said, "No. That's what pregnant women do." Shut him up.

From your description of your relationship with your bf and his working hours, I think that you are hoping for something that just isn't going to happen - a happy week bonding with your bf/baby/mommy. It would be nice, but honestly, I wonder if it would be that way.

It could be that if indeed he IS going to take a week off of work, he may think he's doing you a favor by having them come right away. That way you aren't by yourself with them all the time while he's working his 60 hour work week.

Of course, you can always ask him for them to wait. But you need to understand that you can't put this off forever.

You mention being afraid that this is going to be a family reunion. I doubt that with the poor relationship that your bf has with his dad, that this is going to be any type of "reunion". Instead, it very well may be that they are trying to figure out if they HAVE a relationship with their son. Maybe they are wondering if you are going to be a permanent fixture in his life, since you two really are having a baby together. Perhaps they are going to try to repair this relationship because of the baby. It's not like you are his wife, so they haven't tried all that hard with you, it seems. But as the mother of their grandchild, things are different now.

I certainly understand about immune system issues you are talking about, but two extra people helping out isn't like taking baby to the mall. You will be worn out and trying to figure out when to rest and how to take care of baby, and that's your major job. What you will need to do, should they come, is ask them to do specific things while you are in bed or taking care of the baby. Washing clothes, fixing meals, that kind of thing. What you do NOT want to do is wait on THEM at all. If you start this even once, they may expect it. Then you will resent them and resent your bf from now til kingdom come.

Whatever you do, be pleasant, but take lots of breaks to your room. Don't try to be "with" them. Take care of yourself and the baby, not them. Let your bf take care of his parents. Expect him to pick stuff up at the store and to feed your parents. Don't cook and don't clean.

Whatever transpires between them and your husband in terms of talks or disagreements, don't be a part of it. Excuse yourself. Be pleasant and be kind. But don't get in the middle of issues between his parents and your bf's relationship with them. Stay out of it.

Let's hope that they grow to love you and love that baby.

Good luck.

I'm sorry. I know this is a cruddy situation. I am guessing you are not able to be in touch with your BFs family directly? The best way to work this stuff out is almost always when you can talk directly to the other family planner - which is probably the stepmom! If you are able to email or speak to them directly, I would say "I am happy that you are coming to visit after the baby is born. We are asking all of our out of town family to wait 1 month so that we can be ready for and enjoy your visit. Also, I would be happy to send you some info about the best and most economic hotels that are near our home." That right there sets the tone that you are not expecting vistors to show up immediately upon the birth, and you are expecting that they wont be staying at your house. And there is nothing rude about it. If BF can pull his head out of his arse long enough, HE could be the one that responds in this way. Men just dont get the ins and outs and certainly dont communicate well. It is possible too that if they really are that disfunctional, they arent even planning to really show up! My FIL and stepmonster pullled that one on us. The thought of having that woman in my house or *shudder* holding my baby turned my stomach. And they never came. She probably just told us that to get us upset in the first place, LOL
Good luck.

This does not seem to be a very stable environment for a new baby or for your son and it is setting a lousy example for your son. The birth of a new baby should be a happy joyous time and I am sorry you are so unhappy and uncertain. New babies also add a tremendous amount of stress to a relationship. I don't think your boyfriend is ready to take on the responsibilities of fatherhood. I think I would leave the issue of his parents alone and worry more about what type of father he is going to be to your child and whether he is going to step up to the responsibilities. If he doesn't measure up and support you (financially and emotionally and physically), then I think you need to get rid of him now. Maybe that would be a big wake up call for him. If everything else is resolved and you find he is committed to your relationship and fatherhood, then compromise on his wishes to involve his family. If you set the same visitation policy for his parents as you do for your family, then both will be treated equally. You have to remember that you have 2 sets of grandparents to deal with. Explain the need for privacy and for short visits to all. Please don't overlook your 13 year old son in all of this-he is at a very vulnerable time of his life. Maybe your family can focus on him too!
Good Luck!

I can totally relate-I had three sets of relatives insisting they would come when my first was born. Thanks for all the back story-I totally get it- but it really doesn't matter. Try to let your anger go about why it's offending you so much. The're rude and they don't understand. Here is the bottom line: They can't come.

