Homework Daily Battle - Bayamon,PR

I had this same problem with my daughter only that we didnt move to another country, we moved to another state. She was smart and popular at her old school but also became another person when we moved. She either didnt do her homework at all or waited til the last minute. I was always a nice easy going parent with her because she rarely gave me any problems. But I had to change all of that and show her who was boss. Now..I dont have any problems with her doing homework. She come in, eat a snack and know to immediately get started on homework. After that she is free to do whatever she want. My advice to you is to be the PARENT. Be firm and make him realize that you are the PARENT and he is the CHILD. Enforce rules and mean what you say. Parents should not quarrel with their kids.

There is something that in the US is called PTSD or "Post-traumatic stress disorder," which is a collection of symptoms that people who have been through a trauma can experience. For those with PTSD, the troubles they have are as real as a physical illness (and some of the symptoms can be physical in nature) and need to be addressed. Kids can have PTSD - my step-daughter showed signs when she moved in with us after living in a home with domestic violence and neglect when she lived with her mother. Talking to an experienced counselor helped her to really open up and deal with her negative thoughts and feelings in a healthy and productive way.

Where you live now, are there mental health services available? I think that the best thing to do, if possible, would be to have him talk to a counselor. It may be that after a few sessions of letting out his feelings and being taught how to process them in a healthy way, he gets back to his old self.

I think that with the enormous stress that he (and your entire family) has gone through that you'd want to treat this as a "health and happiness" problem first and only after making sure he's OK does it become a matter of discipline and age.

It may very well be that he's totally fine and just needs more consequences or is pushing his limits in an age-appropriate way, but given that you've had to move to another country due to war, I suspect that there is more to this.

Best of luck to you and your family as you adjust to your new normal. I can't imagine what's it like to live with war on your home soil.

I agree that some counseling could be a good thing. The fact that you say your son "does not care any more, as if he became another person" concerns me. It could be that at his age he is having peer pressure at school, or the stress from the past is catching up with him.

Encourage him to continue his writing; see if you can make a deal with him to go ahead and do his homework (and get it done with!) and write after that. See if he'll share his writing with you (that's up to him). If he's doing his math or science and gets a good writing idea, he could make a note of it so he won't forget it when he does have a chance to write.

Have you talked to his teacher? Will he/she be sympathetic toward your son?

Have to talked to his teacher or the guidance counselor at his school (if there is one)? I would start there and see what they have to say. Sounds like he has been through a lot and he may benefit from one-on-one counseling to help him deal with all the changes in his young life. I would also discuss this with the teacher in case he is having a hard time understanding the material.

I think it's great that he loves writing, and I would hate to take that away from him, but in the meanwhile, I would be having him sit down at the kitchen table with you and making sure he gets his homework done and understands everything before he is allowed to do anything else (including TV and video games).

We were having issues with my son about homework, so I had to make it a rule that nothing else is done until homework is done, no games, no playing, ect. It has helped focus him on getting it done, even though he still complains a lot about it.

Hi S.,

I stopped being so involved and invested in my boys' homework (my younger kids are 11 and 12). I told them that their bedtime is at 9 and they know what needs to be done. I also told them that if they bring home poor grades, they will lose privileges. And then I backed off and let them be responsible for their work.

A few times they've brought home a poor grade here and there. I immediately make sure that there are consequences that last until they bring home a higher grade. So if Taylor brings home a C on his spelling test, he's not allowed to play his favorite game until he brings home a B or A.

Both of my boys bring home high grades consistently.

Good luck!

My son is now 13 and I have been homeschooling him since he started school. He used to be very diligent doing school. As the years went by, I had to help him more and more. We was in a car accident which gave him PTSD and so it set up back a year. But my experience with boys (other moms have the same problem) is that they rather day dream or do what they like and procrastinate with the things they don't like. I would find little things to motivate my son to be more diligent in getting things done. What worked last year doesn't work this year. As they get older their likes and dislikes change. But most boys have the same problem. I would help him in the mwhole moving thing, but most boys seem to struggle with the same issues. Good news, most likely, is that he is normal!

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. War is traumatic. He doesn't know if his friends are alive or dead; what is happening to his home, the family that was left behind, any of that. It looks like you are in Puerto Rico. Is Spanish your first language and the one he was going to school in before?
Moving is a huge stress; evacuating from violence even more so.
I think his writing is a good thing. However, I understand the need to balance that with school work. I would try talking to him and seeing if you could give him an hour of down time after school before he has to start his homework. See if you two can come to an agreement.
Your new school may have counseling and guidance resources. Use them.
You can talk to him about your worries and fears too, so he understands that is normal. Don't make him carry the burden of your fears, but let him know you think of home and family too.
Good luck.