HIGH ANXIETY...hubby May Leave for Canada in December!!! Need MamapediaComfort

My husband is a pilot.....so flies everywhere and is gone for 5 days at a time. It will be fine. Worrying does nothing. Airline travel is so much safer than driving to and from to the airport. And the week will seem long....but I have to say sometimes I enjoy him not being there....but not at bedtime ;). . I hate having to get all 4 kids to bed by myself. We have no family here either, or friends I can call upon.....but I swear it all works out.

You will be fine!

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

If you continue to really stress about this, it will continue to be a big deal. If you keep things in a positive frame of mind, you'll be fine.

Start today. Really.

I used to travel quite a bit for business, as did my husband. We both accepted it and everything was fine because we just dealt with it. Fortunately, we never had to both be gone at the same time. Now THAT would have been a problem!

Hang in. You'll be fine.

Has he never gone on a business trip? Has he never flown on a plane? Have you never flown on a plane?

Do you have a cell phone? Do you have neighbors?

Really and truly, it's healthy to be able to cope on your own without your husband there. You actually need to learn to do it and not get so frightened by the thought of it. There are a lot of reasons to have this experience under your belt.

My aunt had never worked outside the home a day in her life. She raised 3 boys and her husband, my uncle, was military. He did ALL the business of the family. She had never even written a check before. He got sick. He had to have surgery (brain tumor). Long story short, as he was recouperating, he taught her how to take care of everything, including how to drive. (Yep, she had never driven either.)

She had 5 more years with him before the tumor came back and a heart attack took him. She thanked God everyday that she had a chance to learn WITH her husband, how to handle everything.

That's not what you want to hear on this thread, I know. Sometimes we need to know these things, even though they are unpleasant to think about.

Your husband is going to be fine. You are going to be fine. My husband takes business trips domestically and internationally. He used to travel to India for two weeks at a time. We missed each other but he was busy as he could be, and I was very capable of handling life without him. And G., he NEEDED (and needs) me to be capable. These business trips are very important and your husband needs to be able to focus on the work. Being willing to and able to handle these kinds of trips make him value-added to the company. Quite frankly, if my husband weren't willing to do this, he would not have been able to do as well with his company, and in the bad economy, he might have been one of the ones to be downsized.

So, I encourage you to rise to the occasion here, plan now since you have advance notice. (Sometimes I have 2 days notice - you've got it good!) If you don't know the details of your business, get your husband to help you with it. Write down all the particulars about your banking, various insurances, credit cards, etc. Ask him the name of his HR person and phone number. Know what your benefits are, where the tax papers are, and all of that.

You might not care about this stuff, but really, why not be a part of the business of your family! If you have a good husband who doesn't act like some men who hide things from their wives, then making this a joint effort is good for you both in the long run. People with good marriages shouldn't have a problem doing this.

Another thing you can do is do your shopping before he leaves, get your car serviced, and work on both of you opening Skype on your computers and practicing talking to each other. Does he have a company cell phone? If he doesn't, he will need to set up international calling capability. (I'll bet the company will reimburse him for the calls.) He can call you and say "Honey, open up Skype" and then hang up - doesn't cost much, and then you two can talk on the computer (and see each other too!) My husband and I email each other a lot too - little things in case we need to know stuff.

Before he leaves, help him clean out his wallet and only take what he needs with him. That way, if he loses his wallet, he won't lose all of it. Make copies of any of the credit cards he takes with him (including the back) so that you can tell him who to call to cancel the cards. (Truly, the odds of him losing his wallet are very small. Just do this because it's the smart thing to do, not because you really think he'll lose his wallet.)

Have him SCAN the copy of his passport page with his picture and pertinent info into his computer so that if he were to lose his passport, he'd have the page in order to get help with another passport. People should do that anytime they travel overseas, even for vacation. Make sure his passport is current and won't expire while he's gone.

Tell him to take pictures and send them home to you. It will make you feel like you are part of this.

If you TRULY think you're going to go over the edge with him gone, talk to your doctor. He can give you some anxiety medicine. I hope you won't have to do that because I really want you to come to the understanding that thousands and thousands of spouses, men and women, do this every day.

Good luck,
Dawn

Well I was always on my own, no family to speak of, I had friends but they were doing their own thing, so I wouldn't have expected anything there.
I'm sorry so you don't feel confident to be in charge of your own family.
Is everything set up financially, that you CAN be in charge, God forbid, if anything happens to your husband?
I know it's not pleasant but you really need to get a handle on this now, not only for your own sake, but for your kids' sake.

It will be fine.
I assume he will have access to a computer/Wi-Fi?
You can do Skype. Its free.
www.skype.com

My Husband has gone on trips too for work and other stuff.
He once went across the other side of the globe to Europe.
With my daughter. It was fine.

Being gone for 1 week is not long.
It will go by fast.

It sounds like you're getting quite stressed over something that shouldn't be too stressful. Which makes me think that perhaps you suffer a little from anxiety disorder.

