How Can I Get My Husband to See That One of Us Needs a Second Job?

$600 a month for daycare is typical in my area as well. That's $150 a week and only $30 a day. So it's not bad.

Show him the budget. Show him the bank account. Show him how you have tried to get things down. But he needs to understand what life is for you guys right now and get on board.

Maybe you could keep the baby at home p/t and save $300.00 and still get all the work done???

Kat

Generate a budget using a spreadsheet. A real one. Look at your expenses critically and lay them out, itemized. When you look at the "balance" at the end of the month, one of two things will happen.

1. You will find more places to cut back (cable, internet, beer, wine, soda, take out, etc)
2. Your husband will see that there is really a monthly deficit.

He's obviously not taking you seriously because you are talking and not showing. We keep a monthly spreadsheet with three columns: Income; Estimated Expenditures; Actual Expenditures and it has helped us live on one income for the last several months without touching our savings.

There are ALWAYS places to cut back, but at some point you have to increase the Income. You could wait tables at night and on the weekends... depending on where you are working, you can easily bring in $200- $300 per week!

pizza delivery (channeling dave ramsey)

issue over. flip a coin and see who goes to the pizza joint to get a job. tonight.

no more discussion, you need action. and if he won't, you need to.

tonight.

Find a cheaper day care. $600 a month is ridiculous.

I'd like to say to fuzzy, if you think $600/month is ridiculous, you obviously have never paid for daycare.

S., this is a common issue with parents of young children. I've struggled with the cost of daycare ever since we've had kids. It's no fun!

At one point, right before my second daughter was born, our marriage counselor noticed that we were stretched a bit thin. Financially, emotionally, spiritually. Our marriage was on the rocks. He suggested that I try to be a stay-at-home Mom. My first thought was, "I can't afford that!" I was working full time and making $15/hour at the time. He pointed out to me that I could take my monthly salary, substract the cost of daycare, subtract the cost of the second vehicle that we had, subtract the cost of gas that I was spending to/from work every day, and that's what I was really making. If you do those things, does it still make sense for you to work? It didn't for me. I wasn't making any money at all. So I quit my job, got rid of the second vehicle, cut out any extra expenses (like cable) and stayed home for a year until we found a way for me to work and still make money. The older the children get, the cheaper childcare becomes, so now it's just about surviving the next few years as best you can.

I'm not a fan of people working at home and watching their kids. It's dishonest. I have children, and I've worked at home. I know that you can't do both. There's just no way. You're either neglecting your work or your children, so to me, that's not really an option, but that's just my opinion.

Do you have to work at home 8-5 or can it be other hours? For example, can you work from 6-10 am and from 5-9 pm? That way you're mostly free during the day to care for your son?

Is your work at home tied to a time frame? I would think you flexing your hours and taking him out of daycare, or part time daycare, would be a better solution than getting another job.

So when your husband is home you do the bulk of your job. I would think he would prefer this over one of you being out of the house.

$600 a month isn't ridiculous. That's be a steal for my area. For a 2 yr old around here it's at least $200 a week.

I agree with Krista that you should show him your finances in a spreadsheet. It's hard to argue with evidence.

First off you both need to get on the same financial page. This is your reality and you both need to be on board with cutting back. Go through your expenses and see what can be cut. 'There are no sacred cows'

I think you need to look at your income and expenses together so that he can see that extra income is necessary.

Instead of sending your 2 yo to daycare could you bring somebody in to watch him/her? That might be a cheaper option.

Also could you boost your income by working for someone else? Are you underpaid for your field? Have you looked into switching employers? If you have daycare lined up then you could easily get a full time job in an office setting.

Could you perhaps get a mother's helper to come in and watch LO for a few hours while you work. Seems like that might be less expensive than full time daycare.

You might have to give your hubs a visual. Make up a chart of income versus expenses so he can SEE that something needs to happen.

You've got to sit down and go over all of your expenses versus your income. Show it to him in black & white. Tell him that you're not making ends meet. If he won't stay home with the kids, then he has no alternative. If he doesn't want to work extra, tell him the first things to go will be the "extras" such as cable/satellite, data plans on cell phones, etc... Cutting these can save you upward of $100 per month. It doesn't have to be cut forever, just until you (mainly HIM) realize you don't have enough money to have these things.

Do either of you have a skill or hobby that you could market and teach? That's another easy way to make an income if possible.

So sorry he's being a bonehead. Selling his blood may get him $20. Not worth it in my opinion...

