29 answers

Help!!! My Husband Bought a Suburban Without Me.

My husband and I had been talking about getting a new car because his truck was getting older. However, I wanted to get something more ecomonical with the high gas prices and I wanted to wait until the end of summer so we could pay off some debts first. He really wanted a Suburban because he feels with the kids sports programs and road trips that it would be a good vehicle to have. Anyway, I was working late on Thursday and he went and bought a Suburban. He took the kids on the test drive and told the neighbors. I didn't find out until Friday morning when the credit union called to verify some informstion for the loan. Not only do I feel betrayed because I feel he went behind my back, but also he never even asked about the payment. When I looked online with the credit union, the payment is very high and I am worried that between the cost of fuel, the payment, and insurance, we are going to be really overextended. Thanks for letting me vent!!!!

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So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your responses and advice. I thought maybe I had overreacted and so it was reassuring to hear that many of you felt like I did. I am so worried about the payment, but more importantly, I am worried that this will be the final straw that will end this marriage. We have had a lot of difficulties in the last couple of years and it is getting harder and harder to want to work things out. Unfortunately, I think with this new car payment and our other bills, we can't afford to even try a trial separation.

Anyway, thanks again for all of your help. This is a really great forum and I enjoy reading the posts every morning.

Featured Answers

Yeah, I would beat him. This was so rude on so many levels. To talk to him about it would make his head spin. So, my advise... grab a spoon and beat him. Perhaps you will knock some sense into him!

1 mom found this helpful

OH MY GOSH!!!!
My questions is has he ever done this before. A friend of mines husband has done things like this before, except in his case it was a house as well as a truck. He has been diagnosed with a form of bi-polar. It is a form of compulsive buying. He sees something he wants and he gets it with out asking his wife and them tells her when the bills show up.
I guess I would try to sit down and put it on paper and see if this is going to work out.
I have been married 24 years and my husband thankfully has never done anything like that.
Best of Luck

More Answers

Hmmm...that's a tough one. I would very much like a Suburban, but not the gas that goes with it. And if my husband went out and purchased one without mutual agreement, I would assume that's where he planned to sleep for the first few payments. Or maybe he could ride his bike the weekend job he'd be getting to cover the gas cost. I'm sure he went on a whim, which we all can do, but for me, it would be more like a purse, not a gigantic SUV. I am sure that it will require some budget cuts. I'd lay this out clearly for him to see and get him involved in making his own cuts that will contribute to the family budget to afford his thoughtless mistake. My husband has, on occasion, had a whim to buy things that we couldn't afford in the past. Because he knows he's inclined to do this, we set up "allowance" accounts. For every direct deposit he gets, we get like amounts deposited into our own separate checking accounts. This is money we can spend selfishly on our own without having to discuss it. It's not much, but it can add up, or we can spend dumb little amounts as we please. Anything else, which we'd consider a household, family, or large purchase goes through the main bank accounts and is discussed if it is anything other than groceries, toiletries, gas, needed clothing, kids' activities and classes, bills, and reasonable family entertainment. This has helped us both to see money in a different way and stick to our little allowance accounts without feeling we had to run everything by each other. We started doing this BEFORE we had kids and when we were both working full time and had equal senior-level salaries. It's obviously not something that can solve your immediate problem, but perhaps it could prevent future problems. Agree to discuss money with each other, and you'll set a good example of financial responsibility for your children. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Wow. I can't believe your husband would do that. A lot of the women on here are much nicer than me. I have only been married for 4 years, so perhaps I am not as understanding yet, but I would be irrate!

My parents have a suburban that they bought used because my dad wanted one so badly and he hate it now. He has hated it for about 2 years but even a used suburban is so expensive my mom won't let him get rid of it yet. My husband alos told me a story about his dad buying a motorcycle without his mother's permission and his mom said "Don't you love your children" to his dad and the motorcycle was returned. So I hope that you can return the suburban as well, but I don't know if it is possible.

I would definitely find out if your husband used your social security number on the application and I am guessing if your credit union called you that he did. If so perhaps you could go to the dealer and threaten to turn them into the BBB and file an identity theft claim, etc. etc. and see if they will return the vehicle. You may also be able to go to the Credit Union and cancel the loan, if it hasn't been processed yet.

I do all of the finances in our household and it sounds like you do as well. If you can't get out of the loan I would put the family on a very tight budget to pay off the debt, a car loan is the pits. If possible, cancel credit cards, cable, cell phones or long distance, memberships, every little thing helps. Figure out how to work out as much of the payment as possible from stuff that really isn't necessary (especially from stuff that is more for your husband since this was his choice) but you are all probably going to have to suffer some for his choice.

