Holiday Tradition

I think it's really wonderful you want to start some family traditions. :-) We have different traditions for different dates, some just happened and others we planned since having our daughter 3 years ago. Here are some different things we do (some are for different days, but might spark ideas for you).

On Christmas Eve I make an ornament for the tree with our daughter and before bed daddy reads her "The Night Before Christmas." I always want to make cookies for Santa, but have always forgotten - so hopefully this will be the year we leave out milk and cookies. We've made a gingerbread house (using a kit and adding our own items) the last two years and will make another one in early December. We attempt to get photos with Santa (even though, so far we've all had to be in the photo). Last year we got an advent calendar to count down the days. It was great to help a 2-year old understand when Christmas was coming. I'm hoping to make the calendar this year, but I'm quickly running out of time. We always open one gift the night before Christmas (usually something small or from distant relative).

We're not religious, but when I was growing up (and Catholic), we would set up the nativity scene before Christmas. I would add the baby Jesus on Christmas day. Also, my birthday is on Jan. 6th, the Epiphany (the day the Three Kings arrived to the manger), and I had fun moving them closer to the nativity everyday until the 6th.

As for other special days...
We take Halloween costume photos on our porch we built.
We go to the pumpkin patch each year (you could make this a tree-getting trip for Christmas).
We go out for ice cream at a local deli for our daughter's birthday.
We also take a family photo at the minute of her birth each birthday.
I also write a birthday letter to our little girl (maybe you could write letters to Santa).

Other things you could do would be making garlands out of paper chains, cranberries or popcorn. Roast nuts and/or make baked goods - especially cookies with icing. Last year we all had a blast decorating cookies and then took them to our neighbors. Sing carols while trimming the tree. Have certain foods/drinks each year, such as spiced cider or pumpkin pie. Do Christmas or winter-themed crafts (like paper snowflakes for the window). Obviously you'll have to adjust how much they each do depending on their age, but something simple (like stamping their painted hands) can be fun and you can make keepsakes.

I'm sorry for your loss and glad you're feeling up to making the holidays special for the family you have around you. I think traditions are wonderful and your kids will always remember them. When I was little, my parents were divorced, but we still always got together: my mom, dad, dad's girlfriend (that he's been with since 1981), my dad's mom (and dad when he was alive), and sometimes his brothers. My grandma would pick up cheap gifts throughout the year and wrap them up. Then on Christmas day, she would break out the bingo game and we would all sit around the table and play bingo for the little wrapped gifts. She wouldn't even remember what they were and they were all little things you would get at the dollar store or Pic & Save. At the end we would all unwrap our prizes and then trade for the things we might want. It was so much fun and not something everyone did. It made the day extra special and when she died, I teared up when I found the beat-up bingo set. I now have it, and hope to play it when our daughter is a little older.

Have fun and think of things your family likes to do. If you're sporty, play a game of football or watch it on TV. If you love TV and movies, watch the classics (some of our personal favorites are: "Christmas Vacation", "Christmas Story", "It's a Wonderful Life", "The Grinch the stole Christmas" and "Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer". If you love cooking, make a feast and wonderful baked goods. If you like games - get a new game each year or spend the day putting together a puzzle. If you like music, then sing songs or even karaoke. Just make the holidays yours and have fun. Happy Holidays!! :-D

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I am so sorry for your loss. It's so difficult, especially in Holiday's to deal with missing family.

I lived overseas with a family for 2 years that was a whole lot of fun. Of course, I missed my own family at the Holiday time, but one of the traditions that they did (they were missing their families too), was to get everyone together and sleep around the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. The kids were a bit older. But, that was a really fun thing that I want to do with my kids. They sang Christmas songs, read books together, had some hot cocoa, etc. I think they may have watched a Christmas movie, too... not sure on that one. It was a blast.

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All of us get a new pair of pj's for Christmas that we get to open Chriatmas Eve. We change into them and the make some hot chocolate and try to watch a Christmas movie like Rudolph or the Grinch. My kids love it.

