Help! Terrible Twos!!!

Congrats - sound slike you have a perfectly normal 2 year old :) They try everything to press their boundaries, and I know it sounds trite, but it really is all about consequences and consistency. You need ot antipate the issues and try to build extra time into your day to deal with her distractions and fighitng and negotiating. Also, pick your battles - let her spend 10 minutes trying to put on her own shoes, but don't let her not wear shoes.

As for sleeping - kids change their sleep behavior every few months. Sometimes it is simply them fighting to stay up because awake is more fun then sleep. Other times they are changing their schedule. You don't give a whole lot of detail, but I owuld guess she fidghts naps because she is starting to nap later in teh day. My oldest took a 12-2 nap forever! Then all of a sudden, around 3, she needed the nap moved from 2-4. Worked like a charm. And I bet that would solve the night sleep problem. But at 8:30, with a short nap, she may also be overtired and hard to comfort. Try putting her down more like 7:30 and see if tha thelps.

The only other thing to consider wiht sleep is that she is in pain - ears otr molars?? Make sure you rule that out. Also, remember that she is now in a rut where her routine is, "Mommy puts me down and I cry!" So, if changing her sleep times doesn't help, you can try to change the routine - however, you rock, coddle, etc. - change it up - put her down faceing a different direction, keep the lights on, do pajamas last, whatever changes it. But then, stick to it ansd establish a new normal which doesn't involve crying.

Lastly, I dont' believe in Cry It Out. But at her age, I would definately not be OVERLY responsive. Let her work it out on her own for a bit. My 21 month old needs to fuss and whine a bit to get to sleep sometimes and especially when she is very tired. And if I go in, it often overstimulates her.

Hope this helps. I bet if the sleep thing gets worked out, her overall mood improves - a little :)

1 mom found this helpful

I had the same problem with my son. We had a bedtime routine but he just would not stay in bed. I read John Rosemonds, how to make the terrible two's terrific and got many ideas out of that.
Napping:
Get a timer and start out small and tell her that if she stays in her bed until the timer goes off, she can get out. It took a few times but my son finally got it.

Bedtime:

THis one is harder because by the time you put her down you are so tired that you do not have the patience to deal with it. This is where we need more resilience than the child. You have to outlast your child without continuing the battle. Make sense? What I found in John Rosemonds book was to follow the normal nightly routine, put them down, say goodnight, I love you and leave. Each time they get out of bed, gently guide them back to bed. HEre is the catch.

ONLY, the first time they get out of bed, you tell them that it is bedtime and they need to stay in bed.

Each time after that, put them back in bed and SAY NOTHING. Do not engage in conversation or anything.

Here is probably the hardest part: Outlasting her. I am not going to lie, but it took 50 minutes the first night I did this and subsequent nights it was less time. KEy here is to be consistent and DO NOT talk to her after the first time. WHen she sees that she is not getting a rise out of you, the novelty will wear off and she will eventually stay in her bed when you put her down at night.

I hope this helps but get the book from your local library and read it because he has some wonderful ideas that I found to be very helpful with my son who was just like your daughter.

THe book is Making the terrible twos terrific by JOhn Rosemond.

First of all, you are doing everything right, so don't worry about that. The twos are VERY trying, and I'm right there with you. My 2 y/o DD is about on my last nerve every day. Someone else mentioned it, but consistency is the key to everything. Let her test her boundaries, but make sure you are consistent with the things you need her to learn -- going to bed, eating, safety issues, etc. I pick my battles -- dressing is one area I've let my DD get her independence, and if she goes to preschool with mismatched clothes looking like a ragamuffin, I just let it be (sigh). But really important things like going to bed, brushing teeth -- those are the battles I fight.

For bedtime, I have a baby gate on her door. I go through the routine and put her in bed, then shut the baby gate. I will admit that I have 2 other children, so I can't spend all my time just fighting one to go to sleep -- that said, sometimes my DD cries it out, even though I'm really not a CIO-er. My advice, since you only have one, is to put her in her room with the baby gate, and then do more of a Ferber-type routine. Tell her she has to go to bed, leave for 2 mins, and come back. Then leave for 5 mins. Then leave for 10. I really don't like letting any of my kids cry for longer than 10 mins, but I've never had to. Doing a modified CIO where you reassure them that Mommy WILL come back -- and she DOES -- goes a long way for them. They learn to trust you, and to not be as scared of going to sleep. Again, sometimes I just can't do it if I'm feeding a bottle to the baby and fighting the same battle with the 3 y/o (it only gets worse when they can REASON with you -- "but I need to get a drink of water/go potty/get my favorite bear"), but rarely if ever has she really had to cry herself to sleep. Somehow the security of "mommy comes back" seems to work for my DD.

