Home Alone - Port Saint Lucie,FL

Hi, M.. Well, this is not an easy thing to decide, mostly because you have a very compassionate heart. However, the parents of this child are #1 breaking the law and #2 imposing on you and taking advantage of you. They may not be doing it in a mean way, but the end result is that you are providing them with free child care including your valuable time, food that your children also need to eat, etc.

Before dealing with the legal aspect of the situation, I would gently go to them and approach them with the fact that you really like their child, and your kids like playing with their child, and since he obviously needs someone to watch him during the day while they're at work, why not work out an arrangement where they compensate you for your efforts or at least chip in for his snacks, etc.? I think that's reasonable. It's also better, legally, for you and for them, if there is a spoken agreement on both your parts. If their child gets hurt or sick in your home, there could be problems for you if they decided you did something wrong. They could say, "Well, I didn't give my child permission to go there," or "I never asked this lady to watch my child," and you could be liable for whatever happens.

It's better to have everything out in the open, even if you babysit for free. That way, maybe they could be considerate and send a snack or lunch with the child, a change of clothing, etc. Maybe they could even babysit your children sometimes in exchange for what you do for their child.

Maybe they are too embarassed to approach you; perhaps there is a language barrier, or they are too embarassed to admit they can't afford daycare. Approaching them with the same compassion you feel for this child, just to make sure everyone is OK with you taking care of the child, is a good way to avoid problems in the future. It also helps take the embarassment off of them, and should provide comfort to them. Having someone see your problem and lend a hand before you have the courage to ask, can be a very loving and uplifting thing to have happen. This could be a good way to reach out to a neighbor.

On the other hand, if they react badly to you, keep on taking advantage of you after you have spoken to them, or if they get abusive with you, then I think the compassion you have for this child has to compel you to call Child Protective Services. A young child cannot, must not, be left without supervision, and if this child's parents are not willing to stop neglecting him, then the child himself needs to be protected from his parents' harmful behavior.

Child Protective Services can step in and make sure the child is being cared for and not mistreated in any way. If the parents lack parenting skills, CPS can help them get parenting classes and can even connect them with daycare or other resources in the community. They don't just take children away for the slightest reason. Their priority, actually, is to keep families together and make sure children are safe and fed.

Well, I hope this situation works out for the best for all involved. I'm glad this little kid has you to turn to; how much different would my own life have been if I had had an adult friend like you to help me....Bless you for caring for this child, and may God show the very best way to deal with this situation.

Peace,
Syl

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I agree with the other responses so far that you must speak to the parents as soon as possible. Two weeks is long enough to establish a pattern, and you would not be unreasonable in approaching the parents, like having them over for coffee as one person suggested, to find out what the whole situation is. I also agree with everyone who said that there is a liability issue here, and I'm afraid that these seemingly uncaring and/or oblivious parents would be the type of people who relinquish THEIR responsibility and then turn around and sue you like it was YOUR fault if something happened. But my highest regard to you, M., for your kindness toward this child, and for the positive and caring example you are setting for your children. I was most impressed that your son felt badly that the visitor was going to be left behind from your family outing, it shows great empathy, which is a wonderful quality in a young person. Keep up the good work.

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I would let the parents know what the child is doing after they leave and suggest babysitting for them for a nominal fee or no fee if your heart gives you - maybe they can't afford a baby sitter. I wouldn't call DCF until you know for sure the situation. I think sometimes we meddle and cause trouble before we get the facts. You could also ask the child what the situation is at home.

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M.,

Please, Please, Please keep in mind that this child is alone and may be very scared and neglected, not to mention bored. I think you should talk to the parents with an open mind, but remember if you charge them $50 bucks per week , they may as well send them to a daycare. Its obvious they cannot afford it or they just dont care. School will reopen soon and maybe the problem will resolve itself. I think, if you don't mind the child being there and they behave, then think of it as your good deed and it will come back to you tenfold!