Then make sure you show your husband how this has affected the family and that the sports programs and roadtrips may no longer even be an option. Finally, if the gas bills get to high you may have to tell him that he is going to be very dependent on public transportation and the shoe-leather express and that you hope he likes how his new suburban looks in the driveway.

I am getting angry for you just typing this. He must not appreciate how difficult it is to balance a family budget. Perhaps you should make him sit down and do the exercise with you.

Good Luck,
D.

2 moms found this helpful

Everyone on here is much nicer than I would be. I would have to drop the kids off at Grandma's for the weekend, and have it out with the hubby. If he can't get out of the agreement (I know CarMax gives you 10 days to return the car), I would start selling off some of his prized posessions. Does he have a big-screen TV that could fetch a pretty penny? Golf clubs? Maybe I'm just vindictive, or spoiled because I handle all of our family's financials, but how dare he do that to you? Stay strong, and it's probably best if you follow the advice of the other, nicer, responses (LOL), but you're definitely entitled to a full-out explosion over something like this. Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Yeah, I would beat him. This was so rude on so many levels. To talk to him about it would make his head spin. So, my advise... grab a spoon and beat him. Perhaps you will knock some sense into him!

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, I would not let this slide. That was a terrible thing to do, and yes it is a betrayal. Make sure your name is not on the thing anywhere so that at least your credit stays good if something happens. Tell him that you and the family absolutely will not suffer by one penny because of his unilateral purchase decision, so he has to sell his stuff to make payments, buy gas, or pay insurance. Tell him his new second job he's going to get will pay for all the things outside the budget you two would have spent on a new vehicle. I'm very sorry, I know you love him, but I have to say he sounds like a selfish baby to me. He needs to grow up. I don't think his intentions were evil, but for goodness sakes he's a grown man with a family and he can't just run out and do something like this.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,
I'm sorry but for me a marriage is baised on trust and respect.
He has broken that and it must be very hard to overcome.
I know my husband would never do that ( married for 15 years),
because he would never disrespect me like that.
And know you have to see the car everyday and be reminded of that.It sounds like very inmature to me.

I'm sorry about that. MC

1 mom found this helpful

If he can buy it without your consent, then you can trade it in (or return it) without his. Put your foot down, especially if you are working too and have to help pay for it.

1 mom found this helpful

T.,
I feel for you. What a frustrating thing to be going through. Whether you work or not, a marriage is a partnership. I do not work outside the home, but decisions like that, that could affect your credit and his should be dual decisions. I know there is nothing anyone else can do to help you with your situation now. I am wondering however if you have considered that maybe this is how your husband's mid-life crisis is going to show itself. You mentioned you have been married a number of years so I am guessing he may be at about the age that some men struggle with those mid-life issues. Just something to think about.
Hope things get better.
M.

1 mom found this helpful

You have every right to be mad. It seems like some good discussion about making joint decisions is in order here. he may feel that he had already "discussed" it as you already knew he wanted the suburban but clearly, the full extent of it was not discussed and neither was how it would fit into the family budget. Perhaps laying out a spreadsheet with where all the finances are and also a discussion of how you two interact on these big issues going forward would be good. I might wait a day or two or even a week until I wasn't totally mad, so that the discussion could be productive. In the long run, concensus building on these big issues is really important. Even if you had discussed it fully and still hadn't agreed but he had said that he still wanted to move forward, that would have been better than what happened. You might have said you didn't like it but if it were so important to him then okay. But you are absolutely right to be both mad and likely hurt about this one.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband thinks you can return the car within 3 days of making the purchase......It's an option.....

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As a thought.....have you seen other signs of Bi Polar? I am not diagnosing your husband however, I wonder if it is something worth taking a look into. I am in a support group for significant others of those diagnosed with bi polar and often this car story comes up which is why I am bringing it to you. If he is not bi polar and made this decision without you and behind your back then you have a very big issue to work through. I wish you well.

K.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello T.,
I have not experienced that stiuation, but if I were you I think I would talk to him (not with the children around) and ask him why. Basically, ask him the questions because you need to get those questions out before you all get very upset with each other. You know the children is loving it as well! (the Suburban) You know Men will be Men!!!

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I'm pretty sure your husband didn't buy it just to upset you. Sometimes people want things so badly that they are willing to put up with a few days of "fussing" over their purchase and hope that the matter will be dropped in a short while. The unfortunate thing is that every time you are short on money for something else you will remind him of his purchase, that's where the problems will be. What you must do is (and trust me on this one) no matter what, don't say anything. He will already know what he's done and your silence will say it all. If you find it's too much then simply sell it. Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful

OK, there are worse things a hubby could do but I can't blame you for being upset. You might consider this...
I have been married for 26 years & there have been a few instances where my hubby just had to have his way despite what I thought. In retrospect I have come to believe it is his way of getting what he wants NOW & paying for it (literally & figuratively) later. Not the most mature thing but the consequences maybe he ends up regretting the car payment. I guess your hubby probably works hard & feels he deserves the suburban. At least you get to enjoy it too.