On the poopy-on-the-potty issue -- let it go for now. This is a lesson that takes a LONG time for some kids. It's hard enough for them to learn how to control/anticipate their bladder, but their bowels are a whole other story. My DS was pee-pee trained in a week, but it took him 4 more months to ever even GO poopy on the potty, and then another 2 more weeks or so to really be "trained." She will do it when she's ready -- for now offer opportunities, ask her repeatedly if she needs to go, and -- if you know her "routine" -- try to anticipate the timing and get her on the potty if you can. But there is no right or wrong with potty training -- it's all a matter of when your DD is ready. She isn't ready yet, so don't sweat it. It will come in time.

You are doing a great job already, Mommy! Good luck!

Hi K. i,m a stay at home mother of a four year old girl and a two year old boy. And i would like to tell you that your doing a good job as mothers we don't seem to hear that much. But to get to your issue about the sleeping the steps your taking are all great. I been where u are and still there. But keep track of the nap times throughout the day and before bed allow your child to burn some energy you can do it right inside the house dancing with a musical dvd,cd whatever her little heart desires to get her mivin for a few minutes. My kids and i exercise do aerobics , shaky your body dance, to claping and stumping in place any thing safe to burn so energy so the can sllep good and us too.Every child is different try it ,i and just remember your the boss and your in charge. Issue two been there also when mine would come out of the room seven or eight times before finally going to sleep i use to just give in and put her in the bed with me, but now with two small kids i need sleep to to function with them. So when the bed pop up game starts i play it too i send him right back everytime especilly if he's been toileted had his milkcup, teeth brushed and bathed lights out the get tired it almost seems as if there trying to train us instead of us training them .Don't give up stay strong and persistent. Happy mothering T......

As for the behavior challenges: they happen again at ages 6, 12/13, 18.... That's the parenthood. As for the sleeping, sounds like you've got a good routine. Problem, she's changing. I agree with the responder who said she added more to the daily schedule so that sleep was welcome. Worked here for both of my children. I even shortened the nap time around age 2/3 and found my children really didn't need naps between 3/4, which helped them get to sleep earlier at night (8 pm). The days with less activity, they had a harder time drifting to sleep, but they stopped waking and coming into our room. Laid down some ground rules, firmly, and ended the chronic waking. Each person is different. Some people require less sleep, some more, in order to feel healthy. My husband is a person who runs on adrenaline, and our children take after him. As my oldest approaches his teen years, though, he wants to sleep later in the morning. I don't know if 2 is a year of rapid development in the brain, but I found that my children's sleep and eating habits changed each time they had a growth spurt. That required me to change the household daytime routine a bit each time.

Hi, we just moved from Reston, VA. I know they have preschool for age 2 there. I miss that! This gives her time to be independent and have fun, and it allows you to keep your sanity. Worth a try? Plus, she'll probably be so tired she'll nap well.

this is such a trying stage! but it IS a stage, so first off quit beating yourself up for doing anything wrong. it's really important for littles to be secure and confident in their boundaries, and how can they do that if they don't know what they are? and the only way they can figure that out, since they haven't been around long enough to rely on past experience and logical reasoning, is to keep testing those boundaries until they REALLY REALLY know what they are.
so make sure they are firm, loving and reliable for her.
that doesn't mean being inflexible. you may well have to try new sleep routines, bedtimes and potty techniques to find ones that work and then find new ones that work when your mercurial toddler morphs again. but don't keep changing tactics constantly, make sure you're letting her have the chance to test-drive what you're doing. and if you don't want her in your bed, don't put her there. period. 'just this once' is a very slippery slope with littles. keep putting her back to bed, patiently, calmly, inexorably. you need endless reservoirs of patience with wiggly 2s. fortunately you're young and energetic.
and this will be over, very very soon. and you will miss it. sounds nuts to say 'enjoy it', and truly it's not all enjoyable. but a lot of it is.
decide what is important and make sure you never waver on that. be flexible with everything else.
good luck!
:) khairete
S.

Have you ever read "1,2,3 Magic"? It's a behavior management/parenting approach book. I'm not sure, but I have a feeling it could help you. Good Luck.

