How Can I Get My Edge Back?

You are in one of the more difficult phases when it comes to making and keeping friends. My advice is to hang in there - it will get better. In particular, I found that once my oldest started school, I met a lot more people and had more opportunities to socialize. All those extracurriculars that you sign your kids up for (soccer, baseball, scouts, whatever) - they all have parents on the sidelines. You are all killing time together and have an obvious common experience, and so it's easy to strike up conversations. Same for PTA meetings.

In the meantime, sign up for a class of some kind. One day a week, leave your husband in charge of the kids for the evening (or even just an hour if you are still nursing) and go. It doesn't matter if it's an exercise class, a painting class, a gardening class, or a bowling league. What's important is that it's for you, and that it's without kids. You need this.

i suggest you do something outside the house that wholly doesn't involve moms or children. Something which would have been attractive to you before it seems attractive now.

I attend science lectures at a Brooklyn bar once a month. I work full time and have two boys. Next year, I plan on sailing once a week after work from April - October.

Do what makes you happy/ fulfilled.

Best
F. B.

You can do this!!!!

We live a plane ticket away from any family. When I had my daughter, a couple other babies were born all around the same time in my neighborhood. I was fortunate to have great neighbors.

Our children were raised together, playing everyday, we often had pot luck breakfasts. These are dear friends even today! Our children are all in college now and we still meet for lunch even tho we all moved to different neighborhoods about 15 years ago.

Even so, I still did mom and me groups with Gymboree, Kindermusic, library story time, story time at Barnes and noble.

It's an effort to get yourself out there but you can do it!'

If possible have "me" time to recharge. Try a Mothers day out program. Use that time to pamper yourself and recharge.

i would find a mommy group or a library story time for the kids so you can find parents of children similar in age to yours. there are mops groups, and some park districts have socialization play times for the kids. find something for your kids and you will meet mommas there.

Of course! I don't know if social skills are like riding a bicycle, but I think if you've had them in the past, you'll have them again. I'm a naturally shy person so I have to make an appointment with myself to get the heck out of the house. I've found book clubs are a great way to meet new people. It is a great "bundle" you meet potential friends, you get to read a good book, you get out the house and since you see many of the same people on a consistent basis, there is a better foundation for developing friendships.

Adding: I think what I really focused on was activities which would nurture me when the kiddo no longer wanted me around as much (and wow, did that happen fast!). I have school friends, who may or may not last (in our city, kids can go from a preschool to a new elementary school/junior high to a new high school so friends may not carry over.

Half of my two book club buddies are barely aware that I have a child. I spend so much time thinking about or involved in our child's life, that I like having that me and mine time.

I wasn't a SAHM when my kids were those ages but we had moved so I know how you feel. Many women do. Even if you didn't move, if your old friends don't have kids, it's harder to keep in touch with them. So I found a playgroup on the local mother's board. Likely your town has one too. We all stood around talking while the kids played. They all joined for the same reason I did. We're still in touch today. And as someone else said, you'll meet more people when your oldest is in school. Often her friends' moms will become your friends through playdates. Even now, try to meet some friends for her and you at the park. I found lots of mothers were happy to talk. We all get bored and lonely! And yes, I did kind of lose my ability and inclination to talk at times. I'd be at a party and I couldn't concentrate bc I was keeping tabs on the kids. That goes away.

ha ha! i've got the opposite problem. i so wanted to be a SAHM but never had the opportunity. i was way more social than i wanted to be when my kids were little, we were all on the go all the time between daycare, preschool, camps, and all the kid stuff we did.
but i think you're wise to realize that memory and social skills aren't automatic, that they must be used or lost. now that i've finally got time for almost all the solitude i crave, i find it more and more difficult to come out of it and be present and vibrant in the world of people.
you should really seek out things that make you excited. for me my 'me' thing was horses and riding, and it was there that i also formed a community. what makes you squee? knitting? rock climbing? neolithic anthropology? cosplay?
find one thing that you adore, and make some time for it every week. in a year you'll look back and be surprised at how much both the Thing and the people that doing your Thing brings into your life have enhanced it all.
good luck!
khairete
S.

This is something that most women go through. We are usually social animals and need other people. Especially other women. When my husband and I got married he got our first phone bill and was shocked. Then he got the second one and was flabbergasted and a little angry. They were in the hundreds.

I had moved to his town when we got married and didn't know anyone so I was spending hours on the phone each day with my friends where I'd lived just weeks ago.

Some time later we'd gone to marriage counseling and the therapist flat out told my husband that women needed female friends. Did he really want to sit for hours each week hearing about the cute shoes I saw when I was out buying groceries or what some person had on that should be on "People Of Walmart" or about my girl issues?

Of course my husband said no. So the therapist told my husband he really needed to consider a long distance plan that had really cheap minutes so that I would have people to talk to that wasn't him.

He did it and life was great. I had all my friends to chat with about the day to day stuff and he and I got to sit and talk about stuff that was for him and me to talk about.

Many older people or homebound people get this way. It's horrible to see them lose their social skills but it's part of that seclusion.

You need to find playgroups, ladies groups that do stuff you're interested in (For me I do a quilting group but I don't quilt, I sew, cut out stuff, do hand sewing, etc...), I go to meetings for social community organizations such as Habitat for Humanity (I served on several committees and then on the board), Big Brothers/Big Sisters, did Cub Scouts with a few boys that were disabled and needed more one on one time with their leader, I also joined a reading group. We don't read stuffy stuff but more Hunger Games, Harry Potter, M.Y.T.H.inc, etc...

You need to find groups of adults that you have anything at all in common with then leave hubby at home with the family and you go. You have a life outside your family definition. It's your life. You can choose to be an excellent mom and do your part but you did not sacrifice yourself to be those roles. Without input, stimulation, education, learning, teaching, and other things just for you then you will decline and become a shadow of the person your family loves and deserves.

I often tell people who stop their lives when they get married that their husband fell in love with "that" woman, the one that was saucy and cute and intelligent and charming and funny and busy all the time. That's who they want you to be along with the person you've grown into. So don't suddenly wake up one day and realize you're a nobody inside except someone's mom, someone's wife, someone's doormat, be you and enjoy it.

I suggest that you get a physical to see if there is a medical reason for it. I'd also learn ways to reduce stress. And, I'd.be sure to get out of the house, without kids, at least 1 day each week. I'd also look for things to do that include kids. Story time at the library is a good one. Look for Mom's groups.

Get a job!
Many moms work at the school cafeteria or become lunch room monitors.
You have the same schedule as the kids and if they get a snow day - so do you!
You'll see lots of people, talk with lots of kids, the job is a work out - you'll sleep well at night!
You'll probably need to get a food handlers card which you can earn online.
Your kids might be a little way before they start school but just planning this out and making your plan will help you feel better right now.
Once they start school - so can you!