Help/resouces for a Struggling Mom

It sounds like she does not have a social worker on her side, guiding her, but she should. I would bet she is or has been in at least one abusive relationship since abusers (and it can be "just" verbally abusive) prey on the emotionally vulnerable. She might be able to get into a woman's shelter for abused women. But, she may not even recognize yet what is going on.

She also sounds like her brain is affected and may qualify for some DSM "mental" diagnosis which would also qualify her for SSI/Disability which would then make her eligible for medical care, which would include psychiatric and mental health counseling. But she can work, and that is a wonderful thing.

Most cities have free clinics and therapists where people pay on sliding scales based on income. If the income is low enough, what they pay is zero. There is also subsidized housing. The catch is that there often isn't a single number to call to find out about them - but the social workers know.

You may contact her local NAMI (http://www.nami.org) office and they may be able to get you started in the right direction with some phone numbers, even if she does not have a "diagnosis."

I think you are great for wanting to help her out but just be very careful that you do not get too consumed with it. My SIL is just like this and now at 40 years old still cannot hold a job, lives with her mom and no matter who helps her just has never snapped out of it. I got too involved early on and learned quickly that this is her MO for whatever reason and I was not equipped to handle her. In fact, we ended up having custody of her son through high school for some of the same reasons she was such a problem. He was following in her footsteps.

In short, she says all the time she wants to get out of this cycle, she wants to move on as a successful adult but as soon as she gets a sympathetic person to step in and try to help she craps on them and falls back into her same spot.

The very best thing you can do for her and her children is to give her some people and #s she can contact and step away. You and your husband are the best influence in these children's lives and you have to focus on that so they don't fall in her footsteps. Until she gets it together (which may not happen) I wouldn't put too much energy into it outside of giving some state agencies that can help her. I am not saying to be cruel or leave her to die on the streets, just give her direction and move out of it a bit. You can show compassion and empathy yet keep your focus where it needs to be, which is on these kids.

Good luck to you!

Does she have any mental health disorders? What you posted sounds like the perfect example or one or more.

All the resources in the world will not truly help her until she gets to the root cause of *why* she cannot function as an adult.

It is very kind of you to want to help her, but if it were me I would not get overly invested. In other words, I would put that energy toward the kids. The most important thing is making sure that they are protected (and it sounds like your husband and you are doing that - good for you guys). The kids cannot be her "hobby" if that makes any sense. They have daily needs that must be met and I would not risk them with her until she has demonstrated relatively long-term success at leading a responsible life.

JMO.

I'm with Angela, the kids come first so koodos to you for caring for them, and really, for caring enough to want them to have a happy, stable, and healthy bio mom. I would definitely recommend counseling for her to get to the root of the problem. You may very well be the role model she has never had, which is such a tragedy in America today. Career counseling is in order too, as she needs to learn what she likes to do and what she is good at, then focus on obtaining the training for that career. She may also need to be coached to enter a career that is in demand to ensure she has a position when done, especially in this economy. There are many careers, such as respiratory therapy, where there are 2 year community college programs to train as an assistant. Once hired, many hospitals, etc. will provide training to advance, or at least she will be in a position where she can do so. Once she learns how to care for herself, she will be in a better position for herself and her kids though it will take some time to get there. The very best of luck to you.

Look in to Job Corps. There is an age limit, but you said she is young, I think the age limit is 25.

workforce texas has a lot of resources and what they dont have they can refer her too.

Contact her local state agencies. They can help point her to various programs and resources.

You can call 2-1-1 which is a community resource line in the DFW area and they can give you a list of resources that might help your step-kids bio mom. It is nice that you want to help her get some stability in her life for the benefit of her kids. Maybe some of these community resources can help evaluate her problems and get some help.