There are some things you can do to help yourself - exercise, taking time to breathe, or do meditation etc. you could also speak to your doctor about your anxiety and get a little medical help.

But also remember, that it's only a week, and that you a strong and resourceful woman who can rise to the challenge of your husband being away for a little while. In fact, you might even enjoy it!

My husband is deployed for the 5th time. He deploys for a year or more each time. I am two days away from any family and I have no friends to speak of. I do understand since this is your first business trip how scared you must be. But the #1 thing you HAVE to do is keep yourself busy. If you don't, you will sit down and have a pity party and that is not cool. LOL! Believe me, I know.

And don't be afraid of him being on an airplane. He is more likely to have a crash 2 miles away from home in a car than he is in an airplane.

Relax. Deep breathing. You both will be fine.

Is there a reason why being by yourself frightens you so much? Do you have tons of kids that you can't manage on your own? (not trying to be a jerk - just trying to figure out why this would bother you so much).

Air travel is an incredibly safe way to travel. If you're worried about his plane crashing, then yes - you watch too many Air Emergency shows (whatever that is). Both my husband and I travel for business and it's no big deal. The person travelling gets a bit of an adventure away from home and the person at home spends extra quality time with our two kids.

That said, if you have real anxiety about staying home by yourself it might be worth talking to a therapist about ways you can booster your self confidence. I truly don't understand what would worry you so much... having your husband be gone for a week is just like any other week except you have to do a bit more housework, all the kid chores, and there's no one to chat with before bed. But life goes on.

Good luck, and I hope you get some help for the anxiety.

My daughter's BF works on an oil rig and is gone 21 -28 days depending on which rig he is working on. Currently he is working in Korea and gone 28 days then home 28 days but 2-3 of those days can be spent on travel getting home.

It's only a week. Take some me time read those books he laughs at, watch chick flicks, try a new recipe, get your nails done.

Or better yet toss out all the old yukky clothes he insists on keeping. But you should replace them with nice stuff.

I wouldn't worry about the travel. Air travel is much safer than travelling in a car.

If he is coming to Winnipeg in December make sure he has a good warm coat, scarf, hat, gloves and boots because it will likely be between -10 and -20 c here in December, and lots of snow.

Ask him to bring home a Jeanne's cake. It is a Winnipeg specialty that people order from all over the world. Yumm.

I realize it may sound very trite, but think about this.....

Is there anything about his trip that you can actually CHANGE by worrying? Will worrying make him safer?

No, not really.....

People travel all the time...... I'm flying to Baltimore from Texas tomorrow...... but I fly at least once a year.....

The only thing I'm worried about is all the car trouble my son has been having.... we are leaving our car at the airport because there isn't anyone free to take and pick us up... if something happens to his car, he is up a creek until we get back! (And... I realize I can't change anything by worrying, so I am trying to put it out of my mind.....)

How sweet that you can't be without your husband for a week.

Do what I do when I have the house to myself... relax. A month ago was the very first time I was without my kids for two days for no reason (I've gone on trips to see family once before). I spent the first day just deep cleaning. Without the kids to continue making a mess after I've cleaned, I had to opportunity to get the house in order. After that, I went out to eat at a non-kid friendly restaurant and popped in a movie that's been sitting still sealed in it's Netflix cover for 3 weeks and relaxed. I gave my self a manicure and pedicure, I walked slowly around Target and the supermarket. My goal now for when the kids are gone is to start doing some house repairs but only to give it half my time. The other half I promise to just relax and regroup. It's stressful to be a mother and a wife sometimes and the opportunity to just gather yourself is very important. If your husband will travel often, just use it as some time for yourself and time to catch up.

My sister's husband travels alot and she misses him but she soldiers on. They spend plenty of time together on a regular basis so being away isn't going to ruin him or her. You're a strong woman, just change your perspective. Don't think of this as your husband being away from you. Think of it as some time for yourself. Don't think of all the bad that can happen on a plane. Think of the fact that accidents are so rare.

Chance of a plane accident is 1 in 11 million.
Chance of a car accident is 1 in 7,700.
Chance of a bicycle accident is 1 in 410,000.
Chance of geting struck by lightening 1 in 700,000.

How's that for positive thinking?

My husband travels a lot for work. As a matter of fact, he just returned from a trip a few hours ago. He leaves anywhere from 3-7 days at a time and flies all over. He leaves me with two kids (currently 4 and 7) and has been since they were born. Like you, I don't have family or really close friends nearby that I can lean on. So the first time he was leaving me, I was in a panic. I talked to one of my single mom friends and asked her if I could do this. She just smiled and said, "Of course. You're a mom!" I totally understand how you feel, but you will be fine :) I would suggest you stop watching those shows if flying causes you any kind of anxiety. Keep yourself busy while he is gone. You'll have less time to worry. Have the kids make him cards, have him bring a book to read to the kids over the phone and plan a surprise for his return. Maybe do a project around the house that needs to be done or bake his favorite dessert. Believe in yourself. You can do it!

