OK, summer is here and my kids are already fighting like cats and dogs. I really need some suggestions on effective ways to deal with this. I have a daughter who is turning 11 this summer and a son who is turning 5 this summer. You would think that they are both 5. My daughter can't just ignore silly things he says or does, she has to argue with him then it turns into yelling. They do not fight over toys or belongings since they are too far apart in age to share the same interests. It is purely verbal. They don't fight over TV or anything like that. He will just say some thing like, I get my lunch before you do and she will argue back to him then they will start screaming about it. I feel that my daughter at almost 11 should ignore him and move on. But she doesn't. She gets so emotionally into it. I can't understand why she doesn't ignore him because if she did that would be the end of it. I have tried sending them both to their rooms when they fight, but it is often in the car. I have tried taking away priveledges, etc. My daughter has friends who have siblings the same age and they are more mothering/making sure the little one is OK, etc, never fighting. My daughter has no big sister instincts. If she is around him and he gets hurt, she won't go to him to see if he is OK, etc. She doesn't like him very much and makes it clear. ?? Any positive tips appreciated.
Hi R.,
I don't have any specific advice for you, mine are still a little too young for that. But, I've heard awesome things about the book "Siblings Without Rivalry" and have a copy to pre-prepare myself.
Sorry things are so rough now. I hope you get some good advice! Good luck!
C.
My kids (two boys 11 and 14 are the same way). As someone else suggested, this is likely just their personalities. I remember I fought with my younger brother like this growing up. My younger son is a very determined person and he wants his way all the time. His older brother also knows how to push his buttons to get him going and finds it amusing, so they spend half the day going at it. The other half of the day, they're absolute best friends. My solution for the summer is to enroll them in camps for the rest of the summer - they have two separate weeks of stay-away camps planned. I had originally thought they might be okay at home this summer between those camps and other family trips we have planned, since they're older (the oldest thinks he's too old for these day camps, but I found some that take kids going into 9th grade). I also think this past week is the worst as they're decompressing from the school year and getting used to not having a rigorous daily schedule everyday. But, like you, I too am going crazy and think the solution is to keep them busy. You might find that by enrolling your daughter in some day camps that she'll be much more tolerant during the times she does spend with her brother. If not, you'll at least have some peace in your day.
I just want to let you know, that your kids aren't the only ones. My 11 year old daughter & 9 year old daughter fight like this too. My 11 year could care less what happens to any of her sisters! I used to feel so bad when I saw other siblings together. It seemed like all other siblings loved each other so much. I thought I hadn't brought them up right. Some people just have personality clashes. Just because they're family, doesn't mean they automatically like each other.
I have an 11 year old and 15 year old, both girls. I have gone through the sibiling rivilary thing for quite a few years. We started having a family meeting and what we decided to do is sit them down and ask each of them things like 1) What is it that your sister does that aggrivates you. Then we ask the other one how that makes them feel or why do you do that.Ask questions to encourage them to talk about why they think they act like this to each other. You know your kids so use things youv'e seen or heard and ask them what was going on. You may be surprised. Good luck, I know what your going through. N.
