How Do I Help My Husband? - Garland,TX

I'm so sorry for the circumstances you find yourself, and it will not get easier anytime soon. There is a joint power of attorney that only takes effect if your MIL comes to the point of unable to communicate her own wishes/decisions. As for applying for permanent disability, it takes a long time. If she was still working she can probably apply for short term disability and just needs her doctor to sign off on that. As for insurance, find your local county/state ability to pay program. Here in my area it is known as ORSA. Also is she is considered terminal, look into non-profit hospice programs who may be able to provide some much needed support. Good luck and hope your relationship with your MIL will continue to mend.

At this point I'm not sure what help your husband needs, but definitely he will need you for support. This is his mother and seeing her injured and so ill and knowing he may lose her must be hard for him.

As far as your MIL not signing the power of attorney documents, does she need to? This is a BIG deal to some people, it can represent a complete loss of control of their life which they're not ready to relinquish or face. Could someone not help her to fill out the required documents necessary in filing for Social Security and Disability and obtain her signatures? Who is closest to her in the family to talk to her about the entire situation? Is she aware of the fact that the cancer has spread and surgery is no longer an option? A family meeting may be in order to decide who can best explain the situation to her and assist her in filing for state assistance for her medical and financial needs.

Also check with the hospital and ask to speak to a social worker, who can be of immense help in referring you to programs your MIL may qualify for, talk to your MIL, or set up a referral to psychologists, etc., on the hospital staff whose job it is to help patients in times like this and can speak with your MIL if needed. This is hard for her as well.

God bless you all.

Wow that’s a lot to absorb but you need to start with realizing that you will not have to pay for her medical cost as if you go to the local department of social services you can file for medical assistance while she is in the hospital. Breath take a step back and know that this can be very over whelming so please lean towards your friends for emotional support too!

I am so sorry you're in this situation. As far as the hospitalization for her fall, if she has homeowner's insurance, it should cover her medical bills due to the injury if her health insurance won't pay for it.

I'm not sure why her financial situation will fall to you. Is she broke? She needs to pay her own bills under your guidance. You are not legally responsible for her financial obligations. If you are taking care of her, and paying for things like food, toiletries, etc, can you pay for it with her credit card? If she is in debt when she dies, that will all go away.

Since she won't sign the power of attorney documents due to the pain medication, can you at least ask her to set up her banking online so you can use her login to electronically pay bills w/o her signature?

While she is still lucid, get the ball rolling for Social Security and Medicaid. I think she needs to be considered indigent to get Medicaid. There is a lot of paperwork involved, so the sooner you can get her to sign everything the better.

If she becomes incapacitated, you can file legal papers for establish a conservatorship for your MIL. This is also a fairly involved process, and requires the help of an attorney. My guess is that your MIL will probably die before you can establish a conservatorship. If and when she dies, your husband will probably have to be the executor of her estate.

One of the previous posters mentioned hospice. This sounds like a great idea. They will be able to help your family as well as your MIL.

Please take care of yourself throughout all of this. Good luck to you. It's an impossible situation.

I think talking with the hospital social worker is a good place to start. Your MIL my be eligible for disability, Medicaid and possibly supplemental Social Security (SSI ) which also includes Medicaid. A friend or relative can go with her to the social security office and help her with the paperwork. Social Security can take several months but is retroactive.

first I must say I'm so sorry for this difficult situation, but I must correct what one of the posters below said... if she is in Debt when she dies that debit wont just go away, her estate will have to pay any outstanding debts. If there is nothing left in the estate, then you will not inherit the debt, but if there is anything left after she dies, the creditors have a right to get paid from that estate.

that being said, my best advice is talk to everyone you can about the situation, you never know who will have the answers that you need. The social worker sounds like a good place to start, as well as Hospice care, even if she doesn't qualify for hospice at this time they have a lot of experience and can give you guidance.

As far as helping your husband, continue to "mend" fences with his Mom, and support him and his decisions, even some of the ones you may disagree with, He may not make all of the best decisions right now, he is probably devastated about his mothers situation and that can cloud his judgement, so be extra understanding, so that he feels your support. Work hard so that he wont ever have to feel he has to choose between his Mom and You during this time. Just love you husband through this, and Love his Mom. that's what I would want if I were in his shoes.

You can check into Medicaid...and any other government program....

my problem with all of this? seriously talk to the doctors and find out what her chances are...if surgery is out of the question and the only option is to rely on you - find out if your company (I assume you are employed) has extended family insurance - I can't remember the name of it - I'm really tired, sorry.

You cannot be expected to take on the financial burden. I'm truly sorry I'm not more alert right now. I will do some research and find out what I can and get back with you in the AM.

DO NOT stress right now - as there is NOTHING you can do over a holiday weekend. Mamapedia has some great women who will help get you through this!!!

While I can't provide suggestions across the board, one thing you should talk about with your MIL is her thinking around an advanced medical directive. My father was diagnosed w/ cancer xmas of 05. He felt very strongly that he did NOT want to be intentionally kept alive. He declined rapidly and had to quickly get an advanced medical directive signed (a stop on the way to the hospital - which once he was checked in there, he never left - died 1 week later). Thus the AMD kept him comfortable, but stopped chemo, etc. My dad's cancer metastasized (sp???) in his bones (never knew where it originated), so between the time he broke his arm (12/23/05) and his death (3/16/06) - it progressed very fast. Just keep that in mind as you think through things.

Im also very sorry. I do know from experience that any debt or issues she has does absolutely not go away when she passes. It goes to the next of kin which will be her kids. Your husband will be leagally obligated power of attorney or not. Find a lawyer and get things taken care of now. When my mom passed suddenly in 02 my sisters and I had to pull thousands out of ypu know where just to keep her house. I know this is a horrible time but its gonna be much worse if you don't handle it now. God bless yall

Here is CA we have FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) If a close family member has an injury and illness and needs help you can apply and the state will pay you. So, your husband would qualify I think. I'm sure your state wouls have something similar. Talk to the hospital and they will put you in touch with someone there at the hospital that can help you right away. Good Luck, I will keep your family in my thoughts.