I have a 2 1/2 year old and have been trying a new method of time out's. I was watching the Super Nanny and I am following her timeout method

- Give a warning
- If warning not followed quickly place the child in time out and explaining they are in time out because they didn't do what you asked, restating exactly what you asked.
- Set timer for 1 minute per age, for a 2 year old, 2 minutes, etc.
- When the time is up, explain again why they went to time out, have them apologize.
- They hugs & kisses

This really is working for me, and working well :-)

Another thing I have been doing related to sleeping. I have all of my son's stuffed animals (we call them his friends) set up close to his bed. Every time he gets ready for nap or bed time, I allow him to pick one friend to sleep with. He gets 5 seconds to pick the friend (this is a time to work on counting and numbers also) and then he hops into bed, and I make up a story to tell him about his 'friend'. He must stay in bed to be able to sleep with his 'friend' if he get's out, or throws a fit, then he looses his friend and story time, etc. I also incorporate the time out here if needed. Basically, he wants to have his 'friend' to sleep with, so he has been behaving with sleep time. It has been working really well for us.

Good luck, I know how hard it is to have patience and stay strong and composed. Things will get better.

well, like everyone has said, every child is different and you have to find what works for you. however, this sounds painfully like my almost 4 year old daughter was at that age...and yes, we both survived.

first, sleeping. it was very painful for me, but a month after my son was born, i gave her nap up (she was 2 years, 3 months). i ran, ran, ran her during the day - and it IS tough. however, the bonus - at bedtime, she CRASHED. i didn't have to give her a favorite toy, stuffed animal, read more than one story, go get more milk. i said bedtime, and she said ok. she was really ready. my mom fought me tooth and nail that it was too early for her to give them up. however, after 4 months of the new rountine, my mom did admit it was better for her. we had less crying, screaming, deal making, pleading and more laughter and fun.

my daughter is still a picky eater. i make one meal, if she doesn't want it, she can have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. other than that, kitchen is closed. no, she doesn't eat like i want. however, i don't want her to have "food issues" - or a power issue with me. it is what it is. she is not starving - and when she is, she eats what i make her.

potty training: my daughter peed right away, but consistently asked for a diaper to poop in. my ped said make her do all the work - get the diaper and wipes, throw the diaper away, and eventually she will tire of it. wrong for her. after an entire year of doing this, i just refused to get her a diaper and sat her on the potty. she held it for 3 days, and finally had to go in the toilet. she held it for another 3 days again. after that, she understood she was getting a treat when she pooped - and would purposely go in the bathroom and really try to poop to get a treat. my lesson learned: be patient, but only to a degree.

i would say, she is a normal 2 year old. you just have to find what works for you and your family, but you will look back and laugh....some day!

we are going through this with our 3 yr old right now. For bedtime, I would say you are starting too late. we start the bedtime routine around 7P. When i leave, he has started crying, but I have found that if I can be strong, it will only last a few minutes. we actually had to put a lock on the outside of the door to keep him from coming out and wandering (he was climbing the gates). I now tell him that if he opens the door and comes out, then I will lock it. if he stays in his room, I will leave it unlocked. He sleeps on the floor, but my ped said just to leave him alone if he is sleeping. He has started resisting naps, but when he doesn't get one he will be horrible all afternoon and evening. his latest is to try to poop when it is nap time. I haven't figured out how to regulate that one. I give timeouts, and yesterday I was so fed up that I locked him in his room for a few minutes. We are trying to get the poop issue taken care of. I have rotated the rewards and sometimes they work, sometimes not. Hang in there, this will pass.

Some moms have luck starting the bedtime routine with dinner by 4:30 or 5, then plenty of time for a leisurely bath, book time, and then sleep by 6:30 PM or 7 PM. These kids still nap. I'm amazed that it works as mine were up until I went to sleep but I've seen lots of families try this and it works. The children are much happier with more rest and then everything else is easier.

good luck.

Hi Kelli - Ah, my daughter is in the terrible 2's too and she's in daycare 5 days a week! Meaning, she has PLENTLY of time to get all of her energy out.

We just got through the sleep problem you had. Our daughter would scream and cry for an hour and wanted to sleep in our bed etc etc etc. What we told her, if she went to sleep good then would be able to watch Elmo a bit in the morning. After 2 nights its worked great! Does your daughter have a favorite activity or book etc? Try bribing her with that.

Other than that - run her ragged during the day, go go go, that should help too.

Good luck!