I would lay out all the expenses and have a frank discussion. If the issue is you think he just doesn't want to be with the kids more, what would more care (a babysitter, etc.) cost you vs them spending time with their dad? I think he needs to see it in black and white and ask him what honest, serious solutions he has for it. It's overwhelming to look at the budget sometimes. We just had to do some fancy math thanks to furloughs. My SS has moved back in, but he will be paying rent and buying much of his own food. We won't let him starve, but we are losing several thousand dollars and can't be spending $400/week on food. Things like cable might need to be on the chopping block.

In the short term, you might also consider what you have to sell, especially bigger ticket items you don't use. Make sure it's not just your stuff or the kids' stuff, though. If you're in it together, you have to look at everything.

In my area, $600 for daycare is good. I pay $800 per month. Anyway...

If you are good on the computer, set up an excel spreadsheet. Put in your monthly income and all the non-negotiable expenses on separate lines: mortgage, gas, electric, car payment, daycare, how much you need to pay any credit cards if you have them. What you have left is your flexible $. From that, put a line item for groceries based on what you typically spend in a month.

If you get a negative number, then you take this to your husband and show him that there is no way to make it work without someone bring in more $.

If it's not a negative number, then you don't necessarily need to get another job, you need to manage your money better, and you can focus your efforts there.

Whatever you do, don't put things on credit cards - that only makes things cost more because of the interest, and you can't afford to volunteer to pay extra for everyday stuff!

Get a job working part time in a grocery store or Wal Mart a few evenings a week. He'll just have to suck it up. He needs to be able to look after his own children. Plus you will get a staff discount.
I have friends who provide respite care for foster children, and they get paid well to take foster kids just for the weekend when foster parents need time off.
Get a job babysitting at a gym where you can bring your kids along.

I agree with the others who recommend putting the budget on a spreadsheet. You need to sit down and discuss it, together, calmly. He may have his head in the sand now but it needs to come out.
If you are willing to get a second job then do it! Someone needs to be proactive here and if he isn't willing to then good for you for stepping up and being the responsible adult and parent.
I just don't understand men who have kids and then complain about spending time with them. It's ridiculous and sad. He doesn't realize how quickly those years go by and how he's losing his chance to build strong relationships with them now. My daughter's so happy this morning because her dad's coming home early to pick her up so she can go play golf with him this afternoon. Maybe if your husband is forced to spend time with his kids he'll appreciate them more.
Oh, and $600 is CHEAP for full time child care where I live, WAY cheap!

Would he rather cut all extra costs? No cell phone (no texting!), no cable, no eating out? Can you adjust your car and/or home owners insurance to save a little--raise your deductibles, etc. Do you own your home or rent? If you rent, can you downsize? Can you find a home daycare that may be less expensive? My sis was paying $1800/month for her infant twins in daycare and just switched to a home daycare for $1200/mo.

How flexible is your work? I work from home and when my kids were little I only had them in daycare 2 days a week and I made up the hours at nap time and bedtime. OR, I'd stay up late working and nap when the kids napped during the day. That might be a way to save a couple hundred on childcare..but would only work if your work hours are flexible.

Do you ever watch Suze Orman? You should be on the show. And your husband needs a Suze Smackdown.
Just some other thoughts.
Can you move to a cheaper home? Sell your house and move to an apartment?
Can you eat more rice and beans? Or just eat less meat in general? Meat is so expensive when compared to rice, beans, anything in the produce department. http://www.meetpenny.com/2012/09/the-ultimate-beans-rice-...

To be honest, I think it is really hard to judge what is the best route for your family to take without seeing a breakdown of monthly income and expenses. I have no idea from your email what monthly expenses could be cut (ex. cable, switching cell phones to prepaid, car payments). While one of you getting an extra job seems like the easy way out, it comes with more costs to your family life.

I haven't read your answers yet (but I will, I'm broke too). But like I tell all my friends "If money can fix it, it's not a problem". I say that because you can't cure cancer with money, you can't bring someone back from the dead with money, you can't remove MS with money... (you get the drift).
I wish you the best sweetie!!!
~A.