Good Luck!
Renee

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Please don't send this child back home alone. It sounds like he is being neglected and is looking for help and companionship and security from your home. You are such a caring and giving person to take this child under your wing. I would definitely confront these parents in an un-intimidating way and approach if from a stance of I'm-sure-you-don't-know-but.... Maybe the parents are just clueless about leaving a child this age alone. But I have a sneaking suspicion that there is more going on at home here. If they rebuff you, I would contact 1-800-LE-ABUSE. You have been placed in this child's life for a reason, and bless you for all you can do to ensure his safety and security.

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I don't know if you are of faith, but when I think about this little child's situation, I feel as you have been chosen to be the one looking out for him/her. Sure, you could complain, send him/her back home while you go out, etc but I think it will only put up a wall and he/she will continue to be left alone (but won't come to your house). I would let the parents know that there are days that you would like to go places and that you want to check with them and make sure that it is ok for them to come along. Maybe offer your cell phone number,etc. If your kids get along, then explain that the kids play well but that you feel more comfortable with them knowing where he/she is, ask about any food allergies, ask for their contact #'s etc....showing concern.

Like I said, I believe you were put in this situation and on this street for a reason. You can be the comfort,safety and friend that this child is looking for when he knocks on your door at 9am....so many others might not be so receptive. You probably aren't going to change the parents or their situation but you can offer something to the child...

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well, its a tough situation isn't it? i would say definitely say something to the parents. first of all, they might not realize their child is coming to your home all day every day. also it's not fair to you or your children to have to stay home all day and not be able to go out. i would probably say something like " since, ? is coming over every day i haven't been able to run my errands. if he is going to continue to come over, i'll need permission to take him with me, and also i'll need money for lunch or have you pack him one, since times are rough for everyone."

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talk to the parents please it is so necessary.no child should be left alone.he probably is afraid to be alone or is lonely alone. yes talk to the parents with love and explain your concern.sometimes people just need to hear to wake them up.if this child should have an emergency especially a medical one the parents would be in a mess and where would the child be.things happen.yes tell them.thank you for caring.where children are at risk it is everyones business.i believe these people will understand and thank you.C.

M. - that is a tough one - why is the child not in school? Maybe it has been over the summer break? I am single mom with 3 kids and my oldest is 12. Over the summer I could not afford day camp for all 3 but I would NEVER leave my son at home with the other 2. He went to the Y and my girls stayed home WITH strict rules though.

If you are not familiar with the parents maybe write them a note, they may not know the child is "loose" so to speak. I would address it from a safety standpoint and ask them to call you if they need help. Good luck, that is a worry.
M. F

Before I make a decision regarding something like this I ask myself the question: If I don't do the right thing & something happens to that child can I live with myself? If the parents can't afford $50 ask them what they can afford. It is not ok that this 7 or 8 year old child is home alone all day. Also school is about to start so probably next week the child will be in school until at least mid-afternoon. The problem may solve itself then because they may have him signed up for an afterschool progam. But find out anyway because you could probably work out something for him to come to your house after school for maybe $20 a week or something. And find out if they are ok with you taking him on errands & that sort of thing & get an insurance card from them if they have one & all their information. Approach it with the parents as you would like to help out & the kids enjoy having their child over, so it benefits all. Plus we should try to get to know our neighbors, you never know when you might really need each other.

Good luck & God bless!

Don't let yourself become free daycare! Did they even ask you-or maybe they don't know? I'll agree, I don't think that's old enough. I don't even trust my 12 year old home alone. I've kind of been in a similiar situation...The kid will spend the night-the parent will go out drinking and not pick the kid up for 2 or 3 days-but they planned to do that..Then my plans have to totally change and I'm left feeling used. I quit talking with people like that. Here's what I'd do: I wouldn't send the kid home-I'd talk to those parents first and tell them you don't mind once in awhile-if they set it up with you ahead of time.. but you have things to do, as this is your time off. I'm sure they'll understand..and if they don't, they're probably not worth your time!