You are an adult woman and this is completely up to you. People may get persnickety about it, people may get pissed when you say no. Doesn't matter. This is your birth. Your only alternative is letting yourself get pressured into letting them come and dealing with all the sadness and stress that comes with that-especially if you get really hormonal like I did-yikes I would have been a mess.

The only relatives who gave me a problem about my wishes when I graciously explained no one was invited to vist for one month after the baby's birth were my in-laws. When they wouldn't get their way they kept insisting they would help help help help with dishes and laundry. Who the hell cares about dishes and laundry? Is that really WORTH the swarm of guests? I'll take a pile of quiet non-argumentative laundry any day. Plus, like you, my kids' dad always traveled so he was home for a bit when the baby was born so HE could do the chores and WE could have some rare time together.

The in-laws were mad. They made a stink. They did that plenty of other times too. Polite pople don't even contest such things so f them. To this day, I cherish my memories of the quiet time home with baby after she was born and so does her dad. I wouldn't change putting my foot down for the world.

Be an adult. Preserve yourself.

For your boyfriend, "Sweetie, I need your understanding. After I give birth, I really need time to rest in privacy and to bond with baby. I know people want to come right away, but I need to delay the visitors. I need your support on this."

For the in-laws:

"I am welcoming visitors at ________time. Thank you for your understanding."

Anything past those first polite sentiments should be more firm or "mean" if necessary. Do Not Back Down.

They're grandparents. They should be able to see their grandchild as soon as humanly possible. Being a grandmom, I can tell you, has been one of the most exciting things in my life. Embrace their excitement and ask them for help. With the condition of your relationship with your boyfriend, you are going to need it. I think you have a long rocky road ahead of you, I'm so sorry to say.

I understand how you feel but you do realize that people come in droves when a baby is born right? They'll be coming out of the woodwork, you'll have so many visitors at the hospital it will be nuts and they'll all be bringing baby gifts.

People come when a baby is born, that's just a fact. Many families gather to care for the new mother and infant so they can bond and rest. So you don't have to get up at 6 and fix bf breakfast then spend the day cleaning house and preparing the evening meal.

You do realize you will be totally on your own because he's going to go to work, he won't sit at home with you to bond with the baby, he'll go off to work and you'll have to get up and do everything you normally do plus everything that baby needs.

I think that if you look at this from another perspective you might realize they are trying to be helpful and not a hindrance to you bonding with your baby. They will be there to do the cooking and cleaning.

So, make a compromise with him. Tell him they can come for 2-3 days and if they don't behave then they can't stay any longer. Also that they can't stay at the house so if they can't afford a hotel room then bf will have to come up with the money to pay their bills.
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After reading so many responses that say boot the bf before the baby is born.

Before you even consider that you do have to take into consideration that this is HIS child too. He will file papers the very day he moves out for a minimum of daily visitation. He'll get it too. Just because you plan on breast feeding that baby would not automatically mean you won't get a judgement to pump and provide bottles for the baby so it can have visitation with it's dad.

So think about that before you decide to end this relationship. He will have that baby someplace you won't be and it will be around anyone he wants it to be around. Think this through carefully. He will get visitation outside of your home with that baby. There's not one judge that wouldn't allow him access to his child.

Um, this whole situation is so much bigger than his parents coming to visit when the baby is born. You guys have huge issues you need to work out, and probably should have worked on some of them before moving in together and having a baby togeher. All of this is going on in front of your 13 year old? He calls you a B in fron your child? And he is still in the house? I'm confused.

As far as to the direct question you asked, my MIL was not welcome when I had my last baby. He was a planned c-section and she wanted to be here when he was born. She and I had a rocky relationship then and I didn't want the stress. I also know she didn't approve of how we handled our babies. I fed on demand, we co-slept, and I held the heck out of my little ones. Shoot, they are 6, 8, and 9 and still love to cuddle. Success! I told my husband to tell his mom that was not a good tiem for us and he agreed. So she came in June, he was born in March.

Regardless of how you and your boyfriend feel about/are close to his family, your feelings as a new mom should take precedence. I would tell your boyfriend that you don't feel comfortable with ANYONE (not even your family) hanging around all the time, and then suggest a time (upcoming birthday, holiday) when his family can all come and stay. If they want to see the new baby, they should for 30 minutes just like your family/friends. If your boyfriend can't respect this, it's a red flag.

