29 answers

Help!!! My Husband Bought a Suburban Without Me.

My husband and I had been talking about getting a new car because his truck was getting older. However, I wanted to get something more ecomonical with the high gas prices and I wanted to wait until the end of summer so we could pay off some debts first. He really wanted a Suburban because he feels with the kids sports programs and road trips that it would be a good vehicle to have. Anyway, I was working late on Thursday and he went and bought a Suburban. He took the kids on the test drive and told the neighbors. I didn't find out until Friday morning when the credit union called to verify some informstion for the loan. Not only do I feel betrayed because I feel he went behind my back, but also he never even asked about the payment. When I looked online with the credit union, the payment is very high and I am worried that between the cost of fuel, the payment, and insurance, we are going to be really overextended. Thanks for letting me vent!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your responses and advice. I thought maybe I had overreacted and so it was reassuring to hear that many of you felt like I did. I am so worried about the payment, but more importantly, I am worried that this will be the final straw that will end this marriage. We have had a lot of difficulties in the last couple of years and it is getting harder and harder to want to work things out. Unfortunately, I think with this new car payment and our other bills, we can't afford to even try a trial separation.

Anyway, thanks again for all of your help. This is a really great forum and I enjoy reading the posts every morning.

Featured Answers

Yeah, I would beat him. This was so rude on so many levels. To talk to him about it would make his head spin. So, my advise... grab a spoon and beat him. Perhaps you will knock some sense into him!

1 mom found this helpful

My questions is has he ever done this before. A friend of mines husband has done things like this before, except in his case it was a house as well as a truck. He has been diagnosed with a form of bi-polar. It is a form of compulsive buying. He sees something he wants and he gets it with out asking his wife and them tells her when the bills show up.
I guess I would try to sit down and put it on paper and see if this is going to work out.
I have been married 24 years and my husband thankfully has never done anything like that.
Best of Luck

More Answers

Hmmm...that's a tough one. I would very much like a Suburban, but not the gas that goes with it. And if my husband went out and purchased one without mutual agreement, I would assume that's where he planned to sleep for the first few payments. Or maybe he could ride his bike the weekend job he'd be getting to cover the gas cost. I'm sure he went on a whim, which we all can do, but for me, it would be more like a purse, not a gigantic SUV. I am sure that it will require some budget cuts. I'd lay this out clearly for him to see and get him involved in making his own cuts that will contribute to the family budget to afford his thoughtless mistake. My husband has, on occasion, had a whim to buy things that we couldn't afford in the past. Because he knows he's inclined to do this, we set up "allowance" accounts. For every direct deposit he gets, we get like amounts deposited into our own separate checking accounts. This is money we can spend selfishly on our own without having to discuss it. It's not much, but it can add up, or we can spend dumb little amounts as we please. Anything else, which we'd consider a household, family, or large purchase goes through the main bank accounts and is discussed if it is anything other than groceries, toiletries, gas, needed clothing, kids' activities and classes, bills, and reasonable family entertainment. This has helped us both to see money in a different way and stick to our little allowance accounts without feeling we had to run everything by each other. We started doing this BEFORE we had kids and when we were both working full time and had equal senior-level salaries. It's obviously not something that can solve your immediate problem, but perhaps it could prevent future problems. Agree to discuss money with each other, and you'll set a good example of financial responsibility for your children. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Wow. I can't believe your husband would do that. A lot of the women on here are much nicer than me. I have only been married for 4 years, so perhaps I am not as understanding yet, but I would be irrate!

My parents have a suburban that they bought used because my dad wanted one so badly and he hate it now. He has hated it for about 2 years but even a used suburban is so expensive my mom won't let him get rid of it yet. My husband alos told me a story about his dad buying a motorcycle without his mother's permission and his mom said "Don't you love your children" to his dad and the motorcycle was returned. So I hope that you can return the suburban as well, but I don't know if it is possible.

I would definitely find out if your husband used your social security number on the application and I am guessing if your credit union called you that he did. If so perhaps you could go to the dealer and threaten to turn them into the BBB and file an identity theft claim, etc. etc. and see if they will return the vehicle. You may also be able to go to the Credit Union and cancel the loan, if it hasn't been processed yet.

I do all of the finances in our household and it sounds like you do as well. If you can't get out of the loan I would put the family on a very tight budget to pay off the debt, a car loan is the pits. If possible, cancel credit cards, cable, cell phones or long distance, memberships, every little thing helps. Figure out how to work out as much of the payment as possible from stuff that really isn't necessary (especially from stuff that is more for your husband since this was his choice) but you are all probably going to have to suffer some for his choice.

Then make sure you show your husband how this has affected the family and that the sports programs and roadtrips may no longer even be an option. Finally, if the gas bills get to high you may have to tell him that he is going to be very dependent on public transportation and the shoe-leather express and that you hope he likes how his new suburban looks in the driveway.

I am getting angry for you just typing this. He must not appreciate how difficult it is to balance a family budget. Perhaps you should make him sit down and do the exercise with you.

Good Luck,

2 moms found this helpful

Everyone on here is much nicer than I would be. I would have to drop the kids off at Grandma's for the weekend, and have it out with the hubby. If he can't get out of the agreement (I know CarMax gives you 10 days to return the car), I would start selling off some of his prized posessions. Does he have a big-screen TV that could fetch a pretty penny? Golf clubs? Maybe I'm just vindictive, or spoiled because I handle all of our family's financials, but how dare he do that to you? Stay strong, and it's probably best if you follow the advice of the other, nicer, responses (LOL), but you're definitely entitled to a full-out explosion over something like this. Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Yeah, I would beat him. This was so rude on so many levels. To talk to him about it would make his head spin. So, my advise... grab a spoon and beat him. Perhaps you will knock some sense into him!

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, I would not let this slide. That was a terrible thing to do, and yes it is a betrayal. Make sure your name is not on the thing anywhere so that at least your credit stays good if something happens. Tell him that you and the family absolutely will not suffer by one penny because of his unilateral purchase decision, so he has to sell his stuff to make payments, buy gas, or pay insurance. Tell him his new second job he's going to get will pay for all the things outside the budget you two would have spent on a new vehicle. I'm very sorry, I know you love him, but I have to say he sounds like a selfish baby to me. He needs to grow up. I don't think his intentions were evil, but for goodness sakes he's a grown man with a family and he can't just run out and do something like this.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,
I'm sorry but for me a marriage is baised on trust and respect.
He has broken that and it must be very hard to overcome.
I know my husband would never do that ( married for 15 years),
because he would never disrespect me like that.
And know you have to see the car everyday and be reminded of that.It sounds like very inmature to me.

I'm sorry about that. MC

1 mom found this helpful

If he can buy it without your consent, then you can trade it in (or return it) without his. Put your foot down, especially if you are working too and have to help pay for it.

1 mom found this helpful

I feel for you. What a frustrating thing to be going through. Whether you work or not, a marriage is a partnership. I do not work outside the home, but decisions like that, that could affect your credit and his should be dual decisions. I know there is nothing anyone else can do to help you with your situation now. I am wondering however if you have considered that maybe this is how your husband's mid-life crisis is going to show itself. You mentioned you have been married a number of years so I am guessing he may be at about the age that some men struggle with those mid-life issues. Just something to think about.
Hope things get better.

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