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First I want to say I am so sorry for your loss. I do have a couple ideas. First of all you could buy one of those frame ornaments and put a photo of your mom in it and hang it from the tree so she will still and always be with you at christmas time. Also in regards to creating new traditions I think anything you choose to do no matter how silly or great will become a tradition if you do it year after year. Kids really dont expect a lot. Really they just look forward to what they know so be consistent and dont think about it to much. Grab a holiday magazine, they have the BEST ideas! (Better Homes and Garden or Martha)

I wish you and your family a blessed and very Merry Christmas!

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I know what you mean about it not being the same. My Grandma was the one who always had the family get togethers on the holidays and after she passed the family just kind scattered.
The one thing I do with my kids every year for Christmas is, I take them to an arts and crafts store and let them each pick out an ornament that they would like to paint.
I started it with my oldest son when he was 3. It may not have been the prettiest ornament ever but it was the best thing I'd ever seen. He will be 13 in March. So I have ten years worth of memories of sitting around the table and making a mess and having a great time.
I'm sorry to hear about your Mom and I hope this helps a little to start a new tradition.

May all your days be filled with the wonder of motherhood.:)

K.

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Hi M.! Here are a few ideas of things my family has done:

-Go to a Christmas Eve candlelighting service at a church (depending on where you live, I could find you a good church)
-Have neighbors over on Christmas eve for some dessert and a white elephant gift exchange.
-Do a white elephant gift exchange with your family/whoever is visiting on Christmas eve
-Depending on your beliefs...you could have a birthday cake for Jesus, and do candles, and sing "happy birthday" to Jesus...kids love this!
-You can spend some time each year remembering your mom on Christmas day...maybe have one person each year talk a little about things they loved about mom.
Have a blessed Christmas, and God bless :-)

My family has a tradition that I have continued in my house hold and I hope my children do too. Every year on Christmas Eve the family go out and drive the town and look at Christmas lights. We live in Alaska and the perfect place to go is the North pole BUT anywhere in your town should work. It is a very pretty sight and a heart warming thing to bring out the spirit. The children like it cause they get to listen the the Santa follower that the radio does to trace his where abouts. I hope this might work for u and good luck with what u do. Happy Hoildays

This year we will be going on the Polar Express train out of Hood River. It's not something you will want to do on Christmas Eve or Day, but it will be something nice during the holiday season.

We usually put out cookies for Santa, carrots for the reindeer on Christmas eve, and go for a drive and look at lights. For the "big morning" I have a Tea Ring recipe that has been handed down for generations that I make a couple of days ahead and serve for breakfast. We have a low-key rest of the day, playing with our gifts and just enjoy being with each other. Sometimes we dig out old home movies and show our kids videos of their extended family (some who have passed on.)

Hi
Sorry about your loss. I still have my mother but because of work hours not always able to be with her on holidays. This is a good time to start your own traditions. We try to go to christmas eve church services. kids open one present often new pjamas. christmas morning they get to open sock presents and have what is in sock ususally a book or color book and crayons sometimes hot wheel cars. after breakfast the rest o the presents. it is what i did groing up and continued it with my children and they are doing it with my grand children. we start decorating after thanksgiving and also use an advent calendar to help kids keep track of when santa is to come. If you do not what to start something new then do some of the things that are from our child hood or what was done in your husbands family. A friend gave her niece a christmas ornament each year i did not do that for my girls but have been doing that for my grand children but i did give my girls the equivalent of an ornament a year when they went out on their own. good luck and hope you have a joyous season
Paula

If your family is religious at all... We've enjoyed spending Christmas Eve as our "spiritual" time and Christmas Day as "fun" time. Christmas Eve, we read through the nativity story in the Bible, sing carols and share why we're grateful during the holidays. All the kids in the family get to open one gift (which is always pajamas) that night. If you don't have extended family nearby, invite some friends to join you. Then on Christmas Day, we open presents, make/eat cookies, etc. It's always fun to look at lights that evening, too.