I think the main thing that will help keep your worry meter down is to stay busy for the time while he is away.
Plan something - a class or something - that will fill your time and take your mind off his trip.
Socialize, get out and about, get to the gym.
When he comes home, you'll both have things to tell each other.

You can do it! You are woman, better yet, you are Mommy---hear you roar!

I am a anxious person and can not dictate to my brain to 'shut-off' or 'let things go' in regards to stress and worry. I just can't, so I understand you completely.

I just posted a similar post a few weeks ago----> I KNOW I CAN function w/out him, I just MISS him & worry about him returning safely, ya know? My husband had a week long business conference in Wa D.C. which is as far away as you can get from where we are living now and still be in the US and he was traveling on the anniversary of 9/11 to boot...ugh!

What helped/helps me is:
My BIG BAD DOG Brooks, seriously...he is a huge comfort at night when we are alone w/out Daddy!

Looking forward to eating all the food he does not like, sounds silly but it is true and it was FUN to eat the way *I* wanted to for a whole week! :)

We talked or texted each other 2x a day...like normal and it gave me comfort and something to look forward too, especially at night after the kids were in bed!

And last but certainly not least...having my 3 kids, 2 boys & 1 girl, ages 8,6&4, all by myself was FANTASTIC and I LOVED every minute of it! It was just us and I did what I wanted, exactly how I wanted it, when I wanted to do it! ---->I am not one of those women who lets their husband dictate how things will be, by no means...but I love him and respect him and still (even after 13+ years) *want* to do lots of things for him, the way he likes them & when he likes to do them. Do you know what I mean?

You can do this!

~Now this next part can possibly be construed as rude or snotty but I promise I don't mean it that way b/c like I said, I am you...OK? And I say this with LOVE!!!
So here it goes:
Man up woman! Improvise, adapt and overcome! You are Mommy...you need to be strong and capable and believe in yourself. You are not going to fail simply b/c your MAN is not at home for a week! Get a grip and take control and what ever you do, do NOT let your kids feel your stress and anxiety, they need to feel safe and secure with you AT ALL TIMES!!!

((Big Hugs))

Try making it an adventure. Different every night. One movie night, one picnic night, one book night, one craft night, one old home movie night, you get the picture. Other things you need to stick to the routine. Let your oldest have a special daddy type job-trash? Try not to transfer your anxiety to your kids but it's ok if others want to call and console you! I hate sleeping without my hubby! I keep the TV on a lot. Worry won't change a thing but prayer will, then leave it there. You so can do this!

Just think about it this way. During the day right now, he may as well be in Winnepeg. You're at home with the kids doing your thing, he's at work doing his thing. You don't have any family nearby on a normal basis, so the only thing changing is that he won't be coming home at night for a week or so. No big deal. :) You've got this!

You can't keep everything in your control, but you can do some things to help yourself while your husband is gone. Since you don't have a relative to help you, can you ask some friends to help that week? You also want to make very good plans for yourself and your family. You want to stay organized (well, as much as possible) and busy that week. Include e-mails, texts, or Skypes to daddy for the children (and you'll be glad to speak with him as well). Keep in mind that your children will take their cues from you; if you're positive and creative with the time, they will be more comfortable and secure.

Military wives and mamas do this all the time, and for more than a week. If they can do it, you can, too.

At first when my hubby left for a week, I had trouble sleeping and felt things in the house would go wrong (stopped up toilet etc) and I would would check and recheck the locks on the doors at night. As time when by I learned to treat those weeks as mini vacations I get a bunch of "chick flicks" to watch, I eat sandwiches for dinner and feed the kids kid food, no cooking no dirty pots and pans! I sleep diagonally and take up the whole bed (not sure why but I love it). Stop watching Air Emergency shows!!!! and make a list of movies you would like to watch that he wouldn't you can rewatch you old favorites too! You cant change this by worrying, you need to learn to do this so he can feel he can do it again if the opportunity arises, You have to make an effort to change your attitude. Do have a least one friend who can help if needed, your mom friends may be busy with little ones of their own but maybe his best friend could be "on call" if your plumbing acts up or something, I've never needed this but it;s good to have that phone number on speed dial to make you feel better.

My hubby travels a lot. Air travel is safer than car travel, and I just try to occupy myself with projects and books I don't have time for when he is home.

I hate it when he goes far away (hong kong) because it's hard to talk on the phone, but I cook dinners he would never eat and try to make a little party of it with the kids.

My hubby was on the road from Monday through Friday for 15 years, while I raised six kids - and he had the only vehicle for some of that time! I was far from family, but had good neighbors and church members to help me in case of emergency. I am happy to say that there weren't very many emergencies in all that time. Mostly, it was my sanity that was in trouble. :) You can do it. Call a neighbor before he leaves and put them on "standby". Most of them are happy to do it. :)