If you are planning on having your friends and family around for 30 minutes at the time, then his parents should get the same time. This child is as much your bf's as yours and his parents are as much grandparents as yours. Since you state you are planning on having friends visit, I see zero fairness in not having family.

If you both decide on no family or friends for a week or two - I think that is perfectly fine. But it needs to be none of your family and none of his.

I worry that your idea of spending time with your BF and new baby brings thoughts of talks and rekindling. What's most likely going to happen is he is going to 1. Go out with friends 2. watch TV 3. expect you to do as much for him as you do now then you are going to be annoyed and then resentful and that's going to bring on new fights.

I say welcome his parents as you are going to need all the help you can get at this time. You should try and get them on your side as this relationship is most likely going to fail unless you get some serious counseling.

Lots of great advice here! i cant say too much that hasnt been said already! i agree with most posts. good luck!
oh and congrats on new baby!

When my baby was born, my aunt was going to come stay with us to help me out. Then my mom (who I do not get along well with) decided she was going to stay with us for a week and do cooking and housecleaning. (My mom is both a terrible cook and housekeeper, plus being with her 24/7 would have driven me INSANE!) I ended up telling everyone they were welcome to come visit, see the baby when she was born, stay as long as they liked, but in a hotel, we wanted our home time to be our bonding time. To this day, my mom still tells everyone that my husband didn't want her to stay, no matter how much I tell her it was me who didn't, but I don't even care because we had a nice time figuring out how to be parents. Everyone ended up leaving the day after she was born, anyway, because a blizzard hit the next day and they all left early to get back to their homes before the weather set in. Thankfully, I had my husband's support on my decision, but I can't imagine having her stay with me, especially right after having a baby.

Okay, here is the thing, you can treat your family and his family the same by saying:

No visitors for the first week unless there as an emergency situation
No visitor will stay for longer than 30 min week two
Week three planned visits are acceptable, however no one is to stay in the house longer than 2hrs at a time
No weekend long visitations until baby is 6months or more depending on developmental status.

So, basically this means that after week three they can come to town, get a hotel and visit the house/baby for 2hrs at a time. If things are going well, then modifications can be made - this also gives a time limit if they go wrong. My family/friends and His family/friends all respected, understood and did not question our request (the same as I shared above) when our son was born and I think it is a strong compromise, however what goes for HIS goes for YOURS and they may not mean the second the baby arrives either.

There's a lot going on there. First--and this is not meant to judge you or your situation--the time to bond with him is BEFORE pregnancy. That's part of learning each other and includes meeting his family. The reason is that you have to get secure with each other before other stuff is added to the mix that could shake you up, like a baby or visiting parents. You have to anchor yourself so you know where home is. Obviously, this is a different scenario, but keep in mind that this is not an unreasonable request under typical and even some atypical circumstances. Don't take it personally.

Secondly, I am pretty private and introverted, as well, so I get not wanting other people, especially strangers, in your intimate space, especially during the vulnerable time following childbirth. Don't take this one personally, either. You're super sensitive about this because of that part of your personality and because you are pregnant (and nesting and protective instincts are high) and because they are strangers to you and because you are fighting really hard to create a bond with your boyfriend. It's beyond awkward for you and seems to be completely out of your control. I get that you guys are busy, busy, but I suggest that you find time immediately to seek counseling for tools to build your intimacy. You are behind the curve on having a healthy and stable foundation on which to build your family, and you need to get on it.

Thirdly, does he plan to host his family in your home? You can control some of that. Surely, they can understand your need and desire for privacy, especially since you have never met. They should stay offsite. That might, also, limit the time they can stay, if they're spending money on a room. Find out how soon after they plan to come. Unless they have plenty money and nothing else on the calendar, they won't likely board a plane as soon as you go into labor, so you might have a little space to breathe before having to meet them. Don't worry about being pretty or on your best behavior. Just be a mother to a brand new baby; they should get that. In fact, contact them right now, and start building your relationship with them. That way, they're not complete strangers when they get there. You can even tell them that you're talking to them so they won't be strangers anymore, since you don't want to have to deal with strangers.