Hi M.. I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mom 3 years ago. I can tell that you're a wonderful mother to your children that you want to create special memories for them. I just got informed few hours ago that my grandfather passed away. I had such a special bond with my grandpa and all I remembered are those good memories of us. So, when I saw your message I couldn't help myself replying to it. Anyway, this is about you. Sorry! I'm a stay-at-home mom with 2 girls. We don't have a holiday tradition(but you had such a great idea that I think I should do the same, too!) What we do sometimes is cooking together. My daughter loves to cook/bake/doing housework with me. So, I guess this is our special thing. So,for example, you could do like a Christmas day baking that you'll always bake this same pie or cookie or whatever on Christmas day. Or, maybe take pictures on Christmas day when you're all still in your PJ's, opening presents. Something like that. Okay, I'm being silly here! I think it can be anything. Make it simple and have fun with it! I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes. Good luck!

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and so we are still setting our own family traditions. We always try and go get our tree the first part of December. We decorate it together while listening to music and eatting goodies. We drive around the neighborhood looking at the pretty lights. On xmas eve we go to a candle light service at church. Then come home and have our own personal family time. Growing up we always opened presents on xmas eve. So thats what we do. Then on xmas we go around to other family's houses to be with them.
I think that personal family time alone at xmas is very important. Sometimes the big family time can be overhelming and crazy so small family time is nice.

Good luck and happy holidays.

My family and I always set aside a Saturday to decorate the tree together. We get out all the boxes of decorations and sort through them and put up all the decorations that are still in workin order. We play "do you remember" with the special ornaments, and we argue over which ornament is whose (because my mom gets us little ornaments each year). We used to have a lot of Christmas traditions, but this is the only one that stuck around.

I applaud your efforts.

Make traditions like:

Inviting relatives over to your house

Cooking cookies with your kids

Cooking the turkey

Going to look at lights

Going to get Santa pictures

Putting up lights on Christmas Eve

Going to visit people/inviting people over on Christmas Day

Going to Christmas Eve/Christmas Day service at Church

Helping some one on Christmas Day

These are simple but meaningful traditions

Dear M.,
Let's face it, life as you know it has been forever changed. I lost my mom suddenly 5 years ago, just before I had my 5th baby and nothing has been the same since. The way you describe your mom as "the family support system" and the one you'd like to be like when you grow up (I'm "41" too) is exactly the way I felt about my mom. I am still working to get my momentum back but it has not been easy. Life has been turned upside down. Thankfully one of the greatest gifts mom gave to me is my faith in God. That has been my strength. I would love to hear any great tips you get and God Bless you- you definitely do not walk alone.

This is just one tradition I started that my kids love...

On Christmas Eve, we are generally at home with our immediate family, so we started a make-your-own-pizza dinner. I have a great pizza dough recipe I can make up to two days ahead. The kids love "tossing" and shaping their dough and I give them a variety of pizza toppings. They think it's so special to choose what they want on their own pizza. After dinner, we usually watch a kid's Christmas movie and open one gift (new pajama's for them to wear that night!)

During the Christmas season, we generally do one or two fun activities with friends and/or family (Zoolights, a Christmas train trip, or a Christmas lights expedition.) We also make a point of planning a day to get our Christmas trip. We drive out to a Christmas tree farm and spend some time letting the kids help pick a tree. It just wouldn't feel like Christmas if we didn't cut that tree down by ourselves and drag it back to the car! :)

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. Were there some things that she did that made the holidays so special for you? Now that she's gone, maybe you can carry on some of those things.

I lost my parents many years ago, and the holidays are very different. We found that decorating the tree and house are fun activities. We also got involved in our church, and they had gingerbread house-making and baking projects as well as putting together gifts and food baskets for less fortunate people. Children love to pick out gifts for little ones especially.

Another activity we used to do in CA was to visit Christmas in the Park. The boy scout troops decorated Christmas trees. They had shows there, singing and dancing, and lots of goodies and Santa of course. It was a lot of fun!

You follow on some of the traditions you grew up with but start some of your own with your family.

