HELP!!! My 20 Month Old Wakes up Several Times a Night for Juice.

You’re right. You created this mess and now .you need to fix it.
When you put her to bed, remind her that there will be no juice at night - just water. Put a sippy near her pillow. Tell her she is a big girl now and those are the rules.
If she wakes up, hand her the water. If she makes a fuss, put her back in her bed. Say nothing.
You need clear expectations, rules and consequences - all day, not just at night. She needs to knownthat no means no - all the time. My children always knew where they stood, what I expected, and that I meant what I said.

It's so normal for adults to thing that calmly explaining anything to a toddler is what they need, but it's not. What she really needs is calm, firm and very, very short instructions. "We only drink water at night." (Period. End of sentence. End of explanation.)

"We only drink water at night. You may have water ... or not. We only drink water at night."

"You can stay calm, and Mommy will rub your back. Or you can get upset, and Mommy will leave." And then follow through no matter how obnoxious she gets and no matter how loud she gets.

It feels horrible to adults, and it feels like 30 minutes is an eternity. But you really have to be very, very simple in your instructions, and you have to out last her. You have to be willing to wait longer than she does. You WILL wear her down. You WILL teach her that she is not going to get her way by throwing a temper tantrum. You WILL teach her that some rules are not negotiable.

I don't say any of this lightly or as if it's an easy thing to do. I have a child with Autism, and he is one of the most stubborn individuals I have ever met! We struggle for years with how to help him. Preschool, PreK and Kindergarten teachers did not know how to help us and even fell into the trap of just giving in. It took the right school with trained special ed teachers to give him (all of us) the help we needed. But the most important lesson I had to learn was to trust that I could out stubborn him. That scared me to my core. But I did trust, and it did work. He's still just as stubborn (I mean persistent) as ever, but he respects us (Mom and Dad) when we tell him calmy and firmly exactly what we expect. Very rarely does he through a temper tantrum.

This isn't about juice. This is about being firm and consistent and not giving in. It's tough. It is not easy. Not by a long shot. But you CAN do this!

Start watering the juice down a little bit at a time instead of doing a sudden switch. Eventually you will give her pure water, but it make take 2-3 weeks to get to that point.

And in general, IMO, it's always best to walk away from tantrums no matter how loud they scream (in my house, I would go in the next room; when in public, I would put my child in his car seat and wait just outside the car with the door closed). When your child stops screaming/crying, then you go and give attention. If you give in to a tantrum, the main lesson your child learns is that if they scream loud enough, you will give them what they want. I know that can be really hard when you have guests who are trying to sleep, so cut yourself some slack over what happened last night and make a different plan for tonight.

ETA: I'm thinking about this a little more, and have one more thought. Are you giving her a big bedtime snack? If she drank milk and went right to sleep, maybe she was hungry and that's why she didn't want water last night. Make sure her tummy is really full before bed, that might also help.

Yes, it's very normal. It's very simple...just a lot of hard work for you. You say no and stick to it. Yes, it will be a big fat pain in the butt bc she expects it, but that is the only answer. No more juice at night sweetie. No getting up at night, go back to sleep. No. No juice...juice at night is bad for your teeth. She will have tantrums. I would not even offer water. She doesn't need anything...this is a habit. If you want you can put a small sippy water bottle with water next to her bed, but don't offer to get her anything. She will freak out. She will cry. She will rage. A large percentage of us parents have to do this same thing with a kid who is addicted to their bottle of milk, their nursing, their pacifier, whatever. My daughter was a MESS when I took away her pacifier (which she only wanted at night). She was just too old for it and it was a crutch. It took an entire month of temper tantrums and sobbing and freaking out. Her tantrums lasted a lot longer than 30m. A MONTH. I would rub her back and remind her she is a big girl now. You have to out-stubborn your daughter and then she will learn. I was very very happy when she finally didn't need that paci anymore...it was definitely the right thing to do. I went through the same thing with my son with his bottles of milk which he wanted during the night...waaay past the age of when he needed them. He got over it. Your daughter will get over it. Think of yourself as the drill sergeant and you are training your little soldier....gently but firmly. Never give in. Or you are the coach and you are training your marathon runner. Stick to your guns!! Good luck.

allowing, enabling, explaining, soothing, reprimanding, rubbing, giving in helplessly........

it's hard to know where to begin with all of this.

i'm sure your toddler feels the same. no wonder she's out of control- she has never been given any parameters. none of the boundaries that have been promised to her have ever been held. she's trying to order her world so that it makes sense to her in the only ways she can, and when you're two and don't have experience of the world, it's not going to end well.

it matters far less what coping method you choose to handle this than that you choose something and for the love all the gods and little fishes, stick to it.

give this poor bewildered child something she can count on.

kids need boundaries.

stop making the entire family's night time experience hers to dictate. it's too much responsibility for her.

expect a lot of noise and drama as you give her the firm parameters she so desperately needs. it will take a lot of time for her to learn to trust that you mean what you say, as her entire lifetime's experience has been exactly the opposite.
khairete
S.

