How Do I Prevent My Hubby from Smoking?

Updated on June 01, 2009
A.D. asks from Austin, TX
16 answers

My hubby smokes 7/8 cigarettes each day. He has been smoking for last 15 years now. He always has his sugar levels on higher side for which he is taking tablets. His cholesterol counts are also not very good. He does not exercise much except a walk for 15/20 minutes to his workplace. I really am fed up of trying to make him quit. He does not have the will power, does not want to really quit, not for me, not even for our 2 year old sweet little daughter. He really is stubborn. Walks away when I try to have a conversation. I tried everything, literally everything that was in my hands. Y'day, I took the packet out of his office bag, and kept just 2/3 cigarettes in it believing that he will smoke just those 2/3. Today morning saw a brand new packet in his bag. I was frustrated. I tried sending him Youtube videos about how smoking is harmful. Nothing works. He has tried the patches before (I am not sure about that, he says before we got married) and does not want to wear them again. I am scared if I put those patches on him and he still wants to smoke. The only good thing is he does not smoke inside the house or around Esha and washes his hands and brushes when he is around her.
I really want him to stop, at least reduce to a couple a day.
Any suggestions are welcome.
Thanks for reading this.

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone. I am really starting to believe that no one but him can stop himself from continuing the habit. I will try to live with it, yet I am going to keep talking to him when I can and when he is in the mood to listen to me.
Thanks so much.
I really appreciate your concerns for me and my problem.

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N.H.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't believe that you will be able to make him quit. He will only quit when he is ready. It is very hard to quit smoking and the only way he will attempt it (or win at it) is to really want to quit. And you may only be driving a wedge in between the two of you.
Good luck to both of you.

1 mom found this helpful

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K.G.

answers from Atlanta on

Ask your husband if he wants to give up being a part of his daughter's life for 13 yrs? Thirteen years is the average number of years of life lost b/c of long term damage from smoking. Several years ago my brother in law finally quit. He had been smoking since his early teens. His wife put a jar in the kitchen & each time he bought a pack he had to put what each pkg. of cigarettes cost into the jar with no cheating. After a month or too he physically could see the $$$ it was taking to fund the habit & decided he didn't want to continue to see his money going up in smoke(literally). He too had small kids at the time & it finally made sense to him. He quit gradually & has been smoke-free for over 10 years. Good Luck!

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S.B.

answers from Atlanta on

You need to stop.
There is nothing you can do except nag him until he leaves.
Go to Al-Anon or Celebrate Recovery for codependency and read up on it. It will help you the rest of your life not to be a controlling wife and mother and show you how to be happy no matter what someone else is doing. You are the only person you can do something about. And who knows? He may be so impressed that he would want to please you.
S.

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M.G.

answers from Atlanta on

Hi there, A.: I had the exact same problem with my husband and I kept praying for him. Well, he began to have some discomfort in his throat and the dr. told him if he didn't stop smoking, he would get cancer from the smoking. That was the end of the smoking. But I believe that doctor was an answer to my prayer. That was 25 yrs. ago and my husband has not touched a cigarette since and he is in good health - and prior to that he had smoked for 15 yrs and was a heavy smoker. Best of luck.

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C.S.

answers from Columbia on

A.,
It sounds like he doesn't want to quit. Nagging him is only going to cause a rift in your marriage. I say focus on his positive traits and move on. You CANNOT force someone to stop an addiction. You can only offer support. Chances are if you try to force him to quit it will only make him hang on to the habit longer to prove that you can't make him do it! My husband has had a nicotine addiction throughout our entire 14 year marriage. I tried over the years to make him stop and it was a total waste of my time and energy! Just save your energy and use it on something positive. Don't take it personally, this is just his thing. We are all only human and I am sure if you dig deep enough you will find something in you that he doesn't care for. Just take this as one of his character flaws, accept that we all have them and live your life happy and let him be happy. If this is the only problem in your marriage you are very lucky!!! :o)

Good luck!

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J.F.

answers from Macon on

My mother was in the hospital recovering from one catroid artery surgery (it had been 98% closed), waiting also for the other side to be opened up (97% closed). My stepfather had gone downstairs and got her a pack of cigarets. She'd smoked for almost 50+ years. She was addicted. But we could not get her to stop. Less than 2 years later, she had a stroke (smoking caused it). She was paralyzed except for her head. She couldn't feed herself, couldn't take care of herself at all. Less than 2 years after the stroke, she passed away. If something like that doesn't make your husband to want to stop - I'll tell him myself. You can get in touch with me and I'll verify it -

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M.B.

answers from Athens on

You don't! I'm with you and understand your concern and consideration for your husband's health and your life together. However, as much of a pet peeve as smoking is for me - it sounds like he is at least considerate with his smoking habits, which so many are not. Be thankful for that.. and it also sounds as if he was smoking when you married him. My father told me shortly after I married my husband and was complaining about how he wore his underwear - he has probably been wearing those underwear like that for ??? years and he ain't gonna change it until he decides to do so. Same goes for the smoking habit, until your husband wants to quit smoking, I'm afraid you are causing yourself more worry over something you do not have control over. He HAS to WANT to quit in order for it to work for him. Praise him for taking his habit outside and washing up afterward, that is a lot more than most smokers do!
Oh, the one thing you can do is pray for your husband and the habit, for the Lord will work in him to want the change for himself. It may take a while, but if it is in the Lord's plans for your husband it will happen. If it isn't it won't.

May God Bless you for Caring so much!

M.

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B.B.

answers from Atlanta on

How frustrating for you.
I have a good friend,Darice Bossen that is a hypnotherapist that has great success with helping people quit smoking. Check out her ____@____.com you can reach ____@____.com Luck,
B.