The county offers summer camps for a nominal fee (a sliding scale for those who can't afford the fee). I would think the Y would do the same for low income. So there is no excuse for leaving a child home alone. Same goes for after school care.

Communication is the key! You just have to sit down and talk to the parents. I would invite them both together. Maybe at a time when your husband can be there to support you. Be honest about your feelings and encourage them to be honest as well. School starts soona nd maybe they just can not afford to pay you even a nominal fee. You have to open the lines of communication though.

I would talk with the parents, maybe this is their "plan" and you are just out of the loop! I would get the parent's work number and give them a call the next time you want to go somewhere. Maybe you should ask them, "I have plans with my children today, where should your child go?" Explain to them that you have been "supervising" their child for the past two weeks but you have plans and are unable to do so today.

Hello M. W,

you mentioned that this child is around 7 or 8 years old left alone at its own home, that is against law. These parent commit neglect, child endangerment, and not able to take care of it properly. Parents have lack of responsility taking care of their own child. I hate to tell you that you need to call child protective service. Child Protective Investiagtor come to deal a problem with its parent and have them straight out. Investiagtor will make sure that they get take care of this child. it is not your problem, it's parents problem. kids are 7 or 8 years old or under which too younger be alone. DCF sometime offer them a free day care, summer camps etc... whatever they provide them a service for child needs which is much better than left a child alone. If Parents left child alone again. I still dont believe 7 or 8 years old allow be alone. I can not leave my kids like that until after 12 years old. Florida law allow 12 years old be alome for short time.

good luck,
D.

tricky. the child is not of age to stay home alone. maybe he was told to come to your house because they can't afford a babysitter. on the other hand they both work? anyways, if i were you, i'd tell them, talk to them, offer to babysit and tell them how much you'd charge. most likely they will either accept or not accept, and the child will continue being left alone. afterwards, i don't know what i would do. if i weren't suspecting of anything i wouldn't call the authorities, but isn't this considered child endangerment (being left alone at his age?) tough call on this one. first things first, talk to them. see where that gets you and the child.
good luck

M. ~ I think you should go to the parents one evening very soon and discuss this with them. Tell them you don't mind caring for their child for a minimal fee or give them some other choices - name off a few choices in your area (other daycares, camps, etc.). Isn't school starting soon anyway? They really shouldn't assume that it's okay that the child spend day after day at your home. They should at least ask you!!

Hello M.,
Most States have laws regarding these matters.
Most States require a child be over 10 years of age.
Think it is 12 or 13 years.
I know you mean well but my recomendation would be to approach the parents. Discuss this in a calm manner.
If they do not do anything about it then call the authorities immediately! This is a serious matter of neglect. If they do this in the daytime what do you think they are doing in the evening? Making it up to her? Doubtful.
In all probability you should call the authorities. This little one could get harmed in some way before they get to your home. Then how would you feel. You are enabing her parents to neglect their child. Even though you are well meaning this should cease.

I would be wary to leave my older child home alone for a length of time alone. I can't imagine leaving a 7 or 8 year old alone at all. They aren't ready for that kind of responsibility... regardless of the hard times the parents may be experiencing. If they really need help, they need to contact social services and see about getting some assistance for childcare. School should be starting soon, if not already and the child should be there instead of your house every day.
Definitely talk with the parents and find out what's going on. If they aren't forthcoming about it, don't hesitate to call the authorities if they continue to leave the child unattended. Better them be mad at you than something happen to their child while they're away. It's difficult to take a strong position when it comes to someone else's children, but someone needs to speak up for the kid. My rule is that if no one is being hurt or neglected, let it go. This is not a situation I would let go without talking to the parents about.

hey M., i personally would maybe pretent to be starting a local daycare service, and hand out flyers (to only them), and make sure you tell them "your fee." (it might work?) i wouldnt say anything about your noticing the child being left alone. if that doesnt work, (when you do notice, you could some how keep a personal watch out for the child, (inconspicuously.)

