Help with Getting over a Child in a Car Wreck

Bless your heart. What's that saying. . . there by the Grace of God go I?

I'm not sure how you get over something like that. I can only imagine the range of emotions. I've told both my kids (19 year old son and 15 year old daughter) that they will not understand the fear of a parent of losing a child! And it sounds like you came very close!

Trust your mommy instinct. You said he's a good driver so trust him. Talk to someone. A friend. Minister. Counselor.

You are an amazing mom and that will get you through this.

In good health,

Lori K

Hi J.,
All of us mom's with teenagers fear that happening us I think. I am so glad your son is ok. The accident probably made him a more cautious driver.
I would suggest finding a counselor who does eye movement desensitation therapy. It works much faster than regular therapy. I went to it after a home invasion/armed robbery and it was miraculous for me.
I only know of a counselor in Dallas. That is probably a long drive for you, but let me know if you want her name and number.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

my 16 yr old step son was killed in a car wreck. his 18 yr old brother was in the car with him. I told the 18 yr old not to drive until he is ready and not to let anyone pressure him into doing it. you also have to realize that if you suffocate him its just going to make him rebel. you have to trust him but he may not want to drive by himself yet either. explain to him he needs to answer to you where he is going and when he is going to be home to put your mind at ease. not because you are controlling but because you are a normal mother. have him call you if its going to be a long trip and let you know he is ok periodically. or if he is going to be late.

you also have to realize is he responsible enough not to drive stupid??? if he is you have to keep that in mind. kids are going to make mistakes when they first start driving and you need to explain this to him. restrict certain areas of driving such as really dangerous intersections. explain to him if he is caught driving these dangerous areas the car will be taken from him. explain to him you have a legitimate reason for the rules. absolutely no driving after 12am when the drunks hit the road. I have this rule for my 20 yr old and he respects it because he knows the reason for it. he has only had his liscense for 2 yrs because of warped state laws and I told him when he is more experienced I will lift this rule. He is 21 and doesn't have to obey it but he is driving my car. so therefore he does have to respect my rule.

turning any kid at the age of 16 loose in a car is scary period. being in your situation makes it worse. but you do have to let him grow up. set guidelines like I did with my 20 yr old. send him on short trips to begin with. convience store or grocery store. where he is less likely to run into bad situations. when you are more comfortable loosen the rules but explain to him you need time to adjust. and explain to him the rules will lessen with time. to bear with you. I am sure any 16 yr old will understand even if they don't like the rules or bounderies. give him a little rope at a time and gradually increase the rope. good luck and pray hard.

My heart goes out to you. Our son has never been in an accident and I just about made myself sick with worry for about the 1st year of his driving. He too was a good driver so other than my motherly concern, he gave me no reason to be overly cautious or concerned. We all feel that way when they turn 16. I was in a bad accident, my car was totalled and it scared me to death. I was so nervous when driving for months later. I'm glad he has had the year to fight the nerves because everyone I have ever talked to about car accidents, felt the same way ... scared to death when driving again until some time passed. Try hard to not pass along your fear to him. Honestly, I would sit by the window close to his curfew time and pray the entire time and feel sick because of nerves. It's a terribly tough time and I sure wish there was something magic to share with you to help you and all of us moms in this case ... there's not! As you said, you feel he's a good driver. This is a big time in his life ... let him enjoy it. He knows you're worried whether you tell him or not.

My family and I were in a car wreck 12 1/2 years ago. My grandmother was driving and fell asleep and crashed into a tree. When she hit the tree, her head bounced backwards and one of my younger brothers, Ben, in the head. My other younger brother, Tyler, was sitting behind her in his carseat. The impact forced her chair to recline and collide with his head. Both of my brothers had to have brain surgery and Ben had to be life-flighted to the hospital. Ben was given less than 70% chance to live and was in ICU for about a month and a half. He is perfectly normal now, but I know how close he came to death.

My mom was understandably affected, and it showed when she had to drive anywhere. She found all the back roads to anywhere so she wouldn't have to travel in heavy traffic because she would get soooo nervous. Her fear of these major roads transferred to me when I began to drive, and I was deathly afraid to travel on the major roads even when they were mostly empty. She didn't have to ban me from high traffic intersections because I avoided them on my own.

Maybe that was a good thing because maybe I wasn't ready to drive on those roads, but I wasn't brave enough to try them until I was engaged, and my future husband insisted I drive on them. Personally, I wish I had not been so afraid. Now that I drive them all the time I realize there was nothing to be afraid of.

I think it would be better if you taught him to not be afraid of driving even though it will be hard after being in an accident and being so close to losing a familiy member. If you tell him he can't drive certain areas, he is just going to drive them when you are not around. Wouldn't you rather help him learn how to drive them so that when he does, he knows how to handle things? Just help him learn to be a good driver so that when he is by himself he knows how best to avoid an accident.