I was in the exact same boat as you except it was really my fault that we needed extra income. I was working full time (out of the home) then when I had my son, i didn't want to work until 5pm everyday so my boss agreed to let us hire someone to work in the afternoons so that I could leave at 2pm everyday pick up my daughter from school and not have to put her in afterschool care and then be home early enough to be able to be a "mom:" Help with homework cook decent meals take daughter to soccer practice and spend time with my newborn. All was going great until a few months into it when we started noticing the $800 a month I was losing in Income by not working full time anymore. So I found out at my church that they pay the child care workers for our Nursery. At first I felt horrible getting paid by my church, but you quickly realize that they REALLY need workers that are consistent. Volunteers call in to much and leave everyone in a bind. It pays $10 and hour which I was shocked. So I work Tuesday nights(they have classes) from 6:30 to 9:30ish, Wedensdays nights for 2 hours for normal Wednesday night Service then I work both services on Sunday morning. This has been an absolute lifesaver for us. It is just perfect becuz my hubby is home in the evenings but its short hours so I can usually have dinner done so he is just in charge of bedtime. But that gives me $300-$500 a month depending on if i pick up another shift or two, or not. AND the best part is I can take my kids with me if I need too! So you might check around to churches in your area...its more common than you think that they pay their childcare workers. Our church also hires people from a temporary babysitting service so you might look into that also. Its part time and you can pick and choose when and where you want to work. Good Luck.

You did't say if you had applied for child care assistance. I would think that it would cut some of the cost off. I had a couple of parents with 3 kids, a toddler, a pre-school age child in full time care, and a schoolager. They each made about $15 per hour and their child care co-pay was only about $300-$400 per month. It's been years but it still stands that if the same parents came today even with all the budget cuts they'd still get assistance.

I do not know how much Texas pays for child care assistance and how they do their programs but it's worth a try.

And here's my other thoughts. Estimating about 15% for taxes.

IF you quite work all together and kept the kiddo home that would save you a chunk of money.

If you make just above minimum wage then you make just over 15K per year before taxes (Estimated $13, 200 take home). Child care is costing you over $7000 per year. That leaves you just making about $6000 a year.

That's not much, just over $500 per month income plus you must have some business costs, even if it's internet or copier paper, etc....so that would come out of the little bit of money you make.

Even if you make double minimum wage that is only a thousand per month.

So I think you need to look at your cost of living, do you have extensive payments? Housing costs? Gasoline costs?

I think it might be better if you got a better paying job during the day while your child is in child care. It might be more financially beneficial for your family if you just got a full time higher paying job.

If you are making more than $14 per hour then this job is a good one that should be meeting your family's needs along with hubby's job if he's making anything decent.

We have an Aunt that lives in Flowermound so I know you are living in an area that can have high cost of living and a normal cost of living. I hope that your family is not living beyond your means.

You have to realize what you're living for. Are you working your life away so that you can live? That's not working....or are you living and working to make that life a good life that is not consumed by always being at work> trying to say what's the benefit?

Morning!
my cousin does this side job from home selling stuff on the internet. its not door to door or anything. THey sell products for the home, electronics, shoes, etc, via their website at a discount and then they ship to people's house. From what she told me yesterday, in about six months, she and her husband were making 500-800 in a month. I can give her your info if you would like..... its a company called amway?

Maybe the selling his blood part could be his contribution.

I have been where you are, and still am basically. It is not fun.
Are you in a position with taxes where one of you could increase your W-2 withholdings and still not owe money? That would get your about $100 a month.

Have you held a yard sale?
Have you considered applying for WIC? You may qualify for food assistance for your 2y.
http://dentoncounty.com/dept/main.asp?Dept=33&Link=1139

Can't say I agree with Fuzzy because I spend $600 a month and in my area it is pretty low compared to others. Would either boss be willing to allow extra work for extra pay? Not knowing you career field, are there other similar jobs in your area that might pay more? Or an additional job that can be done from your home computer and still bring in money? I know you mentioned you are keeping bills down but is it possible to look at your bills again through the lense of what your truly need vs. want? Do you have a cell phone you could downgrade or cable/home phone services you could eliminate without incurring a early termination fee? While I know it is only a temporary fix, can you have a yard sale to make some quick money? I understand where you are and hope your husband can be more understanding of the true need to get a second job even if it is only for a half a year or so. One more thing, my husband use to donate plasma for $50 a session!!!! :o)

Clean O. house on Saturday.

Deliver pizzas

Clean O. office O. week night.

Sell outgrown/unused stuff.

Best way to show him? Black & white. Show him income vs. out-go.

Do you have car payments? That's what usually sucks the average Anerican family dry. If you have car payments, sell the cars & but two cash cars. Some people pay $500+ monthly for cars, which is, IMO, nuts!