She's a little early for the terrible twos but it happens sometimes.
Gradually water down the juice till it's just water - do it over several weeks.
I hope this hasn't started her teeth to rotting - it's a very bad habit.

For 2's and 3's - tantrums will happen.
They just do - there is no avoiding it.
You need a plan on how to deal with them.
Little kids start having big emotions that they just don't how to handle and they melt down.
The more out of control they are - the more in control we need to be - as in they need us to be as calm as possible and weather their storm.

You can't reason with them when they are in tantrum - so don't try.

I had a hold I used on my son.
When he lost it - I'd haul him off to his room - and I'd sit with him in my lap in the rocking chair.
He'd scream and wiggle a good long time - I think our record was something like 2 hours - and then he'd get tired and he'd WANT to 'rocky baby' for awhile.
It's like being that out of control scared him and he needed some mama love when it was over.

It's possible that some nights you aren't going to get much sleep.
That's a given when we have kids.
Hang in there as best you can - and she'll be 4 before you know it - and they tend to be much more reasonable then.
Just avoid her starting to think that a tantrum will get her what she wants.
Because if she learns that - the tantrums will continue way beyond 4 years old.
And no one wants that to happen.

I understand the desire to let everyone else sleep - but you and your daughter are suffering.

So, the first thing I would do is have zero juice in the house at all. There's no nutritional value anyway, but of course it's much worse to give this to someone at night because of the sugar causing dental problems. You're in for a lifetime of childhood cavities if you continue this. Same with milk, by the way. The child is 2 and does not need nourishment at night. She'll make up for it during the day. So the short answer is, "There is no juice. We are not having juice anymore." Do this during the day so it's not a surprise at night.

Demanding juice (or milk) is about exerting control. It's not about needing sustenance or even about being thirsty. And milk is just as bad for the teeth if given at night when she's lying down with the remaining sugars coating her teeth

The second problem is that you are explaining too much and caving too often. So what if she pitches a fit? You don't have to be there as a rapt audience member, though! Your child needs to be in her own room (I get that she was in your room due to a guest) and that room needs to be, if necessary, stripped down so nothing can be broken. I assume you already have bookshelves bolted to the wall and so on. You just can give in to tantrums because that reinforces them. You need to be able to put her in her room, close the door, and have her not be able to get out to keep exerting control over you. You also need to steel yourself so that you're not always comforting her. It's really okay for kids to be frustrated or angry, and to get over it. It builds strength for getting through life's challenges!

So, I would pick this coming weekend and brace yourself for not too much sleep. If it's rough for everyone, oh well, that's how it goes. Spend the next few days getting rid of the juice ("When this bottle is done, that's it!") and securing her room as needed. Then there's no nonsense at night. I you think she really needs water by her bed, get a leakproof bottle/straw combination (practice using it during the day so she doesn't fumble at night). It has to be something that won't drench the room if she throws it. But if you can't do that, then just take the cup away if she throws it, and no, she can't have it back.

She will learn you mean business if you don't cave in. Sometimes giving in is not because that's what's best for the kid, but rather it's something we do to make ourselves feel better! So the immediate gratification is for us, and not for the child.

We watered down very gradually. I wouldn't try rationalizing too much. I found that was lost on them. Be loving, but firm. I wouldn't drag it out.

The problem is you caved, so now it will be even harder because what she is learning is that if she behaves poorly enough she will get what she wants. I would try putting her back in her crib, you can get a cover so she can't climb out, that could help some. And don't cave, at night you get only water, give her a sippy cup of water at bed time so she does not need to wake anyone to get a drink if she wakes, and do not cave at all, you have to stay consistent.

I am a gentle mama with my babies. I never wanted them to be in pain or cry ever, and did everything in my power to that end. However, I had my boundaries. We have 4 children. The ones that didn't nightwean on their own by 18 months old were taught to do so. I slept in the living room for up to 3 nights, my husband greeted every waking (we co-slept) with a cup of water. By night 4, they understood that their thirst was quenched, but there was no nursing during the night. That's my advice, good luck.

ps
This was my passive way of involving my husband in raising the children. I was a sahm, he worked long hours (still does, like over 60 hours a week), but I handed him certain tasks over the years, and nightweaning was one of them. I'm not sure what he did specifically to calm them, I never asked. Just a thought.

my dd used to have total fits in the middle of the night. the cause was a total mystery. some of them lasting for close to an hour. in order to let the other members of the house sleep i would take her out to the van and sit in there. when she was thrashing around i latched her into her carseat so she wouldn't hurt me or herself. (thank god she ourgrew it! )

in your case i would make sure shes not hungry. and wean by watering the juice down. be firm and consistent.