1 mom found this helpful

im a little late in responding but, in illinois you can reutun a car in so many days... and you are rt that a suburban is a gas hog.... they do have the new ford ...something.... hybrid, or at least a crossover which has a ton of room and pretty good gas mielage ( my fiance and i have been looking for a car for the past 4 months for us and our 2 kids) mabye if you can get your husband to at least look at other options QUICKLY before that return date expires on the car that he already bought.... you might be able to undo the bogus thing that he did with out you:(

I hope that you can get him to know he was wrong (cause we all know how men are).. and that you 2 can come to a compromise good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,

Please, please, please do not sit back and say nothing about this!!! There are SO MANY reasons why this was a horrible thing for your husband to do...it WAS a betrayal of trust, and it was extremely financially irresponsible for him to not inquire about the payment (let alone figure out how it would affect your monthly budget...and calculate the additional costs to you for insurance and gas). Perhaps you could research your options in terms of returning the Suburban, then talk to your husband (or have it out with him!) before doing anything...although I think you'll probably have a very limited time to try to return it, so you'll have to act quickly. I don't know what financing options he chose, but I imagine you guys will be dealing with the payments for years, and will have to make other tough financial choices and sacrifices during that time as a result of this. That's significant, but it's the betrayal of trust and lack of regard for your opinion that really upsets me on your behalf - his actions are simply NOT OKAY. I wish you the best of luck resolving this!!

1 mom found this helpful

You need to talk to him right away before the final papers are signed. Let him know that you definately cannot afford the large payment and there wil be no vacations because the cost of gas is too high to fill a gas guzzler like that. We raised 2 kids that were in one sport after another and the trunk of our Chevys were always more than roomy enough to carry everything. Put your foot down. You can cancel the credit union. Tell them there is no way you can make a payment like that. Your husband is being a child, going behind your back. Does he think he's a yuppy?? Throwing money down the drain like you two don't need it!!! The hell with what the neighbors think; they probably think he's lost his mind anyway.

I feel for you girl that sucks. Men are just so dumb sometimes. A decision like that should have been made by the two of you, it's only fair. Big decisions especially money ones if you don't have the money tree in your backyard. These things need to be agreed upon. It should all affect the good of the family not just one person in it. G. N.

Hi, My husband did this too, although back in 2002 so I've since accepted it. I don't have advice for you. I just wanted you to know you're not the only one with a husband who spends the way he wants. I would think the vehicle was at least a bargain price as they're not selling as many with these gas prices. Honestly, the insurance on it (for us) is not bad at all. And I drive it now, since I do local driving/less driving (with the kids) so I don't fill up very often. Like your husband, he bought it for his trips (he does fishing and hunting trips) and we have family out of state so I can honestly tell you too that while it is more costly, it has been invaluable for these trips with 3 kids and all our stuff. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

This shows a complete lack of respect for you. My husband and I have an agreement that any purchases over $200 have to be jointly agreed on (his idea not mine). This way we prioritise and manage our outgoings and everyone is kept happy. What has he secured the loan on? Your joint home? If this is the case, you may have every right to decline it. I'd research this and discuss it with the financial institution that has provided the financing. It's disgusting he hasn't given you any choice in the matter. I'd be livid.

My husband and I won't buy over 100.00 without discussion. If I were in your situation I would sit down with the hubby and do your household budget, doing a very real accounting of gas mileage, insuance, extra amount for car payment. Anything over and above the real amount of cars you had both discussed and started to agree on, he will have to cover. While I don't know if you are a white collar family or blue collar, if all his time is taken up working anyway. He made a unilateral decision, so he will need to make the unilateral money to make up the difference. He would need to cut back on his other expenses or take on more work either overtime or a part time position. You should not have to suffer the consequences for his actions. If this is in any way going to put your family in financial jeapordy, before it looses any more value have him sell it or return it and eat the loss.
If he is impulsive normally, no need to worry just his personality, if this is sudden change of behavoir is it just this or is he doing other impulsive things, not showing up for things, spending extra cash, spending alot of time on phone, or at computer. Just keep an eye out for changes. Good luck.