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L.M.

answers from Spartanburg on

My sister smoked from the time she was a teenager. She died in Dec, 2007 from cancer. Her 26 y/o daughter (who has 2 young boys) has just been diagnosed with COPD. She has smoked for 11 years and was around her mother smoking since birth. No suggestions, just family statistics. Do everything you can to get him to stop smoking.

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V.E.

answers from Atlanta on

You Don't. Even if he were your child he would find a way to do what he wanted to do. He does not smokein the house around your child. You cannot control what another person does. Take on something about yourself you want to change and you may be more successful. The only person you can ever change is you. V.

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L.D.

answers from Atlanta on

Sweetheart, you are so young. You can not prevent any adult from doing anything. Stop mentioning it. You have to make him think it is his idea. I would praise him for not smoking in the house and around his family, then buy more life insurance on him. Focus on the positive but be prepared for the consequences of his poor health habits.

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S.G.

answers from Savannah on

You don't. This is something he has to do on his time by his terms. Even though you can buy cigeretts, look at them as a illegal drug and you are trying to stop useing. You know it is bad for you, the others around you, but you keep going back, your mind is weaker than your will. Deeep down you want to stop but you just can't imagine your life without that thing in your hand. You might even feel like you lost your hand if you don't have one, like something is really missing from you. Your habit doesn't nag you, tell you how bad it is for you and your family, it doesn't tell you how expensive it is. It is quiet and calming, there for you no matter what. It doesn't judge you for what you do, it accepts you for what you are.

That is how I felt ever time I would try to stop smoking. And it drove me nuts when people would tell me over and over how bad it was for me, my kids, blah blah blah. I knew all that stuff and I didn't need them harping in my ear about it either. I tried cold turkey, the gum, the patch, the zyban with and without my hubby that smoked too. We finially didn't quite till our insurance paid for Chantix. Even if your insurance won't pay for it, it is worth the out of pocket cost! My hubby and I stopped the first week on it because it made cigeretts taste something horrible! And the smell became unbearable too!! Oh and to smell menthol cigs wast the worst of all! I really felt like I turned green every time I was around someone that smoked!!! My hubby and I didn't even finish the first 6 week course of the meds and we are smoke free for 1 1/2 years now!! (2yrs come October) We went out and bought a camper with the $200+ we were spending a month on cigeretts!! I don't miss them, and yes, I do still think about lighting up when I first get in the car or on the phone, the triggers that used to cause me to smoke. But I have no desier to go back to them at all.

Just give your hubby time and some space. The more you nag, the less he is probably willing to give them up. Find out if your insurance covers Chantix and talk to him about try it.

Good luck!
S.

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T.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Sorry, you can't make someone quit--even if you really want them to. You are only frustrating yourself and him. He has to want to do it himself--I mean really want to and have the will power to do it. Chantix really does help make it easier if he wants to do it. However, he will still be battling the psychological urge for months or maybe years and that's what gets people smoking again.

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

All you can do is remind him how horrid it is for his health and how it really ups his chance of never seeing his daughter grow up. Unfortunately it's one of the most addictive and difficult things to ever give up. Nicotine is classified with Heroin and Cocaine in addictive power. I've given it up so that I only have a few when I drink these days, and I never smoked when pregnant (of course I wasn't drinking either). It took me a long time to break all of my old smoking habits, but I got rid of all but the one of smoking when I drink. I took Zyban initially, and it REALLY helped! If you could get him to get down to 1 or 2 a day or just once-in-awhile (even though that is all still really bad for you) -then it wouldn't be as bad as 8 a day.

Until HE really wants to quit though -he'll keep smoking!

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C.H.

answers from Spartanburg on

You cannot make someone else's decisions for themselves. He has to be the one to want to quit and make the changes in his lifestyle. No amount of begging, pleading, threatning, etc. is going to work until HE decides to put them down and never pick them up again. Some people have no will power whatsoever and cannot do it cold turkey or with patches and all the different things that are out there. I think one person suggested hypnosis which is great but just remember that it may not work. I had a friend do that and just a few weeks later she was back smoking again-and still is and is fighting cancer on top of that and is still smoking-I guess her point of view is that she is going to die anyways because this is the second round of chemo and radiation that they want to do and she has refused it. Said she would have never gone through it in the first place if she had known the cancer was going to come back and she was going to die anyways. It's very hard for a smoker to "quit". I think the biggest challenge isn't so much them putting them down and not taking another puff - but to stay that way. I have been a smoker off and on since I was 18. If I had known what I know now I would have never ever picked the first one up-but when you quit you always have that desire in my opinion and it's a challenge day in and day out. Especially if you socialize with others that do-and usually most smokers do :)
I have heard great things about Chantex (don't know if I spelled that right) but most of the time insurance doesn't pay for it and I think they cost around $100.00 a pop. Don't know too much information about it other than that people who chain smoked and said they would never be able to quit-they quit with this stuff. However my question is - have they stayed quit? Is there anything out there that can help you stay quit-my answer to that is perhaps a support group?? Ask him nicely if he is willing to try the Chantex to just see if it would work for him...but be prepared that he might say NO because he really enjoys smoking and doesn't care to quit....sometimes it just takes that one particular moment or thing to make someone see the light and that is most likely what gonna have to happen in your situation...good luck the best thing to do is be patient and support your hubby when he does decide.

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T.K.

answers from Charleston on

My husband went back in January and got the stop smoking shots and so far so good. The shots run about $400 but well worth it. If he comes in contact with smokers he can smell and it makes him sick. It took him about a month to stop being moody and going through withdrawls. Good luck :-)

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