Fourthly--and I think lastly--babies are expected to bring families together. Right or not, people come from far and wide to coo over new babies. You are hoping that for your immediate family, but there's more to this picture, and you have to allow your baby to be a blessing to as many lives as will happen while he/she is at your breast. This doesn't mean that you have to pass baby around the room or leave baby overnight. Just let the mere presence of the baby work its magic. The fact that they want to visit after so much time apart could be a sign that the magic has already begun. It's not automatic, though. There is work to be done behind the scenes, and it starts with you. Right now.

We mothers like to think of our babies as our possessions. We do that when there's some other aspect of our lives that we badly want to control but can't. The sooner you recognize it in yourself, the sooner you can address it, and everyone can be happy. I certainly don't know your relationship with your boyfriend, but what if your graciousness (as much as you're comfortable with) with his parents helps to ease his anxiety and endears him to you? What if his parents feel well received and become your strongest allies and their healthy relationship gives you and your boyfriend a good model? What if the only way that this could have all come together was for you to be having this baby in this moment?? When you wish and pray for something and you truly release it, you get more than you could have dreamed of. You have to release it, though. Just practice: Close your eyes and ball your fists tight. Inhale a big breath and hold both positions. Upon release, let go of that breath and open your hands.

Good luck to you, and congratulations on that sweetness in your belly!!

ETA: Not sure if you just added this or if I just missed it--(1) Your talking to him about how you feel ends up in a fight, so you just don't talk? No, ma'am, you do not get to put that all on his plate. You two created together whatever dynamic you have, and you have to take responsibility for your part. Figure out how to talk to him in a way that he will listen. Start by not attacking him or operating from a defensive position. (2) He doesn't know where he stands with you if you aren't all in. You can't straddle the fence and demand commitment from him. If you know that there is a problem and you are not willing to do everything you can to fix it, then you are not all in, and you might as well leave now. It will NOT get better as long as you hold this position. (3) He probably thinks of it as YOUR house because you have not allowed him to treat it as his house, too. You probably remind him that you have the money and the house, and demand that he prove himself worthy of sharing it equally. You treat him as a hired hand. The way that he maintains his sanity is to create boundaries in his own mind, so he can have structure. You will not get him that way. You will surely push him away, and then you WILL be on your own with a new baby. You will be bitter. You will not recognize the role that you played in the demise of the relationship, so you will carry that bitterness into how you co-parent with him. That is the example that you will set for both of your children, and you will not even understand why. It's not about just you anymore. You owe it to your child, your future child, your boyfriend, yourself...to put all your resources into making this right. Otherwise, you can't say that you really tried.

Google "Lemon clot essay" and have bf read it. I would meet them before then and certainly suggest a hotel.

This is a great one to try to pin on the pediatrician. Doctors orders, no visitors for six weeks! I actually used that one for everyone but my mom. I am introverted and to invade my privacy at a time like that would be unforgivable to me. Leave the other issues aside and try to blame this decision on outside factors.

How about saying something along the lines of "it will be great to see your Father, we should call him and make arrangements after the first week, that way we have time to get settled in a bit"? That way you are saying yes they can come 'after' the baby gets here...just a week after, that's all?

~This post makes me sad. I do not feel you are getting your emotional needs andcwants met either and I am not sure how you are going to fix it?

babies and lack of sleep they bring with them strains relationships. if you have these huge issues now I would take a break form living together until after the baby is here. maybe in that break ou will decide you are happier apart.
your son and future baby definitly deserve better than what you describe
even if you add to the horrible issues you have you still arent good togethe,r

i would break up and enter counseling for myself if i was you and learn what to expect of myself and others.
your kids and you deserve better. never stay in a relationship where you're afraid to simply talk

I think you would benefit from getting help-you should be tripping over yourself to have friends and family who want to come and help-don't turn anyone away. It will bring a sense of stability to an otherwise shaky relationship. Best of luck-it sounds like you need it desperately.

Our in-laws stayed for a month with each baby and it's a blessing for us, especially to help with other kids or the house. But, I hope you find what works.

Just tell him you will need a few weeks after the baby comes before they come to visit. Unless they plan to stay somewhere else and make visits short just like you have asked your family and friends. You may need to try and talk to his step mom is possible. I realize you have not met her yet. But she might be more understanding and reasonable.