The Portland Zoo "Zoo Lights" is a wonderful Christmas Eve activity. It is festive and fun and beautiful, plus it wears out little ones. Just be sure to dress warmly!

Lots of movie theaters open special movies on Christmas day, so that is a new option. You could also invite friends/family over for a board game night and leftovers on Christmas night. We used to do that and it was a very popular party :-)

M.,
One thing that might help is to continue doing something your mother loved to do. You can explain that it was something Grandma liked and you want to share it with your kids. My son never knew any of his grandparents, but he knows that Grandma always made her special soup (minestrone) on Christmas Eve, and that's why we have it too.

My husband's sister's family always lived away from everyone while her kids were small. They had Christmas Olympics where everyone got to choose 1 activity they'd do on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. They went bowling, created mini golf courses in the house, had marathon Monopoly games, etc. They took what could have been a farily lonely time and really had fun with it. The kids friends even wanted to come join in the fun.

Before we adopted our son, we invited people for Christmas dinner that we knew would be alone that day. It was my husband's boss one year, but most of the time it was neighbors who's families weren't close by. It felt so good to open our home and celebrate with others. No gifts were exchanged, just food and friendship.

You can be like your mom by focusing on your family and making them feel (because they are) the most important thing to you. Enjoy this magical time with your kids.

M.,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am also so filled with joy to know you are at a point where her beautiful gifts are now going to be brought 'forward' in your children's Christmas experience - I hope they will one day have the opportunity to grieve such a full kind of loss, themselves. A strange wish - but love is strange ;-).

I don't have any great advice for your own tradition - every family is so different. We are "makers" and tend to make gifts for one another and, usually, the kids are still busy with finishing things. We play beautiful music. Eat a beautiful dinner together, etc. Watching a lovely old movie is another thing we love to do. Basic stuff. It's just nice to slow down and enjoy one another, in the moment.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your children!
WR,
T. B.

Christmas eve always includes (this is a tradition carried on from when I was a kid) opening new pajamas to wear that night.

Also, one I think will start now that my oldest is 4, (this one depends on your faith based beliefs) is making a birthday cake on Christmas eve for Christmas day for Jesus' birthday. Let the kids help decorate. It's appropriate for the celebration and I love birthday cake.

Good luck creating great holiday traditions for your family.

First, let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your mother. I can only imagine the void in your family's life.

I'm working on the same thing - trying to create some annual holiday tradtions. I don't have any original ideas for you, but I really recommend picking up the newest copy of REAL SIMPLE magazine. In the first few pages, they've had readers write in with their holiday traditions and there's two or so pages of some really great ideas.

M., I too lost my mother 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with our second son. She was the person who got all of us together for the holidays also. The past few years I find myself keeping the family together and planning festivities. I know it's a lot of work... but if I didnt keep myself busy... well... then I would be missing her even more!! maybe you could plan some things like a cookie bake? trimming the tree? building gingerbread houses?? things like this are also fun for the kiddos! My prayers are with you and I am SO sorry for your loss.. I know how you feel. I never thought I'd lose my mom at 23. :)

M.,
We like to drive around with the kids Great Grandma and look at lights the week before Christmas. We pack snacks and hot chocolate, it can be cold here in Alaska. The other thing I started was decorating plain stockings. We got just plain red and white ones and then every year we add a small decoration. The dcoration represents something that we did that year or something the child has done new. Like going to school or rideing a bike. My prays are with you and I hope you get lots of ideas.

I'm sorry for your loss. I have yet to experience that type of grief. Um, well, I was thinking since you have little ones - maybe you could make your own Christmas Ornaments...look online for different ideas. First year make ones with paper, then next year make one with hand prints and then maybe the next year do like a beaded one....something to do as a family and create memories. Or another thing that I cherished as a young girl is turning off the tv and bringing out my dad's records and having a "Bake Night"...we would sing and dance and make pies,cookies,or cobblers. It was so much fun. Maybe you could have a bake night like the weekend before Christmas or even Christmas eve to prepare your dessert for after dinner the next day. Good luck - you and your family will come up with something that will become a new tradition. God bless.