OOh, T. this used to happen to me. The first time while I was in the hospital having my first child. It continued throughout the years, I'd be afraid to open the garage door for fear of what I would see(always a newer and more expensive vehicle) . Talk to him and explain your feelings and discuss the additional cost!! A new suburban is too much of an expense not to discuss it. He shouldn't have gone behind your back, but you need to also listen to his side. Maybe you can come to a compromise.

Hi T.,

Wow, I am sorry. I would have needed to vent as well if my boyfriend did something like this. But I might have some good news for you and your husband. I just started a new job for a financial company. We help people to get out of debt and we also tell people what banks don't. If you live in the Algonquin area or close to algonquin IL, I would like it if you and your husband could come meet with me and my trainer on Monday March ____@____.com you are interested in coming, email me at ____@____.com in the subject line put meeting. I will send you the address to our office. I know you dont know me, but trust me I think my company could really help you and your husband with your situation. It will only take about an hour. I know you are probably thinking we are going to sell you something, We are not selling anything! If you know anyone who needs financial help, bring them along with you.

The company is helping me and my boyfriend to save more than $13,000.00 by next year, so we can get married and etc.

M. E

Since you work as well, I would have a HUGE fit. This is your income too - why didn't you get a say so in picking out the family vehicle? Minivans may not be the best looking creature, but I've been considering one. They work for EVERYTHING and are sure better on gas then a guzzling suburban (not to mention much easier to menouver!) I hope that baby is returnable!

I feel bad for you T., and would not blame you at all for being very angry with your husband. That was a really terrible move for him to make without consulting you first. Plus, it sounds like you two had discussed it previously and he purposely went behind your back. I think you two need to sit down and seriously discuss what his issues are with you and why he deliberately betrayed you like that. There isn't much you can do about the car now, you have it. You could sell it back, but then that would be a real financial hit and your husband would probably be very angry for a long time. I would sit down with him and discuss your feelings (marriage counseling is great as it really helps things get out in the open in a less confrontational way). Once you both have discussed your issues, then you need to come up with a plan to afford everything. Set a family budget and stick to it. It isn't easy, but hopefully you can cut back in other areas to make it less of a strain on your family financially with this car. Again, I don't blame you for being very angry, I would be for a long time. You were hurt badly by someone you love and that is heartbreaking. But, try to get past this and discuss things with him so this doesn't happen again. For your sake and the kids.

T.,

WOW! that is such a huge thing to do without your consultation...

My EX husband did this to me as well... we just had our second baby and there was nothing really wrong with my car (we had a Geo Tracker... it wasn't perfect (a bit drafty in the winter with plastic windows, but it worked just fine). He left early one saturday morning to go 'fishing' and came back around 4 in the afternoon with a car. His credit was shot and he used my social security number without my permission (i still dont know how they let him finance without me signing... but that's another story) and entered us both into the biggest debt of our lives. He is SOOOO stupid when it comes to this stuff too. We ended up with a Kia Sephia - which at the time sold for about 10k and a $400 car payment for 7 frickin years! I could have bought a lexus for the amount of money I paid for that car. In the end, I had to do a willful repo on it because after our divorce, he refused to give me child support for over a year and I couldn't afford the car and daycare, which already tapped out my weekly check.

I would call the dealer and see what your recourse is - find out if your social was used to buy the car, and have a good long talk with your hubby. You know his intentions were good, but they sound like they were a bit skewed by his wants, and not the overall needs of the family.

Good luck...

Hi T.,
Like Jennifer my ex too bought a car w/o me. Take our advice and find out if he used your social security number to purchased the car. If he did you did not sign as well but the dealer can use your income anyway to account for the income you have to figure the amount for payments. You then can call the BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU to see if it is legal for the dealership to add your information w/o you being present.

Then if that is not the course you want to take let your husband take all the responsiblity for the car that HE wanted. and just not say anything at all.

This is a diffcult situation b/cause even thou you talked about it he could say that he thought it was understood that the family needed another car. But if you dont say anything then he will purchase something else w/o you ever knowing until it is too late.

Run you credit to see whatelse is going on. Maybe this dealership is doing unfair business or maybe your husband as in my case know someone at this place who help set this up.

Since he bought it without your consent, and in Illinois you are still liable for the payment - I would contact a lawyer to see if you can get them to take it back

OH MY GOSH!!!!
My questions is has he ever done this before. A friend of mines husband has done things like this before, except in his case it was a house as well as a truck. He has been diagnosed with a form of bi-polar. It is a form of compulsive buying. He sees something he wants and he gets it with out asking his wife and them tells her when the bills show up.
I guess I would try to sit down and put it on paper and see if this is going to work out.
I have been married 24 years and my husband thankfully has never done anything like that.
Best of Luck

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