Ask the parents child if they need a babysitter for their child. Tell them that your children don't like leaving him when you go out, knowing he'll be alone. Maybe they've been embarassed to ask.

I just wanted to quickly add (although I'm hoping returning to school solved this problem for you) that in Florida, there is NO LEGAL AGE defined under the law, in which a child can be left home alone. The law leaves it open to the maturity level of any individual child. DCF usually will tell you that around the age of 8, if the child is mature and without physical or mental deficits, a child can be left home alone. DCF will also take into consideration any safety plan a parent has put into place while leaving the child alone, such as having a cell phone available and knowing how to contact the parents or a neighbor in an emergency...of which this child obviously knows how to do.

I doubt contacting DCF would make much difference in this particular case. You are likely better off dealing with the parents directly, or giving the child specific expectations such as "We love having you over, but we need family time too. Let's plan two days a week that you spend the day with us. Which two days would you like?" Then, when the child comes over on other days, remind him that it's a family day and invite him back the next day instead.

You MUST speak to the child's parents today! Tell them that he comes over there, that you have been caring for him, that you are aware that he is alone and they need to arrange care for him, besides he should be in school! This is unacceptable and dangerous!

I would say something to the parents or report it to child services because I do not think I could live with myself if something happend to the child and I never said anything. You know the people and I don't so if you think saying something would not go so well then it may be best to contact child services - that way it doesn't make things uncomfortable between you and a neighbor. I know things are tough right now but that is no excuse to put a child in danger. I can think of ways to approach the discussion with them if you want some advice on that - just let me know. In any event, I think something needs to be said. If something happend when the child was in your care" you could get into legal trouble as well so it is for your protection as well.

Hi M.....Wow! That was the first thing I thought of when I read your post. I have a 7 year old very mature daughter and would NEVER leave her alone while I was at work. Poor kid....she/he is probably afraid. I would definitely call the parents and just let them know what is going on. I would hope they know their child is going to your house but who knows. I would suggest your idea and see what they say. I would not want to cause problems either but the safety of the child is the priority. Good luck and please keep us posted!

Well M.,
considering school starts Monday, problem solved.
A.

I would speak to the parents directly. It would be the right thing to do rather than call social services on them. They obviously think this is okay with you and as long as you accept it, they will continue to use you a free babysitter.

Personally, I believe even 10 years old is too young to be left alone. I am not judging you by saying this so please don't take offense. It's just that I feel a child of that young and tender age does not have the life experiences to help them out in a real emergency situation. My parents used to allow me to watch my sister alone when I was 12 and I can tell you that I resented that they put so much responsibility on me when I was just a child myself. Please do not think that a child knows better because of what you have taught them. When I was 13, I opened the door to a stranger because they told me that they knew my dad and although this person did know my parents, this person was certainly no friend. Thankfully I was not harmed, but things were stollen from our house because I was told that my dad was supposed to give the items back. Things happen, so even a 10 minute trip to the store can be just enough time for something bad to happen. And if you are taking the 6 year old with you, how much more trouble is it to take the 10 year old?

Oh, no!!! Ask the parents if they would like you to babysit for a nominal fee. If they are still leaving the child home alone, I would call the authorities or DCF. Don't send the child back because they would probably just leave him home alone still.

I would approach the parents and let them know exactly what you have written here.

Hard times or not, it is against the law to leave a child alone at that age and they should either get child care or be reported. Either that, or take on the responsibility at no charge and watch the child out of charity. You could approach the parents when you want to do something....."I am taking my kids to the zoo tomorrow and would love to bring your son/daughter, but hard times being what they are I cannot afford the $10 for him to get in. Do you think you could afford the entry fee so they can come along rather than be home alone, unattended by an adult?" This subtle way lets them know you are aware they are leaving the child alone and will watch him, but you wont pay for the extras. Also, ask for money for food if you are feeding the child. If they dont have enough for that, then they need to contact social services because they cannot afford to care for their child without help. My prayers are with the little one. By the way, shouldnt this child be back in school next week? If they arent going to school, you should report them immediately.