I am sorry for your loss. It is good that you are wanting to move on and find joy again during a time when it hurts the most.

Look back at some of the things you did as a kid. My kids get their cristmas pjs on christmas eve to wear. we bake cookies a couple weeks before christmas. On christmas eve we bake and decorate a cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus. At church we take a tag off the giving tree and each kids gets to give back to those in need. it can be something like a $10 calling card or mcdonalds card. nothing major. as they have gotten older and have earned money with chores and such, they have bought their own gift and have really felt rewarded. watch movies on x-mas eve with popcorn and hot coco. read twas the night before christmas. there is a beautiful book for advent that has doors that you can open each day and has the christmas story written in it.

For new years make a nice dinner and have sparkling cider. we watch movies and have party poppers. I try to do some sort of fancy dessert like baked alaska or something like that. you can start a specail album - everyone geta a page to put a photo and write the best things that happened during the year and things they hope for next year. It will be nice to go back every year and see what each one did and what they hoped for and to see if it happened. you will have to write for the kids until they learn to write for themselves, but try to use thier words.

Dont be afraid to try new things. Keep a journal of what you did and when you did it and any thoughts that could help to make it better or if it was a bust. also, gather ideas in there so the next holiday season you can pull it out and see what would work for you.

When I read your post I thought you were my sister-in-law. Our family lost my my mother-in-law (who was our family's support center) 3 years ago also. We are still having a hard time getting the whole extended family together like we used to but hopefully someday we will all be able to do that again. We are still having a hard time with the holiday too and are trying to come up with new traditions. It is very hard. For us talking about loving memories and holiday memories that involve her are important to us. We try and make stuff she used to make for thanksgiving. Our daughter was older (4 1/2)when she lost her grandma so it is important to us that she gets to share her happy memories of her. She loves to hear what my husband and sister did when they were kids and how grandma Mikki used to react. I guess for us it is remembering the good times and remembering how lucky we were to have her in our lives and sharing memories of her.
We are still grieving especially around the holidays, it's hard. My advise is share your memories and your kids will get to know her through your memories. Good luck, try to stay positive, our thoughts are with you. A.

My sister gave me this idea a few years ago for a new tradition. Her kids are 11 and 9 and still love it. In the beginning of December the "elves" arrive at our doorstep to spend the month of December with us. They hide every night and play fun tricks each night. Places they've hidden - freezer (they miss the N. Pole), in the pile of stuffed animals, in the tree, etc. Sometimes they watch movies and are surrounded by popcorn or they build with blocks, set up the train, live in the doll house, etc. My girls are 4 and 3 and are already wondering if Kelly and Daisy are coming to visit this year. We bought our elves at http://www.elf-magic.com/ They have tons of ideas on the website and they dolls come with a sleeping bag and magic snow. It is a very fun new tradition for our family. Enjoy the holidays!

Some family traditions we have developed for Christmas Eve and Day include:

Hot Chocolate with crushed cand canes added to drink while out looking at Christmas Lights on Christmas Eve. Cookie baking and pre-Christmas Day Dinner preparations WITH the kids. After looking at lights we come home and make one big bed out of an air mattress and tons of warm snuggly blankets under the Christmas Tree. Then we all snuggle down and read Christmas Stories and listen to gentle lullaby type Christmas music until the kids all fall asleep. Then we place the presents and fill stockings.

Christmas morning we get up and "check the cookie plate" :) then the kids do the presents. Then we have a nice big or small breakfast (kids' choice) and clean up the present mess. Then it's on to stockings and play time until lunch (which is usually somewhat small). Then the big Christmas Dinner rolls around about 5-6p and we get cleaned up and dressed nicely whether or not company is coming. That way it always feels special. We light candles for it to add that sentimental glow. Good luck and God's blessings finding your own special way of celebrating the season.

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on Xmas eve 4 years ago. I miss her greatly. We just carry on and I just remember how much she loved gift giving and watching everyone open their gifts. No real advice for you, just my sympathy.