I think you have a liability issue here big time. What if the child gets sick or injured while at your house? Do you know how to get ahold of the parents? Do you know their doctor? You need to talk to the parents I believe. Do they even know their child is coming to your home? What about food? As hard as it may be to confront them, I think you should for your own family's safety. People in this day and age are so 'sue happy' if anything happened, you'd probably be to blame unfortunately.

I think it's very important that you talk to the parents asap when they get home and explain what you did here. It would be troublesome if you'd be liable if something were to happen to the boy while his parents were gone all day.

Good luck.

M.,

I would definitely talk to the parents. There is always a chance that they don't even know he is going to your house. I was a latch key kid, but had to stay in the house until my Mom got home. Only answered the phone with a special ring (1 ring, hang up & ring again- in the days before caller ID).

Maybe the parents were afraid to ask you watch them. Maybe they can make it up to you some how- with all the babysitting you did.

They may need you to watch him when school starts, until they get home.

You can also offer them other options- rec center, YMCA, after school program- things that may fit their budget- depending on your area.

Dear M.,

I would go talk to the parents. Don't make it sound like a complaint or they will just admonish their child and make him/her stay in the house alone all day. You may want to come from a position of "I noticed so and so was home all day, sometimes they come over and play here for the day and I was just thinking that if you like I could provide day care for you at a reasonable price, then little so and so wouldn't be home alone and you wouldn't have to worry." If the parents are dead set against getting care for this child, you need to turn them in. How would you feel if something happened to that child and you could have prevented it? If you know the child is home alone, it won't be long before some predator knows the same thing.

You really do have to say something to the parents. They have put you in a very difficult position. Since they have no "formal" arrangement with you I am afraid you could find yourself in a real mess if this child became sick or hurt and needed emergency medical attention while in your care. What if she got hurt at your house? Would they get angry? Would they sue? Who knows. If the arrangement were made formal you would have their emergency contact information, know who the child's doctor is and possibly have a note signed by the parents giving permission for you to approve medical care in an emergency. For this reason alone I think the parents need to be spoken to.

I would definitely confront the parents. If they refuse your offer to babysit and continue to leave the child home alone after you talk to them I would call the authorities. That is WAY too young to be left alone all day. I understand that times are tough but there is no excuse for leaving a child so young at home alone.

I would definitely confront the parents. because if the child ever got mad at you no telling what he would tell his parents. and i can not believe they leave him homew all day and apparently never call him at home to check on him, because then they would know he is not there.tell the parents your wish is not to get him in trouble but you thought they should know where he is. he may be too scared to stay home alone that might be why he comes over.plus for company and food.yeah he is way too young to be left alone for that long and he could burn down the house or get killed or kidnapped.i know times are hard but that is terrible.

M.:

I as well deal with a similar sitatution only the children that come to my house are both 12. The same scenario that both parents work and they are left home. I believe that they age a child can be left home alone is 12, but I am not positive. They dont show up everyday at 9, but will spend a large majority of time here. I feel bad for the kids as this is not their choice but wonder a bit about the parents. Since the child you are dealing with is younger I might find it necessary to say something to the parent. Are you friendly with them? They obviously are comfortable with you. That is not to say what they are doing is right. I might speak with the mother and ask if the child is not comfortable being home alone as he ends up at your house each day and be honest that there are times you need to run errands and your child feels bad that the other child will be alone. It may bring it to the parent's attention that this child is too young to be alone and does not want to be alone, but has not said anything to the parents. I hope this helps. I too am a mother of two ages 12 and 8. Best of luck to you. I know where you are coming from.

sorry only read a few response if you are interested in watching this child maybe say my kids really seem to mesh with your child and is a good fit are you interested in having me watch him permanently because I am looking for something like that and he fits nicely with us?? if your are not then something else does need to be done. my concern is that you say something and then they forbid child to contact you at all and stay inside all day. hopefully when school starts he will be there and that will take care of it.